Part one of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast

What if the root of so much emotional pain, self-sabotage, and confusion isn’t who you are—but what you've carried?

In this powerful first episode of a two-part series, Renee is joined by Dr. Anthony Mazzella to explore how shame, not arrogance or ego, often sits at the center of narcissistic traits—both in ourselves and in the people who have hurt us.

Together, they unpack:

• What shame really is—and how it’s different from guilt

• How shame starts in early childhood through misattunement, rejection, or humiliation

• The invisible ways shame shapes identity, emotions, and behavior

• How narcissistic defenses like projection, withdrawal, and perfectionism are fueled by shame

• Why people-pleasing is often a mask for hidden shame

• How religious, cultural, or family systems can unknowingly create shame-based beliefs

Shame isn’t just an emotion—it becomes a lens through which we see ourselves and the world. It’s not something we feel—it’s something we become. And unless we learn how to name it, it quietly dictates how we love, hide, lash out, or shut down.

Whether you’ve lived with a covert narcissist or find yourself stuck in patterns you don’t fully understand, this episode will help you name the invisible wound behind it all—and take the first step toward healing.

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single event—it’s a process.
In this episode, we break down the myth of the dramatic midnight escape and explore the emotional, psychological, and logistical realities that make leaving so complex.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or been judged by others for how long it’s taken to get out, this conversation is for you. We’ll talk about the mental rewiring survivors must do, the fear of not being believed, the self-doubt that comes from years of gaslighting, and the real-life obstacles—like finances, kids, and safety—that make a clean break nearly impossible.

This episode is a reminder: leaving doesn’t start with a suitcase—it starts with truth. And every quiet step you take toward reclaiming your mind, your freedom, and your self-worth… counts.

Why do so many people stay in relationships with covert narcissists for years—sometimes decades?

This episode is a raw, honest, and deeply validating exploration of the emotional tug-of-war that keeps survivors stuck in toxic dynamics. I open up about my own 20+ year marriage to a covert narcissist—why I stayed, why I didn’t see it sooner, and why that doesn’t mean there was something wrong with me.

Because covert narcissists are masters at being “just enough.”

Just enough good to make you stay. Just enough bad to make you question everything. Just enough charm to keep others fooled. Just enough cruelty to break you behind closed doors. Their entire strategy is built on almosts—on the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave?” or “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”—this episode is for you.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You were trauma bonded to someone who knew exactly how to keep you stuck.