Never Have Your Dog Stuffed
And Other Things I've Learned
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Narrated by:
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Alan Alda
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By:
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Alan Alda
About this listen
"My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six," begins Alda's irresistible story. The son of a popular actor and a loving but mentally ill mother, he spent his early childhood backstage in the erotic and comic world of burlesque and went on, after early struggles, to achieve extraordinary success in his profession.
Yet Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not a memoir of show-business ups and downs. It is a moving and funny story of a boy growing into a man who then realizes he has only just begun to grow.
It is the story of turning points in Alda's life, events that would make him what he is, if only he could survive them.
From the moment as a boy when his dead dog is returned from the taxidermist's shop with a hideous expression on his face, and he learns that death can't be undone, to the decades-long effort to find compassion for the mother he lived with but never knew, to his acceptance of his father, both personally and professionally, Alda learns the hard way that change, uncertainty, and transformation are what life is made of, and true happiness is found in embracing them.
Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, filled with curiosity about nature, good humor, and honesty, is the crowning achievement of an actor, author, and director, but surprisingly, it is the story of a life more filled with turbulence and laughter than any Alda has ever played on the stage or screen.
©2005 Alan Alda (P)2005 Random House, Inc. Random House Audio, a division of Random House, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Baby Boy Fisher was raised in institutions from the moment of his birth in prison to a single mother. He ultimately came to live with a foster family, where he endured near-constant verbal and physical abuse. In his midteens he escaped and enlisted in the navy, where he became a man of the world, raised by the family he created for himself. Finding Fish shows how, out of this unlikely mix of deprivation and hope, an artist was born.
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This book will not disappoint you.
- By Joseph on 10-16-16
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By Myself and Then Some
- By: Lauren Bacall
- Narrated by: Lauren Bacall
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Abridged
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The epitome of grace, independence, and wit, Lauren Bacall continues to astound generations with her audacious spirit and on-screen excellence. Together with Humphrey Bogart, she produced some of the most electric scenes in movie history, and their romance on and off screen made them Hollywood's most celebrated couple.
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Wish it had been unabridged
- By Grace on 04-28-14
By: Lauren Bacall
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Size Matters Not
- The Extraordinary Life and Career of Warwick Davis
- By: Warwick Davis
- Narrated by: Gideon Emery
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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You may not recognize my name-or my face for that matter-but it's very likely you've seen me at work. I've managed to cram quite a bit into my thirty-year acting career. In fact I've helped put more bums on cinema seats than Will Smith or Tom Hanks. Who else can say that they've helped destroy a Death Star? Defeated an evil sorceress? Taught magic to Harry Potter? Become a Jedi Master? Reluctantly hitchhiked across the galaxy in search of the answer to the Ultimate Question?
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Sincere and heart-warming
- By Alice on 10-04-15
By: Warwick Davis
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Bettyville
- By: George Hodgman
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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When George Hodgman leaves Manhattan for his hometown of Paris, Missouri, he finds himself - an unlikely caretaker and near-lethal cook - in a head-on collision with his aging mother, Betty, a woman of wit and will. Will George lure her into assisted living? When hell freezes over. He can't bring himself to force her from the home both treasure - the place where his father's voice lingers, the scene of shared jokes, skirmishes, and, behind the dusty antiques, a rarely acknowledged conflict...
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Title Should Be Georgeville-It's All About George
- By Sara on 10-08-15
By: George Hodgman
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Too Close to the Falls
- A Memoir
- By: Catherine Gildiner
- Narrated by: Allyson Johnson
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Welcome to the childhood of Catherine McClure Gildiner. It is the middle of the 1950s in Lewiston, New York, a small and sleepy American town very near Niagara Falls. No one is divorced. Mothers wear high heels to the beauty salon and children pop Pez candy and swing from vines over a local gorge. But at the tender age of four, it becomes clear to her Cathy's parents that their rambunctious daughter is no ordinary child and they soon put her "to work" at her father's pharmacy.
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Brilliant and funny and touching.
- By Kindle Customer on 11-07-19
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Some Girls
- My Life in a Harem
- By: Jillian Lauren
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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A jaw-dropping story of how a girl from the suburbs ends up in a prince's harem and emerges from the secret Xanadu both richer and wiser. At 18, Jillian Lauren was an NYU theater school dropout with a tip about an upcoming audition. The "casting director" told her that a rich businessman would pay pretty girls $20,000 if they stayed for two weeks to spice up his parties. Soon, Jillian was on a plane to Borneo, where she would spend the next 18 months in the harem of Prince Jefri Bolkiah....
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Boring, Pretentious Book
- By Marcos on 04-23-11
By: Jillian Lauren
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A Fine Romance
- By: Candice Bergen
- Narrated by: Candice Bergen
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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A Fine Romance begins with Bergen's charming first husband, French director Louis Malle, whose huge appetite for life broadened her horizons and whose occasional darkness never diminished their love for each other. But her real romance begins when she discovers overpowering love for her daughter after years of ambivalence about motherhood.
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up the speed to 1.5 and Candace sounds way better
- By Susan M. Mitchell on 06-03-15
By: Candice Bergen
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The Great Failure
- A Bartender, a Monk, and My Unlikely Path to Truth
- By: Natalie Goldberg
- Narrated by: Natalie Goldberg
- Length: 6 hrs and 46 mins
- Original Recording
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"The Great Failure is a boundless embrace, leaving nothing out. I wanted to learn the truth, to become whole. If I could touch the dark nature in someone else, I could know it in myself." So begins Natalie Goldberg in this candid exploration of her life. Here, Goldberg makes sense of primary relationships between father and daughter, teacher and student, and exemplifies the accomplishment available when creating daily writing practices.
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If you have been let down by anyone. Listen
- By Mia on 04-19-18
By: Natalie Goldberg
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
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Learning to Die in Miami
- Confessions of a Refugee Boy
- By: Carlos Eire
- Narrated by: Robert Fass
- Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Carlos Eire's story of a boyhood uprooted by the Cuban Revolution quickly lures us in, as eleven-year-old Carlos and his older brother Tony touch down in the sun-dappled Miami of 1962 - a place of daunting abundance where his old Cuban self must die to make way for a new, American self waiting to be born. In this enchanting new work, narrated in Eire's inimitable and lyrical voice, young Carlos adjusts to life in his new country.
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Excellent memoir of a forgotten time in history
- By BRB on 03-23-15
By: Carlos Eire
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What listeners say about Never Have Your Dog Stuffed
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Seth
- 02-25-21
A great story for any fan of Alan Alda
I initially gained interest in this book because I am huge fan of M*A*S*H*, so I knew you couldn't have a biography of Alan Alda with out touching on his performances in M*A*S*H*. I was only slightly disappointed that they touched on it very briefly, but to my delight, the rest of his story is even more incredible and gripping. between burlesque shows, mental illness and his struggles to understand the mind, and his constant travels, he certainly lives a life worth writing about. if you loved him in M*A*S*H*, this is a must read/listen
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- Dayna
- 12-18-20
Heart-warming, hilarious and intensely human
Rarely have I enjoyed a book as much as this one. It was both laugh out loud funny and intensely personal. It shared the ups and downs of life including the struggle to deal with mental illness within the family. Other memoirs I’ve read that dealt with this were so tremendously sad it was hard to even get through - especially having lived with this in my own family. Alda shares the raw reality, the anger, sadness and struggle without overwhelming the reader. Perhaps it’s because he also had positive things going on in his life he shared or because he writes as if he didn’t take himself too seriously - or could at least look back and find humour in other events. Whatever your take, it’s a great mix of humanity, humour and love of life that leaves you feeling lifted and happy you experienced this work. Thank you Mr Alda!
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- brian thompson
- 12-01-18
Alan Alda does it again
Humor and pathos though through the madcap lense of Alan Alda. Best of wishes to him and his family
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- Mark Powell
- 01-05-24
it's a diamond!
This was an incredible book. it was really nice to have the author reading the book because it gave you inflections. In insight you would not have gotten from a normal reader. I thought he was an incredible actor comma now I know he is an incredible person exclamation! And never stuff your dog...
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- TR4318
- 04-04-15
Fantastic Book!!
I really enjoyed this book. I look forward to reading/listening to his other books. 😃
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3 people found this helpful
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- John C
- 10-12-21
Great Book
Great book, I love Alan Alda. Was a big bonus for him to do the reading
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- Miareadsbooks
- 03-21-19
Fabulous
Alda's bio is sweet, endearing, heartbreaking at times, finny, irreverent and thoroughly engaging. To have the author narrate his story is especially engaging and his delivery, cadence and timing is fantastic.
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- megan
- 11-16-21
sample sounded bad
The sample sounded like I had held my boom box up to the television to record MTV music on a casset. Thankfully the actual download sounded nothing like that!
Loved seeing into the life of one of my favorite actors! I'm so glad he narrated it himself, it really made it feel like he was telling you personally the story of his life. It was funny and honest and I would definitely recommend.
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1 person found this helpful
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- JIM HOWELL
- 11-11-20
About as eloquent as you can get…
It doesn’t matter what medium he uses. Alan Alda is the Lands’ End for painting a mental picture, and then decorating it to the best of his ability. Just like his writing and directing on M*A*S*H, and the plays and movies that he has scripted, Alda weaves the wonderful yarn about his life. Doesn’t spend too much time on any one thing (and M*A*S*H fans will be a bit disappointed to know that he doesn’t spend 3/4 of the book on the series), and that’s a plus. Alda knows exactly when he’s on the verge of saying too much about any one thing, and gracefully moves on to the next. An extremely enjoyable listen.
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- CeeCee
- 08-25-21
Loved it!
Alan Alda has always been one of my favorite actors and it was fun getting to know more about him. This memoir makes a person realize that we all have issues growing up, and man did he have issues! This is a fascinating look into a very talented and humble man.
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