The Save The Marriage Podcast

By: Lee H. Baucom Ph.D.
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  • Summary

  • Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.
    © Copyright 2013-2024. All Rights Reserved by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. and Aspire Coaching, Inc.
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Episodes
  • The Problem(s) with Marital Therapy (the Therapist WON’T Tell You)

    The Problem(s) with Marital Therapy (the Therapist WON’T Tell You)
    Apr 23 2025
    Let me say it here, in writing: I am NOT opposed to marital therapy. I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now. I am concerned about the effectiveness of marital therapy. And I am concerned for people who blindly seek out marital therapy, expecting it to help. If you don't know it, my training and background is as a marriage and family therapist. I spent years, and several degrees, preparing to be a marriage therapist. And I was pretty disillusioned to see how ineffective marital therapy, overall, has been shown to be. Statistics are about the bigger view, not the specific therapist with a specific couple. But from the overall view, according to meta analysis of studies, about 75% of people who go to marital therapy still divorce. Only around 10-15% report a positive help. Now, you see my issues. Why, if this is the primary way of helping a marriage, is it so ineffective? Three reasons: 1) Therapist training, 2) Therapist orientation, 3) Client resistance. Listen in to this podcast to understand the issues. Then, you can make a better choice about whether therapy makes sense, how to find a good therapist, and how to make sure you and your spouse are truly ready for therapy. (And if you aren't, that doesn't mean there is nothing you can do! That is why I created the Save The Marriage System, and why we offer Relationship Coaching.)
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    24 mins
  • Malice vs. Neglect

    Malice vs. Neglect
    Apr 16 2025
    Many times, I watch couples caught in a spiral of accusations, each convinced of maliciousness on the part of their spouse. But I don't think that is actually it. In fact, many times, both people in front of me seem to be hurting, but not malicious. Which is why it seems so clear to me that maliciousness is not (usually) the issue. I have that "usually" in there, because there are abusive relationships... in which case, someone is actually malicious (and that marriage should not be saved, at least at that time). You may be familiar with Occam's Razor. Well, there are other "razors." For example, Hanlon's Razor states, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." Which has led me to Baucom's Razor: "No need to attribute to malice what is actually the result of neglect." In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss how we get to this point of neglect, why it is so detrimental, and why it matters that you see Baucom's Razor in process. And of course, all of that is aimed to help you reverse the damage and save your marriage. RELATED RESOURCES Why Connection Matters The Pause Button to Avoid The Save The Marriage System
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    19 mins
  • Forgiveness – NOT a Blank Check

    Forgiveness – NOT a Blank Check
    Apr 9 2025
    Just to be clear, I am ALL FOR forgiveness. I have talked about on the Save The Marriage Podcast and on my Thriveology Podcast. And in a marriage, there are ample opportunities to practice forgiving. "Every-day forgiving" and big-time forgiving. In such an intimate relationship, you are going to step on toes, hurt each other's feelings, make bad decisions -- and still have to figure out how to move forward. You do that by forgiving. BUT (and this is a big BUT, which is why I capitalized it and bolded it) that does not mean the "forgiven" has carte blanche to keep up the behavior that required the forgiving. (By the way, not to chase a tangent, but did you know that carte blanche means "white card" or "blank card," meaning a check that is blank, but has been signed? In other words, a "blank check.") When someone is forgiven, it is not permission to do "it" (whatever the "it" is that causes the need for forgiveness). Forgiving is a decision to move forward. It may or may not include moving forward in relationship. But it is deciding to move forward in the face of something that happened. There is a saying that "the first time is a mistake, the second time is a choice." I would add, "the third time, on, it is a habit." Forgiving something is not an open opportunity to repeat the behavior. Similarly, an apology is not an opportunity to repeat the behavior. It is an acknowledgement of a mistake and an opportunity for change. One apologizes AND takes the opportunity to change (I have a podcast on apologizing). One forgives, SO THAT the hurt and pain can be left behind. Listen to the podcast below for more. (. . . and if you need to catch up on the Immutable Laws Of Marriage series, here are the older episodes:) Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series #1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE #2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery) #3 We ALL Have Fear #4 There Is NO Pause #5 Connection Is The Lifeblood #6 The Goal Of Conflict Is Progress #7 Love Is What You Do #8 Look For The Best In Your Spouse #9 You Have To Show Up #10 Civility and Respect Is A Choice #11 Trust Is A Gift
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    14 mins
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the real world of relationships

deals with the real issues in relationships. Helps with misconceptions of what marriage is and isn't, what is realistic.

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straight from the gut

The way Dr Baucom tells it straight and with personal stories to back them up.

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