
John Dies at the End
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Narrated by:
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Stephen R. Thorne
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By:
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David Wong
About this listen
John Dies at the End is a genre-bending, humorous account of two college drop-outs inadvertently charged with saving their small town—and the world—from a host of supernatural and paranormal invasions.
Stop.
You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands.
No, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you.
My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.
The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this: the drug is called Soy Sauce, and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.
I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: none of this was my fault.
©2007 David Wong and Permuted Press. All rights reserved. (P)2011 BBC Audiobooks AmericaListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
When Jack’s car breaks down in the middle of a cross-country road trip, the mysterious house at the top of the hill is a beacon of hope. If he can borrow a phone to call for help, he’ll be on his way in no time. But someone - or something - has other plans. Soon, Jack finds himself trapped in a nightmare that defies logic, where a depraved killer on the loose is the least of his problems. Will Jack escape before it’s too late?
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Love it however you can get it for free
- By Cristian on 12-29-21
By: Jack Townsend
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Zeroes
- By: Scott Westerfeld, Margo Lanagan, Deborah Biancotti
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 12 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Don't call them heroes. But these six Californian teens have powers that set them apart. Take Ethan, aka Scam. He's got a voice inside him that'll say whatever you want to hear, whether it's true or not. Which is handy, except when it isn't - like when the voice starts gabbing in the middle of a bank robbery. The only people who can help are the other Zeroes, who aren't exactly best friends these days.
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had some “feel-good” moments within
- By Midwestbonsai on 12-19-15
By: Scott Westerfeld, and others
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack
- Books 1-2
- By: D.M. Guay
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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24/7 Demon Mart: Publisher's Pack features two books from the 24/7 Demon Mart series: The Graveyard Shift, book one, and Monster Burger, book two. It also includes the bonus Hell for the Holidays, a 24/7 Demon Mart Christmas special. Lloyd Wallace is the most clueless crossing guard the intersection of hell and earth has ever seen. So clueless, that he doesn't even realize the beer cave in the corner store where he works is the gateway to hell.
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cool idea ruined by cartoonish narration
- By AJ on 11-29-20
By: D.M. Guay
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Dr. Katz: The Audiobook
- By: Jonathan Katz, Laura Silverman, H. Jon Benjamin, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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The doctor is back with a whole book of sessions from guests like Jon Hamm, Louie Anderson, Susie Essman, Gilbert Gottfried, David Mamet, Wanda Sykes, Marc Maron, Reggie Watts and a slew of others.
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Just beautiful!
- By Oscar Slovak on 08-16-18
By: Jonathan Katz, and others
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Bluebeard
- The Autobiography of Rabo Karabekian (1916-1988)
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: Mark Bramhall
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet Rabo Karabekian, a moderately successful surrealist painter who we meet late in life and see struggling (like all of Vonnegut's key characters) with the dregs of unresolved pain and the consequences of brutality. Loosely based on the legend of Bluebeard (best realized in Bela Bartok's one-act opera), the novel follows Karabekian through the last events in his life that is heavy with women, painting, artistic ambition, artistic fraudulence, and as of yet unknown consequence.
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Kurt Vonnegut explores the arts
- By Darwin8u on 12-28-17
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Last Days of Jack Sparks
- By: Jason Arnopp
- Narrated by: Joe Jameson
- Length: 11 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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It was no secret that journalist Jack Sparks had been researching the occult for his new book. No stranger to controversy, he'd already triggered a furious Twitter storm by mocking an exorcism he witnessed. Then there was that video: 40 seconds of chilling footage that Jack repeatedly claimed was not of his making, yet it was posted from his own YouTube account. Nobody knew what happened to Jack in the days that followed - until now.
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Scary, hilarious, creepy, snarky, fun
- By Lesley on 01-04-17
By: Jason Arnopp
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Kraken
- By: China Mieville
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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With this outrageous new novel, China Miéville has written one of the strangest, funniest, and flat-out scariest books you will read this—or any other—year. The London that comes to life in Kraken is a weird metropolis awash in secret currents of myth and magic, where criminals, police, cultists, and wizards are locked in a war to bring about—or prevent—the End of All Things.
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A New Favorite Author
- By Caveat Emptor on 10-23-10
By: China Mieville
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Winter Tide
- By: Ruthanna Emrys
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 12 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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After attacking Devil's Reef in 1928, the US government rounded up the people of Innsmouth and took them to the desert, far from their ocean, their Deep One ancestors, and their sleeping god, Cthulhu. Only Aphra and Caleb Marsh survived the camps, and they emerged without a past or a future. The government that stole Aphra's life now needs her help. FBI agent Ron Spector believes that communist spies have stolen dangerous magical secrets.
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Overrated on a Cosmic Scale
- By michael sorensen on 07-03-18
By: Ruthanna Emrys
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Coyote Blue
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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With New York Times best-sellers like Bloodsucking Fiends to his credit, Christopher Moore has developed a devoted cult following. Coyote Blue introduces Samuel Hunter, a young man who's running from his past while being tormented by an ancient Crow God with a talent for mischief.
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ehhhh...
- By Michelle on 08-17-09
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Gil's All Fright Diner
- By: A. Lee Martinez
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley.But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg.
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I loved it!
- By colleen on 05-27-12
By: A. Lee Martinez
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
- By K. F. on 03-09-17
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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Our Dead Girlfriend (Author's Enhanced Edition)
- By: Jon Athan
- Narrated by: Beau Thomas
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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While walking through the woods, a group of boys—Daniel Burke, Gavin Graves, and brothers Connor and Tyler Parker—discover an abandoned body.
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WOW! I was expecting fetish material and got a great story instead.
- By Mariah on 06-11-25
By: Jon Athan
What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
I loved that this story wasn't a formula driven story. No "good guy battles the bad guy and wins because he is the good guy" stuff. The characters are not knights in shining armor, everyone is broken (or at least chipped), but that didn't make them bad people, or especially good people. Just... people. The story was a little crazy... a little funny... a little surprising... And the twists and turns weren't sadly obvious, or so ridiculous that it ruined the story. It all felt like it just fit together. And fit well.What did you like best about this story?
I was afraid the the story was going to get overly complicated... overlapping time, and different dimensions, and all of the classic over-complications of scifi...Nope! The story was "filtered" by the point of view of the regular guys on an irregular adventure. They didn't bother trying to explain everything. They figured out what they needed to know, and went with it.
It was an interesting premise, a good story, and a very good performance. Thorne's performance fit the characters perfectly, in all their imperfect glory.
Any additional comments?
I almost hope for a sequel to this book.... but I would be afraid it wouldn't be able to capture the same magic as this one did.Tried something new, and I liked it!
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Appeals to 14 year old boys.
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One of the greatest books ever written.
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What did you like best about John Dies at the End? What did you like least?
The book was funny... "Your dead boyfriend's ghost *hits* you? What a dick."But after too much over-sarcasm, I realized that the writing style still works as a novel, but works much better as Wong's shorter, cracked online editorial rants.
At some points the book had a similar surrealist humor to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
smartassed & surrealist humor
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What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
This book absolutely does not take itself too seriously. It is infectious from the get go.There are loose ends that I wish were explained, so i could make sense of them but that is honestly just for me. The humor is outstanding, the plot shifts itself into 5th gear from the Prologue and keeps it red-lined all the way through the book. You have to get out of a serious mindset when listening to this, as well as get used to his repetitive way of describing ridiculous scenarios, which there are plenty. But it is worth it just as a breath of fresh air, which this book is.Which character – as performed by Stephen R. Thorne – was your favorite?
I believe through a combo of how well written it was, and how well performed it was, John is my favorite character. Buy and large most friend groups have a John type and he is just extravagantly well written in this.Suspension of Disbelief
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amazing story i loved every second of it
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Would you listen to John Dies at the End again? Why?
No, because it loses the novelty after the first time.What was one of the most memorable moments of John Dies at the End?
The doorknob turning into a penis before all the meat in the freezer turns into a demon figure.What about Stephen R. Thorne’s performance did you like?
His conversational narration matched the book's style.Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Laugh a lot from pure randomness and silliness.Really silly but tons of fun.
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Silly and strange and brilliant
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Amazing
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Would you listen to John Dies at the End again? Why?
One of the few books that I would listen too over and over. This book is so completely out of control that I feel like I would catch something new almost every time. That and listening to this book is like watching your favorite comedy movie. Can't get enough!Who was your favorite character and why?
John, of course. John is completely irresponsible and is not thrown off by anything... the sh*t that comes out of his mouth kills me. haha.What does Stephen R. Thorne bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
I had a hard time adapting to Mr. Thorne initially, because I read the book before I listened to it, so I had my own ideas of what the characters would sound like. Once I listened to a couple chapters, however, I was hooked. Mr. Thorne really nailed John's voice, and I found myself talking like him on occasions (drunk) to make a joke even funnier. Classic.Any additional comments?
Buy this book, and listen to it. Unless you don't like the sound of a witty, come out of no-where comedy that mated with a monster from another dimension to make the most hilarious, unpredictable thrill ride of a life time... if not then go listen to 50 shades of grey.Hilarious and sometimes terrifying!
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