They Called Us Exceptional
And Other Lies That Raised Us
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Narrated by:
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Prachi Gupta
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By:
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Prachi Gupta
About this listen
“In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task.”—The Washington Post
“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere
A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle
How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?
Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.
Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.
©2023 Prachi Gupta (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task . . . [her] resilience and her hope to be fully seen are an inspiration in both personal and political terms.”—The Washington Post
“She explains better than any writer I’ve ever encountered how conflicts that may appear low-stakes—such as an argument over grades or extracurriculars—can tear open an unnavigable gulf. She does this while loving, and grieving, her formerly close family.”—The Atlantic
“They Called Us Exceptional is a marvel: a searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment, and a heartfelt love letter. In its descriptions of the struggle to live authentically across two cultures, Gupta's book evokes W.E.B DuBois and Maxine Hong Kingston; in its exploration of how family psychopathology and cultural history entwine themselves across generations.”—Scott Stossel, national editor of The Atlantic and author of My Age of Anxiety
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
For decades, Demi Moore has been synonymous with celebrity. From iconic film roles to high-profile relationships, Moore has never been far from the spotlight - or the headlines. Even as Demi was becoming the highest paid actress in Hollywood, however, she was always outrunning her past. Throughout her rise to fame and during some of the most pivotal moments of her life, Demi battled addiction, body image issues, and childhood trauma that would follow her for years - all while juggling a skyrocketing career and at times negative public perception.
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I loved this Memoir
- By mrsbee19 on 09-25-19
By: Demi Moore
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Transition
- The Story of How I Became a Man
- By: Chaz Bono
- Narrated by: Chaz Bono
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
At first, America knew the only child of Sonny and Cher as Chastity, the cherubic little girl who appeared on her parents' TV show. In later years, she became famous for coming out on a national stage, working with two major organizations toward LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) rights and publishing two books. And just within the past 18 months, Chaz Bono has entered the public consciousness as the most high-profile transgender person ever.
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Great book
- By Lisa M. W. on 10-26-19
By: Chaz Bono
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How to Be Fine
- What We Learned by Living by the Rules of 50 Self-Help Books
- By: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Narrated by: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In each episode of their podcast By the Book, Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer take a deep dive into a different self-help book, following its specific instructions, rules, and advice to the letter. From diet and productivity to decorating to social interactions, they try it all, record themselves along the way, then share what they’ve learned with their devoted and growing audience of fans who tune in.
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Disappointed
- By doughswan on 10-23-20
By: Jolenta Greenberg, and others
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Transitions of the Heart
- Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
- By: Rachel Pepper - editor
- Narrated by: Elisabeth Rodgers
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to ever invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children of all ages to tell their own stories about their child’s gender transition. Often transitioning socially and emotionally alongside their child but rarely given a voice in the experience, mothers hold the key to familial and societal understanding of gender difference.
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Heartfelt, Well-Written, and Moving
- By Susie on 01-04-13
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The Girls Who Went Away
- The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
- By: Ann Fessler
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade.
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Sad but True ... and Helpful
- By Kim Kavanagh on 01-05-17
By: Ann Fessler
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Girl, Wash Your Face
- Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
As the founder of the lifestyle website TheChicSite.com and CEO of her own media company, Rachel Hollis developed an immense online community by sharing tips for better living while fearlessly revealing the messiness of her own life. Now, in this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the 20 lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively.
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More for women who are mothers
- By MeredithNCSU girl on 04-07-18
By: Rachel Hollis
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Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
- How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries
- By: Anne Katherine MA
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
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Have you recently walked away from a date or a conversation feeling uncomfortable or violated? Are you looking for ways to set limits with your spouse, kids, parents, or boss? This essential guide to setting and respecting boundaries is for anyone wanting to better understand themselves and others. Just as a cut in our skin causes pain and injury, a breach of any of our physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries can be very harmful to our bodies and minds.
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Not exactly for tailored for the Male reader
- By Matt on 04-26-22
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Walking on Eggshells
- Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents
- By: Jane Isay
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Lee
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
We raise our children to be independent and lead fulfilling lives, but when they finally do, staying close becomes more complicated than ever. And for every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don't call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a grownup. Now, renowned editor Jane Isay delivers the perfect gift to both parents and their adult children-real-life wisdom and advice on how to stay together without falling apart.
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Disappointed
- By tammy alvarez on 01-13-19
By: Jane Isay
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Crazy Time, Revised Edition
- Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life
- By: Abigail Trafford
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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In this intelligent and insightful book, Abigail Trafford charts the emotional journey of a breakup of a marriage, identifying the common phases in the evolution from marriage to separation to divorce, and eventually to a new life. This revised edition includes the most up-to-date research on the personal and economic effects of divorce in adults and children's lives, addresses the special challenges of becoming single again in the age of the Internet, and broadens the experience of divorce to the breakup of all committed relationships.
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Better as an additional book
- By Ethan on 09-18-19
By: Abigail Trafford
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Unrequited
- Women and Romantic Obsession
- By: Lisa A. Phillips
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned 30, she fell in love with someone who didn't return her feelings. She soon became obsessed. She followed him around, called him compulsively, and talked about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and began to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized.
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Great book! So-so narrator....
- By ToluGrace on 04-14-15
By: Lisa A. Phillips
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The Man I Never Met
- A Memoir
- By: Adam Schefter
- Narrated by: Adam Schefter
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
On September 11, 2001, Joe Maio went to work in the north tower of the World Trade Center. He never returned, leaving behind a wife, Sharri, and 15-month old son, Devon. Five years later, Sharri remarried, and Devon welcomed a new dad into his life. For thousands, the whole country really, 9/11 is a day of grief. For Adam and Sharri Maio Schefter and their family it’s not just a day of grief, but also hope. This is a story of 9/11, but it’s also the story of 9/12 and all the days after. Life moved on. Pieces were picked up. New dreams were dreamed. The Schefters are the embodiment of that.
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Remembering a fallen father thru a family
- By Bob H on 09-07-18
By: Adam Schefter
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Shanda
- A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy
- By: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
- Narrated by: Dina Pearlman
- Length: 14 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The word "shanda" is defined as shame or disgrace in Yiddish. This book, Shanda, tells the story of three generations of complicated, intense twentieth-century Jews for whom the desire to fit in and the fear of public humiliation either drove their aspirations or crushed their spirit. In her deeply engaging, astonishingly candid memoir, author and activist Letty Cottin Pogrebin exposes the fiercely-guarded lies and intricate cover-ups woven by dozens of members of her extended family.
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Beautifully Written!
- By Adele Aron Greenspun on 01-12-23
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How to Be Sad
- Everything I’ve Learned About Getting Happier by Being Sad
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Helen Russell
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Helen Russell has researched sadness from the inside out for her entire life. Her earliest memory is of the day her sister died. Her parents divorced soon after, and her mother didn’t receive the help she needed to grieve. Coping with her own emotional turmoil — including struggles with body image and infertility — she’s endured professional and personal setbacks as well as relationships that have imploded in truly spectacular ways. Even the things that brought her the greatest joy — like eventually becoming a parent — are fraught with challenges.
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More an self biography
- By Jaime Murillo on 04-27-24
By: Helen Russell
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Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn’t understand. She suspected it was because she didn’t feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn’t like the way that “nothing” felt.
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Fascinating and Perfect Performance!
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Poverty, by America
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The United States, the richest country on earth, has more poverty than any other advanced democracy. Why? Why does this land of plenty allow one in every eight of its children to go without basic necessities, permit scores of its citizens to live and die on the streets, and authorize its corporations to pay poverty wages?
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A testimonial based on facts and witness
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You Could Make This Place Beautiful
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In her memoir You Could Make This Place Beautiful, poet Maggie Smith explores the disintegration of her marriage and her renewed commitment to herself in lyrical vignettes that shine, hard and clear as jewels. The book begins with one woman’s personal, particular heartbreak, but its circles widen into a reckoning with contemporary womanhood, traditional gender roles, and the power dynamics that persist even in many progressive homes.
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Beautiful, relatable, profound
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The Ministry for the Future
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The Ministry for the Future is a masterpiece of the imagination, using fictional eyewitness accounts to tell the story of how climate change will affect us all. Its setting is not a desolate, post-apocalyptic world, but a future that is almost upon us - and in which we might just overcome the extraordinary challenges we face.
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Great ideas, uneven narration
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What listeners say about They Called Us Exceptional
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 11-13-23
Made me see myself in a new light
I have never read a book as relatable as this one, yet still with so many twists and turns. As an Indian American woman who grew up with first generation immigrant parents, it was always hard for me to find characters in books or movies that I could relate to. I truly feel seen in a way that I didn’t know was possible.
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- HRC
- 11-12-23
‘I am not done growing, I am just beginning’
Not Indian but American Indian and can totally relate to her story. Saddened as I read of her experiences but it’s a must read!
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- nathalie francois
- 02-24-24
How she stayed true to her beliefs and pushed back against her narcissistic like father.
Her honesty, her love for her brother and how she tried to save him from himself and the limiting beliefs
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- sumaiya islam
- 09-22-23
In awe
Such a an incredible story, I have very little to add. Still processing how I am feeling.
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- Anile
- 04-01-24
A relatable Desi narrative
My father is indo Persian, who is a narcissist, depressed, emotionally abusive, petty, vindictive, but everyone views him as a saint.
I thought it was a singular case shaped by a dysfunctional family, circumstances and severe trauma. Never thought that it was a much bigger picture til I read this book.
Men are forced by societal pressures that determine their value and merits by self annihilating their emotions, bodies, and self to fit a stander they were never meant to achieve.
The standers are even more impossible when the said male is not white, tall, and rich.
Is the same pressures placed on women? No, they are even more back breaking and Herculean. but most of us, already know.
Being a feminist made me re-examine my parents over the years,with each understanding, my idea of parenthood and unconditional love died with it.
Both were too absorbed by each other needs and societal expectations to function or grow beyond their family names, jobs, and position in society.
Prachi, with her honest empathy, untangle all her family sordid affaire in the most articulated, understanding manner possible when it comes to such a messy situation.
There’s so much to unpack in her memoir, but I don’t think anyone could sum it up so clearly the way she did it.
And it means more to me knowing that a young Tamil woman who suffered so much, still managed to exceed her family expectations.
I think it’s the best book I read this year, and we’re still in April.
A must read.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-17-24
Language and description
Strong story telling; Prachi has a powerful voice. I could relate to the story so it was moving but also hard to listen at times.
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- F from California
- 09-21-23
Brave storytelling woven with journalism
Beyond a memoir with the context of research, riveting and intense, I couldn’t stop listening.
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- Kindle Customer
- 11-07-23
Important
I really appreciated the risk the author took in terms of emotional vulnerability and possibly in her ongoing relationship with family members to share this story. I found the theme of her search for the basic source of self worth to be applicable to all people, not just women and not just minorities. It is something I myself struggle with constantly. I also feel this story is very important for everyone but especially for young people who may not have been exposed to the abusive dynamics described so well by the author, and therefore might not recognize them in their own relationships. For example, it is one thing to know what gas lighting means and another to see how that actually plays out in a relationship. I hope to share this story with my children when they are mature enough to receive it, and I highly recommend it for everyone else!
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- User182
- 12-06-23
Must Listen
Listening to Prachj tell her story was incredible.
She shared things in a way that bared her soul and her truth but was also very reflective on her perceptions in the past and present.
She spoke truth to power and in a way that I felt very seen.
Likely highly relatable as a diaspora member but also just incredibly felt literature despite your background.
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- Yogesh Chavda, Y2S Consulting
- 03-13-24
Every South Asian Male/Female Can Relate to The Full Story or Parts of This Story
Prachi Gupta, you are an incredible writer. You wrote a book and became the adult voice of many children of South Asian immigrants. I am a middle aged woman that is a third culture child raising a teenage boy. This book made me see how many things that I am doing right (focusing on his mental/emotional health, teaching him to name his feelings from a young age, being able to distinguish big feelings from small feelings) and my blind spots (flowing with him and meeting him where he is at any point in his life). And the importance of connection over correction as a parent with my child.
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