
F*cking History
111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
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Narrated by:
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The Captain
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By:
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The Captain
About this listen
History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life.
Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born.
The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy - like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women - from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra.
People in the past were just like us - so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.
©2020 The Captain (P)2020 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
- By Kevin on 05-06-16
By: Andrea Tantaros
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Where the Forest Meets the Stars
- By: Glendy Vanderah
- Narrated by: Lauren Ezzo
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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After the loss of her mother and her own battle with breast cancer, Joanna Teale returns to her graduate research on nesting birds in rural Illinois, determined to prove that her recent hardships have not broken her. She throws herself into her work from dusk to dawn, until her solitary routine is disrupted by the appearance of a mysterious child who shows up at her cabin barefoot and covered in bruises. The girl calls herself Ursa, and she claims to have been sent from the stars to witness five miracles.
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Enjoyable. Which "story" version is true...
- By Christina on 03-16-19
By: Glendy Vanderah
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The Story Behind
- The Extraordinary History Behind Ordinary Objects
- By: Emily Prokop
- Narrated by: Emily Prokop
- Length: 4 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Many of us learn about the major inventions that shape our world. But we too often overlook the objects we use every day. In The Story Behind, Emily Prokop, creator of the Webby Award nominated podcast, explores the who, how, and huh? of everything from Band-Aids to bubble gum; hypnosis to Hula Hoops; and lullabies to lead pipes. Along the way, she demonstrates how the major events of history - from wars, plagues and revolutions to historic achievements and discoveries - have influenced some of the world’s most pervasive inventions.
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One third of the book is repeated after initial description of subject under “TLDR” ..?
- By Dogs Land on 03-25-24
By: Emily Prokop
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Into the Abyss
- An Extraordinary True Story
- By: Carol Shaben
- Narrated by: Tiffany Morgan
- Length: 10 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Only four men survived the plane crash. The pilot. A politician. A cop... and the criminal he was shackled to. On an icy night in October 1984, a commuter plane carrying nine passengers crashed in the remote wilderness of northern Alberta. Four survived: the rookie pilot, a prominent politician, a cop, and the criminal he was escorting to face charges. As the men fight through the night to stay alive, the dividing lines of power, wealth, and status are erased, and each man is forced to confront the precious and limited nature of his existence.
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Too long, and it got boring.
- By Simone on 06-30-17
By: Carol Shaben
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The Things We Cannot Say
- By: Kelly Rimmer
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Gideon, Nancy Peterson
- Length: 13 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Since she was nine years old, Alina Dziak knew she would marry her best friend, Tomasz. Now 15 and engaged, Alina is unconcerned by reports of Nazi soldiers at the Polish border, believing her neighbors that they pose no real threat, and dreams instead of the day Tomasz returns from college in Warsaw so they can be married. But little by little, injustice by brutal injustice, the Nazi occupation takes hold, and Alina’s tiny rural village, its families, are divided by fear and hate. Then, as the fabric of their lives is slowly picked apart, Tomasz disappears.
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Don’t Miss This One!
- By Mary Smiroldo on 08-06-19
By: Kelly Rimmer
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The Best Minds
- A Story of Friendship, Madness, and the Tragedy of Good Intentions
- By: Jonathan Rosen
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rosen
- Length: 16 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Acclaimed author Jonathan Rosen’s haunting investigation of the forces that led his closest childhood friend, Michael Laudor, from the heights of brilliant promise to the forensic psychiatric hospital where he has lived since killing the woman he loved. A story about friendship, love, and the price of self-delusion, The Best Minds explores the ways in which we understand—and fail to understand—mental illness.
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The Overwhelming Tragedy of Mental Illness
- By Elephants Matter on 12-30-23
By: Jonathan Rosen
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Speech Therapy
- 65 Pick-Me-Ups to Get You Through Many of Life’s What-the-F---s
- By: The Captain
- Narrated by: The Captain
- Length: 2 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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We all deal with bad days and hard times that leave us feeling frustrated, angry, and defeated. Bestselling author and self-proclaimed instigator “The Captain” is the funny and wise friend we need most in times like these: someone who tells it like it is and gives us the tough-love advice we need to get back up and meet our challenges head on.
By: The Captain
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Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
- A Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong
- By: Steven Petrow
- Narrated by: Michael Butler Murray
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of "things I won't do when I get old" - mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something-year-old parents were doing wrong. That list became the basis of this rousing collection of dos and don'ts, wills and won'ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.
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Poinient but Depressing
- By Dr Karen on 06-30-21
By: Steven Petrow
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The Lost Bookshop
- By: Evie Woods
- Narrated by: Avena Mansergh-Wallace, Olivia Mace, Nick Biadon
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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For too long, Opaline, Martha and Henry have been the side characters in their own lives. But when a vanishing bookshop casts its spell, these three unsuspecting strangers will discover that their own stories are every bit as extraordinary as the ones found in the pages of their beloved books. And by unlocking the secrets of the shelves, they find themselves transported to a world of wonder…where nothing is as it seems.
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Incredible history book story
- By Elisabeth on 10-25-23
By: Evie Woods
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The Spy and the Traitor
- The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War
- By: Ben Macintyre
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 13 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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If anyone could be considered a Russian counterpart to the infamous British double-agent Kim Philby, it was Oleg Gordievsky. The son of two KGB agents and the product of the best Soviet institutions, the savvy, sophisticated Gordievsky grew to see his nation's communism as both criminal and philistine. He took his first posting for Russian intelligence in 1968 and eventually became the Soviet Union's top man in London, but from 1973 on he was secretly working for MI6.
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John Lee is GREAT!
- By David on 09-21-18
By: Ben Macintyre
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On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down
- By: James Fell
- Narrated by: Kelli Tager, James Fell
- Length: 17 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Nazis are bad. The worst kind of bad. There are no very fine people among them. If you disagree, you won’t like this book. Still here? Cool. You are about to receive an education unlike any you’ve previously experienced. In this uproarious and informative tour from ancient times to the modern day and everything in between, James Fell, the self-proclaimed “sweary historian,” reveals a past replete with deeds both noble and despicable. Throughout the book, he provides insightful analysis of all the sh!t that went down. Behold!
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Rad.
- By Christine C. Keiser on 11-21-23
By: James Fell
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The Happiest Man on Earth
- The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor
- By: Eddie Jaku
- Narrated by: Raphael Corkhill
- Length: 3 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Born in Leipzig, Germany, into a Jewish family, Eddie Jaku was a teenager when his world was turned upside-down. On November 9, 1938, during the terrifying violence of Kristallnacht, the Night of Broken Glass, Eddie was beaten by SS thugs, arrested, and sent to a concentration camp with thousands of other Jews across Germany. Every day of the next seven years of his life, Eddie faced unimaginable horrors in Buchenwald, Auschwitz, and finally on a forced death march during the Third Reich’s final days.
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Everyone needs to listen to this amazing man
- By Christan Derryberry on 05-12-21
By: Eddie Jaku
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The Richest Woman in America
- Hetty Green in the Gilded Age
- By: Janet Wallach
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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No woman in the Gilded Age made as much money as Hetty Green. At the time of her death in 1916, she was worth at least 100 million dollars, equal to more than 2 billion dollars today. A strong believer in women being financially independent, she offered valuable lessons for the present times. Abandoned at birth by her neurotic mother, scorned by her misogynist father, Hetty set out as a child to prove her value. Following the simple rules of her wealthy Quaker father, she successfully invested her money and along the way proved to herself that she was wealthy and therefore worthy.
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Horrible Narrator
- By Christina M. Kruse on 06-10-15
By: Janet Wallach
What listeners say about F*cking History
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Corey Nikont
- 06-12-21
Probably a better read
The stories are great, and the underlying message is something we should all get behind. However, it was delivered like a bad Best Mans speech, with (pause for laughter) written into the notes. I would purchase the hard copy though.
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- SGT_Clinton
- 01-05-22
Great stories
Loved it. Absolutely hilarious at times. I'm glad that I listened. I have already suggested it to others.
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- Lisa
- 01-21-23
Because History should be fun!
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor throughout while learning strange facts that I can now share at inappropriate moments with friends and family. Thanks Captain!
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- James M
- 01-16-23
A Little Trashy.. But Worth It
Short and quick historical stories.. Great for those who like to hear some interesting stuff.. on the way to work.. NOT FOR KIDS..
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- Mogovea
- 08-15-21
As informational as it is entertaining
I'm going to recommend it to any and everyone. We should never stop learning and this was quite possibly one of the most pleasant learning experiences yet. Thank you!
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- Corinna Carbajal
- 08-29-20
Motivational Badass
The Captain's spirited take on history creates a badass motivational book for our time. "Knowledge is the best form of mutiny."
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- #retailtherapy
- 05-27-21
Oh Captain My Captain!!!
Like many of you, I came to know The Captain via social media, enjoying his witty, snarky and genuine humor delivering life lessons on ig. &I'm a better & stronger human for it! He brings that same inspiring humor into this book as well. Telling f*cking history you may or may not know and seamlessly weaving in some modern life lessons. He has a unique insight and the brilliant ability to deliver it well.
Now stop reading f*cking reviews and get the f*cking book!
You won't regret it!
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- Mandy
- 10-08-20
Who knew so many women in history were badass.
I must read (or listen to). So much history we were never taught in school. I’m also glad Kyle narrated his own book. He’s a great story teller and the history of these women is fascinating. I’ll be listening to it again and bringing my hardcopy on our camping trip to read to my friends around the fire.
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- Daniel dundon
- 01-10-23
great quality
loved the book, short little stories about historical men and women with current world applications. great listen.
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- Laura L. Johnson
- 03-24-23
"Frat Boy" History, but enjoyable
At first, I was not thrilled with Kyle's narration, as he sounded like a frat boy, but he grew on me as I kept on listening, and his stories were factual and amusing. His commentary was silly and fun. Not for everyone, but I didn't mind it. He's also fun to follow on Instagram!
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