Bad Sex
Truth, Pleasure, and an Unfinished Revolution
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Narrated by:
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Nona Willis Aronowitz
About this listen
Named a Most Anticipated Book by Bustle, Esquire, Nylon, and The Millions
“Intimate, thoughtful, and accessible to anyone struggling with the persistent, maddening inequities of contemporary sex.”–Rebecca Traister, New York Times bestselling author of Good and Mad
From Teen Vogue sex and love columnist Nona Willis Aronowitz, a blend of memoir, social history, and cultural criticism that probes the meaning of desire and sexual freedom today.
At thirty-two years old, everything in Nona Willis Aronowitz’s life, and in America, was in disarray. Her marriage was falling apart. Her nuclear family was slipping away. Her heart and libido were both in overdrive. Embroiled in an era of fear, reckoning, and reimagining, her assumptions of what “sexual liberation” meant were suddenly up for debate.
In the thick of personal and political turmoil, Nona turned to the words of history’s sexual revolutionaries—including her late mother, early radical pro-sex feminist Ellen Willis. At a time when sex has never been more accepted and feminism has never been more mainstream, Nona asked herself: What, exactly, do I want? And are my sexual and romantic desires even possible amid the horrors and bribes of patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy?
Nona’s attempt to find the answer places her search for authentic intimacy alongside her family history and other stories stretching back nearly two hundred years. Stories of ambivalent wives and unchill sluts, free lovers and radical lesbians, sensitive men and woke misogynists, women who risk everything for sex—who buy sex, reject sex, have bad sex and good sex. The result is a brave, bold, and vulnerable exploration of what sexual freedom can mean. Bad Sex is Nona’s own journey to sexual satisfaction and romantic happiness, which not only lays bare the triumphs and flaws of contemporary feminism but also shines a light on universal questions of desire.
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed
- Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller, Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis" and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all - a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children - before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.
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Am I the only sane childfree woman in here?
- By J. Malouin on 09-29-15
By: Meghan Daum
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It's Not You
- 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
- By: Sara Eckel
- Narrated by: Nina Alvamar
- Length: 4 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on her popular Modern Love column, Sara Eckel’s It’s Not You challenges these myths, encouraging singletons to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with people who have experienced longtime singledom, Eckel creates a strong and empowering argument to understand and accept that there’s no one reason why you’re single - you just are.
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Good Book
- By Anonymous User on 05-24-20
By: Sara Eckel
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10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
- By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Narrated by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
- By Ali0531 on 07-06-15
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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Unhooked
- How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
- By: Laura Sessions Stepp
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Here's an eye-opening examination of the "hookup" culture, seen through the experiences of high-school- and college-age women who confront the hard lessons of dating, love, and sex. Stepp follows three groups of young women and comes away with some disturbing insights. Relationships and romance are seen as messy and time-consuming, and love is postponed or, worse, seen as impossible. Many young women can't handle this, and they're being battered physically and emotionally by the new dating landscape.
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Essential Reading for Parents
- By Elton on 04-19-07
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Pure
- Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free
- By: Linda Kay Klein
- Narrated by: Linda Kay Klein
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In the 1990s, a “purity industry” emerged out of the white evangelical Christian culture. Purity rings, purity pledges, and purity balls came with a dangerous message: girls are potential sexual “stumbling blocks” for boys and men, and any expression of a girl’s sexuality could reflect the corruption of her character. This message traumatized many girls - resulting in anxiety, fear, and experiences that mimicked the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder - and trapped them in a cycle of shame.
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I expected a different ending I suppose
- By Military Dad on 12-12-18
By: Linda Kay Klein
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Party of One
- Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness
- By: Joy Beth Smith
- Narrated by: Madeleine Rose
- Length: 5 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Did you enter adulthood thinking marriage would find you, only to end up at a second-cousin's wedding, dodging yet another bouquet the night before you turned 30? Maybe you've started wondering if this the best the single life has to offer. Joy Beth Smith says it's not - that single life doesn't have to leave you constantly waiting for real life to begin. If you let go of the tired lies weighing you down, you can turn toward truth.
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Have hope, but don’t wait...
- By Jules on 10-20-18
By: Joy Beth Smith
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Feminists Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies
- Amazing Women on What the F-Word Means to Them
- By: Scarlett Curtis - curator
- Narrated by: Rosie Akerman, Pippa Bennett-Warner, Grace Campbell, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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A diverse group of celebrities, activists, and artists open up about what feminism means to them, with the goal of helping listeners come to their own personal understanding of the word.
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4.5/5 Estrellas
- By Airy on 01-27-21
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Cunt (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Inga Muscio
- Narrated by: Inga Muscio
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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In this fully revised anniversary edition of the classic testament to women's empowerment, Muscio explores with candidness and humor such traditional feminist issues as birth control, sexuality, jealousy between women, and prostitution with a fresh attitude for a new generation of women. Sending out a call for every woman to be the "Cuntlovin' Ruler of Her Sexual Universe", Muscio stands convention on its head by embracing the provocative and celebrating womanhood.
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Best book ever
- By Paula Daniels on 07-28-19
By: Inga Muscio
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On Our Best Behavior
- The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good
- By: Elise Loehnen
- Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We feel virtuous when we wake up at dawn to get a jump on the day. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. In On Our Best Behavior, journalist Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses—often lauded as unselfish, distinctly feminine instincts—are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of mores known as the Seven Deadly Sins.
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Autobiography in Disguise
- By Lindsey on 06-11-23
By: Elise Loehnen
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Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots?
- Flaming Challenges to Masculinity, Objectification, and the Desire to Conform
- By: Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
- Narrated by: Mark Bachman
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Gay culture has become a nightmare of consumerism, whether it's an endless quest for Absolut vodka, Diesel jeans, rainbow Hummers, pec implants, or Pottery Barn. Whatever happened to sexual flamboyance and gender liberation, an end to marriage, the military, and the nuclear family? As backrooms are shut down to make way for wedding vows, and gay sexual culture morphs into “straight-acting dudes hangin’ out”, what are the possibilities for a defiant faggotry that challenges the assimilationist norms of a corporate-cozy lifestyle?
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Forget the Status Quo South Beach B.S.
- By Susie on 03-14-13
What listeners say about Bad Sex
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Louwrentius
- 08-29-23
Interesting read - quite an interesting lived experience
I think the author was on an episode of the podcast ‘You’re wrong about’ with Sarah Marshall and I made note of this book.
The lived experience is alien to me and that’s why I’m glad to listen about other peoples experiences. Interjected with historic references for context, it was an interesting listen.
As for myself I had a hard time understanding what exactly the “problem” really was. Can’t the author just relax, chill out and enjoy herself? Why overthinking everything, why is nothing ever enough?
I do believe that some good questions are asked: how much of what I want or like is inate, or really ‘me’ and how much of it is about learned behavior in a patriarchal society?
Tons of things people see as normal or are taken for granted are questioned and analyzed and that’s quite interesting also.
I can recommend this listen.
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- Steven Rudich
- 02-26-23
Norman Rudich’s son.
Norman Rudich, was a legally-blind, ‘Professor of Marxist Literary Theory, in all eight Romance Languages. His French bff, was Lucien Goldman, who sponsored his Fulbright, after reading his, Princeton Phd on Flaubert. He was a proud, ‘Stalin was regrettable, but necessary’ communist. By 6, I responded, that only logically necessary deaths are moral. To hiss ‘pacifism leads to the extermination of pacifists’, I said, yeah, the way they shot Gandhi, and the the Oilman family. Later, I wrote the computer version of Bertell’s Class Struggle Game.
At 7, I taught myself programming, and at 8, I made my own computer language, SPIT, Symbolic Programming Instruction Translator, that could do unbounded, arithmetic. In French, 8th grade, I was given the perfect nickname, ‘digit’. I had no idea, I was special, until I attended NMH school, in Northfield MA.
Dr. Mary Johnson, was a legendary, teacher, analyst, who initiated, a world wide, scientific search, for someone who could write optimal programs, and I could in real-time. She told me: I was the single one on the planet. She had the luminary role, of being the first to define the word, Science, as: the part logically dominated, by. Equivalently, that which is logically required, and nothing but.
I graduated from Wesleyan with high honors, in Math and CS in 1984. My Wesleyan sweetheart was Julia Kay, who lived in Feminist House, and we had nothing but great sex, whenever it was logically possible. At her insistence, we had an open relationship, and we tried Plato’s Retreat. My philosophy class bff, pacifist protester, Stephen Hubble, lived in Eco House. I took all the major courses, in Math, CS, Acting, Philosophy, Cognitive Science, and many of the classes, Julia did. Like, nona we happily scheduled to spend, every available minute together.
I went as my father’s assistant, and I attended all the talks, at the 1976 Marxist Literary Group meeting in St. Cloud, run by Jameson and Aronowitz.
Just like my father, 2/3 attending thought, got cause and effect, backwards; taking logically inconsistent, understanding of the word science, and materialism. They view, physics as teleological, and think Marx, created material, as opposed to material creating Marx. Worse these people had no problem, with anything Charles de Gaulle, did; or the logic of power, all around the world. My father, would always be a gentleman, as a roommate, but was an active evil, as an academic. In thee 40s, 50s, and 60s, refugees, came out of communist hell holes, he held his ears, and muttered ‘disillusioned leftists’. Only 1/3 of leftists, presented as minimally violent, and could b e scientific. The other 2/3 have conspicuous, logic of power blind spots. They are an over the top, in every category, and pretend to be the good guys. This community gets -5 stars, for being, morally bankrupt, and logically inverting, the meaning of words, like rational, and scientific. NPR gets -5 stars, for failing to challenge their scientific legitimacy.
Nona get 5 stars, for her book, which gave me the chance to do this review.
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- Alison Cebulla
- 10-29-22
Feels like she represented our era well!
So thorough! She addresses every thought ive had over the years, not just about sex but about monogamy vs polyamory, heterosexuality, and so much more. Loved the deep dive into grey areas. She and I are the same age—both born in 84. Feels like she represented our era well!
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- Caroline Squair
- 08-25-22
Every woman can relate and should read
Nona speaks from and to the heart of every woman’s feelings of gender bias, sexual stigmatism, societal pressures and ultimately satisfaction. I can personally relate to so many of the topics that she confronted and explored in this book. Really enjoyed listening to the author read her story and breezed through it. Highly recommend!
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- Michael Evans-Layng
- 08-20-22
A worthwhile, thought provoking read
As an older, white, cis-male, straight Lefty, I decided to read this book after reading a rather snarky review in a major newspaper that nonetheless piqued my interest. I have been interested in sex for almost as long as I can remember and I thought this book might provide some real insight into women. It did that, for sure, but it also yielded a number of insights about myself, history, and society at large. In the end it reaffirmed that life is pretty messy and that it’s better to embrace it as such than to expend mental and emotional energy into trying to make it fit into a Bed of Procrustes. I found the writing clear, compelling, and very frank—and was glad the author read it herself (pleasant voice, cadence, and knew where the inflections ought to go). I now find myself not only pondering the implications for myself but also whim of my family and friends might benefit from reading it… answer: everybody.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-06-23
Smart, funny, thought provoking
This was a great read. I loved the references throughout. The first two chapters were lackluster for me, but I’m glad I stuck with it.
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- Pixel
- 08-22-22
I was born in the 50s, sexually active in the mid 70s
I highly recommend this book to those that like to connect the dots to the past coming into the present of sexual well being for all. The frank discussion of pro choice vs pro life is well written. I am certain some may view this book as an abomination. That is is so unfortunate for humanity in the future!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Hadiya Morris
- 09-06-22
Insightful, vulnerable and thought provoking
A very open and inquisitive book about relationships. Well worth the read for anyone
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- Phil B.
- 01-23-23
Insightful, Vulnerable, Contextual
I was captivated, perhaps out of my own similarities to Nona’s experience and also the insight I could gain into the areas in which I have no experience.
Nina is real, vulnerable, and challenges the cultural pressures women (and to a lesser extent men) face around the idea of monogamous sex and sexuality.
She details her struggles of growth and intimacy in all their hairy glory, all while providing important cultural backdrop and illustrations.
It’s a bit meandering at times, and my guess is that Nona would admit that she intellectualizes as a form of avoidance. But she pushes through it to deliver a narrative worth your time and attention.
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