
When Darkness Seems My Closest Friend
Reflections on Life and Ministry with Depression
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $19.49
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Mark Meynell
-
By:
-
Mark Meynell
About this listen
'I’m looking for the words and writing for those who can’t imagine the words.'
Mark Meynell articulates a heart pain that most of us simply couldn't express. He connects strongly and immediately with fellow cave-dwellers.
'All who read this will feel deeply indebted to Mark, and to God.' Roger Carswell
'Mark invites fellow cave-dwellers and those who love us to walk (or collapse) with him on the road . . . For the first time in a long while, we rest.' Zack Eswine
'Moving and fascinating.' Sean Fletcher
'Fine writing, personal honesty, intellectual analysis, theological incisiveness and simple open-endedness... A must-buy and a must-read.' Julian Hardyman
'Written straight from the heart of pain—yet brimful of hope and courage.' Rachel Kelly
'We are pointed to a Saviour who brings us purpose, grace and hope.' Emma Scrivener
'Practical wisdom and hope . . . without being trite.' Derek Tidball
'Profound, unusual and very personal... demonstrates the extraordinary relevance and power of the Bible in helping us to connect our often mysterious and confusing experiences to God's bigger story. Mark's creative appendix of music, books, poetry, websites and blogs, which have helped him survive his "cave", is invaluable.' Richard Winter
Contents
1 The mask
2 The volcano
3 The cave
4 The weight
5 The invisibility cloak
6 The closing
7 The way
8 The fellow-traveller
9 The gift
Appendix 1 Managing the symptoms
Appendix 2 Unexpected friends in the cave
Appendix 3 Some words from inside the cave
©2018 Mark Meynell (P)2023 IVPListeners also enjoyed...
-
Is It Abuse?
- A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims
- By: Darby Strickland
- Narrated by: Sarah Zimmerman
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For years, biblical counselor Darby Strickland has served women in oppressive marriages. Now she writes to anyone who wants to help, regardless of their level of experience. You will learn how to identify the toxic entitlement that drives abusive behavior and to better understand its impact on victims - including children who are raised in a home with domestic abuse. Ultimately, you will become equipped to provide wise and Christ-centered counsel and to empower and advocate for victims while navigating the complex dynamics of oppression in a marriage.
-
-
A must read for church leaders
- By Amazon Customer on 07-20-22
By: Darby Strickland
-
You Are Not Your Own
- Belonging to God in an Inhuman World
- By: Alan Noble
- Narrated by: Adam Verner
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"You are your own, and you belong to yourself." This is the fundamental assumption of modern life. And if we are our own, then it's up to us to forge our own identities and to make our lives significant. But while that may sound empowering, it turns out to be a crushing responsibility - one that never actually delivers on its promise of a free and fulfilled life, but instead leaves us burned out, depressed, anxious, and alone. This phenomenon is mapped out onto the very structures of our society, and helps explain our society's underlying disorder.
-
-
Thought provoking
- By Hobswife on 12-13-22
By: Alan Noble
-
Biblical Critical Theory
- How the Bible's Unfolding Story Makes Sense of Modern Life and Culture
- By: Christopher Watkin, Timothy Keller
- Narrated by: Christopher Ashman
- Length: 26 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Biblical Critical Theory, Christopher Watkin draws a winsome vision for biblical cultural engagement in which faithfulness to Scripture and sensitivity to culture walk hand in hand. If Christians want to speak with a fresh, engaging and constructive voice within our culture, we need to press deeper into the core truths of the Bible.
-
-
learn to diagonalize.
- By Charles W. Arnold on 08-24-23
By: Christopher Watkin, and others
-
Crash the Chatterbox
- Hearing God's Voice Above All Others
- By: Steven Furtick
- Narrated by: Steven Furtick
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Crashing the chatterbox = Overpowering lies of insecurity, fear, condemnation, and discouragement with the promises of God. “I used to think that someone who struggled with the kinds of weaknesses I deal with daily was useless to God. I felt so often like I was drowning in internal dialogue I couldn’t control. It had been the soundtrack of my life for as long as I could remember.
-
-
Life changing!
- By Cameron on 01-21-15
By: Steven Furtick
-
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering
- By: Timothy Keller
- Narrated by: Lloyd James
- Length: 13 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering is the definitive Christian book on why bad things happen and how we should respond to them. The question of why there is pain and suffering in the world has confounded every generation; yet there has not been a major book from a Christian perspective exploring why they exist for many years.
-
-
A definite "must read" but with some caveats
- By Paul F. on 07-20-14
By: Timothy Keller
-
Abba's Child
- The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging
- By: Brennan Manning
- Narrated by: Dan Cashman
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Is an imposter robbing you of God's love? Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthy of God's love only when our lives are going well. If our families are happy or our jobs are meaningful, life is a success. But when life begins to fall through the cracks and embarrassing sins threaten to reveal our less-than-perfect identity, we scramble to keep up a good front to present to the world - and God. We cower and hide until we can rearrange the mask of perfection and look good again.
-
-
Mind blowing!
- By Marcia on 06-19-15
By: Brennan Manning
-
Is It Abuse?
- A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims
- By: Darby Strickland
- Narrated by: Sarah Zimmerman
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For years, biblical counselor Darby Strickland has served women in oppressive marriages. Now she writes to anyone who wants to help, regardless of their level of experience. You will learn how to identify the toxic entitlement that drives abusive behavior and to better understand its impact on victims - including children who are raised in a home with domestic abuse. Ultimately, you will become equipped to provide wise and Christ-centered counsel and to empower and advocate for victims while navigating the complex dynamics of oppression in a marriage.
-
-
A must read for church leaders
- By Amazon Customer on 07-20-22
By: Darby Strickland
-
You Are Not Your Own
- Belonging to God in an Inhuman World
- By: Alan Noble
- Narrated by: Adam Verner
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"You are your own, and you belong to yourself." This is the fundamental assumption of modern life. And if we are our own, then it's up to us to forge our own identities and to make our lives significant. But while that may sound empowering, it turns out to be a crushing responsibility - one that never actually delivers on its promise of a free and fulfilled life, but instead leaves us burned out, depressed, anxious, and alone. This phenomenon is mapped out onto the very structures of our society, and helps explain our society's underlying disorder.
-
-
Thought provoking
- By Hobswife on 12-13-22
By: Alan Noble
-
Biblical Critical Theory
- How the Bible's Unfolding Story Makes Sense of Modern Life and Culture
- By: Christopher Watkin, Timothy Keller
- Narrated by: Christopher Ashman
- Length: 26 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Biblical Critical Theory, Christopher Watkin draws a winsome vision for biblical cultural engagement in which faithfulness to Scripture and sensitivity to culture walk hand in hand. If Christians want to speak with a fresh, engaging and constructive voice within our culture, we need to press deeper into the core truths of the Bible.
-
-
learn to diagonalize.
- By Charles W. Arnold on 08-24-23
By: Christopher Watkin, and others
-
Crash the Chatterbox
- Hearing God's Voice Above All Others
- By: Steven Furtick
- Narrated by: Steven Furtick
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Crashing the chatterbox = Overpowering lies of insecurity, fear, condemnation, and discouragement with the promises of God. “I used to think that someone who struggled with the kinds of weaknesses I deal with daily was useless to God. I felt so often like I was drowning in internal dialogue I couldn’t control. It had been the soundtrack of my life for as long as I could remember.
-
-
Life changing!
- By Cameron on 01-21-15
By: Steven Furtick
-
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering
- By: Timothy Keller
- Narrated by: Lloyd James
- Length: 13 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering is the definitive Christian book on why bad things happen and how we should respond to them. The question of why there is pain and suffering in the world has confounded every generation; yet there has not been a major book from a Christian perspective exploring why they exist for many years.
-
-
A definite "must read" but with some caveats
- By Paul F. on 07-20-14
By: Timothy Keller
-
Abba's Child
- The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging
- By: Brennan Manning
- Narrated by: Dan Cashman
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Is an imposter robbing you of God's love? Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthy of God's love only when our lives are going well. If our families are happy or our jobs are meaningful, life is a success. But when life begins to fall through the cracks and embarrassing sins threaten to reveal our less-than-perfect identity, we scramble to keep up a good front to present to the world - and God. We cower and hide until we can rearrange the mask of perfection and look good again.
-
-
Mind blowing!
- By Marcia on 06-19-15
By: Brennan Manning
-
The Hand of God
- Finding His Care in All Circumstances
- By: Alistair Begg
- Narrated by: David Cochran Heath
- Length: 6 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Are we hapless victims of life's whims? Are we driven along by some blind and impersonal force? A thousand times, "No!" says pastor and author Alistair Begg. Instead, Begg says we are the objects of God's providential care. We reside under his guiding and protecting hand. In this richly textured study of Joseph's life, listeners will discover God at work shaping Joseph's circumstances so that he can ultimately redeem and reconcile his family. And they'll see the hand of God in their own lives, lovingly guiding them through their disappointments and struggles to a place of peace.
-
-
Worthwhile
- By Jill V on 01-12-20
By: Alistair Begg
-
The Bible Jesus Read
- Why the Old Testament Matters
- By: Philip Yancey
- Narrated by: Philip Yancey
- Length: 3 hrs and 12 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Bible Jesus Read, Yancey challenges the perception that the New Testament is more important than the Old. Writing with keen insight into the human condition and God’s provision for it, he sets off on a personal journey through the parts we most like to keep at arm’s length—Job, Deuteronomy, Psalms, Ecclesiastes, and the Prophets—and he asks us to bring our own questions, concerns, and our openness to the wonders of God.
-
-
The title is misleading?
- By Jamie on 06-25-03
By: Philip Yancey
-
The End of Anxiety
- The Biblical Prescription for Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Panic
- By: Josh Weidmann
- Narrated by: Jim Denison
- Length: 6 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
If God is all-powerful, why doesn’t he eliminate my anxiety? Instead of asking this, perhaps we should ask why God is allowing it in the first place. Join Pastor and biblical counselor Josh Weidmann on a journey through Scripture and his own vulnerable stories of discovering God’s ultimate purpose in pain. The End of Anxiety is designed for individuals or small groups; each chapter begins with Scripture and finishes with practical steps you can apply for immediate relief.
-
-
Top of my list
- By Sheila Smith on 09-27-22
By: Josh Weidmann
-
The Life You've Always Wanted
- Spiritual Discipline for Ordinary People
- By: John Ortberg
- Narrated by: Jay Charles
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Life You've Always Wanted offers modern perspectives on the ancient path of the spiritual disciplines. But it is more than just a book about things to do to be a good Christian. It's a road map toward true transformation that starts not with the individual, but with the person at the journey's end - Jesus Christ.
-
-
Easy to Identify with - Good Practical Examples
- By Tim on 01-10-05
By: John Ortberg
-
Long Obedience in the Same Direction
- Discipleship in an Instant Society
- By: Eugene H. Peterson
- Narrated by: Lloyd James
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This world is no friend to grace. God has given us some resources, however. As we grow in character qualities like hope, patience, repentance and joy, we ill grow in our ability to persevere. The biblical passages in these studies offer encouragement to continue in the path Christ has set forth for us.
-
-
There is a timeless wisdom about this book.
- By Jon and Ariel Kuhn on 09-15-18
-
Recovering Redemption
- A Gospel Saturated Perspective on How to Change
- By: Matt Chandler, Michael Snetzer
- Narrated by: Paul Michael
- Length: 5 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Recovering Redemption. What does it mean? Recovering: Getting back, restoring. Redemption: God’s plan of salvation, the gospel. Because we have a tendency to drift from the gospel, we must be reoriented back to the gospel. We must recover a right understanding and application of the gospel. We must see that the gospel is the fuel for salvation and sanctification and the panacea to fix all things. The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
-
-
A Book I'd Read Again and Again!
- By Tamika May on 02-02-15
By: Matt Chandler, and others
-
Authentic Faith
- The Power of a Fire-Tested Life
- By: Gary Thomas
- Narrated by: Gary Thomas
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The faith God calls us to is far more than glowing positivism that shields us from life's struggles. It is one that guides us into a deepening intimacy with the God who sustains us in the broad sweep of life. Best-selling author Gary Thomas helps us sharpen our spiritual vision and fortify our commitment to Christ by examining 10 disciplines God uses to forge a fire-tested faith. A biblical view of these disciplines can safeguard us from disillusionment when - not if - difficulties surface in our lives.
-
-
Very motivating and healing book
- By Briana’s life on 09-14-21
By: Gary Thomas
-
Out of the Cave
- Stepping into the Light When Depression Darkens What You See
- By: Chris Hodges, Rick Warren
- Narrated by: Mark Smeby
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Depression is the number-one health issue in the world today, yet those who suffer are still sometimes stigmatized - especially followers of Jesus. Many assume God's peace, power, and protection should prevent us from ever feeling anxious, depressed, and afraid. But the Bible teaches otherwise, particularly in its depiction of the life of the Old Testament prophet Elijah. Chris Hodges uses Elijah's life to show us that everyone is susceptible to depression. Even when we're walking closely with God, we can still stumble and get lost in the wilderness of tangled emotions.
-
-
I needed this
- By Samantha on 05-28-21
By: Chris Hodges, and others
-
When God Doesn't Make Sense
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: Mike Trout
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Every person who lives long enough will eventually encounter circumstances that are difficult to explain theologically. From years of counselling experience, Dr. James Dobson offers assurance of God's constant care, even when human suffering is beyond our comprehension.
-
-
Good book for difficult times
- By Judith J. on 12-05-17
By: James C. Dobson
-
Supernatural Power for Everyday People
- Experiencing God's Extraordinary Spirit in Your Ordinary Life
- By: Jared C. Wilson
- Narrated by: Steven Roy Grimsley
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Would it change your life to know that there is a way to live your everyday life supernaturally? Most of us would say yes, and Jared C. Wilson's new book reveals how.
-
-
I Am Bill!
- By Steve on 02-26-18
By: Jared C. Wilson
-
God Loves Broken People
- And Those Who Pretend They're Not
- By: Sheila Walsh
- Narrated by: Sheila Walsh
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
God loves broken people. And when weary, wounded men and women find a way to open their bruised hearts and somehow welcome Him into their personal darkness, they will find a love beyond anything they have ever known. In 12 stirring, insightful, and deeply revealing chapters, Sheila Walsh shows how personal brokenness can open doors of intimacy with Jesus Christ that might never open in any other way.
-
-
Magnificently written, gently spoken
- By Cristie Floyd on 07-22-20
By: Sheila Walsh
-
God's Grace in Your Suffering
- By: David Powlison
- Narrated by: David Cochran Heath
- Length: 2 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
There are never quick fixes or easy answers when it comes to suffering. But even when we can’t immediately see God’s hand - when the struggle is hard and painful - he is working. Weaving together Scripture, personal stories, and the words of the classic hymn “How Firm a Foundation”, David Powlison brings an experienced counselor’s touch to exploring how God enters into our sufferings, helping us see God working in our own particular struggles - and discover how God’s grace goes deeper than we could ever imagine.
-
-
Helpful Scripture based encouragement
- By Backyard mechanic on 05-30-21
By: David Powlison