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Bell Hammers

By: Lancelot Schaubert
Narrated by: Lancelot Schaubert
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Publisher's summary

Remmy grows up with Beth in Bellhammer, Illinois as oil and coal companies rob the land of everything that made it paradise. Under his Grandad, he learns how to properly prank his neighbors, friends, and foes. Beth tries to fix Remmy by taking him to church. Under his Daddy, Remmy starts the Bell Hammer Construction Company, which depends on contracts from Texarco Oil. And Beth argues with him about how to build a better business.

Together, Remmy and Beth start to build a great neighborhood of "merry men" carpenters: a paradise of s’mores, porch furniture, newborn babies, and summer trips to Branson where their boys pop the tops off of the neighborhood’s two hundred soda bottles. Their witty banter builds a kind of castle among a growing nostalgia.

Then, one of Jim Johnstone’s faulty Texarco oil derricks falls down on their house and poisons their neighborhood's well.

Poisoned wells escalate to torched dog houses. Torched dog houses escalate to stolen carpentry tools and cancelled contracts. Cancelled contracts escalate to eminent domain. Sick of the attacks from Texaco Oil on his neighborhood, Remmy assembles his merry men:

"We need the world's greatest prank. One grand glorious jest that'll bloody the nose of that tyrant. Besides, pranks and jokes don't got no consequences, right?"

©2020 Lance Schaubert (P)2023 Lance Schaubert
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Critic reviews

"Schaubert recounts a mischievous man's eight decades in Illinois's Little Egypt region in his picaresque debut. Remmy's life of constant schemes and pranks and a lifelong feud with classmate Jim Johnstone and the local oil drilling company proves consequential. This is a hoot." (Publisher's Weekly)

What listeners say about Bell Hammers

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For fans of Josh Ritter

The first time I heard stories outside a barbershop that belong there and I didn’t feel distressed.

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A love letter to family

Lancelot Schaubert crafts a yarn that takes its own time, thank you very much, with a whole lot of laughs and tears along the way, sometimes in rapid succession. If you walk away from this feeling nothing, you're likely made of stone and should get that checked out.

While authors reading their own works for the audiobook is usually a crap shoot, this one was clearly read with a deep appreciation of the voice of the characters. If you like the voice and tone of Old Gods of Appalachia, you'll feel right at home here.

Will definitely read this again.

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