Nine-year-olds must follow directions to succeed at home and school. Whether they are completing chores, following safety instructions, completing assignments, or showing their knowledge on tests, they will need to be able to follow directions. Though telling your child to do something may seem simple enough, the process of a child listening and engaging in several steps given in an instruction necessitates several brain functions in addition to motivational factors. Children can vary tremendously in their ability to carry out instructions.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can be deliberate in offering instructions to help your child follow directions. Understanding multiple-step directions engages their short-term and complex working memory, an executive function that requires practice and development over time. In the case of short-term memory, you might ask your child, “Would you grab the butter, eggs, and milk out of the refrigerator, please?” They must remember those three items as they move to the kitchen. In an academic setting, as another example, a teacher may say, “At the end of our class, I’ll give you time to take out your pencils, read the directions at the top of the page, and fill in only questions 3. and 5.” Students have to retain that information as the teacher moves on to other topics and also plan for what they will need to do when they come to the time when they have to implement the teacher’s instructions. This expectation utilizes complex working memory and can be challenging for students.^1^

Following directions can involve all five core social and emotional competencies[1] . Children may need to be aware of their strengths and limitations (self-awareness) to complete the tasks given. They must use their self-management skills to wait and focus on what’s been instructed when necessary. They may require social awareness or empathy as they work to understand the needs, feelings, and thoughts of the one giving them directions. They will use their relationship skills by listening actively to what’s required. They will also use their responsible decision-making skills to decide whether and how to follow through with a request or instruction.

Some parents and those in a parenting role may feel frustrated and even angry when their children do not follow their directions as they requested. A parent may perceive a child not following their directions as defiant or disrespectful, but there may be another reason for the behavior. There are several factors to consider when a child does not follow a direction. When faced with this situation, a parent may ask themselves:

- Does the child have the full capacity and skills to follow the directions?

- Does the child have any barriers to completing the tasks, including motivation or environmental issues (for example, a sibling distracting them)?

- Have you communicated how a child can best understand, listen, retain, and act successfully?

Building a trusting relationship can provide the foundational safety and motivation for your child to follow directions. Using teachable moments that grow your child’s skills can be transformational in preparing your child to follow directions at home and school. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters.

When your five-year-old can’t seem to remember to brush their teeth before bedtime without multiple reminders, or your seven-year-old seems to forget what you’ve asked them to do the moment they leave your sight, or your ten-year-old is refusing to go to bed, these situations are opportunities to support your child in following directions.

Today, in the...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and setting up a homework routine provides an excellent opportunity.

Five to ten-year-olds are in the process of establishing critical learning habits, including how they approach homework, that will extend throughout their school years. For most children, homework is a nightly reality. Children with a parent or someone in a parenting role supporting learning at home and engaging in their school community have more consistent school attendance, better social skills, and higher grade point averages and test scores than those without such support. ^1^ Indeed, parental involvement best predicts students’ academic achievement.

Yet, there are challenges. “I don’t want to do homework. I haven’t had any time to play,” might be a frequent complaint you hear from your seven-year-old. Your child may push back when they have other goals in mind. Their goal - “How can I play longer?” - is typical.

A National Center on Families Learning study found that 60% of American families struggle to help children with homework.^2^ More than 25% admit that they struggle because they are too busy, up from just over 20% in 2013. Other reasons parents identified for having trouble with helping with homework were not understanding the subject matter (34%) and pushback from their kids (41%).^3^

While getting a regular homework routine going might be a challenge, it can be a joyful experience that promotes valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to support a homework routine in cooperative ways that avoid a daily battle.

Five and six-year-olds will be brand new to the homework experience, and you will have an opportunity to establish positive habits that will stay with them for years. Seven, eight, nine, and ten-year-olds will bring new academic challenges home, like reading with competence and learning fractions. Additionally, they may be expected to complete long-term projects. This will take a whole new level of planning and organization. In addition to reinforcing the lessons taught in the classroom, homework teaches students essential executive function skills, including the ability to plan, organize, prioritize, and execute tasks. Homework is a reality for most students, and assignments can become challenging if regular routines are not established. Today, in the short term, establishing effective homework habits will create

● greater cooperation and motivation

● more significant opportunities for connection and enjoyment as you implement your respective roles and feel set up for success

● trust in each other that you have the competence to complete your responsibilities with practice and care

● reduced frustrations from a lack of organization, space, or resources

● learning about your child’s school curriculum

Tomorrow, in the long term, homework helps your child

● build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

● build skills in responsible decision-making, hard work, and persistence

● gains independence, life skills competence, and self-sufficiency

● develop positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success

This five-step process helps your family establish a homework routine and builds essential skills in your child....

Trust is an important foundation for healthy relationships. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your nine-year-old’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship and understand how to promote trust in your child.

Lying represents an important milestone in your child’s thinking as they learn that others have different beliefs and perspectives than their own. Experimenting with lying is a typical part of a child’s development. Experimenting with lying is how they come to understand their perspective versus others’ and also how they test boundaries. Children ages five to ten are learning about the rules of school and family life. For your child to understand rules, they need to test them and sometimes break them.

The key to many parenting challenges, like raising children who grow in their understanding of the value of truth-telling, is finding ways to communicate so that both your and your child’s needs are met. The steps below will prepare you to help your child learn more about your family values, how they relate to lying, and how you can grow and deepen your trusting relationship.

Whether your five-year-old lies about eating their dinner when you can clearly see they have been stashing peas in their napkin, your seven-year-old telling their teacher they did their homework but left it at home when they didn’t, or your ten-year-old telling a friend they dance ballet when they’ve never tried it, your child’s ability to tell the truth can become a regular challenge if you don’t create plans and strategies.

Today, in the short term, honesty can create

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment

● trust in each other

● a sense of well-being for a parent and child

● added daily peace of mind

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

● builds skills in self-awareness

● builds skills in social awareness, perspective-taking, empathy, and compassion

● builds skills in self-control

● develops moral and consequential thinking and decision-making

This five-step process helps you teach your child honesty and builds important skills. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and a healthy parenting relationship[3] support these steps.

You can get your child thinking about honesty by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your child’s thinking. You’ll also better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to honesty so that you can address them. In gaining input, your child

● has the opportunity to become more aware of how they are thinking and feeling related to lies and truth

● can begin to formulate what it means to be in a trusting relationship

● can think through and problem-solve any temptations to lie they may encounter ahead of time

● has a greater stake in anything they’ve designed themself (and...