They Called Us Exceptional Audiobook By Prachi Gupta cover art

They Called Us Exceptional

And Other Lies That Raised Us

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They Called Us Exceptional

By: Prachi Gupta
Narrated by: Prachi Gupta
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About this listen

“In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task.”—The Washington Post

“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere

A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle

How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?

Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.

Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.

©2023 Prachi Gupta (P)2023 Random House Audio
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Critic reviews

"In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task . . . [her] resilience and her hope to be fully seen are an inspiration in both personal and political terms.”The Washington Post

“She explains better than any writer I’ve ever encountered how conflicts that may appear low-stakes—such as an argument over grades or extracurriculars—can tear open an unnavigable gulf. She does this while loving, and grieving, her formerly close family.”The Atlantic

They Called Us Exceptional is a marvel: a searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment, and a heartfelt love letter. In its descriptions of the struggle to live authentically across two cultures, Gupta's book evokes W.E.B DuBois and Maxine Hong Kingston; in its exploration of how family psychopathology and cultural history entwine themselves across generations.”—Scott Stossel, national editor of The Atlantic and author of My Age of Anxiety

What listeners say about They Called Us Exceptional

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Made me see myself in a new light

I have never read a book as relatable as this one, yet still with so many twists and turns. As an Indian American woman who grew up with first generation immigrant parents, it was always hard for me to find characters in books or movies that I could relate to. I truly feel seen in a way that I didn’t know was possible.

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‘I am not done growing, I am just beginning’

Not Indian but American Indian and can totally relate to her story. Saddened as I read of her experiences but it’s a must read!

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How she stayed true to her beliefs and pushed back against her narcissistic like father.

Her honesty, her love for her brother and how she tried to save him from himself and the limiting beliefs

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In awe

Such a an incredible story, I have very little to add. Still processing how I am feeling.

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A relatable Desi narrative

My father is indo Persian, who is a narcissist, depressed, emotionally abusive, petty, vindictive, but everyone views him as a saint.

I thought it was a singular case shaped by a dysfunctional family, circumstances and severe trauma. Never thought that it was a much bigger picture til I read this book.

Men are forced by societal pressures that determine their value and merits by self annihilating their emotions, bodies, and self to fit a stander they were never meant to achieve.
The standers are even more impossible when the said male is not white, tall, and rich.

Is the same pressures placed on women? No, they are even more back breaking and Herculean. but most of us, already know.

Being a feminist made me re-examine my parents over the years,with each understanding, my idea of parenthood and unconditional love died with it.
Both were too absorbed by each other needs and societal expectations to function or grow beyond their family names, jobs, and position in society.

Prachi, with her honest empathy, untangle all her family sordid affaire in the most articulated, understanding manner possible when it comes to such a messy situation.
There’s so much to unpack in her memoir, but I don’t think anyone could sum it up so clearly the way she did it.

And it means more to me knowing that a young Tamil woman who suffered so much, still managed to exceed her family expectations.

I think it’s the best book I read this year, and we’re still in April.

A must read.

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Language and description

Strong story telling; Prachi has a powerful voice. I could relate to the story so it was moving but also hard to listen at times.

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Brave storytelling woven with journalism

Beyond a memoir with the context of research, riveting and intense, I couldn’t stop listening.

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Important

I really appreciated the risk the author took in terms of emotional vulnerability and possibly in her ongoing relationship with family members to share this story. I found the theme of her search for the basic source of self worth to be applicable to all people, not just women and not just minorities. It is something I myself struggle with constantly. I also feel this story is very important for everyone but especially for young people who may not have been exposed to the abusive dynamics described so well by the author, and therefore might not recognize them in their own relationships. For example, it is one thing to know what gas lighting means and another to see how that actually plays out in a relationship. I hope to share this story with my children when they are mature enough to receive it, and I highly recommend it for everyone else!

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Must Listen

Listening to Prachj tell her story was incredible.
She shared things in a way that bared her soul and her truth but was also very reflective on her perceptions in the past and present.
She spoke truth to power and in a way that I felt very seen.
Likely highly relatable as a diaspora member but also just incredibly felt literature despite your background.

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Every South Asian Male/Female Can Relate to The Full Story or Parts of This Story

Prachi Gupta, you are an incredible writer. You wrote a book and became the adult voice of many children of South Asian immigrants. I am a middle aged woman that is a third culture child raising a teenage boy. This book made me see how many things that I am doing right (focusing on his mental/emotional health, teaching him to name his feelings from a young age, being able to distinguish big feelings from small feelings) and my blind spots (flowing with him and meeting him where he is at any point in his life). And the importance of connection over correction as a parent with my child.

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