The Man They Wanted Me to Be
Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making
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Narrated by:
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Jared Yates Sexton
About this listen
Based on his provocative and popular New York Times op-ed, The Man They Wanted Me to Be is both memoir and cultural analysis. Jared Yates Sexton alternates between an examination of his working class upbringing and historical, psychological, and sociological sources that examine the genesis of toxic masculinity and its consequences for society.
As progressivism changes American society, and globalism shifts labor away from traditional manufacturing, the roles that have been prescribed to men since the Industrial Revolution have been rendered as obsolete. Donald Trump's campaign successfully leveraged male resentment and entitlement, and now, with Trump as president and the rise of the #MeToo movement, it's clear that our current definitions of masculinity are outdated and even dangerous.
Deeply personal and thoroughly researched, The Man They Wanted Me to Be examines how we teach boys what's expected of men in America, and the long-term effects of that socialization-which include depression, shorter lives, misogyny, and suicide. Sexton turns his keen eye to the establishment of the racist patriarchal structure which has favored white men, and investigates the personal and societal dangers of such outdated definitions of manhood.
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Editor's Pick
I like my memoirs with a side of gender theory
"Having studied gender and masculinity in college, I always get excited when I find a listen that offers up gender analysis with a personal twist. Moving between personal anecdotes and scientific arguments that support his arguments, Jared Yates Sexton offers a glimpse of how toxic masculinity has affected his own life and lived experiences. Feminism has explored what it means to be a woman, but isn’t time we take a deeper look at what it means to 'be a man'?"
—Michael C., Audible Editor
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Hard Pass
- By Kathryn Liggett on 06-13-20
By: Bobi Conn
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Unspeakable
- Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice
- By: Jessica Willis Fisher
- Narrated by: Jessica Fisher
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Using the written word as her witness statement, Jessica Willis Fisher tells a lacerating story of finding her voice after two decades of silence and an unforgettable story of risk and faith.
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"Don't tell" culture exposed
- By Angela on 11-03-22
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When They Call You a Terrorist
- A Black Lives Matter Memoir
- By: Patrisse Cullors, asha bandele, Angela Davis - foreword
- Narrated by: Angela Davis - foreword, Angela Davis, Patrisse Cullors
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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When They Call You a Terrorist is the essential audiobook for every conscientious American. From one of the cofounders of the Black Lives Matter movement comes a poetic audiobook memoir and reflection on humanity. Necessary and timely, Patrisse Cullors' story asks us to remember that protest in the interest of the most vulnerable comes from love.
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Everyone should listen!
- By Mary J. Bunker on 01-26-18
By: Patrisse Cullors, and others
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Patriarchy Blues
- Reflections on Manhood
- By: Frederick Joseph
- Narrated by: Preston Butler III, Novell Jordan
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In this thought-provoking collection of essays, poems, and short reflections, Frederick Joseph contemplates these questions and more as he explores issues of masculinity and patriarchy from both a personal and cultural standpoint. From fatherhood, and “manning up” to abuse and therapy, he fearlessly and thoughtfully tackles the complex realities of men’s lives today and their significance for society, lending his insights as a Black man.
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Great read!
- By BlissfullyT on 11-15-23
By: Frederick Joseph
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Children Under Fire
- An American Crisis
- By: John Woodrow Cox
- Narrated by: Graham Halstead
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2017, seven-year-old Ava in South Carolina wrote a letter to Tyshaun, an eight-year-old boy from Washington, DC. She asked him to be her pen pal; Ava thought they could help each other. The kids had a tragic connection - both were traumatized by gun violence. Ava’s best friend had been killed in a campus shooting at her elementary school, and Tyshaun’s father had been shot to death outside of the boy’s elementary school. Ava’s and Tyshaun’s stories are extraordinary, but not unique.
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What about the kids that are left behind?
- By Denise on 04-11-21
By: John Woodrow Cox
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Stonewall
- The Definitive Story of the LGBT Rights Uprising that Changed America
- By: Martin Duberman
- Narrated by: Vikas Adam
- Length: 13 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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On June 28, 1969, the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York's Greenwich Village, was raided by police. But instead of responding with the typical compliance the NYPD expected, patrons and a growing crowd decided to fight back. The five days of rioting that ensued changed forever the face of gay and lesbian life. In Stonewall, renowned historian and activist Martin Duberman tells the full story of this pivotal moment in history.
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Not the Stonewall book I was looking for
- By T. Mommy on 10-05-24
By: Martin Duberman
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Secrets and Wives
- The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy
- By: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Narrated by: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Length: 15 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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What do we really know about modern practicing polygamists - not fictional ones like the Henrickson family on HBO’s Big Love? We’ve seen the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the news, the underage brides in pioneer dresses on a Texas ranch. But the FLDS is just one of many groups that have broken with mainstream Mormonism to follow those parts of Joseph Smith’s doctrine disavowed by the LDS Church. Gaining unprecedented access to these communities, journalist Sanjiv Bhattacharya reveals a shadow country....
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Great stories (+), religious amateur hour (-)
- By Douglas on 09-26-13
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A Daughter's Deadly Deception
- The Jennifer Pan Story
- By: Jeremy Grimaldi
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 12 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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From the outside looking in, Jennifer Pan seemed like a model daughter living a perfect life. The ideal child, the one her immigrant parents saw, was studying to become a pharmacist at the University of Toronto. But there was a dark, deceptive side to the angelic young woman. In reality, Jennifer spent her days in the arms of her high-school sweetheart, Daniel. In an attempt to lead the life she dreamed of, she would do almost anything. For many years she led this double life. But when her father discovered her web of lies, his ultimatum was severe. And so, too, was her revenge.
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Good Story - Odd Formating
- By CrimsonYell on 01-24-20
By: Jeremy Grimaldi
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The Survivors
- A Story of War, Inheritance, and Healing
- By: Adam Frankel
- Narrated by: Adam Frankel, Rob Shapiro
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Adam Frankel’s maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust and built new lives, with new names, in Connecticut. Though they tried to leave the horrors of their past behind, the pain they suffered crossed generational lines - a fact most apparent in the mental health of Adam’s mother. When Adam sat down with her to examine their family history in detail, he learned another shocking secret, this time one that unraveled Adam’s entire understanding of who he is.
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Amazing story
- By Alissa on 12-26-19
By: Adam Frankel
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My Two Moms
- Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family
- By: Zach Wahls, Bruce Littlefield
- Narrated by: Kris Koscheski
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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On January 31, 2011, Zach Wahls addressed the Iowa House Judiciary Committee in a public forum regarding civil unions. The 19-year-old son of a same-sex couple, Wahls proudly proclaimed, "The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character." Hours later, his speech was posted on YouTube, where it went viral, quickly receiving more than two million views. By the end of the week, everyone knew his name and wanted to hear more from the boy with two moms.
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You will not regret listening to this.
- By V. Brown on 06-07-12
By: Zach Wahls, and others
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The Book of Pride
- LGBTQ Heroes Who Changed the World
- By: Mason Funk
- Narrated by: Mason Funk, Robin Miles, Eileen Stevens, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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The Book of Pride captures the true story of the gay rights movement from the 1960s to the present, through richly detailed, stunning interviews with the leaders, activists, and ordinary people who witnessed the movement and made it happen. These individuals fought battles both personal and political, often without the support of family or friends, frequently under the threat of violence and persecution.
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Pure Joy for EVERYONE
- By Micah D on 06-03-19
By: Mason Funk
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The Gift of Our Wounds
- A Sikh and a Former White Supremacist Find Forgiveness After Hate
- By: Pardeep Singh Kaleka, Arno Michaelis, Robin Gaby Fisher
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne, John McLain
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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When white supremacist Wade Michael Page murdered six people and wounded four in a Sikh Temple in Wisconsin in 2012, Pardeep Kaleka was devastated. The temple leader, now dead, was his father. His family, who had immigrated to the US from India when Pardeep was young, had done everything right. Why was this happening to him? Arno Michaelis, a former skinhead and founder of one of the largest racist skinhead organizations in the world, knew he had to take action and fight against the very crimes he used to commit.
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The Gift
- By M. Forsberg on 07-29-22
By: Pardeep Singh Kaleka, and others
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America 3:16
- By: Graham Allen
- Narrated by: Graham Allen
- Length: 5 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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What’s the biggest threat to America today? Why are gun rights human rights? And why do so many Christians behave in such un-Christian ways? Graham Allen has the answers. With over two billion views online, the social media star has given a voice to those who feel silenced by the mainstream media and pop culture. Now, with America 3:16, Graham shares a deeper look at the life events that shaped his philosophy on Christianity, politics, family, and country.
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Well written and read
- By Sterling Silver Magnolia on 01-02-21
By: Graham Allen
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The effects of traditionally defined masculinity have become one of the most prevalent social issues of our time. In this engaging and provocative new book, beloved actor, director, and social activist Justin Baldoni reflects on his own struggles with masculinity. With insight and honesty, he explores a range of difficult, sometimes uncomfortable topics including strength and vulnerability, relationships and marriage, body image, sex and sexuality, racial justice, gender equality, and fatherhood.
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The People Are Going to Rise Like the Waters Upon Your Shore is a firsthand account of the events that shaped the 2016 presidential election and the cultural forces that powered Donald Trump into the White House. Featuring in-the-field reports as well as deep analysis, Sexton's book is not just the story of the most unexpected and divisive election in modern political history. It is also a sobering chronicle of our democracy's political polarization - a result of our self-constructed, technologically assisted echo chambers.
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What listeners say about The Man They Wanted Me to Be
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 01-24-22
Shocking Mirror
My inner thoughts, brought out and vocalized. We're not alone. Thank you Jared Yates Sexton.
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- V
- 02-09-20
Interesting, insightful
Jared’s story of the abuses he and his mother suffered at the hands of men subscribed to the myth of masculinity is often difficult to listen to. It is a story well told, though, and Sexton does a great job of making it easy to understand how the patriarchy exploits many and is exploited by others. I saw people I know in this story, and my guess is that you will, too. Sheds light on the rise of the malignant force in the White House. Highly recommended.
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- Victor Naranjo
- 01-15-21
Exceptional Insight
I learned a great deal about the underlying internal emotional conflict and social pressures for men. The book provides understanding and compassion without denying responsibility for harm caused. It also provides some ideas for social progress to move forward in a thoughtful, deeply humanistic way.
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- Janice
- 03-06-23
Great storytelling
I know many men in my life that had similar experiences. It takes a truly strong human being to admit that things should change. Thank you Jared for sharing your journey.
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- Intergrid
- 03-16-24
outstanding
i finally understand why half of the USA follows what to me is an anti-social path! Well done.
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- Arinaga
- 11-09-19
Thought-provoking
A powerful mix of personal narrative and societal observation. It gave me new perspectives. Only critique: drags a little at certain points.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-19-19
#TruthMedicine
One of the most universally accessible books I have encountered this speaks to all men around the world.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Nancy
- 03-26-22
Thoroughly enjoyable
Recommend to any baby boomer who wants to understand how the view of gender and male protection is being examined.
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- karin
- 09-13-23
Great book
I so enjoyed this book it explains so much about trump supporters . Highly recommend it .
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- Richard
- 03-13-24
Powerfully True
Fear drives much of what humanity does. Ironically, men use threats to make fear more prevalent. Fear of being ‘less than’ encourages men to threaten those around them. Jordan Peterson is the egghead of this group. Again ironically, the group (men) who despise ‘eggheads’ (experts) the most think he has all the answers. Ironically men are ironic. Setting up straw man (and other fallacies and phallicies) to defend their inane and insane straw man (aka stuffed shirt) arguments has created a bloated and bloviated monster of anger and animus, which at some point must come crashing down. Unfortunately every one of these implosion results in hurting everyone around it, from world war and gun toting totter heads to domestic (ie. in the home) and international terrorism. Men need to grow up. … I know I’d like to be farther along. 😕 60+’years of pushing and punishing through it.
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