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Beach Slapped
- A Novel
- Narrated by: TJ Jones
- Length: 11 hrs and 46 mins
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Publisher's summary
It begins with a sea lion committing sexual harassment and ends with the avenging spirit of Steve McQueen. In between, a nudist mascot, a Kansas hick with an eBay streak, and a beautiful marine biologist. (Is there any other kind?) Wild and weird, it's hilarious adventure on America's wettest coast. And living proof that you don't need to be drenched in sun to get beach slapped - hard.
Beach Slapped, is a mystery novel in the tradition of Carl Hiaasen. Focusing on the just-off-of-center residents of Surfland, a half-fictional city of 10,000 people on the wet and weird coast of Oregon, the adventure isn't just about getting the bad guy, it's about the lovable lunatics met along the way. From the sci-fi geek who never met a galactic parable he didn't love, to a father-turned-stalker, to the volunteer fire fighter who insists a stuffed dalmatian always ride shotgun, everyone's favorite oddball friend is here, just a little bit odder.
In the middle of it all is reluctant hero Jackson Poe, a freelance writing renegade from the corporate world writing stories about $30,000 bathrooms just to pay the bills. Refusing to give in to reality or climate, he buys his Hawaiian shirts at Goodwill and his cars topless. Always one sandal step ahead of his bills, his ex-girlfriend and the occasional cop looking to make a monthly ticket quota, Poe is living life just the way he likes it: roof rertracted and relaxed.
But that all changes one morning when he discovers marine biologist Callista Walker being harassed by a sea lion in a way they never discussed in college. Hoping to discover who chased her into the chilly ocean to drown, (the sea lion was an added bonus) Poe and Walker stumble into a scheme that will take them from the edge of the sea to a galaxy of reality show stupidity that's unfortunately not so far away. And whether it's rampant developers, landau roofs or Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings, everywhere Poe looks there are threats to his world as he knows it.
Fortunately, he's not alone in that world. And in a tale that spans from Kansas to the coast, one very naked culinary artist/mascot, the most clueless yet persevering romantic in history, and Wagner's Valkyries join with Poe as he attempts to spiritedly chase down the bad guys with the top down on his convertible no matter what waits over the horizon.
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Story
Frank Machianno is a late-middle-aged ex-surf bum who runs a bait shack on the San Diego waterfront. An affable Italian with a love of people and life, he's a stand-up businessman, devoted father, and a beloved fixture in the community. He's also a hit man - specifically, a retired hit man. Back in the day when he was one of the most feared members of the West Coast Mafia, he was known as Frankie Machine.
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Five stars straight across the board
- By Eric Taylor on 06-28-12
By: Don Winslow
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Too Close to Home
- By: Linwood Barclay
- Narrated by: Christopher Lane
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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In a quiet suburban neighborhood, in the house next door, a family is brutally murdered for no apparent reason. You can't help thinking, "That could have been us". And you start to wonder, "What if we're next?" That's the question Jim and Ellen Cutter are asking, and the answers aren't reassuring.
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Plots and subplots galore
- By shelley on 04-10-14
By: Linwood Barclay
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The Wanderer
- Thunder Point, Book 1
- By: Robyn Carr
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Nestled on the Oregon coast is a small town of rocky beaches and rugged charm. Locals love the land’s unspoiled beauty. Developers see it as a potential gold mine. When newcomer Hank Cooper learns he’s been left an old friend’s entire beachfront property, he finds himself with a community’s destiny in his hands. Cooper has never been a man to settle in one place, and Thunder Point was supposed to be just another quick stop. But Cooper finds himself getting involved with the town. And with Sarah Dupre, a woman as complicated as she is beautiful.
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4.5 The Wanderer Stars
- By whatcha.listening.to on 11-09-17
By: Robyn Carr
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Driftwood
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Dutton
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Dutton
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Los Angeles, California: Clem Jasper is a trust fund kid with a world famous rock musician for a father. When he dies suddenly (playing ping pong) she discovers he's left her a strange legacy: a series of letters that take her on a mysterious road trip around California. Ignoring her aunt's suggestion that she pitch the trip as a reality show, she embarks on her own to discover just what it was that her father meant her to find. What secret could be so powerful that he had to die before telling her?
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I cried with this one,
- By Angela on 08-16-23
By: Elizabeth Dutton
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American Rust
- By: Philipp Meyer
- Narrated by: Tom Stechschulte
- Length: 12 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Set in a beautiful but economically devastated Pennsylvania steel town, American Rust is a novel of the lost American dream and the desperation-as well as the acts of friendship, loyalty, and love-that arise from its loss. From local bars to train yards to prison, it is the story of two young men, bound to the town by family, responsibility, inertia, and the beauty around them, who dream of a future beyond the factories and abandoned homes.
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A Web of Despair and Desperation
- By Darwin8u on 07-16-12
By: Philipp Meyer
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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I'll Be There
- By: Holly Goldberg Sloan
- Narrated by: Laura Jennings
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Emily Bell believes in destiny. To her, being forced to sing a solo in the church choir - despite her average voice - is fate: because it's while she's singing that she first sees Sam. At first sight they are connected. Sam Border wishes he could escape, but there's nowhere for him to run. He and his little brother, Riddle, have spent their entire lives constantly uprooted by their unstable father. As Sam and Riddle are welcomed into the Bells' lives, they witness the warmth and protection of a family for the first time.
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Needs to be a film!
- By TreasureHunter on 06-25-16
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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A Bad Idea I'm About to Do
- True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
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Loved it!!!
- By Amber G on 10-02-20
By: Chris Gethard
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Lawn Boy
- By: Jonathan Evison
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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For Mike Muñoz, a young Chicano living in Washington State, life has been a whole lot of waiting for something to happen. Not too many years out of high school and still doing menial work - and just fired from his latest gig as a lawn boy on a landscaping crew - he knows that he's got to be the one to shake things up if he's ever going to change his life. But how?
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CATEGORY AND SUMMARY MISLEADING
- By Gretchen on 05-01-18
By: Jonathan Evison
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The Ride of Our Lives
- Roadside Lessons of an American Family
- By: Mike Leonard
- Narrated by: Marc Cashman
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Mike Leonard is a lucky man. It’s not everyone who gets parents like Jack and Marge. At 87, Jack is a pathological optimist with an inexhaustible gift of gab. Marge, Jack’s bride of 60 years, though cut from the same rough bolt of Irish immigrant cloth, is his polar opposite - pessimistic and proud of it. What was their son, Mike, thinking when he took a sabbatical from his job with NBC News so he could pile these two world-class originals along with three of his grown kids and a daughter-in-law into a pair of rented RVs and hit the road for a month?
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Hilarious!!!
- By TurtlesRMe on 03-06-07
By: Mike Leonard
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God-Shaped Hole
- A Novel
- By: Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Narrated by: Rachael Warren
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18