John Dies at the End
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Narrated by:
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Stephen R. Thorne
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By:
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David Wong
About this listen
John Dies at the End is a genre-bending, humorous account of two college drop-outs inadvertently charged with saving their small town—and the world—from a host of supernatural and paranormal invasions.
Stop.
You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands.
No, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you.
My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.
The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this: the drug is called Soy Sauce, and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.
I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: none of this was my fault.
©2007 David Wong and Permuted Press. All rights reserved. (P)2011 BBC Audiobooks AmericaListeners also enjoyed...
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Urban fantasy noir. Done right..
- By Cliff on 02-19-15
By: Craig Schaefer
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The Hospital: The First Mountain Man Story
- By: Keith C. Blackmore
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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A survivor of undead suburbia, mountain man Augustus “Gus” Berry is extremely careful when it comes to his actions and movements. He takes no chances and painstakingly weighs every decision—until he sets out for the hospital at the edge of town, hoping to discover a treasure trove of essential supplies. Soon, Gus will experience terror the likes of which he's never encountered before . . .
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40 ROLLS OF ASS CLEANING GOODNESS
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 04-25-15
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The Brotherhood of the Wheel
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 14 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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In AD 1119, a group of nine crusaders became known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon - a militant monastic order charged with protecting pilgrims and caravans traveling on the roads to and from the Holy Land. In time, the Knights Templar would grow in power and, ultimately, be laid low. But a small offshoot of the Templars endure and have returned to the order's original mission: to defend the roads of the world and guard those who travel on them.
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Epic Battle Brewing
- By Doug D. Eigsti on 03-29-16
By: R. S. Belcher
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13 Bullets
- A Vampire Tale
- By: David Wellington
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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All the official reports say they are dead—extinct since the late ’80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But Arkeley knows what most people don’t: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can. When state trooper Laura Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment.
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HER LARYNX ROTTED AWAY YEARS AGO
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-20-16
By: David Wellington
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Ghost Road Blues
- The Pine Deep Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Maberry
- Narrated by: Tom Weiner
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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The cozy little town of Pine Deep buried the horrors of its past a long time ago. Thirty years have gone by since the darkness descended and the Black Harvest began, a time when a serial killer sheared a bloody swath through the quiet Pennsylvania village. The evil that once coursed through Pine Deep has been replaced by cheerful tourists getting ready to enjoy the country’s largest Halloween celebration in what is now called “The Spookiest Town in America.”
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Love Joe Ledger Series? Avoid This Trainwreck.
- By Kathleen on 10-21-13
By: Jonathan Maberry
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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Meddling Kids
- A Novel
- By: Edgar Cantero
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Summer 1977. The Blyton Summer Detective Club (of Blyton Hills, a small mining town in Oregon's Zoinx River Valley) solved their final mystery and unmasked the elusive Sleepy Lake monster - another low-life fortune hunter trying to get his dirty hands on the legendary riches hidden in Deboën Mansion. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
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should have been a YA novel
- By Bearded Barista on 08-20-17
By: Edgar Cantero
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Pandemonium
- By: Daryl Gregory
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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It is a world like our own in every respect, save one. In the 1950s, random acts of possession begin to occur. Ordinary men, women, and children are the targets of entities that seem to spring from the depths of the collective unconscious, pop-cultural avatars some call demons. As a boy, Del Pierce is possessed by the Hellion, an entity whose mischief-making can be deadly. With the help of Del's family and a caring psychiatrist, the demon is exorcised... or is it?
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Random demonic possession
- By Michael G Kurilla on 11-17-24
By: Daryl Gregory
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Past Crimes
- A Van Shaw Novel
- By: Glen Erik Hamilton
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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From the time he was six years old, Van Shaw was raised by his Irish immigrant grandfather, Donovan, to be a thief - to boost cars, beat security alarms, crack safes, and burglarize businesses. But at 18 Dono's namesake and protégé suddenly broke all ties to that life and the people in it. Van escaped into the military, serving as an elite army ranger in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now, after ten years of silence, Dono has asked his grandson to come home to Seattle.
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15 Stars! Okay?
- By Ted on 03-06-16
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Allison Hewitt Is Trapped
- A Zombie Novel
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One woman's story as she blogs about - and fights back against - the zombie apocalypse.
Allison Hewitt and her five colleagues at the Brooks and Peabody Bookstore are trapped together when the zombie outbreak hits. Allison reaches out for help through her blog, writing on her laptop. It may also be her only chance to reach her mother. But as the reality of their situation sinks in, Allison's blog becomes a harrowing account of her edge-of-the-seat adventures.
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lots of potential but disappointing
- By Linda B on 04-29-11
By: Madeleine Roux
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The Cleanup
- By: Sean Doolittle
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Matthew Worth is a mess. Somewhere between a good cop and a bad screwup, he botched a marriage and a career. His fellow officers think he’s a joke. His commanders are tired of cutting him breaks. Even his wife has left him for a flashy homicide detective. Busted to night patrol at a robbery-prone Omaha supermarket, Worth is doing time, wearing his uniform and asking shoppers if they want paper or plastic. If that isn’t enough, he suspects he might be falling for Gwen, the shy checkout girl who may be an even bigger mess than he is. It couldn’t get any worse. Until it does.
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A Really Good Modern American Noir Crime Novel
- By Frank Donnelly on 04-23-20
By: Sean Doolittle
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Mine
- By: Robert R. McCammon
- Narrated by: Isabelle Gordon
- Length: 16 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Back in the 1960s, Mary Terrell shot and killed a man. A former member of the fanatical Storm Front Brigade - a splinter group of the notorious Weathermen - Terrell has stayed one step ahead of the FBI for decades. Living with numerous identities and menial jobs, Terrell's only constants in life have been LSD, psychotic delusions of motherhood, and murderous rage.
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American Radical nightmare!
- By Rob Malone on 04-30-18
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Passenger
- By: Andrew Smith
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 12 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Best friends Jack and Conner can’t stay away from Marbury. It’s partly because of their obsession with this alternate world and the unresolved war that still wages there. But it’s also because forces in Marbury - including the darkest of the dark, who were not revealed in The Marbury Lens - are beckoning the boys back in order to save their friends… and themselves.
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plot twist at the end of the book 🤤🤤
- By melanie on 11-10-17
By: Andrew Smith
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Patricia Campbell's life has never felt smaller. Her ambitious husband is too busy to give her a goodbye kiss in the morning, her kids have their own lives, her senile mother-in-law needs constant care, and she's always a step behind on thank-you notes and her endless list of chores. The one thing she has to look forward to is her book club, a close-knit group of Charleston women united by their love of true crime and paperback fiction. At these meetings they're as likely to talk about the Manson family as they are marriage, motherhood, and neighborhood gossip.
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It has been 20 years since the end of the war. The dictatorial Augurs, once thought of almost as gods, were overthrown and wiped out during the conflict, their much-feared powers mysteriously failing them. Those who had ruled under them, men and women with a lesser ability known as the Gift, avoided the Augurs' fate only by submitting themselves to the rebellion's Four Tenets.
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Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey are unquestionably two of the greatest epic masterpieces in Western literature. Though more than 2,700 years old, their stories of brave heroics, capricious gods, and towering human emotions are vividly timeless. The Iliad can justly be called the world’s greatest war epic. The terrible and long-drawn-out siege of Troy remains one of the classic campaigns. The Odyssey chronicles the many trials and adventures Odysseus must pass through on his long journey home from the Trojan wars to his beloved wife.
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Oddball Translation
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The Librarian of Crooked Lane
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Fun to be Back
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
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Overall
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Performance
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
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By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself
- A Novel
- By: Marisa Crane
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
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visuals would be better
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Mother of Learning Arc 1
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Overall
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Story
A teenage mage of humble birth and slightly above-average skill, Zorian is attending his third year of education at Cyoria's magical academy. A driven and quiet young man, he is consumed by a desire to ensure his own future and free himself of the influence of his family, resenting the Kazinskis for favoring his brothers over him. Consequently, Zorian has no time for pointless distractions, much less other people's problems.
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This narrator
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By: nobody103, and others
What listeners say about John Dies at the End
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ryan M. Kelley
- 02-26-13
Tried something new, and I liked it!
What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
I loved that this story wasn't a formula driven story. No "good guy battles the bad guy and wins because he is the good guy" stuff. The characters are not knights in shining armor, everyone is broken (or at least chipped), but that didn't make them bad people, or especially good people. Just... people. The story was a little crazy... a little funny... a little surprising... And the twists and turns weren't sadly obvious, or so ridiculous that it ruined the story. It all felt like it just fit together. And fit well.
What did you like best about this story?
I was afraid the the story was going to get overly complicated... overlapping time, and different dimensions, and all of the classic over-complications of scifi...
Nope! The story was "filtered" by the point of view of the regular guys on an irregular adventure. They didn't bother trying to explain everything. They figured out what they needed to know, and went with it.
It was an interesting premise, a good story, and a very good performance. Thorne's performance fit the characters perfectly, in all their imperfect glory.
Any additional comments?
I almost hope for a sequel to this book.... but I would be afraid it wouldn't be able to capture the same magic as this one did.
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- T. Fleming
- 01-30-16
Appeals to 14 year old boys.
If a 14 year old wrote a supernatural book complete with penis jokes, gratuitous feces, blood, and vomit scenes, and some unsophisticated one liners, this would be it.
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2 people found this helpful
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- M. Webb
- 11-29-18
Interesting story. But the cursing is tiresome.
Why does it seem impossible to find a good book nowadays that isn’t saturated with cursing? It gets very tiresome and turns an otherwise entertaining story, into and experience of irritation.
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- Robbie Austin
- 02-25-19
One of the greatest books ever written.
Douglas Adams meets Stephen King. But with more dick jokes. Read it, you won't be disappointed!
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- greg
- 04-25-13
smartassed & surrealist humor
What did you like best about John Dies at the End? What did you like least?
The book was funny... "Your dead boyfriend's ghost *hits* you? What a dick."
But after too much over-sarcasm, I realized that the writing style still works as a novel, but works much better as Wong's shorter, cracked online editorial rants.
At some points the book had a similar surrealist humor to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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- Pen Name
- 12-13-15
Suspension of Disbelief
What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
This book absolutely does not take itself too seriously. It is infectious from the get go.There are loose ends that I wish were explained, so i could make sense of them but that is honestly just for me. The humor is outstanding, the plot shifts itself into 5th gear from the Prologue and keeps it red-lined all the way through the book. You have to get out of a serious mindset when listening to this, as well as get used to his repetitive way of describing ridiculous scenarios, which there are plenty. But it is worth it just as a breath of fresh air, which this book is.
Which character – as performed by Stephen R. Thorne – was your favorite?
I believe through a combo of how well written it was, and how well performed it was, John is my favorite character. Buy and large most friend groups have a John type and he is just extravagantly well written in this.
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- Tristen
- 09-28-16
amazing story i loved every second of it
wow just fricking wow this story caries itself so well and keeps you enthralled for every second
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- gabe
- 04-28-14
Really silly but tons of fun.
Would you listen to John Dies at the End again? Why?
No, because it loses the novelty after the first time.
What was one of the most memorable moments of John Dies at the End?
The doorknob turning into a penis before all the meat in the freezer turns into a demon figure.
What about Stephen R. Thorne’s performance did you like?
His conversational narration matched the book's style.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Laugh a lot from pure randomness and silliness.
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- Phillip Welden
- 02-26-18
Silly and strange and brilliant
Absolutely one of the strangest and funniest horror type books I've ever listened to or read. Mr. Wong and John's adventures in undisclosed are worth a listen.
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- silverio
- 04-06-17
Amazing
watched the movie first but the book is always better. can't wait to start on the next one.
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