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Killing Myself
- Narrated by: Angela Ohlfest
- Length: 2 hrs and 50 mins
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Publisher's summary
You don't want to judge this book by its title, but if you must...
Ask yourself one question.
Is there hope for a way back from despair?
“I have been trying to figure out what it all means. Have you ever felt that this life we live is monotonous?”
“Before I answer you. Can you explain why you feel that way? Just give me a little more to go on.”
“I wake up every day to the same old song and dance. After breakfast, I spend two hours looking at numbers on a screen that say I am worth so much. I go and play a round or two of tennis. Well, I slug through it; I’m supposed to keep moving. Then lunchtime approaches. Oh, what to have for lunch? But really, it is the same old choices. And then the long wait for the evening to come. In the meantime, I try to occupy my time at the racetrack. Evening comes and dinner, then some reading until I fall asleep. Wake up and do it all over again. Like I said, monotony.”
I did not always feel this way.
Life used to be full of surprises.
I do not know what happened or what changed.
“It seems like forever, but in actuality, it has been a year. About the same time that I lost complete control of this cage called a body.”
“I want to make sure I have captured the essence of why you no longer want to live. You have expressed that life is a monotonous routine of events. That you no longer want to participate in. Also, your body seems to be enduring some sort of medical condition. That leaves you feeling lethargic and trapped.”
“That is the simplified version, and do not forget to add that there is no cure, according to those who have examined me. Although some believe that it is just in my mind. I hope that that is not what you were referring to, when you said it may be in my brain. 'Cause this is more than a mental thing.”
“No, that is not what I meant at all. I believe your brain may be sending faulty signals to your body. It may be short-circuiting. Like a bad fuse or circuit breaker in the electric panel.”
“Brownouts, thanks for the clarification. That is different, I think.”
“In my years as a psychiatrist and therapist, I have discovered that there are multiple reasons why a patient does not behave normal. One being—”
I cut Doctor Snow off like pausing a movie.
“Chemical imbalance, been there, done that. I was on a steady diet of antidepressants. They supposedly were to increase the levels of serotonin, yada yada.”
“Okay, how about electrotherapy?”
“Shock therapy, you are kidding?”
“Why a psychiatrist and not a rocket scientist?”
“The brain in a way is more complex, and space seems so unattainable. Sure, we can send rockets into outer space, but once we get there, you are so limited. And living in such a tiny living space would cramp my style.”
“So, what was so dark about your choice?”
“I do not normally tell this to my patients, but since you and I have shared human subjugation by an unopposed force…something few will ever experience and survive to talk about.” Suzanne took a breath, as if to reminisce about our recent ordeal.
“Sounds like you are preparing to drop a bomb on me.”
“When I was 11, almost 12, I experienced a horrible transition through puberty. I felt as though life had given me a raw deal. I also had a friend and we would feed off each other’s misery. Eventually this led to us making a horrible decision that haunts me to this day.” She stopped.
“You just keep on giving, don’t cha."
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- Narrated by: Chris Ensweiler
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Richard Kilmer is head over heels in love with Jennifer Ryan, who takes him home to meet her parents, where she accepts his marriage proposal. While visiting, they set out on a nostalgic drive up to Kendrick Falls. On their way, a freak storm rolls in, Richard loses control of his car, and it rolls. When the storm clears in a matter of seconds, Jen is gone. Richard can't find her, and neither can the police who respond to the scene.
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Not enough dogs!
- By Rowan Mangan on 09-18-11
By: David Rosenfelt
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Mind Dimensions, Books 0, 1, & 2
- By: Dima Zales
- Narrated by: Roberto Scarlato, Laura Jennings
- Length: 15 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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The first three books in the Mind Dimensions series from a New York Times and USA Today best-selling author.... Darren's had it easy his whole life. Finishing Harvard at 18 and landing a lucrative job on Wall Street at 21 - all things are possible when you can cheat by stepping outside of time. Thanks to his ability, he's a know-it-all, but what he doesn't know is how he's able to do what he does. That's until he meets Mira and discovers her dangerous, hidden world.
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You will believe the unbelievable with this amaxibg sci fi story
- By Lokisgirl80 on 08-14-16
By: Dima Zales
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The Vow
- The True Events that Inspired the Movie
- By: Kim Carpenter, Krickitt Carpenter, Dana Wilkerson
- Narrated by: John McLain
- Length: 4 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Life as Kim and Krickitt Carpenter knew it was shattered beyond recognition two months after their marriage when a devastating car wreck left Krickitt with a massive head injury and in a coma for weeks. When she finally awoke, she had no idea who Kim was and no recollection of their relationship.
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pretty good
- By Kindle Customer on 06-18-12
By: Kim Carpenter, and others
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Blackout
- A Thriller
- By: David Rosenfelt
- Narrated by: Jeff Steitzer
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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New Jersey state police officer Doug Brock has been after infamous criminal Nicholas Bennett for years. When Bennett kills someone close to Doug, Doug's investigation - and his life - start spiraling out of control. He's placed on indefinite suspension from the police force and breaks things off with his fiancée, but he can't let the case go, and he continues an off-the-books investigation on his own.
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Underrated
- By Max on 04-28-16
By: David Rosenfelt
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Weekends at Bellevue
- By: Julie Holland MD
- Narrated by: Julie Holland MD
- Length: 10 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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His name was Joshua Silver. He was 23 years old, educated, and had an impressive vocabulary. The NYPD had found Joshua Silver naked in Times Square, barking like a dog. It was just another night for Julie Holland, the attending doctor in the world famous Bellevue Hospital's psychiatric emergency room.
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An Uneven Memoir
- By A. M. Dalessandro on 09-24-10
By: Julie Holland MD
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The Pawn
- By: Steven James
- Narrated by: Richard Ferrone
- Length: 13 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Steven James' Christy Award-nominated crime thriller pits FBI Special Agent Bowers against a serial killer who enjoys torturing women. After visiting the mountain vistas where the murderer posed his dead victims, Bowers receives a taunting call from the "Illusionist." Although Bowers gets close, his insidious foe continues to elude him.
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Entertaining Enough, But Don't Listen Too Closely
- By Bill on 08-29-12
By: Steven James
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The First Patient
- A Novel
- By: Michael Palmer
- Narrated by: Phil Gigante
- Length: 11 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Gabe Singleton and Andrew Stoddard were roommates at the Naval Academy in Annapolis years ago. Today, Gabe is a country doctor and his friend Andrew has gone from war hero to governor to President of the United States. One day, Marine One lands on Gabe's Wyoming ranch, and President Stoddard delivers a disturbing revelation and a startling request.
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Keep Your Political Views to Yourself
- By Donald Lopes on 05-27-08
By: Michael Palmer
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The Second Opinion
- By: Michael Palmer
- Narrated by: Franette Liebow
- Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Here, Michael Palmer has created a cat-and-mouse game where one woman must confront a conspiracy of doctors to uncover an evil practice that touches every single person who ever has a medical test. With unforgettable characters and twists and betrayals that come from the most unlikely places, The Second Opinion will keep you guessing...and looking over your shoulder.
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great story line; unnecessary love affair
- By Anonymous User on 05-26-09
By: Michael Palmer
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This Is Not Over
- A Novel
- By: Holly Brown
- Narrated by: Madeleine Maby, Donna Postel
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Two very different women with this in common: Each harbors her own secret, her own reason why she can't just let this go. Neither can yield, not before they've dredged up all that's hidden, even if it has the power to shatter all they've built.
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Pettiness Turn Twisted!
- By Jenn on 01-19-17
By: Holly Brown
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The Last Rescue
- How Faith and Love Saved a Navy SEAL Sniper
- By: Howard Wasdin
- Narrated by: Daniel Butler
- Length: 9 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The Last Rescue is an unforgettable tale of brokenness and healing, going deep into the firing line of modern warfare, through the agony of broken marriages, and onto a path of redemption and love. With a clear-eyed view of the inevitability of heartache and the power of God's faithfulness, Howard and Debbie remind us that no matter what our circumstances, we should never, ever, give up hope.
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Narrators
- By Trey Lewis on 03-27-15
By: Howard Wasdin
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Don't Leave Me This Way
- Or When I Get Back on My Feet You'll Be Sorry
- By: Julia Fox Garrison
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Julia Fox Garrison refused to listen to the professionals she called Dr. Jerk and Dr. Panic, who - after she suffered a massive, debilitating stroke at age thirty-seven - told her she’d probably die, or to Nurse Doom, who ignored her emergency call button. Instead she heeded the advice of kind, gifted Dr. Neuro, who promised her he would “treat your mind as well as your body.” Julia figured if she could somehow manage to get herself into a wheelchair, at least she’d always find parking. But after many, many months of hospitalization and rehab, Julia not only got into a wheelchair, but she got back out.
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Heroic Story
- By Pamela Harvey on 02-29-12
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Inside
- Bulletproof Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Brenda Novak
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe
- Length: 11 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Virgil Skinner served 14 years for a murder he didn’t commit. He’s finally been exonerated, but he can’t escape the gang he joined in order to survive. They’ll do anything to keep him from telling what he knows. And if they can’t get to Virgil, they’ll go after his sister and her kids. The California Department of Corrections needs someone to infiltrate another gang, one that’s taking control of the state’s most notorious supermax. Virgil’s the perfect candidate, and he’ll agree to do it under an alias - in exchange for his sister’s protection.
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Great Book
- By Donna Thomas on 10-18-11
By: Brenda Novak
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Snowblind
- By: Ragnar Jónasson, Quentin Bates - translator
- Narrated by: Will Damron
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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When a young woman is found lying half-naked in the snow, bleeding and unconscious, and a highly esteemed, elderly writer falls to his death in the local theater, Ari is dragged straight into the heart of a community where he can trust no one and secrets and lies are a way of life. Past plays tag with the present and the claustrophobic tension mounts as Ari is thrust ever deeper into his own darkness - blinded by snow and with a killer on the loose.
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Unexpected and different
- By green ice cream garden on 10-12-17
By: Ragnar Jónasson, and others
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Baltimore Blues
- Tess Monaghan, Book 1
- By: Laura Lippman
- Narrated by: Deborah Hazlett
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Unemployed at 29, Tess Monaghan is willing to take any freelance job to pay the rent—including a bit of unorthodox snooping for her rowing buddy, Darryl "Rock" Paxton. In a city where someone is murdered almost every day, attorney Michael Abramowitz's death should be just another statistic. But the slain lawyer's notoriety—and his noontime trysts with Rock's fiancée—make the case front page news...and point to Rock as the likely murderer. But trying to prove her friend's innocence could prove costly to Tess.
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I'm on #8 - This series is almost unique
- By connie on 02-19-12
By: Laura Lippman
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Faces of the Gone
- Carter Ross, Book 1
- By: Brad Parks
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Four bodies, each with a single bullet wound in the back of the head, stacked like cordwood in a weed-choked vacant lot: That's the front-page news facing Carter Ross, investigative reporter with the Newark Eagle-Examiner. Immediately dispatched to the scene, Carter learns that the four victims - an exotic dancer, a drug dealer, a hustler, and a mama's boy - came from different parts of the city and didn't seem to know one another.
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Wish Brad Parks were more prolific!!!!
- By shelley on 02-16-18
By: Brad Parks
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Trust Me
- By: Brenda Novak
- Narrated by: Allyson Johnson
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Skye Kellerman was attacked in her own bed. She managed to fend off her knife-wielding assailant, but the trauma changed everything about her life. As a result of that night, she joined two friends in starting an organization to help victims of crime.
But now...Her would-be rapist is getting out of prison. Skye knows that Dr. Oliver Burke hasn't forgotten that her testimony cost him his reputation - and his freedom.
Sacramento detective David Willis, who investigated her case, believes Burke is a clear and present danger - and guilty of at least two unsolved murders. And now Burke is free to terrorize Skye again. Unless David can stop him. Unless Skye can fight back.
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Good book, but...
- By Christina on 09-08-09
By: Brenda Novak
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It's a God Thing
- When Miracles Happen to Everyday People
- By: Don Jacobson
- Narrated by: Matt Baugher, Brooke Bryant, Nan Gurley, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Series creators Don Jacobson and K-LOVE Radio have joined together to produce one of the most remarkable collections of modern-day miracles ever compiled. From angel appearances in hospital rooms to a mother saved from a would-be assailant in Hyde Park, from a young autistic girl becoming a beautiful ballerina overnight to a young backpacker who walked away from a terrorist attack, It’s a God Thing presents some of the most amazing stories of God’s hand on our lives.
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What an absolute blessing
- By Anthea on 11-05-15
By: Don Jacobson
What listeners say about Killing Myself
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Cameron carter
- 02-05-23
Great book
It’s a great book outstanding dialogue 10/10 I would read it again it was great.
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- S. Washington
- 01-26-23
Worth the time
The title was killing me, curiosity killed the cat. Pun’s intended. I would like to know if anyone else was taken by the title, the long and short I came for the title and stayed for the story and narrator.
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Overall
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- Robin A Newman
- 12-20-23
Dark, disturbing with a glimpse of light. A powerful narrative for your psychosis.
When I started listening to this story I thought it was disturbing and too dark for me, but I couldn't put it down. I had to see where it was going. Every chapter left me with questions. This book is a powerful narrative for those who may be experiencing some form of psychosis which I think we all do. In the end still dark, disturbing, but with a glimpse of light. A powerful narrative for your psychosis.
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