If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?
Misadventures in Hunting, Fishing, and the Wilds of Suburbia
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Narrated by:
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Ian Patrick Williams
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By:
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Bill Heavey
About this listen
Whether he is accidentally cooking his brain with hand warmers or yanking his lure away from a trophy fish just before it takes the bait, Bill Heavey can do no right. For almost a decade, he has chronicled his incompetence on the back page of Field & Stream, where his hilarious dispatches about life as a hapless outdoorsman who lives in suburbia have earned him legions of fans.
But Heavey is more than a humorist. The stories in this book range from amusing tales of a modern dad struggling to navigate the finer points of parenting and married life to longer and more serious narratives that involve travel, adventure, and tragedy. No matter what he's writing about, Heavey is a master of blending humor and pathos - and wide-ranging outdoor enthusiasms - into a poignant and potent stew.
©2007 Bill Heavey. Foreword copyright 2007 by David E. Petzal. Originally published by arrangement with Field & Stream magazine,in which the book’s pieces originally appeared. Recorded by arrangement with Grove Atlantic, Inc. (P)2014 Audible Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Father Water, Mother Woods
- Essays on Fishing and Hunting in the North Woods
- By: Gary Paulsen
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 3 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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These essays recount his adventures alone and with friends, taking listeners through the seasons. In Paulsen’s north country, every expedition is a major one, and often hilarious. Once again Gary Paulsen demonstrates why he is one of America’s most beloved writers, for he shows us fishing and hunting as pleasure, as art, as companionship, and as source of life’s deepest lessons.
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So True
- By J. C. Howard on 04-29-15
By: Gary Paulsen
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Just Passin' Thru
- A Vintage Store, the Appalachian Trail, and a Cast of Unforgettable Characters
- By: Winton Porter
- Narrated by: Jones Allen
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a well-crafted stage play, Just Passin' Thru delivers one suspenseful scene after another. But in this historic setting a store on the Appalachian Trail called Mountain Crossings the characters who show up are no fictional creations. Like any good drama, there are the good guys (and gals) and the weirdos, too. Some show up once (and that’s enough), and some appear again and again. But all are united by two things: the author’s story-capturing talent, and whatever it is that lures them to attempt (or conquer) a 2,200-mile path that climbs and plummets from Georgia to Maine.
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Well Worth it!
- By Pamela M. on 11-13-14
By: Winton Porter
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A Hunter's Fireside Book
- Tales of Dogs, Ducks, Birds, & Guns
- By: Gene Hill
- Narrated by: Ray Childs
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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The legendary American outdoor writer’s finest collection. For decades, Gene Hill’s articles and books have captured the spirit of the outdoors in a way that inspires and entertains millions of readers. A Hunter’s Fireside Book captures the essence of the life of a sportsman and explores the full spectrum of the hunter’s experience: sunrises in the duck blind, an unforgettable hunter’s moon, the camaraderie of men who know the pleasures of being wet and cold and a little bit lost.
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Beyond acquiring meat, this is why we go afield
- By Ray C on 02-28-20
By: Gene Hill
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Once Upon a River
- By: Bonnie Jo Campbell
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 11 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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A finalist for the National Book Award and the National Book Critics Circle Award, Bonnie Jo Campbell is a rising star in contemporary fiction. Hailed by Booklist as a female Huckleberry Finn, Campbell’s heroine is 16yearold Margo Crane. Complicit in her father’s death, Margo flees home for the Stark River. And as she follows the current, she learns the ways of the world from the eccentric characters she meets.
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Great Narrator - Horrific story
- By J. Kromrie on 11-04-20
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Astream
- American Writers on Fly Fishing
- By: Robert DeMott - editor
- Narrated by: Brian Morris
- Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Jim Harrison, Pam Houston, Ted Leeson, Nick Lyons, Thomas McGuane, and more, share stories of fly fishing and life on the river. This marvelous collection features stories from some of America’s finest and most respected writers about one of the world’s most solitary and satisfying sports: fly fishing. For the first time, the stories of thirty-one acclaimed writers including Kim Barnes, Walter Bennett, Russell Chatham, Guy de la Valdne, Robert DeMott, Chris Dombrowski, Ron Ellis, Jim Fergus, Kate Fox, Charles Gaines, Bruce Guernsey, Jim Harrison, Pam Houston, Michael Keaton, Greg Keeler, Sydney Lea, Ted Leeson, Nick Lyons, Craig Mathews, Thomas McGuane, Joseph Monninger, Howard Frank Mosher, Jake Mosher, Craig Nova, Margot Page, Datus Proper, Le Anne Schreiber, Paul Schullery, W. D. Wetherell, and Robert Wrigley come together in one collection. Fly fishers and non-fly fishers alike will recognize in these poignant tales the universal aspects of the appreciation of nature, the necessity of conservation, and the joy and knowledge that come from time spent on fresh and salt water. This is a delightful, handsome volume that captures the allure and spirit of fly fishing and those that love it.
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Flowery nonsense
- By 964a5 on 05-10-13
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Wildlife Wars
- The Life and Times of a Fish and Game Warden
- By: Terry Grosz
- Narrated by: Pete Simonelli
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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In Wildlife Wars, Terry Grosz serves up fascinating stories - alternately hair-raising, hilarious, and heart-wrenching - from his 30-year struggle to protect wildlife in America. A natural storyteller, Grosz writes about the remarkable characters he met - on both sides of the law - as he matched wits with elk poachers, salmon snaggers, commercial-market duck hunters, and a host of other law-breakers. Best of all, though, these stories are so remarkably entertaining you won't want to put them down.
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Title should be: "reckless egomaniac tells lies"
- By ross on 03-01-17
By: Terry Grosz
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The Source of All Things
- A Memoir
- By: Tracy Ross
- Narrated by: Tracy Ross
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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A loving and devoted step-father, Donnie introduced Tracy Ross's family to the joys of fishing, deer hunting, camping, and hiking among the pristine mountains of rural Idaho. Donnie was everything Tracy dreamed a dad would be: protective, brave, and kind. But when his dependence on his eight-year-old daughter's companionship went too far, everything changed.
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Brave Woman
- By Ray Stewart on 06-23-24
By: Tracy Ross
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All Fishermen Are Liars
- By: John Gierach
- Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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In All Fishermen Are Liars, Gierach travels around North America seeking out quintessential fishing experiences, whether it's at a busy stream or a secluded lake hidden amid snow-capped mountains. He talks about the art of fly-tying and the quest for the perfect steelhead fly ("The Nuclear Option"), about fishing in the Presidential Pools previously fished by the elder George Bush, and the importance of traveling with like-minded companions when caught in a soaking rain.
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One Of My Favorite Authors!!!
- By Travis on 03-31-18
By: John Gierach
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Afield
- American Writers on Bird Dogs
- By: David Smith - editor, Robert Demott - editor
- Narrated by: Bryan Brendle
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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This marvelous collection features stories from some of America’s finest and most respected writers about every outdoorsman’s favorite and most loyal hunting partner: his dog. For the first time, the stories of acclaimed writers such as Richard Ford, Tom Brokaw, Howell Raines, Rick Bass, Sydney Lea, Jim Harrison, Tom McGuane, Phil Caputo, and Chris Camuto come together in one collection. Hunters and non-hunters alike will recognize in these poignant tales the universal aspects of owning dogs.
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Great stories. Poor performance.
- By Paul on 12-09-17
By: David Smith - editor, and others
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Should the Tent Be Burning Like That?
- A Professional Amateur's Guide to the Outdoors
- By: Bill Heavey
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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For more than 20 years, Heavey has staked a claim as one of America's best sportsmen writers. In feature stories and his Field & Stream column A Sportsman's Life, he has taken audiences across the country and beyond to experience his triumphs and failures as a suburban dad who happens to love hunting and fishing. This new collection gathers together a wide range of his best work - tales that are odes to the notion that enthusiasm is more important than skill and testaments to the enduring power of the natural world.
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one of the best storytellers of all time!
- By Adam on 12-16-17
By: Bill Heavey
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It's Only Slow Food Until You Try to Eat It
- Misadventures of a Suburban Hunter-Gatherer
- By: Bill Heavey
- Narrated by: Bill Heavey
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
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A longtime contributor to Field and Stream, Bill Heavey knew more than a little about hunting and fishing when he embarked on an ambitious project a few years ago to see how far he could get eating wild. But Heavey knew next to nothing about gardening or foraging, and he lives in northern Virginia, close to Washington, D.C. The rural wilds, this was not. Is it any surprise that his tasty triumphs were equaled by his hilarious misadventures?
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Not what I thought, but still loved it.
- By Austin Kelley on 12-08-16
By: Bill Heavey
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How I Got This Way
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Grab your fishing net and hold onto your funny-bone; you're in for a hilarious romp through the woods with best-selling funnyman Patrick McManus. How I Got This Way is a rib-tickling collection of stories about the outdoors guaranteed to leave you chuckling. Join McManus and his pals on a venture into the Idaho wilderness that includes taking a hike with - ahem - the president of the United States.
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Mark Twain meets Bertie Wooster
- By Snoodely on 07-22-12
By: Patrick McManus
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The Best Hunting Stories Ever Told
- By: Jay Cassell - editor
- Narrated by: Jason Culp
- Length: 32 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Follow the trails of hunters - the original storytellers - as they interpret signs, examine tracks, and chase and catch their prey (or fail to). Listeners can curl up with the best authentic hunting fiction and non-fiction, bringing the great Mount Kenya and the prairies of the American Bison into your living room. From Theodore Roosevelt and Gene Hill to Rick Bass and Charles Dickens, remember classic hunting tales and discover new stories of hunters’ luck, camaraderie, and use of smarts on the trail.
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A broad collection of hunting tales
- By Elaine on 06-21-15
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The Grasshopper Trap
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Often compared to Garrison Keillor and Mark Twain, Patrick F. McManus maintains just the right balance between baffled innocence and conspiratorial confidence. Since 1979, this humorist has been delighting readers with hilarious stories recounting his childhood in rural Idaho and relating his misadventures in the great outdoors. Whether you're a sportsman or a couch potato, he will have you laughing out loud at his escapades.
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Classic Pat McManus
- By Elizabeth on 06-13-17
By: Patrick McManus
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The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Patrick McManus, author of How I Got This Way and one of America's favorite humorists, is an impish commentator on the obvious and not so obvious absurdities of modern life. His national best seller, The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw, is a collection of hilarious short pieces about fishing, its exotic equipment, and activities like "gunkholing". You will learn, for example, that the best way to learn to fish is to build an addition to your house first.
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slow, monotone country reader
- By Laura on 06-28-16
By: Patrick McManus
-
Should the Tent Be Burning Like That?
- A Professional Amateur's Guide to the Outdoors
- By: Bill Heavey
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For more than 20 years, Heavey has staked a claim as one of America's best sportsmen writers. In feature stories and his Field & Stream column A Sportsman's Life, he has taken audiences across the country and beyond to experience his triumphs and failures as a suburban dad who happens to love hunting and fishing. This new collection gathers together a wide range of his best work - tales that are odes to the notion that enthusiasm is more important than skill and testaments to the enduring power of the natural world.
-
-
one of the best storytellers of all time!
- By Adam on 12-16-17
By: Bill Heavey
-
It's Only Slow Food Until You Try to Eat It
- Misadventures of a Suburban Hunter-Gatherer
- By: Bill Heavey
- Narrated by: Bill Heavey
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A longtime contributor to Field and Stream, Bill Heavey knew more than a little about hunting and fishing when he embarked on an ambitious project a few years ago to see how far he could get eating wild. But Heavey knew next to nothing about gardening or foraging, and he lives in northern Virginia, close to Washington, D.C. The rural wilds, this was not. Is it any surprise that his tasty triumphs were equaled by his hilarious misadventures?
-
-
Not what I thought, but still loved it.
- By Austin Kelley on 12-08-16
By: Bill Heavey
-
How I Got This Way
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Grab your fishing net and hold onto your funny-bone; you're in for a hilarious romp through the woods with best-selling funnyman Patrick McManus. How I Got This Way is a rib-tickling collection of stories about the outdoors guaranteed to leave you chuckling. Join McManus and his pals on a venture into the Idaho wilderness that includes taking a hike with - ahem - the president of the United States.
-
-
Mark Twain meets Bertie Wooster
- By Snoodely on 07-22-12
By: Patrick McManus
-
The Best Hunting Stories Ever Told
- By: Jay Cassell - editor
- Narrated by: Jason Culp
- Length: 32 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Follow the trails of hunters - the original storytellers - as they interpret signs, examine tracks, and chase and catch their prey (or fail to). Listeners can curl up with the best authentic hunting fiction and non-fiction, bringing the great Mount Kenya and the prairies of the American Bison into your living room. From Theodore Roosevelt and Gene Hill to Rick Bass and Charles Dickens, remember classic hunting tales and discover new stories of hunters’ luck, camaraderie, and use of smarts on the trail.
-
-
A broad collection of hunting tales
- By Elaine on 06-21-15
-
The Grasshopper Trap
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Often compared to Garrison Keillor and Mark Twain, Patrick F. McManus maintains just the right balance between baffled innocence and conspiratorial confidence. Since 1979, this humorist has been delighting readers with hilarious stories recounting his childhood in rural Idaho and relating his misadventures in the great outdoors. Whether you're a sportsman or a couch potato, he will have you laughing out loud at his escapades.
-
-
Classic Pat McManus
- By Elizabeth on 06-13-17
By: Patrick McManus
-
The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Patrick McManus, author of How I Got This Way and one of America's favorite humorists, is an impish commentator on the obvious and not so obvious absurdities of modern life. His national best seller, The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw, is a collection of hilarious short pieces about fishing, its exotic equipment, and activities like "gunkholing". You will learn, for example, that the best way to learn to fish is to build an addition to your house first.
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slow, monotone country reader
- By Laura on 06-28-16
By: Patrick McManus
What listeners say about If You Didn't Bring Jerky, What Did I Just Eat?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Austin
- 09-24-20
Beware the twist
the only reason I didnt finish the book in one sitting is that the author has this tendency to go from belly laughs, and pensive passages, to topics that hit home a little bit harder. I am facing my father's slow death, and I found that this book drew out emotions that I have been avoiding.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Roseclan
- 04-02-17
Funny because you can relate!
If you have ever hunted or fished in your life, you can relate to his stories. He is funny because he always pokes fun at himself.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Kelmare
- 10-13-15
A great story ruined by AWFUL mouth sounds
This book has wonderfully amusing and heart touching stories of hunting, but the worst mouth/tongue popping/smacking I've ever have ever forced myself to listen to. the reader if very engaging, but editing & sounds dropped the ball TERRIBLY!!!!
VERY DISAPPOINTED, but only with the performance!!!!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Matthew
- 10-18-22
The legendary Bill Heavey
I had heard Bill Heavey mentioned on meat eater podcast so when I came across the audiobook I jumped at it. It was a million times better than I thought it would be. Funny, heartfelt and reminds you why we hunt. Can’t wait to listen to more. Makes my work days fly by.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Charlie
- 01-04-23
interesting, humorous
I'm not a hunter and havent fished since i was a teen, but surprisingly there's something about these stories that has captivated me, with an occasional chuckle or belly laugh. Give this author a try!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Bo
- 09-12-17
Hilarious
This book had me laughin'
This is something every outdoorsman can relate to. we've all been in these funny situations
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- motomike27
- 01-25-16
Laugh out loud until you cry
A forever keeper. Top shelf all the way. A true classic with tales every hunter can appreciate.
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- Jacob
- 07-18-21
Emotional rollercoaster
I laughed and cried this man is pretty relatable. Also this narrator has a amazing voice.
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- Tyler N.
- 08-02-20
good listen
if you're looking for a good laugh and maybe a tear jurker as well this is a good one to grab.
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- W. Larson
- 08-05-21
W. Larson
This is the funniest book I have read in a long time. Made a fool of my self driving and laughing with no one else in the car. Not the cornball humor you read on the back page of most outdoor magazines. Great wit and sarcasm. I think most sportsman can relate to some of the stories. I can. Candid stories about loss and family will stay with me for awhile. Great read and perfectly narrated. Top 5 book for me.
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1 person found this helpful