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Tea You at the Altar
Tomes & Tea, Book 3
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Narrated by:
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Jessica Threet
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By:
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Rebecca Thorne
About this listen
"A skillful narration of this story, especially its humor, makes this a fun and enjoyable performance." —AudioFile on Can't Spell Treason Without Tea
The Princess Bride meets Bookshops and Bonedust in the third audiobook of the Tomes & Tea series, where our favorite lesbian pirates must navigate the ultimate maelstrom—their own wedding!
Kianthe and Reyna are ready to finally walk down the aisle—in just seven days, their wedding of a wifetime will be a reality. There's loads to do—but like all best laid plans, everything seems to be going awry.
Between their baby dragons causing mayhem in Tawney, Kianthe's uptight parents inviting themselves to the wedding, and Reyna becoming embroiled in a secret plot to overthrow Queen Tilaine, the world seems against them—how are they going to live long enough to say "I do"?
A Macmillan Audio production from Bramble Books.
©2025 Rebecca Thorne (P)2025 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
On the night of her kidnapping, all Reyna wanted was a relaxing cup of tea. She didn’t expect to be dropped in a hidden prison cell, but what the hells. She’s flexible. With appropriate fanfare, Kianthe “rescues” her wife... but Reyna’s actually a terrible damsel in distress. Even worse, Reyna's cell was booby trapped with a mysterious alchemy circle. What does a radical alchemist want with the Arcandor’s wife? And why did they think they could get away with this?
By: Rebecca Thorne
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Can't Spell Treason Without Tea
- Tomes & Tea, Book 1
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Jessica Threet
- Length: 11 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
All Reyna and Kianthe want is to open a bookshop that serves tea. Worn wooden floors, plants on every table, firelight drifting between the rafters… all complemented by love and good company. Thing is, Reyna works as one of the Queen’s private guards, and Kianthe is the most powerful mage in existence. Leaving their lives isn’t so easy. But after an assassin takes Reyna hostage, she decides she’s thoroughly done risking her life for a self-centered queen. Meanwhile, Kianthe has been waiting for a chance to flee responsibility–all the better that her girlfriend is on board.
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Bad summary
- By Dawn Marie McLeod on 06-06-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
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The Day Death Stopped
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Moira Quirk
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Listen. Claire Bishop is Las Vegas’s greatest stage magician, and she’s perfectly happy with that fame. Ozarik is the next Zaro, the leader of the world’s witches, the modern-day Darcy everyone swoons over. Just because Claire shares a Zaro’s unfathomable magic doesn’t mean she shares the responsibility. So, if Ozarik wants to make himself a villain by casting an ultra-dangerous spell to stop death on Earth “for her,” to “protect her,” that sounds like a him-problem. Claire has a show in four hours. Skipping it to save the world might give her manager a heart attack.
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Intriguing but flawed - still recommended!
- By Michael J. Anderson on 05-07-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
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This Gilded Abyss
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Natalie Naudus
- Length: 10 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Sergeant Nix Marr is a damn good soldier, but she's desperate to leave her haunted past in the bioluminescent ocean, buried alongside old friends...and old flames. Unfortunately, even the icy ocean can't extinguish some fires. When Kessandra, everyone's favorite princess—and Nix's loathed ex—requests Nix's help investigating a massacre in the abyssal city of Fall, Nix refuses. Vehemently. But Kessandra always gets what she wants.
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Boring romance fantasy action?????
- By Burnt Taco Meat on 01-22-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
-
Fable for the End of the World
- By: Ava Reid
- Narrated by: Gail Shalan, Emily Lawrence
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inesa lives with her brother in a half-sunken town where they scrape by running a taxidermy shop. Unbeknownst to Inesa, their cruel and indolent mother has accrued an enormous debt—enough to qualify one of her children for Caerus’s livestreamed assassination spectacle: the Lamb’s Gauntlet. Melinoë is a Caerus assassin, trained to track and kill the sacrificial Lambs. The product of neural reconditioning and physiological alteration, she is a living weapon, known for her cold brutality and deadly beauty.
By: Ava Reid
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Don't Sleep with the Dead
- By: Nghi Vo
- Narrated by: Greg D. Barnett
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Nick Carraway―paper soldier and novelist―has found a life and a living watching the mad magical spectacle of New York high society in the late thirties. He's good at watching, and he's even better at pretending: pretending to be straight, pretending to be human, pretending he's forgotten the events of that summer in 1922. On the eve of the second World War, however, Nick learns that someone's been watching him pretend and that memory goes both ways. When he sees a familiar face at a club one night, it quickly becomes clear that dead or not, damned or not, Jay Gatsby isn't done with him.
By: Nghi Vo
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Alchemy and a Cup of Tea
- Tomes & Tea, Book 4
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On the night of her kidnapping, all Reyna wanted was a relaxing cup of tea. She didn’t expect to be dropped in a hidden prison cell, but what the hells. She’s flexible. With appropriate fanfare, Kianthe “rescues” her wife... but Reyna’s actually a terrible damsel in distress. Even worse, Reyna's cell was booby trapped with a mysterious alchemy circle. What does a radical alchemist want with the Arcandor’s wife? And why did they think they could get away with this?
By: Rebecca Thorne
-
Can't Spell Treason Without Tea
- Tomes & Tea, Book 1
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Jessica Threet
- Length: 11 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
All Reyna and Kianthe want is to open a bookshop that serves tea. Worn wooden floors, plants on every table, firelight drifting between the rafters… all complemented by love and good company. Thing is, Reyna works as one of the Queen’s private guards, and Kianthe is the most powerful mage in existence. Leaving their lives isn’t so easy. But after an assassin takes Reyna hostage, she decides she’s thoroughly done risking her life for a self-centered queen. Meanwhile, Kianthe has been waiting for a chance to flee responsibility–all the better that her girlfriend is on board.
-
-
Bad summary
- By Dawn Marie McLeod on 06-06-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
-
The Day Death Stopped
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Moira Quirk
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Listen. Claire Bishop is Las Vegas’s greatest stage magician, and she’s perfectly happy with that fame. Ozarik is the next Zaro, the leader of the world’s witches, the modern-day Darcy everyone swoons over. Just because Claire shares a Zaro’s unfathomable magic doesn’t mean she shares the responsibility. So, if Ozarik wants to make himself a villain by casting an ultra-dangerous spell to stop death on Earth “for her,” to “protect her,” that sounds like a him-problem. Claire has a show in four hours. Skipping it to save the world might give her manager a heart attack.
-
-
Intriguing but flawed - still recommended!
- By Michael J. Anderson on 05-07-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
-
This Gilded Abyss
- By: Rebecca Thorne
- Narrated by: Natalie Naudus
- Length: 10 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sergeant Nix Marr is a damn good soldier, but she's desperate to leave her haunted past in the bioluminescent ocean, buried alongside old friends...and old flames. Unfortunately, even the icy ocean can't extinguish some fires. When Kessandra, everyone's favorite princess—and Nix's loathed ex—requests Nix's help investigating a massacre in the abyssal city of Fall, Nix refuses. Vehemently. But Kessandra always gets what she wants.
-
-
Boring romance fantasy action?????
- By Burnt Taco Meat on 01-22-24
By: Rebecca Thorne
-
Fable for the End of the World
- By: Ava Reid
- Narrated by: Gail Shalan, Emily Lawrence
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inesa lives with her brother in a half-sunken town where they scrape by running a taxidermy shop. Unbeknownst to Inesa, their cruel and indolent mother has accrued an enormous debt—enough to qualify one of her children for Caerus’s livestreamed assassination spectacle: the Lamb’s Gauntlet. Melinoë is a Caerus assassin, trained to track and kill the sacrificial Lambs. The product of neural reconditioning and physiological alteration, she is a living weapon, known for her cold brutality and deadly beauty.
By: Ava Reid
-
Don't Sleep with the Dead
- By: Nghi Vo
- Narrated by: Greg D. Barnett
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Nick Carraway―paper soldier and novelist―has found a life and a living watching the mad magical spectacle of New York high society in the late thirties. He's good at watching, and he's even better at pretending: pretending to be straight, pretending to be human, pretending he's forgotten the events of that summer in 1922. On the eve of the second World War, however, Nick learns that someone's been watching him pretend and that memory goes both ways. When he sees a familiar face at a club one night, it quickly becomes clear that dead or not, damned or not, Jay Gatsby isn't done with him.
By: Nghi Vo
-
Gifted & Talented
- By: Olivie Blake
- Narrated by: Eunice Wong
- Length: 18 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
From the New York Times bestselling author of The Atlas Six comes the story of three siblings who, upon the death of their father, are forced to reckon with their long-festering rivalries, dangerous abilities, and the crushing weight of all their unrealized adolescent potential.
By: Olivie Blake
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Murder by Memory
- By: Olivia Waite
- Narrated by: Blair Baker
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Near the topmost deck of an interstellar generation ship, Dorothy Gentleman wakes up in a body that isn’t hers—just as someone else is found murdered. As one of the ship’s detectives, Dorothy usually delights in unraveling the schemes on board the Fairweather, but when she finds that someone is not only killing bodies but purposefully deleting minds from the Library, she realizes something even more sinister is afoot.
By: Olivia Waite
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When We Were Real
- By: Daryl Gregory
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 12 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
JP and Dulin have been the best of friends for decades. When JP finds out his cancer has aggressively returned, Dulin decides it’s the perfect time for one last adventure: a week-long bus tour of North America’s Impossibles, the physics-defying glitches and geographic miracles that started cropping up seven years earlier—right after the Announcement that revealed our world to be merely a digital simulacrum. The outing, courtesy of Canterbury Trails Tours, promises the trip of a (not completely real) lifetime in a (not completely deluxe) coach.
By: Daryl Gregory
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Hitchhikers
- By: Ben H. Winters
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Annie has always had high hopes for her future. But the reality of her life just isn’t measuring up. She loves her fiancé, Greg–doesn’t she? She’s going to get her degree and open her own business–won’t she? Then, a strange old woman shows up outside her house, and she seems to know a lot about Annie. An awful lot. Annie could tell the old woman to get lost. Yet there’s something about her Annie just can’t shake. And what she learns could change her life forever–but is it the life she envisioned?
By: Ben H. Winters
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Remedial Magic
- By: Melissa Marr
- Narrated by: Jeremy Carlisle Parker, Max Meyers
- Length: 12 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Ellie loves working in her local library in the small town of Ligonier. She loves baking scones and investigating the mysterious and captivating in her spare time. And there is nothing more mysterious and captivating than the intriguingly beautiful, too properly dressed woman sipping tea in her library who has appeared as if out of nowhere. The pull between them is undeniable, and Ellie is not sure that she wants to resist.
By: Melissa Marr
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The Sirens
- A Novel
- By: Emilia Hart
- Narrated by: Barrie Kreinik
- Length: 10 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
2019: Lucy awakens from a dream to find her hands around her ex-lover’s throat. Horrified, she flees to her older sister’s house on the Australian coast, hoping she can help explain the strangely vivid nightmare that preceded the attack—but Jess is nowhere to be found. As Lucy awaits her return, the rumors surrounding Jess’s strange small town start to emerge. Numerous men have gone missing at sea, spread over decades. A tiny baby was found hidden in a cave. And sailors tell of hearing women’s voices on the waves.
By: Emilia Hart
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The Seven Miracles of Beatrix Holland
- By: Rachael Herron
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Beatrice Barnard doesn't believe in magic. She definitely doesn't believe the predictions of the celebrity psychic who claims that she will experience seven miracles and soon after she will die. When she discovers her husband is cheating on her, Bea flees to Skerry Island, off the Pacific Northwest coast, in desperate need of solitude—taking her husband's birthday vacation by herself. Immediately upon arrival, she finds her life on the line as a rogue woodchopper blade almost kills her. Her survival feels like a miracle.
By: Rachael Herron
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Scatter
- Heart of Heroes Series, Book 1
- By: Molly J. Bragg
- Narrated by: Jennifer Pickens
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Deputy US Marshal Danielle "Danny" Martin was told she'd gotten a promotion, she expected to be leading her own fugitive retrieval team. Instead, she got transferred to Pontian, Florida, of all places, and assigned to a Superhero support detail for Focus, a seemingly immortal superhero who is also one of the most famous lesbian icons on the planet. Bad enough she's got to spend every day working with a woman she's had a crush on since she was five years old, but when she arrives at her new post, things start getting weird.
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Its even better in audio form
- By Andrew Ratka on 04-05-23
By: Molly J. Bragg
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The River Has Roots
- By: Amal El-Mohtar
- Narrated by: Gem Carmella
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In the small town of Thistleford, on the edge of Faerie, dwells the mysterious Hawthorn family. There, they tend and harvest the enchanted willows and honour an ancient compact to sing to them in thanks for their magic. None more devotedly than the family’s latest daughters, Esther and Ysabel, who cherish each other as much as they cherish the ancient trees. But when Esther rejects a forceful suitor in favor of a lover from the land of Faerie, not only the sisters’ bond but also their lives will be at risk…
By: Amal El-Mohtar
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The Enchanted Greenhouse
- By: Sarah Beth Durst
- Narrated by: Caitlin Davies
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Terlu Perna broke the law because she was lonely. She cast a spell and created a magically sentient spider plant. As punishment, she was turned into a wooden statue and tucked away into an alcove in the North Reading Room of the Great Library of Alyssium. This should have been the end of her story . . . Yet one day, Terlu wakes in the cold of winter on a nearly-deserted island full of hundreds of magical greenhouses.
By: Sarah Beth Durst
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Once Was Willem
- By: M. R. Carey
- Narrated by: Joe Jameson
- Length: 14 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Eleven hundred and some years after the death of Christ, in the kingdom that had but recently begun to call itself England, I, Once Was Willem, rose from the dead to defeat a great evil facing the humble village of Cosham. The words enclosed herein are true. I speak of monsters and magic, battle and bloodletting, and the crimes of desperate men. I speak also of secret things, of that which lies beneath us and that which impends above.
By: M. R. Carey
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She Came from the Swamp
- Dreamers & Demons: Sapphic Monsters, Book 1
- By: Darva Green
- Narrated by: Parker Everly
- Length: 3 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Nadezhda is running away from her problems—mainly her family's supernatural murder cult that's constantly putting her loved ones in danger. Fortunately, her grandmother left her the house at the edge of a swamp life preserve so she can go off-grid for a while. It turns out the shack isn't the only thing she's inherited—the ancient kikimora who followed her family from Ukraine years ago is still dwelling in the swamp and she's looking for an offering.
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Spicy monster romance
- By Amber on 02-13-25
By: Darva Green