The beautiful, coastal paradise of Santa Cruz, California hides a complex reality beneath its postcard-perfect veneer. In this raw conversation, longtime local Brady Mueller pulls back the curtain on what it truly means to call this tourist destination home – especially when you're watching it transform before your eyes.

Brady's story weaves through the neighborhoods of his youth – from the "jewel box" near the beach to the developments behind the mall – painting a picture of a community that has always valued athleticism, but now increasingly values wealth above all else. "It's hard to see people that grew up here that can't afford to live here," Brady reflects, having recently been forced to relocate to Watsonville after 13 years in the same Santa Cruz rental when his landlord passed away.

The conversation takes an unexpected turn as Brady opens up about his struggles with depression and self-worth. Despite being a gifted athlete, respected builder, and jiu-jitsu black belt, Brady battles persistent feelings of inadequacy – a sentiment shared by many men who feel unable to meet the escalating demands of living in such a high-stakes environment. His candid admission that "I've had thoughts of suicide many times" shatters the illusion that those who appear successful are immune to mental health challenges.

What emerges as Brady's salvation is surprisingly multifaceted: the unwavering love for his two sons, the physical and mental release he finds in jiu-jitsu, and his journey toward forgiveness – particularly of his absent father. "I can't force people to love me or be in my life," he shares, describing the healing that began when he reconnected with his father, primarily so his children could know their grandfather.

For anyone who has felt the crushing weight of not measuring up – whether in paradise or elsewhere – Brady's story offers both comfort in shared struggle and practical wisdom for moving forward. His experience reminds us that communities are built on connections, not comparisons, and that sometimes the most important perspective is the one that others have of us, not the one we have of ourselves.

What happens when four men from the Santa Cruz surf community strip away their tough exteriors and speak honestly about depression? This raw, powerful conversation breaks new ground as host Michael Howard and guests Jack Akrop, Neal Kearney, and Nick Borelli share their personal journeys through mental health struggles.

Michael opens with his story of battling depression since age 12, masking sadness with anger, and creating an identity as "the nice angry guy" in the lineup - a strategy that worked until his mid-40s when he could no longer outrun his demons. Jack reveals his experiences with bipolar disorder, describing the shame of not feeling grateful despite living in paradise and how helping others through coaching provides purpose. Neal shares how chronic physical pain led to depression and substance abuse, eventually finding healthier ways to manage both. Nick recounts feeling like a misfit since childhood and using alcohol to feel comfortable in his own skin.

The conversation dives deep into how traditional schooling affects boys' mental health, father-son relationships that shaped their sense of self, and the daily challenges of simply getting out of bed when depression hits. What emerges is a toolkit of strategies these men use to navigate dark days: service to others, exercise, nature immersion, and accepting "funky days" rather than fighting them.

Perhaps most striking is how these men - part of a surf culture often defined by competition and toughness - demonstrate the healing power of vulnerability. Their honesty creates a blueprint for authentic male friendship and community support that goes far beyond the water's edge. For anyone struggling with depression or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both comfort in shared experience and practical approaches to finding light in the darkness.

What happens when a chef decides to break away from the late-night restaurant grind and bring high-quality, seasonal food directly to the people? For Cam Meyers, it meant creating Melrose Cafe, a "parking lot restaurant" that's transforming the Santa Cruz farmers' market scene one focaccia sandwich at a time.

Growing up in Santa Cruz's midtown neighborhood, Cam's culinary journey took her from local restaurant kitchens to the remote wilderness of Alaska, where she spent three years as executive chef at an eco-lodge accessible only by boat. There, faced with limited ingredients, she began perfecting her focaccia recipe – now the foundation of her thriving business back home.

The magic of Melrose Cafe lies in its radical simplicity and unwavering commitment to seasonal eating. Each Wednesday, Cam hand-selects ingredients from local farmers, transforms them into house-made aiolis and pestos on Thursday, mixes up to 150 pounds of dough by hand on Friday night, and rises at 4am to bake everything fresh before market. The result? Sandwiches so good that couples drive from Campbell every weekend just to get them, with lines forming before they're even set up.

Beyond creating delicious food, Cam represents a new generation of food entrepreneurs finding innovative paths between high-end restaurants and fast food. By eliminating the overhead of a brick-and-mortar while maintaining chef-driven quality, she's made truly local, seasonal eating accessible in a way that traditional restaurants often can't. When Cam says "you can buy everything in our sandwich right here at the market," she's not just sharing her sourcing philosophy – she's inviting customers into a more connected food experience.

Experience Melrose Cafe at the West Side Market (Saturdays) and Live Oak Market (Sundays) from 9am-1pm. Just don't ask when the tomato sandwich is coming back – you'll have to wait until they're perfectly in season, and that's exactly as it should be.