Val Fremden Midlife Mysteries

We’ve all dreamed of ditching everything and running off to another country—but almost no one actually ever does. Well, Val feels like she's almost no one. Invisible to her husband and dissatisfied with her life, deep in her soul Val yearns to be someone else. Someone sexy. Someone happy. So she buys a ticket and takes off to Italy, with only her favorite romance novel to guide her.

After being duped out of her life savings in Germany, Val Fremden retreats home to Florida with more than just her pride in tatters. Broke, jobless, divorced, and 45, she knows starting over won’t be easy. But when her only friend suddenly turns up dead, Val begins to wonder if the world is out to get her.

It’s moving day for Val. And, as usual, anything that can go wrong does - beginning with her new boyfriend, Tom. When he shows up at her doorstep with an unwelcome delivery, Val becomes the unwitting center of attention for a whole new world of weirdos…whose antics could pin Val for human dismemberment. Plagued with a hot cop on her tail and a mean one on her trail, Val is forced to turn to old friends and new ones in her attempt to point the finger of blame on somebody else. But when an unexpected witness identifies Val as the guilty party, it may be time for her to skip town.

Val Fremden is a lot of things. Quirky. Jaded. Disaster-prone—to name a few. But more than anything, she’s afraid of commitment. So it's no wonder that when boyfriend Tom tells her he loves her, Val plays it cool. But when he accidently hauls her mom’s ashes to a junkyard, Val loses it like Chernobyl 2.0. On the warpath with Tom, Val turns to her wacko, low-rent friends to help track down her mom’s cremains. But three botched stakeouts and two disasters later, she still hasn't got peanuts.

All Val Fremden wanted was a quiet holiday away from her oddball family. But that just ain’t gonna happen. When Val and her boyfriend arrive at her mother’s “country estate” in Hicksville, Florida, the annual family fruitcake competition is well underway. And there’s more than a few fruits and nuts in the running.

Val’s always been unlucky at love—and a whole bunch of other things. But she’s never actually felt cursed. Until now. When Tom gives Val an engagement ring for her 50th birthday, she wants to fly the coop. But it’s Tom who skips out on the romantic getaway he planned. When he can’t make the trip, one of Val’s pals goes instead. On the first day, her friend entangles Val in a prank that ticks off the wrong tourist. On the second day, she gets Val charged with murder. Did I mention Val was unlucky?

When Val’s forced to take up dog-sitting as a second career, she runs into one tiny snag. She’s afraid of dogs. In fact, the only thing she’s more afraid of is Tom moving in and wrecking her Sweatpants Saturdays. With neighbor Laverne facing the same impending doom, the two women decide sabotage is the perfect solution to change the plans of their cohabitation-minded boyfriends. But their scheme soon gets sidetracked when a swarthy guy with a shady past moves in next door and neighborhood dogs start disappearing.

When Val tries to revive her old writing career, story ideas prove as elusive as a moment alone without her boyfriend Tom breathing down her neck. Tom’s moved in, and Val’s itching to move out–at least temporarily. A last-minute getaway to the country seems like the perfect solution for dissolving her writer’s block. But a fateful fish fry ends up inspiring a whole different kind of dead end.

Val knows she can’t solve all the world’s problems, so she’s settled on two: smashing every tacky figurine on the planet…and ridding the universe of her boyfriend’s hideous vinyl recliner.

Planning for a rainy day has never been Val’s forte. But when a storm brews up right in her own backyard, Val’s forced to get off her lounge chair and spring into action. A shady, ham-fisted developer’s threatening to knock down Val’s favorite beach haunt, along with all the precious memories held within its shabby walls. With the owner’s signature on the bill of sale, the plan seems like a done deal. Or is it? Something fishy is going on at the beach, and it’s going to take all the wits Val can muster to put a pig-headed developer out to pasture.