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Bad Mother
- A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
- Narrated by: Mia Barron
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
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Publisher's summary
As every pregnant woman knows, motherhood is a nonstop pleasure cruise filled with warmth, personal fulfillment, and consistent joy - or at least that's what women are told before they give birth and the real truth of mothering asserts itself. As seasoned moms will attest, mothering is difficult, stressful, and the biggest challenge a woman will ever face.
With rare insight, Waldman addresses the overwhelming task of motherhood - and encourages women to realize they may be doing a much better job than they think.
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Editorial reviews
This book was definitely not, to borrow from the title of that ubiquitous parenting tome, what I expected.
Ayelet Waldman, a former federal public defender, was penning successful "mommy-track" mystery novels when she thrust herself into the middle of the national, media-induced, mommy-tug-of-war. In the now infamous essay, published in the March 27, 2005, Modern Love column of The New York Times, she dared to confess that her children had not supplanted her husband as the center of her passionate universe. And, not only were she and her husband still "doing-it" on a regular basis she was enjoying it!
So, quite frankly, I was expecting a primer on how to become a "bad-ass" mother myself.
I didn't imagine the Ayelet presented by narrator Mia Barron in this collection of essays: a sensitive and loving woman, with a strong identity as both a "good Jewish girl" and a staunch feminist, struggling with society's dictates for mothers in a post-feminist world. By all accounts, Ms. Barron reads with a wonderfully accurate approximation of the author's pedigreed voice. Her tone and cadence is pleasant, with just the right amount of tongue-in-cheek needed to deliver the more ironic passages.
She recounts Ayelet's journey from working, breast milk-pumping lawyer (Chapter 4) to stay-at-home, baby-lusting mother of four (Chapter 16) and the blogosphere-full of disdain for both roles. Like mothers everywhere, she worries that there is something wrong with the baby; something wrong with the 1st grader; something wrong with the 13-year-old.
When she's not crying over an optimistic YouTube portrait of the world her children might someday inherit, she's busy dissecting the influence of her and her husband's disparate upbringings, as it bears on their children's future. And she can go from boring ("My Mother-in-Law, Myself", Chapter 7) to heartbreaking ("Rocketship", Chapter 11) in 60 seconds. As parenthood does, every day.
Ayelet does give up a few secrets, and they benefit both seasoned moms and "we're trying" gals. The secret to an intact, marital libido? Equally shared housework. The secret to a happy, healthy child? "Be the parent your child needs, rather than the one you want to be."
Now, I ask you, does that sound like the advice of a bad mother? Lisa Duggan
Critic reviews
"While Waldman's biting humor is ever present, it is her concern for other conflicted mothers that stays with the reader. In all, an unexpectedly tender book in which Waldman candidly considers how difficult it is to be Mommy." (Booklist)
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Story
"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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Everything You Ever Wanted
- A Memoir
- By: Jillian Lauren
- Narrated by: Jillian Lauren
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In her younger years, Jillian Lauren was a college dropout, a drug addict, and an international concubine in the Prince of Brunei's harem, an experience she immortalized in her best-selling memoir, Some Girls. In her 30s, Jillian's most radical act is learning the steadying power of love when she and her rock star husband adopt an Ethiopian child with special needs.
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Great for adoptive families
- By berry bomb on 07-06-22
By: Jillian Lauren
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Girl, Wash Your Face
- Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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As the founder of the lifestyle website TheChicSite.com and CEO of her own media company, Rachel Hollis developed an immense online community by sharing tips for better living while fearlessly revealing the messiness of her own life. Now, in this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the 20 lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively.
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More for women who are mothers
- By MeredithNCSU girl on 04-07-18
By: Rachel Hollis
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
- And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 5 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In busy-mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old - you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor").
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Ok, nothing amazing
- By Lklns on 03-14-19
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An Uncomplicated Life
- A Father's Memoir of His Exceptional Daughter
- By: Paul Daugherty
- Narrated by: Robert McCollum
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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A father’s exhilarating and funny love letter to his daughter with Down syndrome whose vibrant and infectious approach to life has something to teach all of us about how we can better live our own. Jillian Daugherty was born with Down syndrome. On the day Paul and Kerry, her parents, brought her home from the hospital they were flooded with worry and uncertainty, but also overwhelming love, which they channeled to “the job of building the better Jillian”. While their daughter had special needs, they refused to allow her to grow up needy - “expect, don’t accept” became their mantra.
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A Story on the Beauties of DS
- By Matthew on 04-16-23
By: Paul Daugherty
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This Close to Happy
- A Reckoning with Depression
- By: Daphne Merkin
- Narrated by: Suzanne Toren
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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This Close to Happy is the rare, vividly personal account of what it feels like to suffer from clinical depression, written from a woman's perspective and informed by an acute understanding of the implications of this disease over a lifetime. Taking off from essays on depression she has written for The New Yorker and The New York Times Magazine, Daphne Merkin casts her eye back to her beginnings to try to sort out the root causes of her affliction.
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I should be the last person to recommend this book
- By Mariaposa on 03-04-17
By: Daphne Merkin
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What a Difference a Mom Makes
- The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Dean Gallagher
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Boys will be boys - always. And no one has a more powerful impact on them than you, Mom. Surprise! Your boy wants to please you, and he cares deeply about what you think. Those driving needs will stay with him throughout his lifetime. That gives you, Mom, a lot of influence over your son. You can set him up for success in life. In What a Difference a Mom Makes, the New York Times best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman reveals how you can make a positive imprint on your son - from the moment you first hold him in your arms until the moment he leaves for college. And the best news? It's never too late to start.
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Overall some solid advice - would recommend to new moms of boys
- By Tania on 04-12-20
By: Kevin Leman
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Transitions of the Heart
- Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
- By: Rachel Pepper - editor
- Narrated by: Elisabeth Rodgers
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to ever invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children of all ages to tell their own stories about their child’s gender transition. Often transitioning socially and emotionally alongside their child but rarely given a voice in the experience, mothers hold the key to familial and societal understanding of gender difference.
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Heartfelt, Well-Written, and Moving
- By Susie on 01-04-13
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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Manhood for Amateurs
- The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son
- By: Michael Chabon
- Narrated by: Michael Chabon
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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As a devoted son, as a passionate husband, and above all as a father, Chabon's memories of childhood, of his parents' marriage and divorce, of moments of painful adolescent comedy and giddy encounters with the popular art and literature of his own youth, are like a theme played by the mad quartet of which he now finds himself co-conductor. At once dazzling, hilarious, and moving, Manhood for Amateurs is destined to become a classic.
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Terrible
- By Ken on 10-14-09
By: Michael Chabon
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Fat Girl Walking
- Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin...Every Inch of It
- By: Brittany Gibbons
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Fat Girl Walking is a collection of stories from my life, my thoughts about the issues that I have faced as a woman, wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, and Internet personality in regards to my weight. I have tried to be as honest as I possibly could - apologies in advance to my husband and parents, but hopefully any discomfort you feel is quickly replaced by laughter.
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One Woman's Body; One Woman's Story
- By Meghan Matt on 06-03-15
By: Brittany Gibbons
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
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My Life with Bob
- Flawed Heroine Keeps Book of Books, Plot Ensues
- By: Pamela Paul
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens, Pamela Paul
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Pamela Paul has kept a single book by her side for 28 years - carried throughout high school and college, hauled from Paris to London to Thailand, from job to job, safely packed away and then carefully removed from apartment to house to its current perch on a shelf over her desk - reliable if frayed, anonymous-looking yet deeply personal. This book has a name: Bob. Bob is Paul's Book of Books, a journal that records every book she's ever read.
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An uncanny mirror and a celebration of book love
- By Cherilyn Parsons on 07-28-19
By: Pamela Paul
What listeners say about Bad Mother
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Karen K
- 07-22-13
Not what I expected, but Interesting
What did you like best about Bad Mother? What did you like least?
When I bought Bad Mother, I was looking for humor - humor which made me see that all moms are as flawed as me. Not quite what I got. Waldman started off discussing what it means to be a good mother and a good father and it is clear how raw of a deal we moms have. People seemed to agree that Dads who showed up to things and were somewhat supportive were good fathers, but the list of requirements for good mothers seem to be attainable only by fictional characters. Of course a person's enjoyment of any book like this which is part essay/part memoir is strongly linked to how you feel about the person who spends the book sharing their opinions. I felt an attachment to the author, though my best friend hated her. She said she hated it enough not only to never read anything by Waldman again but to also boycott the works of her husband Michael. So the book evokes strong feelings.
There are basically two situations that can occur in which I feel like a bad mother. One is when I am actually interacting with the kids and get frustrated by them. The other is when I am not interacting with the kids and feeling happy about it. I suppose I was looking for a book that in a humorous way would tell me everybody felt like this and that it was really ok. This book would have lots of cute stories about annoying things that happen when you meet other moms on back to school night, etc. Now this book has some of these stories - and it is amazing how you can collect examples over the years of the infuriating things other moms have the nerve to say. However, the mom who wrote this book doesn't necessarily have the same failings that I do. So she can say she's a bad mother, but then go on to list all these lengths she has gone to for kids and then instead of feeling good I felt bad. The part that started making me feel bad rather than good was her long description of the lengths she went through to attempt to breastfeed particularly her youngest child. It is amazing how despite the fact that I don't really see why anyone feels they need to breastfeed I still managed to feel a little guilty that I never even considered trying.
But anyway, it starts off mostly with some essays on motherhood but develops into a full scale memoir which I found for the most part to be very interesting. Waldman was high powered public defender who quit her job to be a stay at home mom and hated it and that lead to some funny material. But what she actually ends up doing is becoming a writer so she can really be at home and be a working mom. And she has money. I actually got over being annoyed by all she does when she later admitted to having Bi-Polar disorder, because that cleared up for me how she managed to do so much for her kids sometimes. And hey bipolar disorder is interesting all by itself. Another very interesting part was when she found out that a child she was carrying had a genetic abnormality. She learned this from an amnio so by then she was very pregnant and it was one of those tricky things where the kid might be normal or might be severely deformed and disabled. She ends up terminating the pregnancy. I found it incredibly moving when she described the night before the abortion, just lying there feeling the baby move trying to savor the experience since she knew it would soon end. How touching - how completely horrible. Chapters like that made me feel for her. She had another scare with a later pregnancy. Later she talks about how horrible she felt when her other kid was determined to have ADHD and what a letdown this was for her. Then I wanted to slap her.
This is all interesting when you consider her writing career. When she was playing stay at home mommy she wrote these lighthearted "Mommy Track" mysteries which I would read one of it I came across it. It has a stay at home mom who used to be a public defender but now solves mysteries of course. Later after the abortion, she wrote more serious novels, including one which has a miscarriage and the aftermath of losing this hoped for child as a major plot component. Think I’ll pass on that.
Anyway, while I didn't always like Waldman, I found a lot of the book interesting. If I were an actual book critic I would have to complain how she compares her kids to food too often too - their buttery skin, for example. Sometimes I wondered if they were kids or croissants. But perhaps the most annoying thing for me was her insistence on throwing in political opinions (she went to Harvard Law with Obama I think she said). But I am someone who tries to avoid politics and didn't see why it needed to be in this particular book.
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Overall
- Maur
- 08-10-09
I'm not a mother but I still loved this book.
There is just something about Ayelet that I really like. Her honesty is so refreshing and thought provoking. I am mad that I moved away from my fantastic book-group in PA. I would've loved to have heard what they would have said about this book.
I know I will look at mothers differently after reading this.
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4 people found this helpful
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- shfn
- 09-17-13
Not bad
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
It was time well spent - especially after I skipped some parts. The book is very uneven. Some great storytelling (memorizing, I guess), some insightful discussion/musings, and some trite parts. I especially did not enjoy - even resented - the stereotyped, cliched and downright boring chapter on a mother's relation to her son and mother in law. I did appreciate the chapter on the author's struggles during her pregnancies, and accounts of household labor division.
How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?
See above
Did Bad Mother inspire you to do anything?
I was thinking about some of her points; good food for thought / points of reference.
Any additional comments?
I thought the reader was great.
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1 person found this helpful
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- miguelito
- 10-13-17
A Study in Modern Motherhood
It was a good read going behind the porch door of Ayalet Waldman's home. She shares a lot of different experiences that are part pf the makeup of a modern family of the 21st Century. I particularly liked her understanding of her son Zeke and his difficulties with attention and learning. Stating that really the gol is to "Find what you are good at... What makes you happy... and if you are very fortunate, spend your life doing those things...
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- Robin
- 03-14-10
My mistake
I don't know why I bought this. I thought it was a comedy. My youngest child being 23, I am well over the bad mother complex. I hope the readers have a little more self confidence in themselves.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Kristen Walker
- 04-19-10
Politics not necessary
As a working mother of two young children, I could relate to a lot of the material in this book. I would have enjoyed it SO much more if the author would have left the politics out of it. It really wasn't necessary and leaves me with no interest in any of Ms. Waldman's other works.
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3 people found this helpful
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- C
- 10-25-09
Eck.
This work is more about the author's political viewpoints and less about motherhood. I should have googled her before purchasing and suffering through it.
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Charles
- 02-28-10
Oh, Mother!
I almost deleted this book several times. The title and media reviews suggested irony and humor. The contents demonstrate, instead, that intelligence plus obsessive introspection don't necessarily add up to insight, that blaming oneself doesn't exclude blaming others, and that having it all doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. There is a compelling narrative about the moral and psychic conflicts surrounding an elective abortion, but no ambiguity at all about the author's joy in getting guilty felons acquitted when she was a San Francisco lawyer. Or any concern that her young children might not be truly capable of the "consent" she obtained to present her rather horrifyingly intimate fantasies about them. There's a reason that many informed choices have a statutory age of consent. A lawyer should know about these things.
I finally gave up in the face of a political diatribe so relentlessly bombastic that it was simply intolerable to listen to-- even though I actually agreed with all of the opinions! Somewhere out there is an Ayelet Waldman who is clever and sophisticated, with a comic touch. But she doesn't appear very much in this book.
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5 people found this helpful
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- ceelouise
- 10-15-15
Depressing, negative navel-gazing from privilege
What would have made Bad Mother better?
Nigella Lawson, who I adore, recommended this book in some interview years ago. Maybe Nigella was clinging to her youth of feminism or something and thought recommending this book made her look hip. What does this book add to the conversation? I listened to about two hours, maybe a bit less, and I'm returning it. (Thank you, Audible, for returns!)
What do you think your next listen will be?
Henry James! Now there is a writer with insight into humanity, both male and female, who writes about life's problems and tragedies and yet is uplifting. The opposite of pop nonfiction like Waldman.
Did Mia Barron do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?
She did fine.
Any additional comments?
I'm just amazed how someone who writes one piece that gets attention - loving her husband more than her kids - feels entitled to write some kind of treatise. Of course, the work speaks for itself: it's a waste of time. I don't know what I expected. Well, yes I do, I expected something truly humorous and encouraging and I took Nigella Lawson's recommendation blindly. Waldman is so self-absorbed...that's really the only humorous part. As someone who has dealt with tragedy in life and motherhood I feel entitled to brush aside these pop nonfiction writers who take themselves and their minute "problems" too seriously and to instead seek out only literature and nonfiction that will make my life better, more beautiful, more enjoyable and enlightened. Waldman is not for me.
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- Summer Schaefer
- 06-29-16
Ugh!
I don't want to publicly insult the author, so I will just say that I wish my book club didn't pick this one!
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