Episodes

  • 486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun

    486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun
    Jun 6 2025
    How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore. Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ. These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes. The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family. Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles. Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in. But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone. Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken. Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you. The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom. Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame. Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life. He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God. Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus. Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail. Only God's love is unchanging. Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often: "In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear." That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living. What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like? It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity. Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing. When your worth is secure in Christ: You don’t feel inferior to anyone. You don’t feel superior to anyone. You can love boldly and lead without fear. As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.” Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world. Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love. Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters. Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit. They point to the God who never gives up on us. Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But ...
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    51 mins
  • 485-Strength from Suffering

    485-Strength from Suffering
    May 30 2025
    Strength from Suffering Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore. But that’s a lie. The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built. The God Who Sees You and Knows You Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you. He knows your name. He knows what you’re up against. He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off. When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does. Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos. Endurance is Grown in the Fire I want you to really let this truth soak in: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4 Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through. That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain. What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”? God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance. And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint. The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping. But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs. If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us. What is the Gift in This Situation? When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?” Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience? I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.” And maybe, so are you. You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve. Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else? That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better. Final Thoughts You have a choice today. You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say: “God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.” We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father. And when we do that... We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain. We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women's Masterclass & Men's Masterclass PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."
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    21 mins
  • 484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story

    484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story
    May 23 2025
    Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began. She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling. Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place. But God. Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God. Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart. How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.” It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart. But Jesus wanted her whole heart. She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness. Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband! “It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.” That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed. And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it. How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life. With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself. Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken. Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.” This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity. A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith: “There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.” She continued: “This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.” The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program. “It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.” She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment. Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another. “There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.” Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ...
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    49 mins
  • 483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery

    483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
    May 16 2025
    If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering… Why don’t I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you’re in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several. That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.” And that’s biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole. A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.” You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your...
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • 482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down

    482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down
    May 9 2025
    Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It’s your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely. Here’s what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "
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    7 mins
  • 481-Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm

    481-Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm
    May 2 2025
    Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That’s Actually Very Relevant) Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago... Picture this: I’m flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn’t roll over me. I’m convinced something’s stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called. As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating. No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened. Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident. What the heck happened? And what is happening now? Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers. The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong. I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital. Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :) So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next. But what really changed everything was the x-rays. They finally discover the truth: My clavicle was snapped clean through. Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything. I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain. I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively. THIS is what’s happening in the Church right now. We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad. But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens. It doesn't. Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying. And the Church's sexual scandals are not random. They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing. Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn’t Heal It If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it? It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later. The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse. That’s why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed. Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event. "He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!" But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns. Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman. Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship. These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated. The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance Satan thrives when we stay ignorant. When we don’t know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ. Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks: "In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11) Jesus warns us: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility. We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin. Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal Sexual sin isn’t "just another mistake."Biblically, it’s in a category of its own: "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18) When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound: Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached. People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself. The wound runs deep. But Jesus takes it seriously. Jesus didn’t say: "Try not to ...
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    28 mins
  • 480-When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story

    480-When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story
    Apr 25 2025
    When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story It’s a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding. That’s the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear. How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick’s Life This is not just a testimony—it’s a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you. Patrick didn’t set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn’t know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal. But God— Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It’s a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way. But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light. And you’ll hear how it happened for Patrick. The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did. Yes. Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages. Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating. That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing. Now, he calls it a “blessing”. The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It’ll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself." But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you." Patrick did. And his life changed. Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals But let’s rewind for a second. Because this story didn’t begin with healing. It began with desperation. After that discovery, Patrick didn’t know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away. But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like. And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It’s not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.” Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn’t a sales pitch. It wasn’t about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could. The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability That’s when the real work began. You’ll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I’m just always going to be an addict." Because that’s not how God sees us. Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off. That doesn’t mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction. But today, Patrick is walking in freedom. Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out. And his marriage? On it’s healing journey. Better than ever. Not because everything’s perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus. He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He’s leading his family spiritually. He’s serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity. That’s the kind of freedom God offers. Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart So if you’re a husband who’s been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope. Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband’s secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don’t know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick’s wife is living proof. And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you’re in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don’t think you’re exempt. You’re not. And that’s okay. This is for you, too. Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call That’s why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch This training is ...
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    38 mins
  • 479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer

    479-Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer
    Apr 18 2025
    Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community. I’ve walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I’ve seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey. Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing. On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross. Let’s dive in. The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we’re acutely aware of, and others we’ve buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts. Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame. This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It’s about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing. Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random. Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin. Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma. Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult. Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds. Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles: The Disengaged Family System: Parents were physically or emotionally absent. Your longing for connection was never fulfilled. When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System: Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you. You felt powerless and suffocated. Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment. Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn’t about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It’s about gaining understanding. Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.” Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we’ll finally change. But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred. Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why am I drawn to this behavior? What is the pain underneath my actions? What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved? When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain. The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love: Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it. If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away. Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power. Swim toward the shark of shame. Face it. Name it. And ...
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    54 mins
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