Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

• In 2006, I found out my husband had a pornography addiction. He later worked at a church and grew close to a female coworker. In January 2021, he admitted relapsing and revealed that this coworker helped him stop, claiming to be in love with her. I saw it as an emotional affair and asked him to stop texting her. Four years later, he still texts her, and I feel betrayed. Am I unreasonable in asking him to sever ties and stop all contact?
• I've been married for 19 years with two children. My husband is generally a good father and husband, but struggles with sexual unfaithfulness, particularly pornography. He claims to be four months porn-free, but we haven't gone through full disclosure. Though we've done groups and counseling, I feel emotionally exhausted and unsupported, especially when he deflects my concerns about his actions. I'm unsure how to manage my exhaustion while supporting him and address his lack of transparency in recovery. What can I do?
• Since 2020 (d-day), my husband has been in therapy, and although we started counseling together, the focus shifted to his healing. He often expresses unhappiness and says the family would be better off without him. He yells at our sons and creates constant conflict. After 4.5 years, I see no growth, and I feel exhausted, considering divorce. I find it odd that his therapist has never reached out to check in with me. Is this normal?

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what’s happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today’s episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding President of APSATS: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Dr. Steffens walks us through what it looks like to find healing from betrayal trauma.

Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal

APSATS Website

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

- Is lifelong sobriety possible? My husband has been addicted to pornography since he was 12-13. He has gone through a 12 step recovery program and gained 2 years of sobriety and good recovery. Recently, he has started relapsing over a 6 month period and has reached a point where he quit his job and checked himself into a 30-day inpatient addiction recovery center. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but I am afraid of what comes next. What if this doesn’t work and he can’t gain long term recovery or sobriety? What am I to do? Do I stay?

- What is considered sobriety? If the longest he has gone without a relapse was 7 months (since 2018), was that just white knuckling? I'm curious if my husband has ever actually been sober during his recovery journey. I am at the end of my rope, looking toward divorce. Every year I keep saying things will look different next year, but I don't want to keep saying that only to be going around the same hill. After so much broken trust, I don't know how to rebuild.

- In a recent episode, I loved how you talked about our spouses stepping up and stepping in. Then I realized my husband continually compares himself to others, but he believes all other men are addicted to porn, so he thinks he's no worse than any other. Are there stories out there of men who've been honorable in this area so he knows it's possible? Everyone he knows, his friends, in SA, in Seven Pillars, all struggle. I would love for him to have examples of men who can control themselves.

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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Follow us on X (Twitter)