Conflict Is Not Abuse
Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair
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Narrated by:
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Sarah Schulman
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By:
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Sarah Schulman
About this listen
From intimate relationships to global politics, Sarah Schulman observes a continuum: that inflated accusations of harm are used to avoid accountability. Illuminating the difference between conflict and abuse, Schulman directly addresses our contemporary culture of scapegoating. This deep, brave, and bold work reveals how punishment replaces personal and collective self-criticism, and shows why difference is so often used to justify cruelty and shunning.
Rooting the problem of escalation in negative group relationships, Schulman illuminates the ways cliques, communities, families, and religious, racial, and national groups bond through the refusal to change their self-concept. She illustrates how supremacy behavior and traumatized behavior resemble each other, through a shared inability to tolerate difference.
This important and sure-to-be controversial book illuminates such contemporary and historical issues of personal, racial, and geo-political difference as tools of escalation towards injustice, exclusion, and punishment, whether the objects of dehumanization are other individuals in our families or communities, people with HIV, African Americans, or Palestinians.
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As a progressive commentator on Fox News and now CNN, Sally Kohn has made a career out of bridging intractable political differences, learning how to talk civilly to people whose views she disagrees with passionately. Famously "nice", she even gave a TED Talk about what she termed emotional correctness. But these days, even Kohn has found herself wanting to breathe fire at her enemies. It was time, she decided, to look into the ugliness erupting all around us.
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Profoundly insightful, important, and digestible.
- By Scott on 04-24-18
By: Sally Kohn
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Men Explain Things to Me
- By: Rebecca Solnit
- Narrated by: Luci Christian Bell
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In Men Explain Things to Me, Rebecca Solnit takes on the conversations between men who wrongly assume they know things and wrongly assume women don't. The ultimate problem, she shows in her comic, scathing essay, is female self-doubt and the silencing of women. Rebecca Solnit is the author of fourteen books about civil society, popular power, uprisings, art, environment, place, pleasure, politics, hope, and memory, most recently The Faraway Nearby, a book on empathy and storytelling.
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Great read - horrible performance
- By Denise Johnson on 03-26-15
By: Rebecca Solnit
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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Third Edition
- Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
- By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Narrated by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right - a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research and delivered in energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception.
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If you're a liberal hater - this book's for you
- By MRN on 11-13-20
By: Carol Tavris, and others
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Something's Not Right
- Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse - and Freeing Yourself from Its Power
- By: Wade Mullen
- Narrated by: Wade Mullen
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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In his debut book, researcher and advocate Wade Mullen introduces us to the groundbreaking world of impression management - the strategies that individuals and organizations utilize to gain power and cover up their wrongdoings. Mullen reveals a pattern that accompanies many types of abuse, almost as if abusers are somehow reading from the same playbook. If we can learn to decode these evil methods - if we can learn the language of abuse - we can help stop the cycle and make abusers less effective at accomplishing destruction in our lives.
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Emotional and spiritual abuse matters
- By Adam Shields on 01-26-23
By: Wade Mullen
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
- Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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A Battle for the Soul of Islam
- An American Muslim Patriot's Fight to Save His Faith
- By: M. Zuhdi Jasser
- Narrated by: Michael Prichard
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Among the unsettling social shifts in the wake of 9/11 was the global attention paid to Islam. Here in the United States, we became divided, often sadly along partisan lines, between those who believed every Muslim was a potential threat and those who believed no Muslim could do wrong. For conservative Wisconsin native and former U.S. Navy lieutenant commander Dr. M. Zuhdi Jasser, these radical times meant facing a new reality as a devout Muslim and a patriot - a certain betrayal within his faith.
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A courageous and clear champion of American Liberty
- By Craigan on 04-07-16
By: M. Zuhdi Jasser
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The Snapping of the American Mind
- By: David Kupelian
- Narrated by: Michael Bowen
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Snapping of the American Mind, veteran journalist and best-selling author David Kupelian shows how the progressive Left - which today dominates America's key institutions, from the news and entertainment media, to education, to government itself - is accomplishing much more than just enlarging government, redistributing wealth, and de-Christianizing the culture.
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My first ever.
- By Jeanne Samson on 07-13-16
By: David Kupelian
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How Evil Works
- By: David Kupelian
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 9 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Despite the human race's extraordinary capacity for invention and progress, we clearly have a millennia-old blind spot in one all-important area: We don't understand evil -- what it is, how it works, and why it so routinely and effortlessly ruins our lives. Put another way, we don't understand ourselves.
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Has the advantage of bluntness
- By Suppresst on 07-14-10
By: David Kupelian
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
- A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
- By: Patricia Evans
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
- By curious23m on 08-16-15
By: Patricia Evans
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When Dad Hurts Mom
- Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother? Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it's physical or "just" emotional abuse, whether it's aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.
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Great information. Not the best narrator.
- By RT on 06-28-19
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Angry White Men
- American Masculinity at the End of an Era
- By: Michael Kimmel
- Narrated by: Aaron Williamson
- Length: 12 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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One of the enduring legacies of the 2012 Presidential campaign was the demise of the white American male voter as a dominant force in the political landscape. On election night, after Obama was announced the winner, a distressed Bill O'Reilly lamented that he didn't live in "a traditional America anymore". He was joined by others who bellowed their grief on the talk radio airwaves, the traditional redoubt of angry white men. Why were they so angry?
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Interesting book; Wrong reader
- By Carolina A. Miranda on 05-02-18
By: Michael Kimmel
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On Freedom
- Four Songs of Care and Constraint
- By: Maggie Nelson
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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So often deployed as a jingoistic, even menacing rallying cry, or limited by a focus on passing moments of liberation, the rhetoric of freedom both rouses and repels. Does it remain key to our autonomy, justice, and well-being, or is freedom's long star turn coming to a close? Does a continued obsession with the term enliven and emancipate, or reflect a deepening nihilism (or both)? On Freedom examines such questions by tracing the concept's complexities in four distinct realms: art, sex, drugs, and climate.
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Just great
- By Kristi Strong on 12-14-21
By: Maggie Nelson
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Democracy in Black
- How Race Still Enslaves the American Soul
- By: Eddie S. Glaude Jr.
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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America's great promise of equality has always rung hollow in the ears of African Americans. But today the situation has grown even more dire. From the murders of black youth by the police to the dismantling of the Voting Rights Act to the disaster visited upon poor and middle-class black families by the Great Recession, it is clear that black America faces an emergency - at the very moment the election of the first black president has prompted many to believe we've solved America's race problem.
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The Dysfunctional Mindset of American
- By Paul T. on 07-09-16
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What listeners say about Conflict Is Not Abuse
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Julia
- 11-05-24
About time
Absolutely painful listening to the sections on Gaza. More people need to read this book.
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- L Win
- 01-18-19
Important Perspective
I really appreciate how Sarah explores the complicity of conflict in our time. She doesn't resort to simplifying and demonizing language to make a point (as we often see), and backs up her points with both research and relatable stories.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Eli
- 05-14-21
conceptually great, delivery flat
Downloaded this book because I'm interested in understanding ways in which transformative justice can be executed. I knew the author wasnt a mental health professional, but her diversity of experience peaked my interest. It starts strong, but the subject matter gets muddy after chapter 5. narration is unfortunately very under stimulating.
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2 people found this helpful
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- ~M~
- 06-17-21
Wow! For anyone who experiences conflict!
I found the cadence of the reading far too slow so I listened at 1.5 - 2x the speed and that worked great! Amazing book! Comprehensive content. Got far more out of it than I was expecting to. An easy 5 Star!
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- Ben S
- 01-11-20
Great book
I believe many people will find something they like in it. I personally did not care much about political parts of this book. However, the book is full of advice on personal emotional intelligence, which I loved.
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-27-21
Completely enlightening
The outpouring of empathy from the words on the page is truly staggering.
Made me reconsider what it is to be progressive. And gave a profound sense of understanding to why people to bad things to others, and ways this can be stopped.
Will likely shape how I think about others and their experiences, maybe forever.
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- Ashley
- 01-28-20
for anyone who interacts with other humans!
This author uses her decades long experience working with several types of groups and 1x1 communication - but all in serious or complex settings - to describe the levels of the cycles of projection, assumptions, trauma responses we all have. It's a learning tool for communication and conflict to see oneself through our interactions with others. For myself I used it as sort of an emotional and intellectual mirror, that I'm certain will take me calmly into work and life human interactions.
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- Cidney Raquel
- 01-18-24
Incredibly timely!
I am so grateful for this book. It is so timely and really helped me feel more logical and prepared to recognize and work through conflict in a meaningful and equitable way.
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- Anonymous User
- 03-19-21
What a fantastic, eye-opening book!
This book was recommended by YouTuber Natalie Wynn (Contrapoints) and this book is a much better, more concise, more cerebral, more compassionate, more empathetic, more historically relevant, and more progressive view of group shunning and supremacy mindset that takes place on the internet (I.e. cancelling) than any other piece of literature out now. I hope people really embrace its core message because it genuinely has the power to improve so many lives if folks with power and authority take its message to heart.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Owly
- 08-29-21
Flawed but valuable
This book is a meandering exploration of the dynamics and psychologies of various forms of dehumanization and abuse but also group conflict resolution. there are a lot of anecdotes and discussion of topics that I feel that discourse and activist communities can really learn from and that we need to work on, as well as ways that we can all improve our interpersonal conflict resolution, but I also feel that there are some places where the author is wildly off base in her assessments, such as textual mediums being inherently inferior for communication when, especially for neurodivergent people such as autistic people, text you a mediums can be a lot more productive and send a lot fewer incorrect signals than face to face.
despite some seriously flawed takes, I feel that this book is a collection of important exploration on a very important aspect of our lives, both of the political and in the interpersonal level.
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