F*cking History
111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
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Narrated by:
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The Captain
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By:
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The Captain
About this listen
History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life.
Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born.
The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy - like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women - from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra.
People in the past were just like us - so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.
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- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Bygone Badass Broads
- 52 Forgotten Women Who Changed the World
- By: Mackenzi Lee
- Narrated by: Lucy James
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on Mackenzi Lee's popular weekly Twitter series of the same name, Bygone Badass Broads features 52 remarkable and forgotten trailblazing women from all over the world. With tales of heroism and cunning, in-depth bios and witty storytelling, Bygone Badass Broads gives new life to these historic female pioneers. Starting in the fifth century BC and continuing to the present, the book takes a closer look at bold and inspiring women who dared to step outside the traditional gender roles of their time.
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Awesome history, heavy-handed political agenda
- By Charlie on 07-08-18
By: Mackenzi Lee
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Seven Deadly Sins
- Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.
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Glad I didn't read this before buying concert tix
- By S. Adams on 07-23-19
By: Corey Taylor
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Dear Fahrenheit 451
- Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks
- By: Annie Spence
- Narrated by: Stephanie Spicer
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Librarians spend their lives weeding - not weeds, but books - books that have reached the end of their shelf life both literally and figuratively. They remove books that patrons no longer check out, and they put back books they treasure. Annie Spence, who has a decade of experience as a Midwestern librarian, does this not only at her Michigan library but also at home, for her neighbors, at cocktail parties - everywhere. In Dear Fahrenheit 451, she addresses those books directly.
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Totally captivating
- By Grace Smith on 03-24-18
By: Annie Spence
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Drinking and Tweeting
- And Other Brandi Blunders
- By: Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce
- Narrated by: Brandi Glanville
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Fans have been waiting for Brandi’s scoop on one of the biggest divorces of the decade since her husband of eight years abandoned her and their two sons to marry country singer LeAnn Rimes. Not only does Brandi spill the beans about her side of the split, but the lovable housewife also shares the incredible wild ride that took her from a life in the ghetto to Hollywood’s most elite circles.
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Who edited this?
- By Jessica on 11-02-20
By: Brandi Glanville, and others
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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Funny How It Works Out
- By: Manon Mathews
- Narrated by: Manon Mathews
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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For comedian and content creator Manon Mathews, comedy is life. But it took more than luck for her hilarious antics on Vine to open the door to her career. It took years of routinely embarrassing herself, improv classes, some stints as an amateur stand-up comic, unrelenting dedication, and one life-altering night out that forced her to change her ways. This set her on the path to manifesting her dream life.
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Excellent book!
- By cinematicashley on 11-18-20
By: Manon Mathews
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Cunt (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Inga Muscio
- Narrated by: Inga Muscio
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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In this fully revised anniversary edition of the classic testament to women's empowerment, Muscio explores with candidness and humor such traditional feminist issues as birth control, sexuality, jealousy between women, and prostitution with a fresh attitude for a new generation of women. Sending out a call for every woman to be the "Cuntlovin' Ruler of Her Sexual Universe", Muscio stands convention on its head by embracing the provocative and celebrating womanhood.
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Best book ever
- By Paula Daniels on 07-28-19
By: Inga Muscio
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The Art of the Pimp
- One Man's Search for Love, Sex, and Money
- By: Dennis Hof
- Narrated by: Kevin Stillwell
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Dennis Hof, proprietor of the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel and the P.T. Barnum of prostitution, charts his path to fame and infamy, while dispensing homespun wisdom about sex, sales, money, and how to live as the country's most recognizable pimp. In The Art of the Pimp, Dennis Hof offers a hilarious, insightful, behind-the-scenes look at life as the proprietor of The Moonlight Bunny Ranch, the world's most famous legal brothel, and recounts his chaotic life.
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if you love the sex industry then yell love this
- By Amazon Customer on 11-28-17
By: Dennis Hof
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Normal Gets You Nowhere
- By: Kelly Cutrone
- Narrated by: Kelly Cutrone
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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With Normal Gets You Nowhere, Kelly Cutrone invites us to get our freak on. History is full of successful, world-changing people who did not fit in. Think Nelson Mandela, Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, John Lennon, and Rosa Parks. Instead of changing themselves to accommodate the status quo or what others thought they should be, these people hung a light on their differences - and changed humanity in the process. “I know you don’t feel normal, so why are you trying to act it and prove to everyone you are?” Cutrone says.
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For open minds and hearts.
- By Kelly on 01-06-12
By: Kelly Cutrone
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The Education of Nia Simone Bijou
- By: Eric Jerome Dickey
- Narrated by: Honey Jones
- Length: 3 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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From her first days at Virginia’s Hampton University, impressionable, creative Nia falls smitten with Chris Eidos Alleyne, an athlete and a scholar. “Love is sweet nothings and beautiful promises”, Nia writes in her journal. What her girlfriends know, and her mother doesn’t, is that Chris’s expression of love is deeply physical. Wielding powerful charisma, Chris soon has Nia abandoning innocence for experience.
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worst narration ever
- By Dawn D. on 02-13-20
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Emmy-award winning gadfly Mike Rowe presents a ridiculously entertaining, seriously fascinating collection of his favorite episodes from America’s number-one short-form podcast, The Way I Heard It, along with a host of memories, ruminations, and insights. It’s a delightful collection of mysteries. A mosaic. A memoir. A charming, surprising must-have. Mike Rowe’s The Way I Heard It collects 35 fascinating stories “for the curious mind with a short attention span”.
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no...not again...not for me
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Fails as an audio book.
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Only four men survived the plane crash. The pilot. A politician. A cop... and the criminal he was shackled to. On an icy night in October 1984, a commuter plane carrying nine passengers crashed in the remote wilderness of northern Alberta. Four survived: the rookie pilot, a prominent politician, a cop, and the criminal he was escorting to face charges. As the men fight through the night to stay alive, the dividing lines of power, wealth, and status are erased, and each man is forced to confront the precious and limited nature of his existence.
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Too long, and it got boring.
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1,000 Random Facts Everyone Should Know
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Have you ever had that moment when you are in the middle of a conversation and suddenly the room becomes quiet and nobody knows how to move the discussion forward? Of course you do. Haven’t we all? It’s for this reason that I decided to write this book.What better way to break that silence than to throw out some of these facts: Wolves have a serious appetite! They can eat up to twenty pounds of meat in one sitting! The first high heeled shoes were worn by Egyptian butchers to help them walk above the bloodied bodies of animal carcasses.
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Fun! But had some flaws.
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Where the Forest Meets the Stars
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Enjoyable. Which "story" version is true...
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I could listen to Mike read all day. And I am!
- By Amazon Customer on 10-15-19
By: Mike Rowe
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Want to impress your buddies at the bar? Need to think of something interesting to do at the next family gathering? Want to learn a bunch of random facts about history, science, true crime, and the paranormal? Listen to Interesting Stories for Curious People, the ultimate guidebook for a plethora of interesting facts about a whole bunch of several different topics. A quick listen packed with information.
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no...not again...not for me
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From the duo behind the massively successful and award-winning podcast Stuff You Should Know comes an unexpected look at things you thought you knew. Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant started the podcast Stuff You Should Know back in 2008 because they were curious - curious about the world around them, curious about what they might have missed in their formal educations, and curious to dig deeper on stuff they thought they understood.
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Fails as an audio book.
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Only four men survived the plane crash. The pilot. A politician. A cop... and the criminal he was shackled to. On an icy night in October 1984, a commuter plane carrying nine passengers crashed in the remote wilderness of northern Alberta. Four survived: the rookie pilot, a prominent politician, a cop, and the criminal he was escorting to face charges. As the men fight through the night to stay alive, the dividing lines of power, wealth, and status are erased, and each man is forced to confront the precious and limited nature of his existence.
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Too long, and it got boring.
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Have you ever had that moment when you are in the middle of a conversation and suddenly the room becomes quiet and nobody knows how to move the discussion forward? Of course you do. Haven’t we all? It’s for this reason that I decided to write this book.What better way to break that silence than to throw out some of these facts: Wolves have a serious appetite! They can eat up to twenty pounds of meat in one sitting! The first high heeled shoes were worn by Egyptian butchers to help them walk above the bloodied bodies of animal carcasses.
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Fun! But had some flaws.
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Enjoyable. Which "story" version is true...
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The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
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The story of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is very difficult to describe. Usually we give some information about the audiobook, but in this case we think that would spoil the listening. We think it's important that you start to listen without knowing what it is about.
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Absolutely Phenomenal!!!
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The Best Minds
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Acclaimed author Jonathan Rosen’s haunting investigation of the forces that led his closest childhood friend, Michael Laudor, from the heights of brilliant promise to the forensic psychiatric hospital where he has lived since killing the woman he loved. A story about friendship, love, and the price of self-delusion, The Best Minds explores the ways in which we understand—and fail to understand—mental illness.
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The Overwhelming Tragedy of Mental Illness
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The Spy and the Traitor
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If anyone could be considered a Russian counterpart to the infamous British double-agent Kim Philby, it was Oleg Gordievsky. The son of two KGB agents and the product of the best Soviet institutions, the savvy, sophisticated Gordievsky grew to see his nation's communism as both criminal and philistine. He took his first posting for Russian intelligence in 1968 and eventually became the Soviet Union's top man in London, but from 1973 on he was secretly working for MI6.
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John Lee is GREAT!
- By David on 09-21-18
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Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
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Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of "things I won't do when I get old" - mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something-year-old parents were doing wrong. That list became the basis of this rousing collection of dos and don'ts, wills and won'ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.
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Poinient but Depressing
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True Facts That Sound Like Bulls#*t: 500 Insane-but-True Facts That Will Shock and Impress Your Friends
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Prove your awesomeness - or bolster your stockpile of conversation starters! Either way, prove you’re the smartest schmuck in the room with over 500 absurdly real facts! With over 500 outrageous and real facts on everything from hippo sweat to stars in the galaxy, you're sure to impress your friends, stump your colleagues, and crush the trivia night competition! Discover insane-but-true factoids and prove you really do know it all! Test out the true or false questions covering the gamut of science, sports, history, pop culture, and a potpourri of others.
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The Story Behind
- The Extraordinary History Behind Ordinary Objects
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- Narrated by: Emily Prokop
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Story
Many of us learn about the major inventions that shape our world. But we too often overlook the objects we use every day. In The Story Behind, Emily Prokop, creator of the Webby Award nominated podcast, explores the who, how, and huh? of everything from Band-Aids to bubble gum; hypnosis to Hula Hoops; and lullabies to lead pipes. Along the way, she demonstrates how the major events of history - from wars, plagues and revolutions to historic achievements and discoveries - have influenced some of the world’s most pervasive inventions.
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One third of the book is repeated after initial description of subject under “TLDR” ..?
- By Dogs Land on 03-25-24
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The Happiest Man on Earth
- The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor
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Born in Leipzig, Germany, into a Jewish family, Eddie Jaku was a teenager when his world was turned upside-down. On November 9, 1938, during the terrifying violence of Kristallnacht, the Night of Broken Glass, Eddie was beaten by SS thugs, arrested, and sent to a concentration camp with thousands of other Jews across Germany. Every day of the next seven years of his life, Eddie faced unimaginable horrors in Buchenwald, Auschwitz, and finally on a forced death march during the Third Reich’s final days.
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Everyone needs to listen to this amazing man
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On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down
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Nazis are bad. The worst kind of bad. There are no very fine people among them. If you disagree, you won’t like this book. Still here? Cool. You are about to receive an education unlike any you’ve previously experienced. In this uproarious and informative tour from ancient times to the modern day and everything in between, James Fell, the self-proclaimed “sweary historian,” reveals a past replete with deeds both noble and despicable. Throughout the book, he provides insightful analysis of all the sh!t that went down. Behold!
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Rad.
- By Christine C. Keiser on 11-21-23
By: James Fell
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The Keeper of Happy Endings
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Performance
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Story
Soline Roussel is well schooled in the business of happy endings. For generations her family has kept an exclusive bridal salon in Paris, where magic is worked with needle and thread. It’s said that the bride who wears a Roussel gown is guaranteed a lifetime of joy. But devastating losses during World War II leave Soline’s world and heart in ruins and her faith in love shaken. She boxes up her memories, stowing them away, along with her broken dreams, determined to forget.
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French accent
- By Lilya on 10-22-21
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The Lost Bookshop
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- Length: 12 hrs
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
For too long, Opaline, Martha and Henry have been the side characters in their own lives. But when a vanishing bookshop casts its spell, these three unsuspecting strangers will discover that their own stories are every bit as extraordinary as the ones found in the pages of their beloved books. And by unlocking the secrets of the shelves, they find themselves transported to a world of wonder…where nothing is as it seems.
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Incredible history book story
- By Elisabeth on 10-25-23
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
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- Narrated by: Bob Saget
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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Tied Up in Knots
- How Getting What They Wanted Has Made Women Miserable
- By: Andrea Tantaros
- Narrated by: Andrea Tantaros
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
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Story
In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
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What listeners say about F*cking History
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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- Corey Nikont
- 06-12-21
Probably a better read
The stories are great, and the underlying message is something we should all get behind. However, it was delivered like a bad Best Mans speech, with (pause for laughter) written into the notes. I would purchase the hard copy though.
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- SGT_Clinton
- 01-05-22
Great stories
Loved it. Absolutely hilarious at times. I'm glad that I listened. I have already suggested it to others.
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- Lisa
- 01-21-23
Because History should be fun!
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor throughout while learning strange facts that I can now share at inappropriate moments with friends and family. Thanks Captain!
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- James M
- 01-16-23
A Little Trashy.. But Worth It
Short and quick historical stories.. Great for those who like to hear some interesting stuff.. on the way to work.. NOT FOR KIDS..
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- Isabel Perez
- 08-24-20
Badass Brain Power!
Awesomeness!!!! To The Captain! En hora buena... congrats to you on this journey and thanks for sharing your badassery with the world - Gracias 💗
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- Andrea
- 02-12-24
The plan yet humorous terminology used in the narration.
I learned a lot, and it felt like I was learning from a friend because of the way it was written 
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- RhoCloRisin
- 12-26-21
F*cking Awesome
Loved it. Educational, uplifting, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing the brilliance.
Blessings,
RhoCloRisin
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- Glynis Olson
- 05-07-22
I love this book!
The Captain is fun and the book was great! I actually learned quite a bit. Thanks Captain I hope you write another.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-04-22
Best shit ever.
This book had me laughing, thinking about life and saying WTF the whole way through. I absolutely LOVED it Must read or listen to.
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- Michael Grant White
- 01-04-23
Funny but way way too many 4 letter words.
Making me spend my time when the review is taking up too much of my time.
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