Nine-year-olds must follow directions to succeed at home and school. Whether they are completing chores, following safety instructions, completing assignments, or showing their knowledge on tests, they will need to be able to follow directions. Though telling your child to do something may seem simple enough, the process of a child listening and engaging in several steps given in an instruction necessitates several brain functions in addition to motivational factors. Children can vary tremendously in their ability to carry out instructions.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can be deliberate in offering instructions to help your child follow directions. Understanding multiple-step directions engages their short-term and complex working memory, an executive function that requires practice and development over time. In the case of short-term memory, you might ask your child, “Would you grab the butter, eggs, and milk out of the refrigerator, please?” They must remember those three items as they move to the kitchen. In an academic setting, as another example, a teacher may say, “At the end of our class, I’ll give you time to take out your pencils, read the directions at the top of the page, and fill in only questions 3. and 5.” Students have to retain that information as the teacher moves on to other topics and also plan for what they will need to do when they come to the time when they have to implement the teacher’s instructions. This expectation utilizes complex working memory and can be challenging for students.^1^

Following directions can involve all five core social and emotional competencies[1] . Children may need to be aware of their strengths and limitations (self-awareness) to complete the tasks given. They must use their self-management skills to wait and focus on what’s been instructed when necessary. They may require social awareness or empathy as they work to understand the needs, feelings, and thoughts of the one giving them directions. They will use their relationship skills by listening actively to what’s required. They will also use their responsible decision-making skills to decide whether and how to follow through with a request or instruction.

Some parents and those in a parenting role may feel frustrated and even angry when their children do not follow their directions as they requested. A parent may perceive a child not following their directions as defiant or disrespectful, but there may be another reason for the behavior. There are several factors to consider when a child does not follow a direction. When faced with this situation, a parent may ask themselves:

- Does the child have the full capacity and skills to follow the directions?

- Does the child have any barriers to completing the tasks, including motivation or environmental issues (for example, a sibling distracting them)?

- Have you communicated how a child can best understand, listen, retain, and act successfully?

Building a trusting relationship can provide the foundational safety and motivation for your child to follow directions. Using teachable moments that grow your child’s skills can be transformational in preparing your child to follow directions at home and school. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters.

When your five-year-old can’t seem to remember to brush their teeth before bedtime without multiple reminders, or your seven-year-old seems to forget what you’ve asked them to do the moment they leave your sight, or your ten-year-old is refusing to go to bed, these situations are opportunities to support your child in following directions.

Today, in the...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and setting up a homework routine provides an excellent opportunity.

Five to ten-year-olds are in the process of establishing critical learning habits, including how they approach homework, that will extend throughout their school years. For most children, homework is a nightly reality. Children with a parent or someone in a parenting role supporting learning at home and engaging in their school community have more consistent school attendance, better social skills, and higher grade point averages and test scores than those without such support. ^1^ Indeed, parental involvement best predicts students’ academic achievement.

Yet, there are challenges. “I don’t want to do homework. I haven’t had any time to play,” might be a frequent complaint you hear from your seven-year-old. Your child may push back when they have other goals in mind. Their goal - “How can I play longer?” - is typical.

A National Center on Families Learning study found that 60% of American families struggle to help children with homework.^2^ More than 25% admit that they struggle because they are too busy, up from just over 20% in 2013. Other reasons parents identified for having trouble with helping with homework were not understanding the subject matter (34%) and pushback from their kids (41%).^3^

While getting a regular homework routine going might be a challenge, it can be a joyful experience that promotes valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to support a homework routine in cooperative ways that avoid a daily battle.

Five and six-year-olds will be brand new to the homework experience, and you will have an opportunity to establish positive habits that will stay with them for years. Seven, eight, nine, and ten-year-olds will bring new academic challenges home, like reading with competence and learning fractions. Additionally, they may be expected to complete long-term projects. This will take a whole new level of planning and organization. In addition to reinforcing the lessons taught in the classroom, homework teaches students essential executive function skills, including the ability to plan, organize, prioritize, and execute tasks. Homework is a reality for most students, and assignments can become challenging if regular routines are not established. Today, in the short term, establishing effective homework habits will create

● greater cooperation and motivation

● more significant opportunities for connection and enjoyment as you implement your respective roles and feel set up for success

● trust in each other that you have the competence to complete your responsibilities with practice and care

● reduced frustrations from a lack of organization, space, or resources

● learning about your child’s school curriculum

Tomorrow, in the long term, homework helps your child

● build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

● build skills in responsible decision-making, hard work, and persistence

● gains independence, life skills competence, and self-sufficiency

● develop positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success

This five-step process helps your family establish a homework routine and builds essential skills in your child....

Trust is an important foundation for healthy relationships. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your nine-year-old’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship and understand how to promote trust in your child.

Lying represents an important milestone in your child’s thinking as they learn that others have different beliefs and perspectives than their own. Experimenting with lying is a typical part of a child’s development. Experimenting with lying is how they come to understand their perspective versus others’ and also how they test boundaries. Children ages five to ten are learning about the rules of school and family life. For your child to understand rules, they need to test them and sometimes break them.

The key to many parenting challenges, like raising children who grow in their understanding of the value of truth-telling, is finding ways to communicate so that both your and your child’s needs are met. The steps below will prepare you to help your child learn more about your family values, how they relate to lying, and how you can grow and deepen your trusting relationship.

Whether your five-year-old lies about eating their dinner when you can clearly see they have been stashing peas in their napkin, your seven-year-old telling their teacher they did their homework but left it at home when they didn’t, or your ten-year-old telling a friend they dance ballet when they’ve never tried it, your child’s ability to tell the truth can become a regular challenge if you don’t create plans and strategies.

Today, in the short term, honesty can create

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment

● trust in each other

● a sense of well-being for a parent and child

● added daily peace of mind

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

● builds skills in self-awareness

● builds skills in social awareness, perspective-taking, empathy, and compassion

● builds skills in self-control

● develops moral and consequential thinking and decision-making

This five-step process helps you teach your child honesty and builds important skills. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and a healthy parenting relationship[3] support these steps.

You can get your child thinking about honesty by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your child’s thinking. You’ll also better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to honesty so that you can address them. In gaining input, your child

● has the opportunity to become more aware of how they are thinking and feeling related to lies and truth

● can begin to formulate what it means to be in a trusting relationship

● can think through and problem-solve any temptations to lie they may encounter ahead of time

● has a greater stake in anything they’ve designed themself (and...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your influence is vital in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship while instilling confidence in your child to persist toward their goals and succeed in all areas of life. Everyone faces challenges, yet mistakes and failures are necessary for your nine-year-old’s learning and development. With your guidance and support, mistakes become a tool for learning and growing confidence.

The key to any parenting issue is finding ways to communicate to meet your and your child’s needs. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you as you address any issue with your child.

As you address any issues, you build the foundation for your child’s development.

Your focus on cultivating a safe, trusting relationship and promoting life skills can create:

● greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment

● trust in each other

● a sense of well-being and motivation

Engaging in these five steps is an investment that builds your skills as an effective parent or someone in a parenting role to use on any issues and builds essential skills that will last a lifetime for your child. Throughout this tool, there are opportunities for children to:

● become more self-aware and deepen their social awareness

● exercise their self-management skills

● build their relationship skills

● demonstrate and practice responsible decision-making and problem-solving

This five-step process helps you and your child with any issue. It builds critical life skills in your child. The same process can be used to address other specific parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Whether it’s your child having difficulty meeting new friends or you are dealing with your feelings of inadequacy when trying to respond to your child’s frustration, these steps can be applied to any situation to support your child. You can tailor these questions and statements to match any arising issue.

Tip: These steps are best done when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and healthy parenting relationships[3] will support these steps.

Based on your child’s development milestones, you will want to focus on the following as you move through the five steps:

● supporting child’s growing sense of autonomy - being able to do things or make basic decisions, like what to wear, on their own

● practicing consistency with expected behavior, rules, and consequences

● encouraging flexibility while supporting your child’s need for structure

● modeling positive social skills, responsible choices, and going easy on yourself when you make mistakes (noticing self-talk)

● supporting and offering ways to regulate strong emotions

Getting your child’s input will help you better understand their thoughts, feelings[4] , and challenges related to their

As parents or those in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and helping your nine-year-old learn to deal with their tantrums provides a great opportunity.

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning about their strong feelings. They do not understand the full-body takeover that can occur when angry, hurt, or frustrated. A sense of a lack of control can be scary and add to the length and intensity of their upset.

Tantrums and meltdowns can be overwhelming for children and the adults in their lives. Learning how to deal with anger or upset without choosing destructive responses is critical. Understanding the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown will help parents and those in a parenting role properly guide their children through these intense times. Your support and guidance matter greatly.

Even though they may look like the same behaviors, tantrums and meltdowns are different and require different approaches to handle each.

Tantrums are

● a typical reaction or outburst to feeling anger or frustration

● a cry for attention or an inability to communicate

● within a child’s scope of awareness and control

● goal-oriented

A child throwing a tantrum is experiencing intense feelings and acting out in hopes of a desired outcome. Sensory meltdowns, like tantrums, are characterized by a child experiencing big feelings, but the difference is that the child is not acting out in search of a desired outcome.

Meltdowns are

● most common among children with sensory processing disorders, autism, or other medical issues who are easily overstimulated or cannot cope with emotional triggers such as fear or anxiety

● an instinctive survival reaction to being overstimulated or feeling distressed

● not goal-oriented, meaning they are not affected by a reward system

● long-lasting

● children may never grow out of them like they do tantrums

To a parent or someone in a parenting role, tantrums and meltdowns may seem like mischievous behaviors that the child needs to curb immediately. However, it is critical to remember that these outbursts are a child’s attempt to communicate something about their intense feelings. Parents and those in a parenting role can help guide their children through these feelings and teach them skills to manage them.

Parents’ recognition and understanding of tantrums and meltdowns are essential for teaching children how to recognize and handle their big feelings.

This tool is most applicable to parents handling children with tantrums. While many of the strategies for tantrums help children experiencing meltdowns, it is essential to note that meltdowns require immense patience, calm, and presence of mind to keep children safe. There are many helpful resources for parents of children with sensory processing challenges. A few resources about sensory meltdowns include:

● The Autism Speaks website has multiple articles and information on meltdowns. A simple search of “meltdowns” in the search bar brings up numerous options. https://www.autismspeaks.org/

● National Autistic Society, an organization in the United Kingdom, has a website that also provides multiple articles on meltdowns and dealing with anger and anxiety when “meltdowns” are...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and helping your nine-year-old develop their sharing, collaboration, turn-taking, and healthy friendship skills is a perfect opportunity.

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning about themselves, their strengths and limitations, why they feel the way they do, and how they relate to others. This is also known as their self-awareness. ^1^ They better understand themselves through interactions with you, their teachers, and their peers. Learning to share “stuff” in social play allows your child to naturally practice cooperation, negotiation, inclusion, communication, flexibility, conflict management, and diversity appreciation. Children utilize toys, art supplies, games, household objects, and more to exercise their social, emotional, and cognitive skills.

Yet, there are challenges. Sensitivity over ownership and sharing is expected in your child’s development. Turn-taking and sharing can be a challenge. When your eight-year-old rips a ball away from a neighborhood friend, yelling, “That’s mine!” it can cause upset in their relationship. Connecting with and caring about others and their property is essential to your child’s development. Learning how you can support their growing friendships and their taking responsibility for the care of their possessions can help you feel more competent in your role as a parent. The steps below include specific, practical strategies to prepare you to help your child through the ups and downs of growing healthy friendships, learning to collaborate, taking turns, and sharing.

Whether it’s your five-year-old breaking down because their friend won’t share their Lego set or your ten-year-old obsessing over the presents they want for their birthday, your child’s relationship with “stuff” can become a daily challenge. As your child grows, the idea of sharing transitions from physical items to sharing power in the relationship and learning how to give and take. For example, this may look like who leads and who follows in play or how your child resolves disagreements on what to do with friends. Your child’s emerging ability to engage with peers and become part of a social community is essential to their development.

Today, in the short term, sharing can create

● opportunities for your child to build relationships with others

● a growing sense of care for others

● a sense of confidence that your child can manage a certain level of difficulty

● a strong connection between you as you navigate these challenges together

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

● develops empathy

● helps them see others’ perspectives

● shifts their focus away from self to contributing to the well-being of their community

● builds self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationships, and responsible decision-making skills

This five-step process helps you and your child through the ups and downs of growing healthy friendship skills like turn-taking and sharing. It also builds essential skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[1] .

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and growing reading skills is a great way to do it.

Reading is essential for your child’s success in school. Reading also plays a critical role in your child’s

● social and emotional development[1]

● language development

● executive functions like working memory and self-control ^1^

● connection to you

● empathy and understanding of others

● imagination (ability to “see” the story) ^2^

● ability to choose healthy behaviors (preventing high-risk behaviors and unhealthy choices)

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning how to read and establishing critical learning habits through reading that will extend throughout their school years. Reading is learned best on a lap, snuggled closely in the arms of parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. Reading aloud to children is the most important activity for building skills essential for reading success. ^3^

Yet, anyone can face challenges in establishing a daily reading routine with their children. A national survey found that only 34% of families read to children daily.^4 Families today are busier than ever with more demands on their time.

Children are highly entertained and stimulated by technology, so even if a family does prioritize reading, children might fight it. You might hear, “Do we have to?” when you announce reading time after dinner. While it may take more encouragement than past generations to start a daily reading routine with your child, it can be a joyful experience, enrich your family life, and promote valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to support family reading cooperatively.

Becoming intentional about a daily reading routine, looking for ways to incorporate reading into your time spent together, and considering the quality of the reading experience can all contribute to your child’s development.

Today, in the short term, reading can create

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment

● opportunity for dialogue and reflection

● a direct and simple way to influence your child’s positive development

Tomorrow, in the long term, reading helps your child

● build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

● build skills in hard work and persistence

● develop empathy, creative thinking, and responsible decision-making skills

● create positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success

This five-step process helps your family establish a routine for daily reading and builds important skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[2] .

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[3] and a healthy...

Why Listening?

Your child’s success depends upon their ability to listen and understand what you and others are communicating. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship while building essential listening skills in your child.

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication and healthy parenting relationships will support these steps.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

● “Do you feel listened to? When and by whom?”

● “How do you know that the person truly listens to you?”

● “Are there times when someone is not listening to you?”

● “How does that make you feel?”

Tip: During a family meal, explore the question: “What does it take to listen well?” Allow each family member to respond—model listening by allowing each person to complete their thoughts without interruption or judgment.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

● Model listening while interacting with your child. Notice your body language. Ask: “What is my body communicating, and how am I demonstrating that I’m listening?”

● Listen for thought and feeling. In addition to listening to what your child says, see if you can identify the unspoken thought and feeling behind the content, in other words, the context.

● Build a sacred time into your routine when you are fully present to listen to what your child has to tell you.

● Learn listening strategies together by trying them out.

○ Demonstrate poor listening and good listening. Act it out, then reflect and ask: “What did you notice about her body language?”

○ Actively listen. One person listens to fully understand what the speaker is saying and waits until the speaker is finished talking before responding.

○ Paraphrase. Echo back to the speaker a summary of what they’ve said to check how accurate your listening is and also to confirm that you have heard them (“I heard you say that…”).

○ Seek clarification. If you are listening to learn something from the speaker, it is important to seek clarification on details to make certain you understand: “What did you mean when you said you weren’t happy this morning? What happened?”

○ Practice questioning and commenting with empathy. Instead of responding to a speaker with your own experiences, focus solely on the content of what has been communicated. Your child: “Today, Mrs. Smith started a new project. We are going to be building fairy tree houses. I can’t wait.” You: “Sounds like you are excited about this project. What else besides sticks do we need to collect?”

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Use “Show me…” statements like “Show me how you can listen at dinner without interrupting.”

● Recognize effort: “I noticed how you listened fully to your sister when she was upset. That’s so helpful to her.”

● Play listening games.

● Read...