Preview
  • I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself

  • A Novel
  • By: Marisa Crane
  • Narrated by: Bailey Carr
  • Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
  • 3.9 out of 5 stars (108 ratings)

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I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself

By: Marisa Crane
Narrated by: Bailey Carr
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Publisher's summary

Dept. of Speculation meets Black Mirror in this lyrical, speculative debut about a queer mother raising her daughter in an unjust surveillance state

In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.

Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.

With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.

©2023 Marisa Crane (P)2023 Blackstone Publishing
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: LGBTQ+
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Critic reviews

Indie Next Recommendation

Independent Book Review Pick

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Editorial Review

Your past follows you
The premise alone of this debut novel sets my nerves on fire: a society where those who have committed crimes are sentenced to a second shadow—a looming reminder of their misdeeds. Marisa Crane’s poetic prose is sharp and sardonic, and it elevates this dystopian vision into a meditation on grief, parenthood, queerness, and justice. As a new(ish) parent who could not have survived those first few months without a partner, I was shaken; as a person living in an always-connected world, I was terrified; and as a listener, I was captivated. —Sam D., Audible Editor

What listeners say about I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself

Average customer ratings
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    3 out of 5 stars

Beautiful but not heavy on plot

Beautiful and nuanced work filled with emotion, just not as plot driven as I was expecting. I feel like the dystopian nature of the story was such a small focus- which is fine, but it moved at a much slower clip than I anticipated. This was much more of a inner dialogue about grief and healing. If that’s what you’re looking for, this book is a great choice.

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7 people found this helpful

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Beautifully devastating

And devastatingly beautiful. Shadesters or No-Shads, society finds another way to other itself. Still, enclaves of those on the lowest rungs find a way to thrive and to love.

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4 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Joyful, heartbreaking, funny, and deeply poignant

This is an outstanding novel which has left an imprint on me. I hope it reaches the masses and all can learn something personal and societal from it.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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Dystopian tale of facing dark times, while raising a child

Definitely more for the reader of dystopian novels than regular ones. I was curious to see what the author would do with her world where people are unfairly saddled with shadows that live with them and surveillance for minor offenses. Also deals with grief and finally moving on. Has SM practices in the sexuality of the lesbian main character. Interesting read.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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WOW!

This book is so beautifully written! What an emotional rollercoaster. Definitely become one of my favorites.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

An immersive inner narrative

Crane does an excellent job of creating a very intimate view of grief and resilience in queer motherhood.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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A must Read

Devastatingly Beautiful! The Author holds your hand as you move through grief, loss, fear, and helplessness until you can’t handle it anymore and then shows you the beauty of what people are capable of overcoming. No matter how dark things get…

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3 people found this helpful

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As if parenting wasn’t hard enough

Parenting through loss, grief, societal pressures, complicated relationships, constant scrutiny… beautifully written and engaging, definitely recommended!

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3 people found this helpful

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I think this should be labeled as erotica.

Great story!
But the sex stuff just seemed gratuitous. There's about ten to twenty minutes throughout of pretty graphic stuff that didn't add much to the narrative, I got the point after the first few minutes.
To be completely honest the most jarring point is when the narrator tenderly and lovingly uses the c word. I've never heard it used in anything but negative ways, and its not a gentle sounding word so that caught me off guard.
Its a deep and moving story that I'm glad I listened to and I think I actually got it!

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Poetic and helpful!

I loved this book. You watch Kris learn to raise a child on her own in a fascist dystopian world, while dealing with grief. I love that this book is all inclusive and it just permeates love.

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4 people found this helpful