Dead Inside
A True Story
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Narrated by:
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Heather Masters
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By:
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Cyndy Etler
About this listen
This fast-paced memoir that New York Times best-selling author Ellen Hopkins called "Compelling. Scary. Totally real" gives listeners a glimpse into the unbelievable reality of a young girl's 16 months in the notorious "tough love" program the ACLU called "a concentration camp for throwaway kids".
I never was a badass. Or a slut, a junkie, or a stoner, like they told me I was. I was just a kid looking for something good, something that felt like love. I was a wannabe in a Levi's jean jacket. Anybody could see that. Except my mother. And the staff at Straight.
I was 13 when I ran away from my abusive home. After a month in a shelter for kids - the best month of my childhood - my mother heard about Princess Di and First Lady Nancy Reagan's visit to this place that was working miracles with troubled teens. Straight Inc., it was called.
Straight described itself as a drug rehab, a "direction for youth". Strictly false advertising. An accurate description came from the ACLU, which called it "A concentration camp for throwaway teens". Inside the windowless warehouse, Straight used bizarre and intimidating methods to "treat" us; to turn us into the type of kids our parents wanted. The Dead Inside takes listeners behind Straight's closed doors, illustrating why the program was eventually investigated, sued, and closed down for abusing children.
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Story
Everything about 15-year-old Cat's new town in rural Michigan is lonely and off-kilter until she meets her neighbor, the manic, beautiful, pill-popping Marlena. Cat, inexperienced and desperate for connection, is quickly lured into Marlena's orbit by little more than an arched eyebrow and a shake of white-blond hair. As the two girls turn the untamed landscape of their desolate small town into a kind of playground, Cat catalogues a litany of firsts - first drink, first cigarette, first kiss - while Marlena's habits harden and calcify.
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A Brilliant, Agonizing Portrait of a Young Woman
- By Sudi on 06-06-17
By: Julie Buntin
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Bad Kid
- A Memoir
- By: David Crabb
- Narrated by: David Crabb
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Discovering George Michael's Faith confirmed for David Crabb what every bully already knew: He was gay. What saved him from high school was finding a group of outlandish friends who reveled in being outsiders. David found himself enmeshed with misfits: wearing black, cutting class, staying out all night, drinking, tripping, chain-smoking, idolizing the Pet Shop Boys - and learning lessons about life and love along the way.
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I wish I could give this audiobook 1,000 stars
- By Kari Delaney on 02-01-23
By: David Crabb
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Stick
- By: Andrew Smith
- Narrated by: Josh Hurley
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Fourteen-year-old Stark McClellan (nicknamed Stick because he’s tall and thin) is bullied for being "deformed" - he was born with only one ear. His older brother, Bosten, is always there to defend Stick. But the boys can’t defend each other from their abusive parents. When Stick realizes Bosten is gay, he knows that to survive his father's anger, Bosten must leave home. Stick has to find his brother, or he will never feel whole again. In his search, he will encounter good people, bad people, and people who are simply indifferent to kids from the wrong side of the tracks. But he never loses hope of finding love - and his brother.
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Amazing book!
- By Christopher Gaines on 02-19-18
By: Andrew Smith
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Make Your Home Among Strangers
- By: Jennine Capó Crucet
- Narrated by: Marisol Ramirez
- Length: 14 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Lizet, a daughter of Cuban immigrants and the first in her family to graduate from high school, secretly applies and is accepted to an ultra-elite college. Her parents are furious at her decision to leave Miami, and amid a painful divorce, her father sells her childhood home, leaving Lizet, her mother, and older sister, a newly single mom, without a steady income and scrambling for a place to live.
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Tremendous Insight on 1st Gen College Students
- By RelizzScholar27 on 11-16-19
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Before I Fall
- By: Lauren Oliver
- Narrated by: Sarah Drew
- Length: 12 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Samantha Kingston has it all: the world's most crush-worthy boyfriend, three amazing best friends, and first pick of everything at Thomas Jefferson High—from the best table in the cafeteria to the choicest parking spot. Friday, February 12, should be just another day in her charmed life. Instead, it turns out to be her last. Then she gets a second chance. Seven chances, in fact.
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Beautiful.
- By Penny on 03-20-10
By: Lauren Oliver
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American Street
- By: Ibi Zoboi
- Narrated by: Robin Miles
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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On the corner of American Street and Joy Road, Fabiola Toussaint thought she would finally find une belle vie - a good life. But after they leave Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Fabiola's mother is detained by US immigration, leaving Fabiola to navigate her loud American cousins - Chantal, Donna, and Princess - the grittiness of Detroit's West Side, a new school, and a surprising romance all on her own.
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A lot to unpack
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-18-17
By: Ibi Zoboi
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The Taqwacores
- By: Michael Muhammad Knight
- Narrated by: Shahjehan Khan
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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A Muslim punk house in Buffalo, New York, inhabited by burqa-wearing riot girls, mohawked Sufis, straight-edge Sunnis, Shi'a skinheads, Indonesian skaters, Sudanese rude boys, gay Muslims, drunk Muslims, and feminists. Their living room hosts parties and prayers, with a hole smashed in the wall to indicate the direction of Mecca. Their life together mixes sex, dope, and religion in roughly equal amounts, expressed in devotion to an Islamo-punk subculture, "taqwacore".
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Quick, fun, interesting listen
- By Mark on 05-03-11
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All Involved
- A Novel
- By: Ryan Gattis
- Narrated by: Anthony Rey Perez, Marisol Ramirez, Jim Cooper, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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A propulsive and ambitious novel as electrifying as The Wire, from a writer hailed as the West Coast's Richard Price—a mesmerizing epic of crime and opportunity, race, revenge, and loyalty, set in the chaotic streets of South Central LA in the wake of one of the most notorious and incendiary trials of the 1990s. At 3:15 p.m. on April 29, 1992, a jury acquitted three white Los Angeles Police Department officers charged with using excessive force to subdue a black man named Rodney King and failed to reach a verdict on the same charges involving a fourth officer. Less than two hours later, the city exploded in violence that lasted six days. In nearly 121 hours, fifty-three lives were lost. But there were even more deaths unaccounted for: violence that occurred outside of active rioting sites by those who used the chaos to viciously settle old scores.
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Best Multiple Narrative Since the Poisonwood Bible
- By Alan McCarron on 04-22-15
By: Ryan Gattis
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The Lesser Dead
- By: Christopher Buehlman
- Narrated by: Christopher Buehlman
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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New York City in 1978 is a dirty, dangerous place to live - and die. Joey Peacock knows this as well as anybody - he has spent the last forty years as an adolescent vampire, perfecting the routine he now enjoys: womanizing in punk clubs and discotheques, feeding by night, and sleeping by day with others of his kind in the macabre labyrinth under the city's sidewalks.
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NICE GUYS NEARLY ALWAYS FINISH LAST
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 05-27-17
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Make Something Up
- Stories You Can't Unread
- By: Chuck Palahniuk
- Narrated by: Chuck Palahniuk, Scott Sowers, Rich Orlow, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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For years Chuck Palahniuk has reserved his best storytelling for his readings, often choosing to read a new short story instead of whatever novel he is supposed to be promoting. Make Something Up compiles these previously unpublished tales for the very first time, plus the Byliner social media insta-classic "Phoenix" and Palahniuk's most notable pieces from Playboy.
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Plenty of shock, just not enough Palahniuk awe
- By Darwin8u on 06-10-15
By: Chuck Palahniuk
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How It Went Down
- By: Kekla Magoon
- Narrated by: Cherise Boothe, Shari Peele, Kevin R. Free, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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When 16-year-old Tariq Johnson dies from two gunshot wounds, his community is thrown into an uproar. Tariq was black. The shooter, Jack Franklin, is white. In the aftermath of Tariq's death, everyone has something to say, but no two accounts of the events line up. Day by day, new twists further obscure the truth. Tariq's friends, family, and community struggle to make sense of the tragedy, and to cope with the hole left behind when a life is cut short.
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gives perspective on race.
- By J. Carey on 08-17-17
By: Kekla Magoon
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Purple Hearts
- A Novel
- By: Tess Wakefield
- Narrated by: Kyle Mason, Shayna Thibodeaux
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Cassie Salazar and Luke Morrow couldn't be more different. Sharp-witted Cassie works nights at a bar in Austin, Texas, to make ends meet while pursuing her dream of becoming a singer/songwriter. Luke is an army trainee, about to ship out for duty, who finds comfort in the unswerving discipline of service. But a chance encounter at Cassie's bar changes the course of both their lives.
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RATING PURPLE HEARTS BOOK VS PURPLE HEARTS MOVIE
- By Rozzy on 02-05-23
By: Tess Wakefield
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Perfect Chemistry
- By: Simone Elkeles
- Narrated by: Roxanne Hernandez, Blas Kisic
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Brittany Ellis walks into chemistry class on the first day of senior year, she has no clue that her carefully created perfect life is about to unravel before her eyes. She's forced to be lab partners with Alex Fuentes, a gang member from the other side of town, and he is about to threaten everything she's worked so hard for her flawless reputation, her relationship with her boyfriend, and the secret that her home life is anything but perfect.
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Perfect Chemisty has perfect chemistry.
- By Leslie on 04-21-10
By: Simone Elkeles
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Guys Read: Funny Business
- By: Jon Scieszka, Adam Rex, Christopher Curtis, and others
- Narrated by: Michael Boatman, Kate DiCamillo, John Keating, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Funny Business is based around the theme of - what else? - humor, and if you’re familiar with Jon and the Guys Read Library, you already know what you’re in store for: 10 hilarious stories from some of the funniest writers around. Before you’re through, you’ll meet a teenage mummy; a kid desperate to take a dip in the world’s largest pool of chocolate milk; a homicidal turkey; parents who hand over their son’s room to a biker; and more.
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Awesome super funny
- By sacha on 10-03-16
By: Jon Scieszka, and others
What listeners say about Dead Inside
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Tasia Edwards
- 03-15-22
Great but what?
This book I went into expecting her to bash this horrible "Straight" school as she should but she really didn't, she honestly made it sound like without straight she would be a loser druggie like they truly brainwashed her! She was a victim of child sexual assault and of a neglectful mother. I was hoping that somehow she could have received justice as in her "Step-Dad" going to prison for what he did to her and her mother going to jail for child neglect and not stopping him!! Nothing makes me madder. I am glad she is happy and doing well now but sure wish she would spit venom at these straight people. I need to read the next book about her in H.S maybe it will have her more woke! lol Oh and this narrator makes the book!!
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- Ryan Martin
- 12-04-23
Places like this still exist
For anyone who's been through a program anything like this, please proceed with caution. Speaking for myself, I have been through a program similar in many ways to what's described in this book and reading/listening to this was like ripping open old wounds that once took many years to heal. There was nothing therapeutic about it for me and I struggled getting through it, mostly doing so out of my own stubbornness and refusal to let it win; which I should've just listened to my gut reaction and stopped ¼ of the way through. It dug up a lot of bad memories and "triggered" me to the point I practically felt as if I was reliving a lot of the old trauma. So please proceed with caution if this applies to you... or better still, for your own good please just don't proceed at all.
That being said..
This author did a really good job of articulating what the program is like with an exceptional attention to detail. I rated it 4 stars because I can see how other listeners could find it confusing and might think she's crediting the program for her success in life, as well as saving her from a seedy existence. I, however, read between the lines and see how the program most likely took away part of her soul and left her with even more trauma she'll probably spend the remainder of her years trying to cope with. For as detailed as the book was, the ending seemed glossed over and rushed through.
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