Smart Girls Don’t Kiss Aliens
Smart Girls Love Aliens, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Avery Reid
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Patrick Zeller
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By:
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Alina Jacobs
About this listen
Crash-land on an alien barbarian planet and told there’s no way home?
LMAO! I’m a rocket scientist. Miss me with that noise.
Anyone else might have a nervous breakdown, but I was abducted with my besties! Between us, we have fifteen PhDs.
We will be getting off this planet. Trust.
No, I will not be finding an eternal bonded mate among the seven-foot-tall alien males.
No, I will not be wearing a furkini and walking around barefoot.
And no, I will not be moving into a cave with no internet or running water and accepting my fate like the rest of the freed human women on this craft-cocktail-forsaken planet.
Two liquid hydrogen rockets and a smidge of deep-space travel later, and we’re back home on Earth.
Except that our spaceship had stowaways.
Now there’s a seven-foot-tall alien named Cassius in my Los Angeles condo. He’s calmly explaining that, according to the ancestors, we are to be eternally mated and have a litter of children.
Also, he’s wearing a loincloth.
And he has horns.
Wipe that smirk off your face. No, it is not as sexy as it sounds.
He barked at my cat.
He harassed my busybody Karen neighbor (actually, I’m okay with that one).
And he’s obsessed with the ice maker in my fridge.
What’s a smart girl to do?
The smart thing is to build a rocket ship and send Cassius and his other hot alien friends back to their home planet.
The not smart thing to do is fall into those deep blue-gray eyes and let him show me just how good that forked tongue feels.
And the downright stupid thing to do is fall in love with an alien.
This is a stand-alone full-length laugh-out-loud romantic comedy, complete with bad space puns, hot guys with horns, and enough steam to cause a supernova. Happily ever after guaranteed!
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By: Joanne Schwehm, and others
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Sex in the Sticks
- A Love Hurts Novel
- By: Sawyer Bennett
- Narrated by: Maxine Mitchell, Joe Arden
- Length: 7 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Valentine French may be the sassiest dating columnist in New York City, but the abundance of metrosexuals in her adopted metropolis is seriously cramping her style. Where are the beefy all-American boys? Hoping to find some inspiration, Val heads to Alaska, where the men outnumber the women 15 to one and wrestle grizzly bears for sport. Or so she can only imagine.
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Humorous light hearted romance 💋
- By Mandymay💄👠👛 on 05-31-17
By: Sawyer Bennett
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Long Ride Home
- A Cambio Springs Short Story
- By: Elizabeth Hunter
- Narrated by: Liisa Ivary
- Length: 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Welcome to Cambio Springs. In this small desert town, secrets bubble up from the desert floor, and history is written on the canyon walls. Seven friends will gather at the crossroads, because in Cambio Springs everything - and everyone - changes. Jena Crowe escaped the Springs 10 years ago. Now she's heading home with two boys to start a new life. With her husband's ghost keeping her company on the road, Jena will learn that moving back and moving backward aren't necessarily the same thing.
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Introduction to series. Okay.
- By Diana on 07-10-17
By: Elizabeth Hunter
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Fresh Catch
- By: Kate Canterbary
- Narrated by: Noah Michael Levine, Chris Chappell
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Take a vacation, they said. Get away from Silicon Valley's backstabbing and power-grabbing. Recharge the innovative batteries. Unwind, then come back stronger than ever. Instead, I got lost at sea and fell in love with an antisocial lobsterman. There's one small issue: Owen Bartlett doesn't know who I am. Who I really am.
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salty sweet
- By Stacey Oliver on 09-10-18
By: Kate Canterbary
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The Accidental Werewolf
- Accidentally Friends, Book 1
- By: Dakota Cassidy
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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When Marty Andrews gets bitten by a mangy mutt while walking her teacup poodle, her blond hair darkens, the hair on her legs starts growing at an alarming rate, and her mood swings put her dream job as a sales rep for Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics in serious jeopardy. Then a drool-worthy man shows up at her door claiming that he accidentally bit Marty. And since he's a werewolf, she is now, too. Thinking Keegan Flaherty is clearly insane, Marty refuses to believe a word until a kidnapping makes her realize there's more at stake than just her highlights.
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Too much sex
- By CrunchySocks on 03-17-15
By: Dakota Cassidy
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All for You
- The Nephilim
- By: Dana Marie Bell
- Narrated by: Gia St. Claire
- Length: 9 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Someone - or something - is stalking Abby Marcheson. Luckily, she has her brother's hunky friend Seth to keep her safe. Abby falls easily into her protected life, with Seth constantly by her side, and when he asks her out on a date, she's eager to accept. But Seth is much more than he seems. A Nephilim, a son of Angels with wings of his own, Seth is bound to spend his life hunting the Shemyaza, evil descendants of Angels. He's kept his wings hidden from Abby in order not to frighten her, but as her stalker becomes bolder, Seth begins to suspect that a Shem has Abby in its sights.…
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Plot sounded good but it actually sounded bad
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 01-02-13
By: Dana Marie Bell
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Sift
- By: L. D. Davis
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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The summer I graduated from high school, I raced out of my small Virginian town to seek my culinary dreams in the big city. I couldn't afford New York City, though, so I settled in Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly Love wasn't The Big Apple, but it had its charms and pockets of culinary splendor. I hadn't minded because it was only temporary. After culinary school, I planned to do as I'd been dying to do since I was a little girl and roam the earth and splurge on its fruits. More than five years later, I was still in Philly.
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Mmmm WASN'T BAD... BUT WASN'T GREAT EITHER
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 01-01-17
By: L. D. Davis
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Beauty Dates the Beast
- Midnight Liaisons Series, Book 1
- By: Jessica Sims
- Narrated by: Leah Mallach
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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WANTED: Single human female to join charming, wealthy, single male were-cougar for a night of romantic fun - and maybe more. Me: The tall, sensuous, open-minded leader of my clan. You: A deliciously curvy virgin who's intimately familiar with what goes bump in the night. Must not be afraid of a little tail. Prefer a woman who's open to exploring her animal nature. Interest in nighttime walks through the woods a plus. My turn-ons include protecting you from the worst the supernatural world has to offer.
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Over...noooo!
- By Jennifer on 05-29-12
By: Jessica Sims
What listeners say about Smart Girls Don’t Kiss Aliens
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Marta Azevedo
- 10-12-22
Here for the Laughs
Lots of mushrooms are poisonous. They usually result in an agonizing death, but on the plus side, you can float to the pearly gates high as a kite.”
“I hope I see George Washington before I go,” Erin said, taking a bite of the gray food.”
…
“No matter what, we’re leaving this planet. I’m going home. If these mushrooms don’t kill us, we’re stealing that spaceship.”
This was my first ever Alina Jacobs book and I’m sure this is just the beginning of a love relationship between me and her writing.
I absolutely love authors that know how to deliver humor in their books and Alina’s is just up my alley!
Plus her stories are sweet, have a nice character background build up and are engaging enough that I keep wanting to read more and more.
“I have not drunk enough cocktails for this.”
…
I’ll talk to Yuri,” I promised.
“You’re going to talk to your cat?” Sharron countered.
“Oh, absolutely,” I said, trying to keep a straight face. “He’s very smart. Top of his class.”
This book is an Alien Romantic Comedy and if I’m not mistaken is the first time the author ventures into the “Paranormal/Sci-Fic“ side and I’ve to say, to me, she nailed it.
Yes he can argue that some parts of this book are completely crazy and totally impossible even tho they’re scientists… but… it’s a fictional book and that story line serves a purpose.
“Hello, my name is Cassius. I have come with you to Earth because you are going to be my mate. We will live in your cave, and I will hunt for you and take care of your plants. You have many dead plants.”
Oh Kimmie, I know the struggle…
So the story line of this book is that Kimmie and her friends, where abducted by aliens while they’re on vacation. And they were took to a far away alien planet.
When they landed there they were told there was no way out and they were stuck in the hostile planet and were to be mated to the single aliens.
Not ones to give up, Kimmie and her friends run to escape the planet, using the alien ship. They’re successful, but they end up bringing home way more than they bargain for.
“Wait, what am I saying?” Her voice had a slightly hysterical edge. “You’re wearing a loincloth, and you have horns, horns! And a freaking tail. You can’t wander around LA like this. They’ll have the military out here locking down the area.” She grabbed my arm and hauled me back into the cave.”
It’s LA, probably people would think it’s just some cosplay, a kink or someone identifying as an alien. I wouldn’t be to worried.
I loved this book.
I laugh the entire time I was listening to it.
I did though Cassius to be a little bit to insecure for my taste, but otherwise I loved it.
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- Sweetpea
- 05-25-23
A Futurama-type fantasy rom-com
There isn't one believable thing in this story and that's A-okay with me because that's the point isn't it? It's fun fantasy... and I mean really fun. I really laughed at Cassius' offbeat and upbeat style, and I melted at his sincerity, and I was sad when Kimmie repeatedly broke his heart. Cassius was every woman's ideal boyfriend. So devoted. I repeat this is just a fun little fantasy story—think Futurama or Mork and Mindy—then laugh your way through it. Narration was good, particularly Patrick Zeller.
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- Gigi
- 09-08-22
Smart girls doing it better
If you want a hilarious story with genius heroines making things happen…this is for you. If you want hot barbarian aliens with…ahem… interestingly hot adult fun…this is for you. HEA with a conclusion AND epilogue? Well just buy it. Oh and the narrators came in with the buttercream and iced this cake. Or Agave drizzled this fruit if you’re vegan. You know what I mean. You’re gonna want this lol.
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- whatcha.listening.to
- 09-13-22
Smart Girls Don’t Kiss Aliens
I know this book was silly but I had a blast and giggled myself to coughing fits.
I am not sure if there was a prequel to this book or not but I was a little lost at the beginning.
The ladies were on a different planet, and wanted to get home. They took the rocket and jumped through some worm holes and what not ended up back on earth only they had some stole aways.
Cassius and a few of his other alien friends.
It just fun and light hearted and again like I said I just enjoyed it for what it was.
Great narrations as well. I think I will grab the next book in the series too cause it was that good.
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- Rose
- 09-19-22
Listening changed my opinion.
I really liked this story. It was fun, entertaining, and enjoyable. The characters were interesting and likable for the most part. Listening to the audiobook made it harder for me to like Kimmie until about half way through the story. There were a lot of characters introduced in this book that was the introduction of a new series. All of the stories standalone but are interconnected. No cliffhanger. Cassius was a sweetheart right from the beginning and made me wish that Kimmie would be nicer to him. He was so protective and possessive but motivated to take care of Kimmie and Yuri in any way that he could. Cassius learned so much and then put it into action to make her life better. I loved how the story ended with the epilogue. I recommend listening to this audiobook.
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- Average Shmoe
- 05-30-23
Very Funny
My husband kept giving me looks because I laughed and snorted while I was listening to this book. If you've read any of those *giant alpha alien seeks human mate* books (and I'm not afraid to admit I have), this is the hilarious take you've been waiting for.
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