Preview
  • This American Ex-Wife

  • How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life
  • By: Lyz Lenz
  • Narrated by: Lyz Lenz
  • Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (110 ratings)

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This American Ex-Wife

By: Lyz Lenz
Narrated by: Lyz Lenz
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Publisher's summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A deeply validating manifesto on the gender politics of marriage (bad) and divorce (actually pretty good!) in America today, and an argument that the former needs a reboot—from journalist and proud divorcée Lyz Lenz

This American Ex-Wife is a bomb, a bouquet (but not a wedding bouquet), a memoir, a manifesto, and a total joy to read.”—Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me

Studies show that nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women—women who are tired, fed up, exhausted, and unhappy. We’ve all seen how the media portrays divorcées: sad, lonely, drowning their sorrows in a bottle of wine. Lyz Lenz is one such woman whose life fell apart after she reached a breaking point in her twelve-year marriage. But she refused to take part in that tired narrative and decided to flip the script on divorce.

In this exuberant and unapologetic book, Lenz makes an argument for the advantages of getting divorced, framing it as a practical and effective solution for women to take back the power they are owed. Weaving reportage with sociological research and literature with popular culture along with personal stories of coming together and breaking up, Lenz creates a kaleidoscopic and poignant portrait of American marriage today. She argues that the mechanisms of American power, justice, love, and gender equality remain deeply flawed, and that marriage, like any other cultural institution, is due for a reckoning. A raucous argument for acceptance, solidarity, and collective female refusal, This American Ex-Wife takes listeners on a riveting ride—while pointing us all toward a life that is a little more free.

©2024 Lyz Lenz (P)2024 Random House Audio
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Critic reviews

“With This American Ex-Wife Lenz adds to her already impressive canon of cultural criticism. . . . Through a vivid mix of research, reporting, and personal anecdote, [she] reveals the power imbalances inherent to traditional heterosexual marriage, and calls for a radical act of refusal by women who have been too-long defined by their relationships to men.”Literary Hub

This American Ex-Wife is a bomb, a bouquet (but not a wedding bouquet), a memoir, a manifesto, and a total joy to read.” —Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me

“A tour de force, instant classic memoir-meets-manifesto . . . Cishet love is a battlefield, and This American Ex-Wife is a long-awaited shield. This book will rightfully end and prevent certain types of marriages, by which I mean it will save lives.”—Alissa Nutting, author of Made for Love

What listeners say about This American Ex-Wife

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Yes, this!

Lyz thank you so much for sharing your story, a story so many of us women share. Thank you for being open and honest and vulnerable. Thank you for shining a light on the blatant inequality between women and men. Thank you for taking the time to highlight all that women do that goes unseen, unappreciated, undervalued, and simply dismissed. But most of all, I thank you because I needed your story so very, very much, to be reminded that I am not alone. Truly thank you! <3

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Critical Perspective on Marriage

I cannot overstate the importance of the author’s perspective on the institution of marriage, particularly in modern literature, which has long focused on shared responsibility for “building” and “holding on to” marriage. With a number of spot-on metaphors, Lyz Lenz incisively documents the exhausting labor that marriage creates for women at every stage, and the relatively few benefits that women receive, particularly relative to the benefits men receive. It will anger you, and you should be angry. Our daughters deserve better, and so do we.

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Eye opening and clarifying

Lyz lays out with anecdotes and data the myriad problems with straight marriage. This book is a clarion call for women to consider ways in which they have accepted dominant narratives and ways their lives can be so, so much better. I’m going to listen to it again immediately.

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How many things resonated…

There was one section when the narrator/author perhaps had lost her voice a bit. That was the only portion (audio-wise) when listening was less than pleasant.

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Insightful book

Lyz Lenz provides a critical view of marriage and divorce from not just her own experience, but the experiences of women in a cultural sense. I’ve never been married and may never get married, but I appreciate getting to hear her perspective on the institution.

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So Relatable

It's nice hearing about how her divorce unfolded. Makes me realize that I'm not the only one that was tired of settling for less.

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So freaking true

I advise all my tired, married, hetero friends to leave their crappy marriages to “good guys” — I tell them I get two nights off a week and that that was unimaginable when I was married ☺️🙏

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Fantastic, brilliant, must-listen

I don't remember the last time I found myself saying things out loud to a book this often. Listening to it feels like having a conversation with your smart, insightful friend who leaves you both laughing and chewing on some hard-fought wisdom that sticks in your brain indefinitely. There are no easy answers here (real life) but so many of the right questions and plenty of joy. Keep writing, Lyz, the world needs your words!

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Fresh, authentic, utterly relatable

As a fellow millennial, ex-vagelical, married mother of 3 young kids, I related to every moment of this book! I’m also a therapist and have recommended this book to every woman in my practice who is struggling in their marriage and contemplating divorce. THANK YOU LIZ for putting your heart out there, digging in social science research, and sharing with us all. I love at the beginning you make it clear you’re pro-divorce, haha! But at the very least you hope women ask for MORE in their partnerships. This book has been valuable to me personally and sparking LOTS of conversations with my male spouse which has made our relationship better than ever.

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Read. This. Book.

This book is so amazing and is so similar to my divorce story. But it’s also a marriage story. And what we deserve in a relationship. I highly recommend it, but fair warning-it will trigger a lot of feelings. I’ve screamed and cried a bunch. No physical abuse, just the same old, same old story of a wife/mother doing everything and a husband thinking he deserves it. Backed up with lots of research about marriage in America. Love love this book.

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