Okay, but Try Not to Murder Anyone
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Narrated by:
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C.C. Thompson
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JD Tanner
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By:
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Eric Vall
About this listen
My days used to be filled with working my minimum wage job at a local shipping store, but one night, I was in the wrong place at the right time and came into possession of a weird metal bracelet.
The good news: Now I suddenly have a superpower.
The bad news: A vicious family of mobsters, clandestine government agencies, and uber wealthy treasure hunters all want to tear the bracelet from my dead arm.
The worse news: I have no idea how to handle my new power, and I’m going to have to defeat the bad guys without hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
Disclaimer: This is a slow-burn harem series.
©2021 Eric Vall (P)2024 Eric VallListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
When the world ended, former Army Ranger Connor “Tav” McTavish thought he’d prepped for everything. He was wrong. When roving gangs destroy all semblance of law and order, and the strong take what they want from the weak, Connor will find himself as the sole protector of an all girls' college hidden away in the Green Mountains of Vermont. Now, his only chance at survival is to show group female liberal arts snowflakes what a real man can do, and turn all four of them into survival and combat experts.
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Ok, but nothing special. +points for rec. blooper
- By Kindle Customer on 06-27-19
By: Eric Vall
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Summoner
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Joshua Story
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Gryff never knew he was the most powerful summoner in the world until a rogue monster attacked his village. Now he's been recruited into the top magical academy, beautiful women are breaking down his dorm-room door, and the headmaster has big, big plans for him. Instead of summoners being maligned by society, Gryff is in a position to make them revered and honored.
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story not very good
- By Darren Silvers on 01-21-19
By: Eric Vall
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Succubus Lord
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Christopher Boucher, Jessica Threet
- Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
"Dude! It finally came!" My roommate barely withheld his excitement as he barreled into the living room of our apartment with a package in his hand. "Check it out, Jacob." He smiled as he tore at the brown paper surrounding his purchase. As he ripped the covering off the package, bits and pieces scattered all across the floor of the living room like confetti. For a second, I thought about lecturing Todd about not making a mess of our apartment, but who was I kidding? This place was already a shithole. At least some half-assed confetti would make it feel a little livelier.
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Fun first book
- By r1se on 05-30-19
By: Eric Vall
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Magic Girls of Multiverse Inn
- A Reverse Portal Fantasy
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: C.C. Thompson, JD Tanner
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
No one ever said navigating a magical multiverse would be easy, though. The Grymm is a deadly place, where gorgeous women are bound to lives of servitude and salesmanship, and nothing is ever as innocent as it seems. But having a highly coveted Venturer’s badge on my chest sure seems to be my ticket to riches, glory, and exotic women with magic powers beyond my wildest dreams.
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Unique concept for accessing the multiverse
- By bill on 10-29-24
By: Eric Vall
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Dead Freeze
- By: Misty Vixen, Lara X. Lust
- Narrated by: Ally Frey
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Max Slater is a man on a mission. A life of salvaging tech and fighting horrors in deep space has given him nerves of steel, but now he finds himself coming up against the toughest job of his life. On a frozen, not-quite-dead planet, a desperate salvage operation has gone wrong. Max has been hired to investigate. What's left of civilization badly needs that salvage. But when his own rescue operation goes just as wrong, he finds himself fighting for his life.
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Sci fi survival story
- By nomad on 11-14-24
By: Misty Vixen, and others
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Apocalyptic Pirates
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Delilah Stanfield, Jack Douglas
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
They said it was just a meteor storm. Then the storm turned into a cataclysmic event as giant rocks crashed into the Earth. And dragons came crawling out of every one of them. Lots and lots of radioactive dragons. Now, nowhere but the ocean is safe, and home is an eight thousand mile journey across the seas. Even if I have to go full pirate, save some damsels in distress, and plunder to survive, I’m making it home in one piece.
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story
- By Amazon Customer on 10-21-24
By: Eric Vall
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Without Law
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Christopher Boucher, Jessica Threet
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When the world ended, former Army Ranger Connor “Tav” McTavish thought he’d prepped for everything. He was wrong. When roving gangs destroy all semblance of law and order, and the strong take what they want from the weak, Connor will find himself as the sole protector of an all girls' college hidden away in the Green Mountains of Vermont. Now, his only chance at survival is to show group female liberal arts snowflakes what a real man can do, and turn all four of them into survival and combat experts.
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Ok, but nothing special. +points for rec. blooper
- By Kindle Customer on 06-27-19
By: Eric Vall
-
Summoner
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Joshua Story
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Gryff never knew he was the most powerful summoner in the world until a rogue monster attacked his village. Now he's been recruited into the top magical academy, beautiful women are breaking down his dorm-room door, and the headmaster has big, big plans for him. Instead of summoners being maligned by society, Gryff is in a position to make them revered and honored.
-
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story not very good
- By Darren Silvers on 01-21-19
By: Eric Vall
-
Succubus Lord
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Christopher Boucher, Jessica Threet
- Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"Dude! It finally came!" My roommate barely withheld his excitement as he barreled into the living room of our apartment with a package in his hand. "Check it out, Jacob." He smiled as he tore at the brown paper surrounding his purchase. As he ripped the covering off the package, bits and pieces scattered all across the floor of the living room like confetti. For a second, I thought about lecturing Todd about not making a mess of our apartment, but who was I kidding? This place was already a shithole. At least some half-assed confetti would make it feel a little livelier.
-
-
Fun first book
- By r1se on 05-30-19
By: Eric Vall
-
Magic Girls of Multiverse Inn
- A Reverse Portal Fantasy
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: C.C. Thompson, JD Tanner
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
No one ever said navigating a magical multiverse would be easy, though. The Grymm is a deadly place, where gorgeous women are bound to lives of servitude and salesmanship, and nothing is ever as innocent as it seems. But having a highly coveted Venturer’s badge on my chest sure seems to be my ticket to riches, glory, and exotic women with magic powers beyond my wildest dreams.
-
-
Unique concept for accessing the multiverse
- By bill on 10-29-24
By: Eric Vall
-
Dead Freeze
- By: Misty Vixen, Lara X. Lust
- Narrated by: Ally Frey
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Max Slater is a man on a mission. A life of salvaging tech and fighting horrors in deep space has given him nerves of steel, but now he finds himself coming up against the toughest job of his life. On a frozen, not-quite-dead planet, a desperate salvage operation has gone wrong. Max has been hired to investigate. What's left of civilization badly needs that salvage. But when his own rescue operation goes just as wrong, he finds himself fighting for his life.
-
-
Sci fi survival story
- By nomad on 11-14-24
By: Misty Vixen, and others
-
Apocalyptic Pirates
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Delilah Stanfield, Jack Douglas
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
They said it was just a meteor storm. Then the storm turned into a cataclysmic event as giant rocks crashed into the Earth. And dragons came crawling out of every one of them. Lots and lots of radioactive dragons. Now, nowhere but the ocean is safe, and home is an eight thousand mile journey across the seas. Even if I have to go full pirate, save some damsels in distress, and plunder to survive, I’m making it home in one piece.
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story
- By Amazon Customer on 10-21-24
By: Eric Vall
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King of Superheroes
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Ella Meruha, Evan Jordan
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In a world where a fraction of the population activates a super power, I was just hoping for a semi-cool ability, something to get me out of my mundane job and life. Then, during my long-awaited activation, I unleashed not just one power, but multiple. Which was basically unheard of and meant I was something called an Omega. But the last Omega went crazy with power, so not everyone was welcoming when I showed up at the Super Academy in Miami.
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Reminds me of The Incredibles
- By Kindle Customer on 08-10-24
By: Eric Vall
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Metal Mage
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Christopher Boucher, Jessica Threet
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This magical world is about to have an industrial revolution. Get pulled from a life of 20th century boredom and thrust into a fantasy world. Find out there are a bunch of powerful monsters and evil wizards intent on killing everyone. Use new magical powers of earth and metal to craft awesome armor, swords, and guns. Kill the bad guys, become a hero, and have a harem of hot women.
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Couldn't listen anymore after 3 hours.
- By Michael on 06-15-19
By: Eric Vall
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Synthesis
- By: F.G. Smith
- Narrated by: Christopher Harbour, Erin Bateman
- Length: 13 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In 2036, an eccentric billionaire funded humanity’s first trip to Mars as an ego project. That expedition made the most significant discovery in human history: proof of extraterrestrial life. The ancient alien outpost they found catapulted humanity’s knowledge of faster-than-light travel, genetic engineering, and planetary colonization forward by centuries. Almost a century later, humanity has shown that despite their use of advanced technology, some things haven’t changed.
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interesting
- By Joeseph Baxter on 03-31-24
By: F.G. Smith
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The Returned 1
- By: Dante King
- Narrated by: Raya Kane, Richard Brock
- Length: 12 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Toby Adams saved the world once before. Now he must do it again. The catch? This world isn’t Earth. It’s Eclipsia, a fantasy realm Toby visited as a kid. And he’s having a bit of trouble remembering how he accomplished his world-saving mission the first time. Magic was involved, he’s sure of that. Powerful companions, too. Possibly even a magical weapon of some kind.
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I'm powered through a lot of books because I've spent money on them I can't with this one
- By Hannah on 11-09-24
By: Dante King
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Dark City Girls
- An Urban Fantasy
- By: Michael Dalton, Adam Lance
- Narrated by: Evan Jordan, Alyssa Poon
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
For a hundred and fifty years, Ezekiel Zane knew nothing but war—endless war in the name of the Fates, the Fae, and anyone who would hire him. Yet the glory of leading the most elite team of magical mercenaries in existence cost him the only thing he ever loved. He’s done. Retired to a community of renegade fae, street-racing shifters, and fallen celestials, Zane’s quiet life on the beach comes with challenges no greater than finding a reason to get out of bed in the morning and knowing when to call it a night at the bar down the street.
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I love this world
- By Shiel on 10-31-24
By: Michael Dalton, and others
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Capture, Evolve, Survive: Book 1
- By: Dante King
- Narrated by: Lewis Alexander, Rozelyn Rader
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
I guess you could call my latest job interview a success. I got hired, and it's way beyond my wildest dreams. The pay isn't great. And the hours are pretty much 24/7. But there's magic. And a portal to a fantasy world. Those kind of outweigh the negatives. At first, I thought I was just testing the latest VR survival RPG, but I'm starting to think this might not be a game after all. The monsters are definitely life-like and capable of carving me apart on their worst days. But on their best days, I make them mine.
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holy political injection
- By Matthew J Rose on 08-11-24
By: Dante King
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The Alpha: Protect. Procreate. Prevail.
- By: Eric Vall
- Narrated by: Robert L. Bradvica, Alyssa Poon
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
I was just a nerd for crying out loud. A college student just doing his best to survive. I can’t be a werewolf. I have midterms next week. But apparently fate has plans for me, because one day I was just Jesse Rafe, and the next day I’m The Alpha, the legendary were shifter who is meant to impregnate every possible shifter species omega female and rule the world. If I don’t get killed by another alpha first, of course.
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Super easy, barely an Inconvenience
- By kevin on 10-04-21
By: Eric Vall
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Evil Genius
- Becoming the Apex Supervillain
- By: Logan Jacobs
- Narrated by: Christopher Boucher, Jessica Threet, Alex Perone, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Supervillains are murdering people in the streets, but yet superheroes are more concerned with gaining popularity than bringing the villains to justice. These villains think they are above the law and that nobody can stop them, but they never planned for me. I’ll murder every one of them with my powersuit, traps, and sidekicks. And if killing bad guys makes me a villain in the eyes of the heroes, well...I’ll destroy them too.
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I love the narrator's. No story.
- By JJ on 05-14-20
By: Logan Jacobs
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Desperate Times: The Complete Trilogy
- By: Lara X. Lust
- Narrated by: Zachary Zaba, Erin Bateman
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Dom’s life was never easy. Forged in the fires of poverty and neglect, he’s spent years building a life for himself. And it seems like everything is finally coming together. He lives on his own in a decent house at the edge of town, he works for himself, he’s debt-free, and, most recently, his relationship with his attractive best friend seems to be heading somewhere....
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Keep politics out of my adventure smut
- By Melissa Jett on 07-17-23
By: Lara X. Lust
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Demon Mage: Book 1
- By: D. Levesque
- Narrated by: Kat Riley, Boise Blue
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Thrust into a realm of seductive demons and dangerous adversaries, Brian must navigate this treacherous landscape, unsure whether his new reality will ultimately bring fortune or ruin. One thing was certain—life would never be the same again.
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The gayest clueless protaganist
- By Sean Mcwilliams on 08-14-24
By: D. Levesque
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Soulbound 1: A Haremlit Fantasy Adventure
- Soulbound, Book 1
- By: Cassius Lange
- Narrated by: Gabriel Michael, Jessica Threet
- Length: 15 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After having kept my hands to myself for years, It's time to enjoy myself a bit as well with an enemy-turned-ally magician who is as smart as she is beautiful, a bar owner who can equally hold herself in a fight as much as with liquor, and the only other survivor other than myself, a golden-haired healer who's even more damaged than I am. Change looms behind Greystone's colossal walls as guilds vanish, arena fighters wind up dead, and whispers of a great war permeate the streets. My name is Cade, a man driven by vengeance, and I am going to bring it all down!
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I just don't understand.
- By Bishop on 04-14-24
By: Cassius Lange
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Primal Conjurer
- A Progression Fantasy
- By: Danny Rogan
- Narrated by: Erin Bateman, Sylvester Frost
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Devils covet his realm. He isn’t about to let them take it. As a primal conjurer, Ryn Xaven is a rare sorcerer who can use all types of magic and bond multiple beautiful mages as his protectors and companions. Together they will root out devils, protect their world from demonic invasion, and keep each other warm on cold nights. Yet before Ryn can do all that, he has to graduate from the prestigious Primal Academy.
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Great first book
- By James Cummings on 04-16-24
By: Danny Rogan
What listeners say about Okay, but Try Not to Murder Anyone
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- Hacnslac
- 06-23-24
a bit slow
overall good but overly descriptive, as if the intended reader had no world experience. made it seem slow. i think sex scenes were the only thing that bumped it out of the 12 year old market classification. great narration, with very good character seperation.
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