Stories I Can't Tell My Kids Yet
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Narrated by:
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Dave Wright
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By:
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Joe Holt
About this listen
One of the most important facts I believe shapes my view of the world is that I have a high-functioning case of the Asperger spectrum of autism. It went undiagnosed until quite recently in my life, and I am now 35.
In 1978, I was born prematurely with hyaline membrane disease (now commonly called respiratory distress syndrome). I went without oxygen to my brain for an indeterminate amount of time. I also had fluid on my brain that had to be constantly drained. The first three months of my life were spent in an incubator, not held or hugged by humans. The reason for this plastic isolation bubble was to save my life. I can't help but wonder now if it is what so deeply damaged my ability to understand my own human emotions properly.
I always knew I was different from most of the kids in school. While other kids were on the playground or at lunch, I could be found in the library reading about physics, engine specs on World War II aircraft, and the Vietnam War. I was fascinated with how and why the world worked. I was able to get perfect grades in class without trying, and I was constantly admonished for being the class clown, talking too much, and staring out the classroom window. I was placed in academically gifted classes around the fifth grade and was beginning to excel. Of course, that all came to an abrupt end when I was sent to a forced child labor camp in Florida after fifth grade.
This time, I will give you more than a synopsis of the scenarios. As per reader requests from my first book, my thoughts will be included, instead of just my version of the resulting reality. Of course, along the way, I am going to tell you stories I can't tell my kids, yet. Seriously, if you know my kids, please don't give them a copy of this until they are at least 18 years old. I want them to still think I have all the answers for a while longer.
Some of these stories will make you laugh, and some of them will make you cry. Just know I am not making up stories to toy with your emotions. Our lives are often more bizarre than fiction. Writing these events down is simply my way of letting them go. I am learning to dissipate the anger and negative energy associated with the past and have entered a new state of bliss in my life that can only be described as transformative. I'm not proud of everything you will hear here. However, these stories are the truest versions of some of the more dramatic events of my life that I can recollect at this time.
These are events I do not feel comfortable sharing with my two young sons just yet. They are compiled into this audiobook: Stories I Can't Tell My Kids Yet.
©2014 Joe Holt (P)2018 Joe HoltListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
The Last Rescue is an unforgettable tale of brokenness and healing, going deep into the firing line of modern warfare, through the agony of broken marriages, and onto a path of redemption and love. With a clear-eyed view of the inevitability of heartache and the power of God's faithfulness, Howard and Debbie remind us that no matter what our circumstances, we should never, ever, give up hope.
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Narrators
- By Trey Lewis on 03-27-15
By: Howard Wasdin
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Maya's Notebook
- By: Isabel Allende
- Narrated by: Maria Cabezas
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Neglected by her parents, 19-year-old Maya Nidal has grown up in Berkeley with her grandparents. Her grandmother Nini is a force of nature, a woman whose formidable strength helped her build a new life after emigrating from Chile in 1973. Popo, Maya's grandfather, is a gentle man whose solid, comforting presence helps calm the turbulence of Maya's adolescence. When Popo dies of cancer, Maya goes completely off the rails, turning to drugs, alcohol, and petty crime in a downward spiral that eventually bottoms out in Las Vegas.
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Narrator ruins this book
- By R.J. Mulder on 05-13-14
By: Isabel Allende
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Grief Cottage
- By: Gail Godwin
- Narrated by: Jacob York
- Length: 9 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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The haunting tale of a desolate cottage, and the hair-thin junction between this life and the next, from best-selling National Book Award finalist Gail Godwin. After his mother's death, 11-year-old Marcus is sent to live on a small South Carolina island with his great aunt, a reclusive painter with a haunted past. Aunt Charlotte, otherwise a woman of few words, points out a ruined cottage, telling Marcus she had visited it regularly after she'd moved there 30 years ago because it matched the ruin of her own life.
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Character story or ghost story ?
- By RueRue on 12-18-17
By: Gail Godwin
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Don't Give Up, Don't Give In
- Lessons from an Extraordinary Life
- By: Louis Zamperini, David Rensin
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 4 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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In Don't Give Up, Don’t Give In, Louis Zamperini offers never-before told tales that embody his simple, yet essential secrets of success: how his relationship with God, his ever-positive attitude, his constant pursuit of accomplishment - and a healthy dose of mischief - have helped him lead a long and fulfilled life, lessons we can all use to transform our own.
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Great Followup to "Unbroken!"
- By Johnny on 05-13-15
By: Louis Zamperini, and others
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Road Dog
- Life and Reflections from the Road as a Stand-up Comic
- By: Dov Davidoff
- Narrated by: Dov Davidoff
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Road Dog is comedian, actor, and writer, Dov Davidoff's unflinching memoir told through reflections of twelve months on the road. Davidoff travels across the country from college campuses to local theaters doing stand-up comedy and telling it like it is. He's been known to wax poetic about everything from encounters with large fake breasts, to people who have too many kids, to magnum condoms the size of CD cases. He is hilarious and relatable and will have you laughing at yourself in no time.
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dark, real, & exceptional
- By Luis F Rodriguez on 11-22-17
By: Dov Davidoff
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Stories I Tell Myself
- Growing Up with Hunter S. Thompson
- By: Juan F. Thompson
- Narrated by: Juan F. Thompson
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Hunter S. Thompson, "smart hillbilly"; boy of the South; born and bred in Louisville, Kentucky; son of an insurance salesman and a stay-at-home mom; public school-educated; jailed at 17 on a bogus petty robbery charge; member of the US Air Force (airman second class); copy boy for Time; writer for The National Observer; et cetera.
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Hunter Remembered
- By Karen Loucks Rinedollar on 03-31-16
By: Juan F. Thompson
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Killed at the Whim of a Hat
- By: Colin Cotterill
- Narrated by: Jeany Park
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Jimm Juree was a crime reporter for the Chiang Mai Daily Mail with a somewhat eccentric family. When she is forced to follow her family to a rural village on the coast of Southern Thailand, she’s convinced her career—maybe her life—is over. So when a van containing the skeletal remains of two hippies is inexplicably unearthed in a local farmer’s field, Jimm is thrilled. Shortly thereafter an abbot at a local Buddhist temple is viciously murdered.
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delighted...
- By Bobbie on 08-23-11
By: Colin Cotterill
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Rebuilding Sergeant Peck
- How I Put Body and Soul Back Together After Afghanistan
- By: John Peck, Dava Guerin, Terry Bivens, and others
- Narrated by: John Peck, Peter Berkrot, Christina Traister
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Marine Sgt. John Peck survived an IED during the War on Terror that left him with a traumatic brain injury, amnesia, and cost him his marriage. He survived another three years later, one that left him with three and a half limbs missing. He’s one of only two living people to survive the flesh-eating fungus he contracted in recovery at Walter Reed, one that left him as a quadruple amputee. And that’s only the beginning of his story. What followed was a recovery nothing short of miraculous.
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Story of one man's will to overcome
- By Amazon Customer on 02-12-21
By: John Peck, and others
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The Pursuit of Happyness (Abridged)
- By: Chris Gardner
- Narrated by: Andre Blake
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Abridged
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At the age of 20, Chris Gardner arrived in San Francisco to pursue a promising career in medicine. However, he surprised everyone and himself by setting his sights on the competitive world of high finance. Yet no sooner had he landed an entry-level position at a prestigious firm, Gardner found himself caught in a web of incredibly challenging circumstances that left him part of the city's working homeless with his toddler son.
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Very Good Story!
- By Lito Da Critic on 06-02-06
By: Chris Gardner
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The Serial Killer Whisperer
- How One Man's Tragedy Helped Unlock the Deadliest Secrets of the World's Most Terrifying Killers
- By: Pete Earley
- Narrated by: Alan Sklar
- Length: 13 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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From New York Times best-selling author Pete Earley: the strange but true story of a man who suffers a traumatic brain injury and as a result is given the ability to converse with the world's most terrifying criminals.
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The Banality of Evil
- By Cynthia on 09-08-13
By: Pete Earley
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
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Hound of the Sea
- Wild Man. Wild Waves. Wild Wisdom.
- By: Garrett McNamara, Karen Karbo
- Narrated by: Rudy Sanda
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Big-wave surfer Garrett McNamara set the world record for the sport, surfing a 78-foot wave in Nazare, Portugal, in 2011, a record he smashed two years later at the same break. Propelled by the challenge and promise of bigger, more difficult waves, this adrenaline-fueled loner and polarizing figure travels the globe to ride the most dangerous swells the oceans have to offer, from calving glaciers to hurricane swells. But what motivates McNamara to go to such extremes - to risk everything for one thrilling ride?
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Awesome Story and Narration.
- By oregonlife on 10-16-18
By: Garrett McNamara, and others
What listeners say about Stories I Can't Tell My Kids Yet
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Austin
- 02-05-19
Mindbogglingly Idiotic
I read this book on Kindle, and out of, shall we say, morbid curiosity, I wondered if the audiobook brought anything new to it. It was easily the foulest attempt at literature I’ve had the misfortune to read in THAT format, and I can’t frankly say that the audiobook is much better.
As an audiobook, I will say that the narrator does justice to it, because he does an excellent job of sounding like a dumb hick. He’s an actor, so I’m sure it’s part of his job to do that, and he does it well enough. It fits the text and the narrative – but if anything, only makes it more cringeworthy. Even the best narrator in the world – which, Mr. Wright is not, but he’s certainly not the worst either - couldn’t make a good audiobook out of literary garbage like this.
As far as the text, my Amazon review of the kindle edition says most of what I’d be inclined to say about the book anyway. I’m not normally one to stoop to ad hominem statements, but if you’re writing an autobiography, you’ve kind of opened yourself up to them. It’s the bitter reminiscence of a delusional man, who tries to hide those particular traits beneath a veneer of “letting go of anger” and untreated autism.
If you like listening to a book that walks the psychotic line between gloating about blatantly falsified stories of sexual conquest and perceived moral superiority, and blinding, delusional bitterness about the bad things that have happened to him, then this is certainly the book for you. If you value literature, half-decent writing, truth, sanity, and not walking away feeling like you’ve been violated, then please – please – steer WELL clear.
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