The Worst Noel
Hellish Holiday Tales
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Narrated by:
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The Collected Authors of The Worst Noel
About this listen
The collection features an eclectic mix of writers with playful, often dark humor as the common thread.
Audio contains the following essays, read by the contributors:
"Donner Is Dead" by Cynthia Kaplan
"Blue Christmas: The Tour" by John Marchese
"Eight" by Amy Krouse Rosenthal
"That's Just About Enough Figgy Pudding, Actually" by Catherine Newman
"Birthdays" by Ann Patchett
"Christmas 2001" by Anne Giardini
"'Twas the Bite Before Christmas" by Stanley Bing
"Survivor" by Louis Bayard
"I'll Have Christmas with the Works on Rye, Hold the Ham and Jesus" by Valerie Frankel
"Christmas in Paris" by Mike Albo
"We Really Must Get Together This Year" by Marian Keyes, read by Katrina Keyes
"The Gift of the Magi Redux" by Binnie Kirshenbaum
"A Foreign Country" by Mitchel Symons
"The Jew Who Cooked a Ham for Christmas" by Neal Pollack
"Rum Balls" by Roger Director
"Buy Humbug" by Cintra Wilson
"The Gift That Did Not Need Wrapping" by Elizabeth Noble
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Performance
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Father Greg Lockwood is unlike any Catholic priest you have ever met - a man who lounges in boxer shorts, who loves action movies, and whose constant jamming on the guitar reverberates "like a whole band dying in a plane crash in 1972". His daughter is an irreverent poet who long ago left the church's country. When an unexpected crisis leads her and her husband to move back into her parents' rectory, their two worlds collide.
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Terrible narration--read, don't listen
- By Penelope on 08-06-17
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Too Close to the Falls
- A Memoir
- By: Catherine Gildiner
- Narrated by: Allyson Johnson
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Welcome to the childhood of Catherine McClure Gildiner. It is the middle of the 1950s in Lewiston, New York, a small and sleepy American town very near Niagara Falls. No one is divorced. Mothers wear high heels to the beauty salon and children pop Pez candy and swing from vines over a local gorge. But at the tender age of four, it becomes clear to her Cathy's parents that their rambunctious daughter is no ordinary child and they soon put her "to work" at her father's pharmacy.
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Brilliant and funny and touching.
- By Kindle Customer on 11-07-19
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Chanel Bonfire
- By: Wendy Lawless
- Narrated by: Wendy Lawless
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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By the time Wendy Lawless turned 17, she'd known for quite some time that she didn't have a normal mother. But that didn't stop her from wanting one.... Georgann Rea didn't bake cookies or go to PTA meetings; she wore a mink coat and always had a lit Dunhill plugged into her cigarette holder. She went through men like Kleenex, and didn't like dogs or children. Georgann had the ice queen beauty of a Hitchcock heroine and the cold heart to match.
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Not an Engaging Listen
- By Sobriquet on 03-13-13
By: Wendy Lawless
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A Three Dog Life: A Memoir
- By: Abigail Thomas
- Narrated by: Abigail Thomas
- Length: 4 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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When Abigail Thomas’s husband, Rich, was hit by a car, his brain shattered. Subject to rages, terrors, and hallucinations, he must live the rest of his life in an institution. He has no memory of what he did the hour, the day, the year before. This tragedy is the ground on which Abigail had to build a new life. How she built that life is a story of great courage and great change, of moving to a small country town, of a new family composed of three dogs, knitting, and friendship, of facing down guilt and discovering gratitude.
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Eloquent & Honest
- By Sara on 09-30-15
By: Abigail Thomas
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Love Walked In
- By: Marisa de los Santos
- Narrated by: Jennifer Ikeda
- Length: 11 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Award-winning poet Marisa de los Santos crafts an irresistibly touching debut novel. Love Walked In is a contemporary tale, steeped in nostalgic, cinematic charm, of love in all its forms. Unapologetically idealistic about love, Cornelia Brown appears to catch the break of a lifetime when the dashing Martin Grace, her own personal Cary Grant, comes strolling into her life. But it is Martin's connection to 11-year-old Clare Hobbes that touches Cornelia's heart in ways she never imagined.
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Dreadful audio quality
- By Marenghi on 09-16-11
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She Got Up Off the Couch
- By: Haven Kimmel
- Narrated by: Haven Kimmel
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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When we last saw Zippy, she was oblivious to the storm that was brewing in her home. Her mother, Delonda, had literally just gotten up off the couch and ridden her rickety bicycle down the road. Her dad was off somewhere, gambling or "working." And Zippy was lost in her own fabulous world of exploring the fringes of Moorland, Indiana.
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Great fun !!
- By Kim on 04-20-11
By: Haven Kimmel
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Until I Say Good-Bye
- My Year of Living with Joy
- By: Susan Spencer-Wendel, Bret Witter
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Susan Spencer-Wendel's Until I Say Good-Bye: My Year of Living with Joy is a moving and inspirational memoir by a woman who makes the most of her final days after discovering she has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). After Spencer-Wendel, a celebrated journalist at the Palm Beach Post, learns of her diagnosis of ALS, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease, she embarks on several adventures, traveling to several countries and sharing special experiences with loved ones.
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Until I Say Good-Bye is a paradox for me.
- By Bonny on 03-19-13
By: Susan Spencer-Wendel, and others
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Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules (Unabridged Selections)
- By: Edited by David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris, Mary-Louise Parker, Cherry Jones
- Length: 2 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules is a collection of short stories, some classic, others impending, selected and introduced by David Sedaris.
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Great stories but only 5 of 17 are included
- By Terri Kirk on 07-13-12
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Isle of Palms
- A Lowcountry Tale, Book 3
- By: Dorothea Benton Frank
- Narrated by: Robin Miles
- Length: 18 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Dorothea Benton Frank is a treasure of American letters with numerous New York Times best-sellers to her credit and a portfolio full of critical acclaim. “Mixing high drama and high jinks” ( Booklist), her third Lowcountry novel follows the fortunes of the dysfunctional Abbot family. Looking to set her life aright, Anna Lutz Abbot returns to her South Carolina lowcountry hometown. And as she attempts to right past wrongs, Anna receives help and support from a quirky cast of lovable locals sure to endear themselves to listeners.
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A feel good story
- By Sheryl on 02-04-13
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All the Winters After
- A Novel
- By: Seré Prince Halverson
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Kachemak Winkel never intended to come back to his hometown of Caboose, Alaska, where his family died in a plane crash 20 years earlier. When he finally musters the courage to return and face his painful memories, he's surprised to find a mysterious young woman living in his abandoned house.
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The Old Old Story
- By Bruce on 06-16-16
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Disgruntled
- By: Asali Solomon
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Kenya Curtis is only eight years old, but she knows that she's different, even if she can't put her finger on how or why. It's not because she's black - most of the other students in the fourth-grade class at her West Philadelphia elementary school are, too. Maybe it's because she calls her father - a housepainter-slash-philosopher - "Baba" or because her parents' friends gather to pour out libations "from the Creator, for the Martyrs" and discuss "the community".
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Loved It!!!
- By ayodele higgs on 05-20-15
By: Asali Solomon
What listeners say about The Worst Noel
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Amber
- 01-16-06
A sleeper
I got this book before x-mas time to get a few laughs. However, most of the stories were dark and depressing, and most of the humor feel flat (at least to me). Some stories were better than others, but I found it an entirely forgettable book.
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Kira
- 06-06-07
The Worst Book
Saying that I hated this book would be too strong, because there were a couple of worthwhile stories. I was expecting humor, nostalgia, irony, poignancy, or something give me a reason to keep listening. Instead, too many of the stories were whiny, boring and irritating. If you're looking for an amusing, thoughtful or "feel good" holiday book, this is not it.
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Amy M. Walts
- 12-04-05
Still waiting for the humor...
Good grief! This is *not* the book to read for a lighthearted take on the holiday! Despite the publisher's summary suggestion that this book will make you "laugh your holiday aggravation away", the tales were depressing enough that halfway through the recording my husband made me promise not to play this in the house! Stories involving crashing cars into deer, and even into Santa himself; musings on holiday suicide; children suffering through poverty (with the mice and rats eating the decorations off their Christmas tree, no less!); more children weeping over the divorce of their parents; people miserable over the bleakness of Chanukah... my goodness, this is enough to have you reaching for the antidepressants. I suppose the bright side of this recording is that it will make you realize just how mild your holiday complaints are compared with these tales. But it's not family listening... or even recommended for anyone who's not in the mood to wallow in misery. The narration being done by the authors is a nice touch, but ths book itself is just depressing.
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8 people found this helpful
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- Robert Meyer
- 01-01-22
Title should have been "The Worst Short Stories"
If you are looking for a short story collection that will ruin your Noel, this is it. This is a collection of uninteresting, unpleasant, and humorless short stories.
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