
F**k, Marry, Kill Me, Daddy
Murder Daddy, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Kevin Earlywine
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By:
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Lance Lansdale
About this listen
SCOTTY
My boyfriend’s been trying to kill me for weeks. Well, I guess he's my boyfriend. I mean, we've never officially been introduced, but he's always standing in the shadows, watching me. That has to be a good sign, right? The first time I saw him, he was hunched down in my bushes, aiming a rifle at my heart, and he's turned up with a new weapon every night since. As fun as our silly little game of Murder Daddy may be, I’m getting tired of having to steal my stalker-slash-boyfriend’s affection by disarming him and using his weapons against him.
BRODY
I’ve got to get my head in the game. As my agency’s top assassin, I’ve killed my fair share of men. When Senator Levinson placed his son on my hitlist, I figured it would be a one-and-done. I was wrong. Every time our paths cross, he winds up getting the upper hand. The things he makes me do once he’s pried a gun or a knife out of my hand are downright depraved, and for some reason, I can't bring myself to stop it from happening. My wife tells me I need to just suck it up and get the job done. My wife’s boyfriend says I’m sweet on the guy, which is absolutely ridiculous. Even if I wanted to take advantage of our open marriage, I’m not gay. This man—this Freakshow—is completely unhinged, and the worst part is, I think I might be just as crazy as him.
F**ck, Marry, Kill Me, Daddy is a high-heat, over-the-top, absolutely UNHINGED, dual-POV, dark romcom that is equal parts insta-love and insta-lust. While one character is married, their marriage is open, and there's no cheating between them.
©2024 Lance Lansdale (P)2025 Lance LansdaleListeners also enjoyed...
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- Narrated by: Simon Dornet
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Flower deliveryman and aspiring novelist Matthew Darcy never expected to become the object of anyone's affection, let alone attract the attention of someone like billionaire Calvin Croft. In fact, two men couldn't live more different lives than Matt and Cal. But romance has a magical way of making opposites attract.
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Fun read.
- By LAN on 01-23-25
By: Robin Knight
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Hedonist: King's Heat
- Hedonist
- By: Roe Horvat
- Narrated by: John Solo
- Length: 5 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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I’m the first omega king in a land previously ruled by alphas, and I’ve had the audacity to remain unmarried. Of course, all kinds of outrageous tales surround my palace. People say I’m a sorcerer constantly in heat, the orgies in my bathhouses never end, and every so often, a young alpha expires in my arms from exhaustion. According to one legend, I choose three men to knot me every night because I can’t sleep empty. Another story says that I keep virgin omegas at the palace and organize games where the best soldiers get to deflower the boys as a reward while I look on.
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Yes!
- By Jam on 01-05-25
By: Roe Horvat
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Beneath the Indigo Sky
- Unexpected Love, Book 1
- By: Rayne Hawthorne
- Narrated by: Michael Lesley
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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I may not know where I come from, or who I am, but I’ve done my best to build a life for myself. I know a handful of people in town, I have a nice place to live, and I enjoy my job. I look just like everyone else. But I don’t feel like everyone else, because I feel…everything. The emotions of others get tangled with my own as they race through my heart and sink into my soul.
By: Rayne Hawthorne
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A Minute More
- Timeless, Book 1
- By: Cora Rose
- Narrated by: Tim Paige, Kirt Graves
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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I'm really more of a "take it as it comes" sort of dude. But making minimum wage at a small-town sandwich shop wasn't exactly what I had in mind after college graduation either. It may not be an exciting life, but it isn't so bad. At least I have my amazing coworkers and friends who always try to make the workday fun. Everyone, that is, except the new guy, Simon.
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I didn’t
- By Ashliegh Huffman on 02-21-25
By: Cora Rose
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How to Train Your Human Omega
- Coveted Bonds, Book 1
- By: Arden Fox
- Narrated by: Nick J. Russo, Gabriel Michael
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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I don't ask for much from life; I get paid, and then I get laid. And piloting spaceships across the galaxy keeps my solo lifestyle well-funded. I don't need a relationship or any of the baggage that comes with it. I like my men like I like my coffee; to go. That is, until the most boring job in the universe goes horribly wrong and I'm snatched from my ship by a seven-foot alien. He's huge, he's purple, and he's ripped as hell. I'm sure I'm a dead man. Only it turns out he doesn't want to kill me. What he wants is far worse.
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Intense emotional story
- By Nicholas Pesqueda on 01-17-25
By: Arden Fox
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On Guard
- New York Gods Series, Book 1
- By: Andi Jaxon, J.R. Gray
- Narrated by: Kirt Graves, Tim Paige
- Length: 8 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Selling my virginity wasn't how I saw my first week of college going. But after my parents cut me off, an offer from a gorgeous rich stranger doesn't sound so bad. It's only twenty-four hours and I'll never have to see him again. Wrong. Much to my horror, the stranger is Oliver Godfrey, the captain of my fencing team. As if that isn't bad enough, his parents own half the city. There is no escape from him or the way he makes me feel.
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Brilliant - Perfect combination of ❤️ and 🔥🔥🔥🔥
- By Jay J. on 05-17-25
By: Andi Jaxon, and others
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The Trouble with Trying to Date a Murderer
- Murder Sprees and Mute Decrees, Book 1
- By: Jennifer Cody
- Narrated by: Kevin Earlywine
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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At least that's what I tell myself when I witness the same hot guy commit mass murder three times in a few days. I'm either the luckiest mute boy ever or possibly the unluckiest. Who knows, maybe him kidnapping me will turn into the greatest love story ever told? Hey, it could happen! You never know how these things will turn out. I happen to believe in love and soulmates, and if nothing else, Arlington Fox doesn't treat my disability like a nuisance.
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So excited these books are in/coming to audio!!!!!
- By @TheVeryTiredBookMama on 10-01-24
By: Jennifer Cody
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How to Flirt with a Hellhound
- Hellhounds of Paradise Falls, Book 1
- By: Shannon Mae
- Narrated by: Iggy Toma, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but the hot guy next door totally gives off serial killer vibes. Why else would he know how long it takes to bleed out from a wound? Yeah, ok, so I asked, but it was research. Being an author definitely makes for some odd questions (someone had better clear my browser history when I die, that's all I'm saying). It's not like I'm stalking my hot neighbor or anything—there's nothing wrong with watching him out my window. Although I might have my own stalker (and not the cute harmless kind), which is kind of terrifying.
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Silly and fun
- By Jazmine on 02-05-25
By: Shannon Mae
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Wreaking Havoc
- Demon Bound, Book 1
- By: Grae Bryan
- Narrated by: Michael Ferraiuolo
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Sascha has always felt powerless, the weak baby of a cruel family. But that’s fine. He has his looks, his ample allowance, and a smattering of one-night stands to keep him busy. But when Sascha’s oldest brother offends the wrong people, Sascha finds himself in hiding with a target on his back. And when poking around in his temporary home leads to accidentally summoning the hottest demon Sascha could ever imagine, he has to ask himself: does he want to feel powerless anymore?
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Incredible!
- By Pyrien on 06-12-25
By: Grae Bryan
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Intoxicating
- Elite Protection Services
- By: Onley James
- Narrated by: Liam DiCosimo
- Length: 7 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Lincoln Hudson has just been handed the easiest job in the world. Babysit the spoiled son of a conservative senator, keep him out of trouble, and receive a six-figure paycheck. A paycheck he desperately needs. Wyatt’s father claims he needs Linc’s firm hand and discipline. One look at him and Linc agrees. Wyatt needs discipline.
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5 steamy stars!🤩🔥
- By RACHEL REED on 06-13-21
By: Onley James
These two are the unhinged version of “Match My Freak”!
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Listener received this title free
I love and adore this so very much! I was having a blast listening to this audiobook.
Awesome!!
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Unhinged perfection!
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Listener received this title free
Soooo crazy!!
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Listener received this title free
“I love how I don’t know if I want to **** you or k*** you. You make me just as crazy as you, and I don’t want it to stop.”
Narrator Kevin Earlywine is absolute PERFECTION! I can't imagine anyone else as Scotty & Brody.
This is one of the most fun books I’ve ever read in my life! It’s hilarious & over the top ridiculous! And underneath all of that silliness, is a rollercoaster of FEELS! There is so much love & care & mending of heartbreaking emotional trauma. I’m absolutely in love w/ Brody & Scotty aka Daddy & Freakshow!
I don’t want to spoil much, but I gotta say that their game of Murder Daddy to break down each other’s walls of fear is PRICELESS!
This was my first Lance Lansdale book and I've been HOOKED ever since! I seriously had the best time reading.
PERFECTION!
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This is my first Kevin Earlywine book and I am addicted!!! He is the PERFECT Scotty!
Thanks, Lance and Scotty! You have made my Thursday. :)
If I could give this 1000 stars, I would!
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unhinged, deranged, and psychotic.
Recently listened to the audiobook version and laughed even harder! The narrator did a phenomenal job bringing Scotty and Brody to life and matched them perfectly in my mind. Parts that originally gave me belly laugh when reading had me HYSTERICAL while listening! I can never recommend this book enough! Hope book 2 gets an audiobook as well!
Hilariously Unhinged
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Are the main characters unhinged? Definitely. Yet, they are so ridiculously adorable, I fell in love with them. They each have their issues, but they support each other entirely and without judgment.
If you do have issues with DUBCON this might not be your jam, but while things start out as DUBCON, the consent becomes clear in the end (at least to me.)
Barb is #lifegoals!
My only issue is with the narration, Brody and Scotty sounded too alike for me, so I’d get confused about whose POV I was listening to, but thankfully I had read the book already.
Unhinged in the best way
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Listener received this title free
Scotty is absolutely unhinged in the most endearing way, and as twisted as his obsession is, I couldn’t help but root for him and his happiness from the first page.
And Daddy/Brody… aww Brody. So desperately confused and conflicted as he stumbles his way through this bi-awakening and new obsession.
FMK Me, Daddy is absolutely the dark rom-com that will have you laughing out loud, getting hot under the collar, and all up in your feels. Plus the not so subtle (iykyk) hits about the next book, which is also gonna be fun!
Kevin did an awesome job with the narration, especially for Scotty! Love when a rereading/listen is still a 5⭐️ read!
Fan-friggin-tastic!
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Well… Not that the stories are similar, but just saying, if John Waters ever got ahold of this book, I 100% guarantee the movie version of this book would find a very comfortable home, nestled between his copies of Pink Flamingos and Serial Mom.
Soooo… What’s it about? Oh dear. I can’t really tell you. Not because I’m afraid of spoiling anything. I literally… Can’t tell you. You can’t really explain Scotty. You can only experience him. Like an adorable, clueless, southern tornado – he stupidly and mindlessly tears through the story, wrecking everyone’s defenses, their own sense of self, and sanity, leaving them wondering how they got so… wet.
No… Sorry — you can read the plot, but you won’t “get it” until you experience it for yourself. And if you do, and decide you don’t like it? Well… You’re wrong. And while that’s allowed, it would be best for the global community if you don’t procreate. The world is already too humorless. We need to cut through the tension of darker times with the same precision we’d use to cut Scotty’s brake lines.
BTW - not enough stories explore ballbusting, and it's lovely this delightful, but lesser known kink get's it's own scene!
Giving Serious “Serial Mom” Vibes
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