On Repentance and Repair
Making Amends in an Unapologetic World
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Narrated by:
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Sara Sheckells
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By:
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Danya Ruttenberg
About this listen
Winner NATIONAL JEWISH BOOK AWARDS in Contemporary Jewish Life & Practice
Myra H. Kraft Memorial Award
A crucial new lens on repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and repair from harm—from personal transgressions to our culture's most painful and unresolved issues.
American culture focuses on letting go of grudges and redemption narratives instead of the perpetrator’s obligations or recompense for harmed parties. As survivor communities have pointed out, these emphases have too often only caused more harm. But Danya Ruttenberg knew there was a better model, rooted in the work of the medieval philosopher Maimonides.
For Maimonides, upon whose work Ruttenberg elaborates, forgiveness is much less important than the repair work to which the person who caused harm is obligated. The word traditionally translated as repentance really means something more like return, and in this book, returning is a restoration, as much as is possible, to the victim, and, for the perpetrator of harm, a coming back, in humility and intentionality, to behaving as the person we might like to believe we are.
Maimonides laid out five steps: naming and owning harm; starting to change/transformation; restitution and accepting consequences; apology; and making different choices. Applying this lens to both our personal relationships and some of the most significant and painful issues of our day, including systemic racism and the legacy of enslavement, sexual violence and harassment in the wake of #MeToo, and Native American land rights, On Repentance and Repair helps us envision a way forward.
Rooted in traditional Jewish concepts while doggedly accessible and available to people from any, or no, religious background, On Repentance and Repair is a book for anyone who cares about creating a country and culture that is more whole than the one in which we live, and for anyone who has been hurt or who is struggling to take responsibility for their mistakes.
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Critic reviews
"Ruttenberg’s book sets out guidelines for full-hearted repentance—the kind of atonement that people should do, but often don’t.” —Sandra Collins, Library Journal
“Excellent, necessary . . . Her careful and thoughtful writing frequently includes the voices of others, centering the needs of victims and holding the words of perpetrators to account.” —Emily Dziuban, Booklist
“When you read Danya Ruttenberg’s brilliant book, you see with fresh eyes that there is a huge omission in contemporary culture: we don’t have a road map for how someone who’s done harm can change and make amends to others, nor do we discuss why this is necessary for both individual recovery and societal well-being.” —Rebecca Solnit, author of Orwell’s Roses
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A woman of contradictions, "a gun-toting, lesbian, feminist, voted-for-Reagan activist", Tammy Bruce is standing in line to become the next Ann Coulter. The "left wing" is engaged in an enormous conspiracy to make moral values relative, to undercut pride and patriotism in our country, to destroy Christian ideology at any cost, to pollute the minds of our youth by means of leftist professors who rewrite history, and to hijack the justice system through morally bankrupt trial lawyers.
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A thoughtful analytical review of moral relativism
- By Book and Movie Lover on 07-26-04
By: Tammy Bruce
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Do All Lives Matter?
- The Issue We Can No Longer Ignore and Solutions We Long For
- By: Wayne Gordon, John M. Perkins
- Narrated by: Calvin Robinson
- Length: 2 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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The belief that all lives matter is at the heart of our founding documents - but we must admit that this conviction has never truly reflected reality in America. Movements such as Black Lives Matter have arisen in response to recent displays of violence and mistreatment, and some of us defensively answer back, "All lives matter". But do they? Really? This audiobook is an exploration of that question.
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Enlightening
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Down Girl
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- By: Kate Manne
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
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- Unabridged
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Misogyny is a hot topic, yet it's often misunderstood. What is misogyny, exactly? Who deserves to be called a misogynist? How does misogyny contrast with sexism, and why is it prone to persist - or increase - even when sexist gender roles are waning? This book is an exploration of misogyny in public life and politics by the moral philosopher Kate Manne. It argues that misogyny should not be understood primarily in terms of the hatred or hostility some men feel toward all or most women. Rather, it's primarily about controlling, policing, punishing, and exiling the "bad" women.
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Five Star Book w/bad Narration
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By: Kate Manne
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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Third Edition
- Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
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- Narrated by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right - a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research and delivered in energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception.
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If you're a liberal hater - this book's for you
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A Battle for the Soul of Islam
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Among the unsettling social shifts in the wake of 9/11 was the global attention paid to Islam. Here in the United States, we became divided, often sadly along partisan lines, between those who believed every Muslim was a potential threat and those who believed no Muslim could do wrong. For conservative Wisconsin native and former U.S. Navy lieutenant commander Dr. M. Zuhdi Jasser, these radical times meant facing a new reality as a devout Muslim and a patriot - a certain betrayal within his faith.
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A courageous and clear champion of American Liberty
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Christians in the Age of Outrage
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- Narrated by: Wayne Shepherd
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Today there are too many examples of those claiming to follow Christ being caustic, divisive, and irrational, contributing to dismissals of the Christian faith as hypocritical, self-interested, and politically co-opted. What has happened in our society? One short outrageous video, whether it is true or not, can trigger an avalanche of comments on social media. Welcome to the new age of outrage. In this groundbreaking book featuring new survey research of evangelicals and their relationship to the age of outrage, Ed Stetzer offers a constructive way forward.
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A Balanced Look at an Unbalanced World
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The Ten Commandments
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- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., Rabbi Stewart Vogel
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., Rabbi Stewart Vogel
- Length: 2 hrs and 43 mins
- Abridged
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The Ten Commandments are the first direct communication between a people and God. Designed to elevate our lives above mere frantic, animal existence to the sublime levels humanity is capable of experiencing, they are the blueprint of God's expectations of us and his plan for a meaningful, just, loving, and holy life. Each commandment asserts a principle, and each principle is a moral focus point for real-life issues relating to God, family, sex, work, charity, property, speech, and thought.
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The Ten Commandments
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By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D., and others
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Book of Forgiving
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How do I forgive? Nobel laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu has witnessed some of the worst crimes people can inflict on others. So wherever he goes, he inevitably gets asked this question. This audiobook is his answer. Writing with his daughter, Mpho, an Anglican priest, they lay out the simple but profound truths about the significance of forgiveness, how it works, why everyone needs to know how to grant it and receive it, and why granting forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves when we have been wronged.
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Some good points but ultimately shallow
- By Christopher Barghout on 11-17-20
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Why Does He Do That?
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He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship.
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I needed this.
- By james p weiss on 09-07-17
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The Opposite of Hate
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As a progressive commentator on Fox News and now CNN, Sally Kohn has made a career out of bridging intractable political differences, learning how to talk civilly to people whose views she disagrees with passionately. Famously "nice", she even gave a TED Talk about what she termed emotional correctness. But these days, even Kohn has found herself wanting to breathe fire at her enemies. It was time, she decided, to look into the ugliness erupting all around us.
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Profoundly insightful, important, and digestible.
- By Scott on 04-24-18
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Healing the Soul of America - 20th Anniversary Edition
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Now updated with a new introduction by number-one New York Times best-selling author Marianne Williamson, the 20th anniversary edition of Healing the Soul of America shares her timeless, visionary message of political healing. This is a time, according to Williamson, for Americans to return once again to our first principles, both politically and spiritually. Here, Williamson draws plans to transform the American political consciousness and encourage powerful citizen involvement to heal our society.
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Marianne for president!
- By Gina Pagano Rose on 02-19-19
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
- By: Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
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In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners.
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Paradigm Shift
- By Sydnee Adams-Hancock on 04-08-16
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
- A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
- By: Patricia Evans
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- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
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The Way of the Heathen
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So you're an atheist. Now what? The way we deal with life - with love and sex, pleasure and death, reality and making stuff up - can change dramatically when we stop believing in gods, souls, and afterlives. When we leave religion - or if we never had it in the first place - where do we go? With her unique blend of compassion and humor, thoughtfulness and snark, Greta Christina most emphatically does not propose a single path to a good atheist life. She offers questions to think about, ideas that may be useful, and encouragement to choose your own way.
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Navigating the world outside of church
- By Scott Bresinger on 01-21-17
By: Greta Christina
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What listeners say about On Repentance and Repair
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-20-23
Lots of religious underpinnings but practical guide for all
I’m not Jewish but not unaware of the religious concepts of repentance and repair as presented here. The book is so logically presented and clearly narrated that I listened carefully so as to absorb fully the truths within. I thought the very ending was almost like an evangelical invitation to convert (to justice and repentance rather than a religious organization) but that was only 15 minutes of the whole book and I understood the author’s earnest pleading…
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1 person found this helpful
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- Tundra blue
- 11-08-23
A guide to moving forward
An excellent resource for community healing and moving forward with accountability, repentance and repair. I recommend this book this process for all ages and institutions to use as a guide with humble intention of justice, equality respect and regard
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- Darrin Albrecht
- 01-29-23
Really Made Me Think
I'm a Christian but this book really made me think. I shouldn't have been surprised to learn so much from a Rabbi since When Bad Things Happen to Good People, one of the most important books I've ever read, was also written by a Rabbi. I'm one of those people who is quick to apologize and it's always really bothered me when some of my close family members and friends can't bring themselves to even say "I'm sorry." Now I know why that bothers me so much.
Danya does such a good job of laying out the process of repentance and repair. If you follow these steps, it's really impossible not to hold yourself and others accountable for any actions that may hurt others. I was also surprised at how similar these steps are to some of the steps in the 12 step process of AA and other addictions.
I also want to say that we Christians rightly emphasize the importance of love. However, loving one another also includes holding ourselves and each other accountable. That's the uncomfortable and at times really difficult aspect of love. But you can't have true love without it.
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- Clever Elf
- 10-22-22
Interesting but incomplete
There were a lot of interesting ideas in this book about repentance but I don’t think Ruttenberg really deals with how one should truly implement these ideas in one’s life and relationships. She makes it seem really obvious to know if one has caused harm that needs to be repaired. But at least in my experience that is the most complicated part. It seems like this fixation on repair and repentance could easily be weaponized by people with more power. She touches on that, but I don’t think she really deals with it. I think her most important insight is the failure of our current paradigm to center the victim. And the idea that a huge part of repentance is becoming the kind of person who won’t do the harm again. But. I think without talking about how to realize that you have perpetrated harm the philosophy is fairly shallow.
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- Colin
- 02-24-23
Excellent work on a difficult topic
The topic of repentance, making true amends and repairing damage is fraught with pitfalls and missteps, bad ideas and self-serving narratives. The Rabbi's work does a fantastic job of exploring all that and managing to center healing, reparations, and true growth when all else seems lost. Amazing work.
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- Rachel
- 06-12-23
So meaningful
A great book for anyone to read, whether you feel you’ve done wrong, have had wrong done to you, or neither. Everyone should read this book.
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- Schen
- 05-15-23
This is so good!
As a Jew myself, I was interested in how our framework could be used for restorative and other non punitive forms of justice. This book delivered. It’s so good I’ve recommended it to many people. GET THIS AUDIOBOOK!
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