Ever wonder what Jean-Luc Picard looks like with hair on his head? Find out in “Violations”! It’s an all-new episode of ST:TNGeez . . .

Once again, the Enterprise D is making like a Galaxy Class Uber and ferrying some folks around the quadrant. This time, it’s a trio of Ullians, a race who are able to excavate memories from others using telepathy. Sounds like a fun party trick like pulling a quarter out of someone’s ear or guessing their card, but those tricks usually don’t put people in comas. Before you can say “Berlinghoff Rasmussen,” Troi is in a coma. The crew is stunned, and then Riker falls into a coma! The crew is shocked, and then Bev falls into a coma! The crew is now actively perturbed and seeking solutions! Hey, you think the Ullians have something to do with it? (Worf did!) Well, duh, but Geordi and Data need to find a way to connect the dots and revive their beloved crewmates before anyone else falls prey to this mysterious malady. What or who could be the cause of this coma plague? Will the victims ever wake up? Is it possible this plot could be any more heavy-handed and obvious?

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One thing we can’t get enough of is kids in space! If that’s something you enjoy as well, then join us for “Hero Worship” . . .

Remember the last episode where we got to watch Worf play awkward father to his son, Alexander? Now watch Data play awkward surrogate-father to some kid named Timothy! Seems young Timothy is the sole survivor of a science vessel investigating a “black cluster,” whatever the fuck that is. All we know is everyone on board is dead except Timothy, and the fresh-faced tween is seriously traumatized. So much so that he retreats from his feelings by deciding he’s now an emotionless android just like Data! How is the crew of the Enterprise supposed to figure out what happened to Timothy’s parents if he won’t talk about it? By ordering Data to get the kid to lean into it in hopes that he’ll start sharing. This brilliant idea is courtesy of renowned child expert Captain Jean-Luc Picard, former child hater-turned-Mr. Rodgers-in-space. He even has a sweater to change into! Will the crew discover the mystery of what destroyed the science vessel? Will Data get a new job grooming young boys’ hair? Will anyone ever realize that having children on a spaceship is a really dumb idea? Find out on this exciting, all-new episode of ST:TNGeez!

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The Enterprise is coursing around the galaxy when they’ve been asked to aid in some propulsion event that Geordi gets a space bone about when something even more exciting happens… Worf’s Mom shows up and his son! Hold onto your seats everyone, this space adventure is about to get all up in your… responsibilities! That’s right, just like in the original series when Kirk rolled up his sleeves and was about to get to fist-cuffing, when his five year old son shows up and… wait, that didn’t happen! Or remember when the original crew had to figure out how to save a death engine from eating another planet and suddenly the episode became all about day care? Wait! That didn’t happen either. It’s Worf bonding with Alexander, his son, who he could give two Klingon shits about, or KLARTS — Picard’s got his jacket back on again and doing his best to coach his Klingon Security Commander when everyone including Bev, his teacher, are all

But hey, this episode has a gnarly warp wave! An exploding spaceship, and the bridge… it rocks and people fall out of their chairs! — including Deana Troi! Oh no! Troi, I think she might have bruised her Telepathy! And her hip! All this and Skeletor is back! Skela-flipping-tor! Can you believe it? Skeletor from Worf’s Holodeck calisthenics program!

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