Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes
A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology
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Narrated by:
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Cory O'Brien
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By:
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Cory O'Brien
About this listen
Get this: Cronus liked to eat babies.
Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.
Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.
Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.
All our lives, we've been fed watered-down versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified . . . wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O'Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told.
Here are a few more gems to consider: Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed; the Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet got too hammered to keep murdering everyone; the Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw dance parties on the corpses of their enemies; the Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange; and there's more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
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Story
Longtime contributor to the Hellboy mythos Christopher Golden brings together a crew of luminaries including Joe R. Lansdale and China Miéville, cross-genre sensation Barbara Hambly, celebrated mystery writer Ken Bruen, best-selling science-fiction and fantasy novelist Tad Williams, and a bevy of other skilled storytellers eager to spin a tale or two about the world's greatest paranormal detective. Some of the biggest names in horror, mystery, and fantasy come together to pay homage to Mike Mignola's Hellboy!
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could go with more authors that know Source materi
- By bEnemy on 07-25-23
By: Author Various
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The Money Shot
- By: Neil LaBute
- Narrated by: Ari Graynor, Eric McCormack, Amber Tamblyn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 38 mins
- Original Recording
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Desperate times call for desperate measures, and for aging Hollywood stars Karen and Steve that means agreeing to a shocking contractual clause. On the eve of a "climactic" day of shooting, they finally tell their significant others what's to come.
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Neil LaBute is great...this cast made him better
- By AmazonEasy on 01-03-18
By: Neil LaBute
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Proxima Legends, Vol 1
- Fantasy Online, Books 1 & 2
- By: Harmon Cooper
- Narrated by: Jeff Hays
- Length: 22 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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After the death of his best friend, Ryuk logs into the online fantasy world of Tritania in hopes of seeing her again. Joined by a cantankerous goblin, a famous Swedish gamer, and a dragon, his guild sets out on an epic quest to find Tamana. Despite pressures from the real world and a mysterious faction known as the Shinigami, Ryuk uncovers a mind-blowing secret....
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Can't Stand The FICKING Swearing
- By Anonymous User on 04-08-23
By: Harmon Cooper
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God Is Disappointed in You
- By: Mark Russell, Shannon Wheeler
- Narrated by: James Urbaniak
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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God Is Disappointed in You is for people who would like to read the Bible...if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and interminable passages, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each. Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers.
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IT'S BETTER TO BE A LIVING DOG, THAN A DEAD LION
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 08-18-17
By: Mark Russell, and others
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Royal Series 1
- The Royal Treatment
- By: MaryJanice Davidson
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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In a world nearly identical to ours, the North won the Civil War, Ben Affleck is the sexiest man alive, and Russia never sold Alaska to the US. Instead, Alaska is a rough, beautiful country ruled by a famously eccentric royal family, and urgently in need of a bride for the crown prince. But they have no idea what they're in for when they offer the job to a feisty commoner, a girl who's going to need...The Royal Treatment.
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Exceptional
- By Amazon Customer on 03-12-20
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack
- Books 1-2
- By: D.M. Guay
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.
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cool idea ruined by cartoonish narration
- By AJ on 11-29-20
By: D.M. Guay
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Saguaro
- By: Carson Mell
- Narrated by: Carson Mell
- Length: 3 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Saguaro chronicles the life of rock legend Bobby Bird as he finds himself rolled up in barbiturates, at sea with satanic cults, finding true love, selling out, and coming back. Bird may be many things - a legend in pink cotton, a living history in tattoos, the very embodiment of rock and roll - but he isn’t a bad man. At least not all the time. He made his name as a crooner, revered as a singer with soul, a soul he quickly sold without ever considering the implications.
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Animal Cruelty Warning
- By AJLecter on 02-06-23
By: Carson Mell
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Short Stories of William Somerset Maugham, Volume 1
- By: W. Somerset Maugham
- Narrated by: Charlton Griffin
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Winner of the 2001 Audie Award for Classic Fiction, this is an unparalleled presentation of Maugham's stories, complete with sound effects and music.
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Jewels!
- By Jacko45 on 07-05-04
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Resurrection of the Damned
- War of the Damned, Book 1
- By: Michael Todd, Michael Anderle, Laurie Starkey
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 5 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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In a world invaded by demons, it's up to Katie and her Killers to restore order while also evading enemies - and friends - who want her in the worst way.
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Totally Spoiled Storyline
- By Linda Luella on 01-03-20
By: Michael Todd, and others
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Reasons to Be Pretty
- By: Neil LaBute
- Narrated by: Jenna Fischer, Thomas Sadoski, Josh Stamberg, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
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What does it mean to be pretty? Do you really need someone to validate your appearance? Neil LaBute tackles our obsession with physical beauty head-on in a work nominated for multiple Tony and Drama Desk Awards. Our production, directed by the playwright, includes original Broadway cast member Thomas Sadoski, whose acclaimed performance also earned aTony nomination. Includes a backstage conversation with Neil LaBute and the cast. An L.A. Theatre Works full-cast production.
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An exquisite reading of one of my favorite plays
- By Suzannah McLellan on 06-11-18
By: Neil LaBute
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The Reason You're Alive
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Quick
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 5 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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After 68-year-old David Granger crashes his BMW, medical tests reveal a brain tumor that he readily attributes to his wartime Agent Orange exposure. He wakes up from surgery repeating a name no one in his civilian life has ever heard - that of a Native American soldier whom he was once ordered to discipline. David decides to return something precious he long ago stole from the man he now calls Clayton Fire Bear.
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Kinda like Gran Torino..
- By H Harris on 06-02-18
By: Matthew Quick
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The Past Is Red
- By: Catherynne M. Valente
- Narrated by: Penelope Rawlins
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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The future is blue - endless blue...except for a few small places that float across the hot, drowned world left behind by long-gone fossil fuel-guzzlers. One of those patches is a magical place called Garbagetown. Tetley Abednego is the most beloved girl in Garbagetown, but she’s the only one who knows it. She’s the only one who knows a lot of things: that Garbagetown is the most wonderful place in the world, that it’s full of hope, that you can love someone and 66% hate them all at the same time.
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The most perfectly perfect book a F**kwit could ever want.
- By Steve Groves on 02-10-22
What listeners say about Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Meredith Crenshaw
- 09-16-23
Fantastic!
I've always loved Cory's mythological retellings and it's fantastic to have even a few of them in his voice!
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