Pretty Broken

We became famous overnight. One day, I was a twenty-four-year-old drummer slinging pizzas to make ends meet, and the next, I was a member of the most popular alternative band ever. Despite being world-famous, there was no connection in it. I'd lost touch with reality, with intimacy. I couldn't find a place to be normal. I'd lived my entire life straight-edged while watching obsession destroy my best friend. Obsession terrified me—that is until I met him.

I might be the best-selling solo artist in the world, but my personal life is a disaster. For every number one album, there's a sea of my worsts, all documented in photos. Bad break-ups. Destroyed hotel rooms. Fights. Drugs. And just as many rumors. Every headline reaffirms the walls I've built around myself. Fame destroys everything it touches, and I can't let anyone close. The only exception is my best friend—Lowe Wilder

The pretty boy. The loner. Old Hollywood. I had all kinds of names as the least-known member of the most famous band in the world. Behind all the hype and masks, I'm just a Pretty Wreck. No one knows the disaster I am, my secrets hidden behind style and a smile. I've been running for as long as I can remember, but I can't get away from the gilded cage of fame. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it together. I'm forced to go back on tour to play the summer concert circuit, and so is the guy I've avoided for two years.

I don't think we even begin to understand love until we've lost the one we thought we'd spend the rest of our life with. I don't think we begin to understand ourselves until we realize that it's most likely our fault. And I don't think we begin to understand life until we understand it comes in so many shades of gray. You can be a good person and still do irrevocable harm. Life is messy, so f--king messy. I hate it. Or maybe I hate myself. I thought for a long time I hated him.

I thought success was what I wanted, but it only intensified my misery. Fame is a monster, and it ate me alive. I tried it all to get out of my head: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I'm living the dream, but it only numbs the pain. Caspian came into my life like a storm, and I knew he'd leave the same way. We were two vessels made to fit. Chemistry woven in creation. There's no escape, there's no surrender. His Pretty Black forever.