Shout out to Bake Sale for playing our music this episode - check out their music at bakesalesucks.bandcamp.com, or look em up on Spotify. If you're a fan of Pavement, or Nada Surf, or Hum, or The Beatles, or Joe Satriani, or Sebastian Bach, or Allan Sherman.... You'll love Bake Sale. Seriously, check em out.  
This week we dive into vigilante justice - the good, the bad, and the ugly. We ask the tough questions - how long is 'a couple minutes'? What does rain smell like? Can an idiot blindly stumble into being wealthy beyond belief?  
We examine the dumbest idiots in history, Ben tells us all about why he hates Harry Potter, and Sarah shares a very special beverage with us. 
Thank you for your patience, we are a bit behind on releasing episodes due to illness but we are both fully recovered and ready to rock. 

This week we're talkin' dead birds, ungrateful dead passengers, sky burials, Nick Cannon's kids, and how much jazz sucks. Join Ben and Sarah as we crack your mind in a satisfying way. Stick around for Ben's fanfic with his original, totally-not-derivative characters! Ben is not only hosting this podcast, he is hosting Streptococcus Pneumoniae in his lungs - sorry for missing last week, but we are coming back strong this week! In case you want to listen along:

Chet Baker - Autumn Leaves

Charlie Hunter Trio - Come As You Are

H. Jon Benjamin - I Can't Play Piano, Pt. 1

Jingle Cats.... just kidding, you're going to have to listen in next week to hear more of those musical katz!

We dive into how insane Kanye's secret Christian School is, we talk about cults, halitosis, virgins... just another day at the ranch, really. Did you know Kanye is afraid of stairs and silverware? I didn't until I read the lawsuit. How do you get laid if you're a virgin? How do you approach someone with bad breath? How do you attract that special someone with your natural pheromones? All this and more on this episode of Salads Don't Make Friends.

Are leprechauns real? Does Cosmo give the best sex advice? Is it rude to intervene when someone is pouring windshield washer fluid into their oil tank? We ask the tough questions this week, with less than satisfying answers. Join us for our Reading Rainbow-style book reviews, and our tips to empower women against tyrannical chivalry. Also, fuck the Clinton family. All this and more, this episode on Salads Don't Make Friends! 

The Spiderman that comes to your birthday party - that isn't the real Spiderman. Batman isn't real. Green Lantern might be real. Look, the point is - get over it. Sit down and listen to Ben and Sarah gab about the age of consent, how Ben would run a story hour at the local library, how Sarah is mansplained to at the local hardware store,  and decide if it is racist to listen to Spanish music. Hear all about the time Sarah met someone at a bar that could see the good from both sides in the Civil War. Oh, did you know the band 311 beat up Scott Stapp? Hear all about it this week on Salads Don't Make Friends!

Mad libs, Aphantasia, and deaf people arguing - what more could you ask for in a podcast. This week we find out who the real master race is (hint: it isn't white people), we talk about time machines and Hitler, and Ben has an epiphany related to what the easiest job on the planet is. Sarah's prospect of a future is ruined by Idiocracy, meanwhile Ben complains about drug testing. If you were looking for the answer to "what podcast episode could be the last episode I ever listen to?", well, here is the final solution. 

Our first episode! So much to talk about - the coolest Jurors to ever grace the bench, how much make-up does it take to fake-up, historic firsts, and online worsts. Stick around for the insane story that is Ogtha. We ask the tough questions, like can Rosie the Robot consent? You don't want to miss this premiere episode!