In Episode 255, we talk about one of the most common stories we hear: a partner stuck in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of addiction and betrayal, trying desperately to keep the relationship afloat. We received an emotional, raw submission from a listener—“Heartbroken and Exhausted Wife”—who articulated her pain, frustration, and fatigue so clearly that her words resonate as a voice for countless others in similar situations.

Her journey reflects years of enduring her husband’s addiction to pornography and sexual behaviors. Over their 23-year marriage, the cycle has repeated itself again and again: discovery, apologies, promises of change, followed by a temporary calm before everything falls apart once more. This pattern isn’t just exhausting—it’s soul-crushing. It leaves partners wondering how much more they can give before they’re completely depleted.

The heartbreaking truth is that no matter how much love exists in a relationship, trust and safety are essential. Without these, even the strongest bonds begin to erode. Her love for her husband hasn’t waned, but her ability to trust him has been battered by broken promises and actions that don’t align with his words. It’s no wonder she’s reached a point of despair, questioning how to move forward.

For those of us who have lived through addiction—on both sides—it’s painfully clear how this happens. Addiction thrives in cycles. For the addict, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance, short-term fixes, and empty promises. For the partner, it’s easy to become consumed by the effort to keep things together. But unless the cycle is broken, both people remain trapped in their own version of suffering.

In this episode, Mark & Steve get deep and personal in offering empathy and solutions for betrayed partners. They also talk directly to porn/sex addicts about what "real" recovery looks like. And why there is great HOPE for couples who find themselves in this deeply difficult place.


For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "My Partner Relapses, Says He's Sorry, Does Better for a Time, Then the Whole Cycle Starts Again!"


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These include—the horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of pornography; his anger and emotional abuse towards his wife; and other factors. He desperately wants to repair the damage he has done and find a way to heal the emotional and physical relationship in his marriage. Mark & Steve not only address the issues that this listener submitted, but the most common issues couples face in connection with healing sexual wounds, creating sexual safety and building a truly healthy sexual relationship.

This PBSE listener and his partner's situation is very complicated, with a lot of moving parts:

• Her past abuse/betrayal
• Trauma and betrayal within the relationship
• Rigid religious background
  • Shame surrounding sex; lack of open communication
  • Misinformation surrounding sex
  • Sexual secrecy

Although this situation does have some unique elements, it brings up a lot of common struggles for couples, both in and out of recovery:

• The changing physical dynamics of sexual expression/reciprocation in an ongoing, long-term committed relationship
• The constantly evolving state of a relationship as a whole
• The need for ongoing, vulnerable discussion in a coupleship regarding the various elements to intimacy, including the physical
• We all have existing “sexual paradigms”—what sex or different sexual acts mean; how critical it is; how it impacts the rest of the relationship, etc. Are willing to step back to openly assess where these paradigms come from; challenge them; be flexible; etc?

Really exploring a coupleship’s sexuality means backing up from preconceived “norms” around sex acts and forms of physical expression:

• As a coupleship, you have the right/obligation to determine how and what you would like your physical and sexual relationship to look like, as well as what it means and represents.
• Mark gives the real-life example of an acquaintance whose wife had a stroke and was permanently paralyzed from the chest down—after tenderly caring for her for a decade, he said it was the most intimate, loving and connected 10 years of their marriage.
• YOU are the sole architects of your own relationship—you get to collaboratively build it into what YOU want!

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Sex in Our Marriage has Always Been "Broken." How do we Repair and Heal it?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

With Episode 253, we just crossed the “One Million Downloads” threshold! And we’re in 204 Countries/Territories worldwide! Thank you to all of our PBSE listeners across the planet! None of this is possible without YOU!

In this episode, we address a betrayed partner's questions about the role of pornography in a relationship. Here's what she submitted—

Hello, I know you talk about how porn isn’t healthy or true intimacy, but what happens when your partner says they use porn to better learn how to please their partner? I ask because I’m a part of a couple of support groups, and there are a good number of women who share that this is the approach of their porn-addicted partners. I know it’s an excuse, which if anything is an understatement. Is it to possibly do a podcast specifically on this? We all know porn is NOT how to learn how to please your partner, and ultimately it’s a cop out to continue in addiction. In other words, their porn brain justifies it. I do want to note thankfully this isn’t my husband’s mindset, and have to thank both of you for the podcasts you post. My husband has shared it has helped him not feel alone, or attacked, and has helped him stay in active recovery.

Over the last couple of decades, we have run into this rationale too often! Where does this come from?

• Our heavily “sexualized culture” is a “grand set-up” from our earliest youth!
• Sadly, too many of our teens look to porn as their primary “sex education”
• Teens and young adults feel “pressured” to “be in the know”
• There is the whole “addiction pandemic” at younger & younger ages—and then all of the “defense mechanisms” to protect that addiction

What role do you want “sex” to play in your relationship???

• What is “holistic intimacy”?
• How does “porn” get in the way of that “intimacy” and healthy sexual intimacy as a part of that “whole”?—
  • Because this is all being “dictated” to you, you nearly completely miss the whole communication, exploration, and collaboration experience!!! In essence, it is NOT “sex your way,” it’s “sex their way”—from an “intention” that is entirely manipulative, usury and ENSLAVING!
  • Porn as a “source” of so-called information and instruction is a WHOLLY distorted, fake, inaccurate, filled with lies & manipulation and BASED ON THE DEEPEST FORMS OF HUMAN EXPLOITATION & ABUSE KNOWN TO MANKIND!
  • In other words, not only is it poisonous, it isn’t even accurate or “educational”! And has NOTHING to do with “true intimacy.”

Porn has the potential to impact your capacity for feeling happiness in general!

• A brief discussion about the hedonic set points & the rewiring of the Dopamine System:
  • Recurrent, compulsive exposure to selective, isolated elements can begin to manipulate and change the way you feel pleasure, and how much of it you are able to feel
  • On a chemical level, it can become more difficult to experience pleasure, more difficult to overcome sadness, etc.
  • Radically alters the focus of the coupleship, and imbalances the priorities that introduces instability, emotionally and otherwise.

Take back ALL sexual aspects of your relationship! Do NOT allow it to be highjacked & manipulated by outside sources. Make it what the two of you want it to be; a healthy, connecting part of your overall WHOLE relationship intimacy!

For a summary article from the transcript of this podcast, go to: "I Use Porn to Learn How to Please my Partner. That's Healthy . . . Right?"