"Hello," Lied the Agent
And Other Bullshit You Hear as a Hollywood TV Writer
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Narrated by:
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Ian Gurvitz
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By:
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Ian Gurvitz
About this listen
As prevalent as TV is in our lives, most of us have no concept of what goes into creating a show, getting it on the air, and keeping it on. Perhaps we assume that the people in charge simply decide what amuses them at the moment, make those shows, stick them on, and wait to see if the public responds. Or maybe they just throw darts at a board?
The truth, as with most things, is more complicated. In "Hello," Lied the Agent, Ian Gurvitz has produced a corrosively funny insider's look at what being a television writer is really all about. In his personal journal, he details two years in the life of a Hollywood television writer—the dizzying ups and downs, the rewrites, the executives, the pitch meetings, the table readings, the studios and networks and execs in a riveting expose of the business.
"It occurred to me that keeping a journal while I was going through the development process might illuminate a side of the business few people get to see, and give them a behind the scenes (God, I hate that overused ET phrase) look at the day-to-day experience of being a writer in Hollywood. OK, that's partly bullshit. I'm not that altruistic. The truth is, after 20 years in the trenches, I found myself bitching about many aspects of the business and needed an outlet, which left either writing a book, doing stand up, seeing my shrink more often or suffering in silence. But since I don't have the balls to try stand-up, there's no reason to waste a shrink visit bitching about the business when I've got more seriously f***ed-up issues to deal with, and there's no money in suffering in silence—that left book. Here it is...."
©2006 Ian Gurvitz (P)2009 PhoenixListeners also enjoyed...
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Few television shows revolutionized comedy as profoundly or have had such an enormous and continued impact on our culture as In Living Color. Inspired by Richard Pryor, Carol Burnett, and Eddie Murphy, Keenen Ivory Wayans created a television series unlike any that had come before it. In Living Color shaped American culture in ways both seen and unseen. Now, Homey Don't Play That! reveals the complete, captivating story of how In Living Color overcame enormous odds to become a major, zeitgeist-seizing hit.
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Wow, that sucked......
- By Just W on 10-11-18
By: David Peisner
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Starmaker
- Life as a Hollywood Publicist with Farrah, The Rat Pack, & 600 More Stars Who Fired Me
- By: Jay Bernstein
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 12 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Revealingly candid, this Hollywood memoir is the story of Jay Bernstein, an entertainment industry fixture who helped launch and sustain the careers of many celebrities including Farrah Fawcett and Suzanne Somers. From his childhood in Oklahoma City and his first job in a Hollywood mail room to the ownership of his own public relations firm and his work as a television producer, Bernstein’s life is chronicled in his own words.
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Very Entertaining
- By patrick on 09-27-15
By: Jay Bernstein
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Robert Altman
- The Oral Biography
- By: Mitchell Zuckoff
- Narrated by: Robert Altman, Warren Beatty, Cher, and others
- Length: 18 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Robert Altman - visionary director, hard-partying hedonist, eccentric family man, Hollywood legend - comes roaring to life in this rollicking cinematic biography, told in a chorus of voices that can only be called Altmanesque.
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Enthralling!
- By Wise & Careful Shopper on 10-17-10
By: Mitchell Zuckoff
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The View from the Bridge
- Memories of Star Trek and a Life in Hollywood
- By: Nicholas Meyer
- Narrated by: Nicholas Meyer
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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When Nicholas Meyer was asked to direct the troubled second Star Trek film, he was something less than a true believer. A best-selling author and successful director, he had never been a fan of the TV series. But as he began to ponder the appeal of Kirk, Spock, et al., he realized that their story was a classical nautical adventure yarn transplanted into space and - armed with that insight - set out on his mission: to revitalize Trek.
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Mostly good
- By David W Braddock on 06-07-21
By: Nicholas Meyer
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How to Save a Life
- The Inside Story of Grey’s Anatomy
- By: Lynette Rice
- Narrated by: Kate Mulligan
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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More than 15 years after its premiere, Grey’s Anatomy remains one of the most beloved dramas on television and ABC’s most important property. It typically wins its time slot and has ranked in the top 20 most watched shows in primetime for most of its 17-season run. It currently averages more than nine million viewers each week. How to Save a Life takes a totally unauthorized deep dive into the show’s humble start, while offering exclusive intel on the behind-the-scenes culture, the most heartbreaking departures, and the more polarizing plotlines.
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Perfect for fans
- By Pink Amy on 09-23-21
By: Lynette Rice
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Confessions of a Puppetmaster
- A Hollywood Memoir of Ghouls, Guts, and Gonzo Filmmaking
- By: Charles Band, Adam Felber
- Narrated by: Charles Band, Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Zombies, aliens, a little skin, lots of gore - and even more laughs - the cinematic universe of Charles Band is legendary. From the toilet-invading creatures of Ghoulies to the time-travelling bounty hunter in Trancers to the pandemic-crashed Corona Zombies, Band has spent four decades giving B-movie lovers exactly what they love. In Confessions of a Puppetmaster, this congenial master of Grindhouse cinema tells his own story, uncut.
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Great story and narration
- By Jerry on 08-21-23
By: Charles Band, and others
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Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted
- And All the Brilliant Minds Who Made the Mary Tyler Moore Show a Classic
- By: Jennifer Armstrong
- Narrated by: Amy Landon
- Length: 11 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Mary Tyler Moore made her name as Dick Van Dyke's wife on the eponymous show; she was a cute, unassuming housewife that audiences loved. But when screenwriters James Brooks and Allan Burnes dreamed up an edgy show about a divorced woman with a career, network executives replied: "Americans won't watch television about New York City, divorcées, men with mustaches, or Jews." But Moore and her team were committed, and when the show finally aired, in spite of tepid reviews, fans loved it.
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An Interesting Story That Never Quite Gets Told
- By S. Blythe on 07-26-13
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The Improv
- An Oral History of the Comedy Club That Revolutionized Stand-Up
- By: Budd Friedman, Tripp Whetsell, Jay Leno - foreword
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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In 1963, 30-year-old Friedman - who had recently quit his job as a Boston advertising executive and returned to his hometown of New York to become a theatrical producer - opened a coffee house for Broadway performers called the Improvisation. His goal? Simply to make a living, and if all went according to plan, to also make enough professional contacts to be able to mount his first Broadway show within a year's time. Later shortened to the Improv, its first West 44th Street location was in a seedy section of Manhattan's Hell's Kitchen.
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Shockingly tone deaf
- By JenniferW on 06-28-23
By: Budd Friedman, and others
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Best. Movie. Year. Ever.
- How 1999 Blew Up the Big Screen
- By: Brian Raftery
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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From a veteran culture writer and modern movie expert, a celebration and analysis of the movies of 1999 - arguably the most groundbreaking year in American cinematic history.
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Like talking about movies with a friend
- By Shawn Inmon on 05-30-19
By: Brian Raftery
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Stories I Only Tell My Friends
- An Autobiography
- By: Rob Lowe
- Narrated by: Rob Lowe
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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A teen idol at 15, an international icon and founder of the Brat Pack at 20, and one of Hollywood's top stars to this day, Rob Lowe chronicles his experiences. Never mean-spirited or salacious, Lowe delivers unexpected glimpses into his successes, disappointments, relationships, and one-of-a-kind encounters with people who shaped our world over the last 25 years. These stories are as entertaining as they are unforgettable.
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Great Book and Great Story
- By Natalie J. Belle MD on 04-30-11
By: Rob Lowe
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Pictures at a Revolution
- Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood
- By: Mark Harris
- Narrated by: Lloyd James
- Length: 17 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Here is the epic human drama behind the making of the five movies nominated for Best Picture in 1967 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, The Graduate, In the Heat of the Night, Doctor Dolittle, and Bonnie and Clyde - and through them, the larger story of the cultural revolution that transformed Hollywood and America forever.
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Would It Be Too Much To Ask?
- By Casey Keller on 12-31-08
By: Mark Harris
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Talking to Canadians
- A Memoir
- By: Rick Mercer
- Narrated by: Rick Mercer
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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What is Rick Mercer going to do now? That was the question on everyone's lips when the beloved comedian retired his hugely successful TV show after 15 seasons - and at the peak of its popularity. The answer came not long after, when he roared back in a new role as stand-up-comedian, playing to sold-out houses wherever he appeared. And then COVID-19 struck. And his legions of fans began asking again: What is Rick Mercer going to do now? Well, for one thing, he's been writing a comic masterpiece.
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Mercer Killed and He Will Kill Again
- By Quinn M on 11-28-22
By: Rick Mercer
What listeners say about "Hello," Lied the Agent
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- A A
- 09-17-09
Interesting
Some might be a tad off put by the delivery of the author's narration; for example, the swearing and bitterness.
However, I enjoyed it and took it as who he was: a comedy writer who had some success in the industry (he wrote for Wings and Becker) and many failures and knows what it's like to be both screwed and fought over by networks.
Ian discusses what it was like writing and selling scripts; having to please network executives while maintaining his original story (and sanity) without sugar coating a thing.
He gives a few tips, and those interested in pursuing writing comedy scripts (or any sort of script) should find his honesty helpful.
I'm just a fan of how things are in television "behind the scenes", so I found it quite enjoyable.
The only issue I did have was how he read the work: not every author will make for a great narrator and he isn't the best...he does sound like he is reading his work in an unnatural fashion, which can be distracting. It sounds like he's just looking at the page and reading it without thinking too much about what he's saying.
Overall, I enjoyed the audiobook, but it's not for everyone.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Jill
- 06-11-12
Cynical but Amusing
Would you listen to 'Hello', Lied the Agent again? Why?
Yes, I probably will. I'm interested in the television industry and he gave a very detailed account of what it's like to try to get a show (or 5) on the air. It was a unique insight you don't often find, especially since most books are written by people who got lucky and succeeded. This was a more average, win some/lose some perspective.
What was one of the most memorable moments of 'Hello', Lied the Agent?
At one point, he was saving the empty water bottle from every meeting he had and throwing it on the passenger side floor of his car. That visual sticks with me. He thought if he could just have a few more meetings, he could make his living on bottle deposits.
Which character – as performed by Ian Gurvitz – was your favorite?
It was a memoir, so...
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
It made me laugh often. It was a little too dark and depressing at times, but did not make me cry.
Any additional comments?
There were a few slow points, some times when I got tired of his voice, or when it got too cynical. But overall it was funny and worth listening.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
- Maggie B.
- 09-19-10
Fascinating process
The book was very interesting, but what an angry guy! His style is very New Yorker "in your face" and living in L.A. hasn't mellowed him any. Never knew so much went into the development of T.V. If you ever thought you had a great idea for a tv show, hear this book and you'll think twice.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Gudrun
- 11-06-17
This was not very interesting
I kept waiting for something to happen or an interesting anecdote, but the whole book was one big complaint. It sounded like he was reading from his dairy rather than a dairy entry that he had adapted and embellished for this book.
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- Scott J.
- 01-08-13
Cynical, anonymous, and boring
What disappointed you about 'Hello', Lied the Agent?
I understand how cynicism pervades the TV industry with its rampant rejection and random decision making, and I get why the author needs to refer to "a certain well-known actor" on a "popular network sitcom" rather than give the actual names . . . but what is his excuse for being boring?
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1 person found this helpful
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- manaf
- 06-19-12
not worth your time
This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
i cant think of one
What do you think your next listen will be?
i already have 8 books in a row , ideas that changed the world is my next
Did Ian Gurvitz do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?
no
You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?
well shows the real strugge of a writer to get something achieved in tv land
Any additional comments?
no
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- Brent Paxton
- 03-02-21
Must Read for new TV writers
Things have changed since the writing of this book. However, it's very insightful into the process even if it's changed quite a bit since 2006. It's a fun listen. It's a hilarious peak into the life of a TV writer with a development deal. Anyone complaining about this book is likely missing the brilliance of the reader or not in the business at all.
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Overall
- Steve
- 03-06-11
Loved it!
I have listened to this book several times now, and enjoyed it each time. What really made it fun to listen to was the author reading his book with unashamed passion. His opinions and approach to the television industry made me laugh several times outloud, and anyone who ever thought it was easy to enter and work in the TV industry needs to listen to Ian's book. Well worth the credit!
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2 people found this helpful
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- DS
- 11-05-12
IT'S ALL TRUE
After 25 years in Hollywood, albeit married to a TV writer so somewhat removed from the carnage, this is exactly the way it is. The making of TV shows, like legislation and sausage, is revolting and normal folks shouldn't watch too closely. Wannabee TV writers beware. The usual advice to aspiring actors, writers, directors, producers, etc is "If you can do something else, anything else, do it", and it's true. All the successful actors, writers, directors, producers, etc, that I ever met, couldn't possibly be happy, or competent, doing anything else. All you wannabee's, think about pursuing Plan B.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jae Williams
- 05-08-15
Not good
Probably the worst book I ever paid for. It was suppose to be about television writing & all you get is his opinions on God, politics, etc....
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