A Dirty Guide to a Clean Home
Housekeeping Hacks You Can't Live Without
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Narrated by:
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Melissa Dilkes Pateras
About this listen
Everything you need to know about laundry, cleaning, and basic home repairs—from the TikTok star who made bluing a thing, showed you how to fold a fitted sheet, and taught you to properly use your (caulk) gun.
“[Melissa Pateras] makes chores enjoyable in her bawdy debut. . . . Doing laundry has never sounded so fun.”—Publishers Weekly
Melissa Dilkes Pateras is the most competent housekeeper, DIY-project master, and home repair genius that you’ve ever fantasized about becoming. When she followed her kids on to TikTok, she discovered a community hungry for her approachable, tongue-in-cheek advice on everything from balls—dryer balls, that is—to why color-coded closets are a spiritual experience. She doesn’t expect you to know what you were never taught, and she doesn’t care about transforming your home into a minimal, beige Instagram post; she simply wants to help make your life easier.
Can housekeeping be fun?
Whether you’re terrified of your laundry pile or have an inner handyperson who’s been longing for their moment, A Dirty Guide to a Clean Home is a joyful all-purpose guide to organizing, cleaning, laundry, repairs, and beyond. As Melissa says, “Your home shouldn’t be your adversary.”
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2024 Melissa Dilkes Pateras and Carla Sosenko (P)2024 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Pateras, who dispenses housekeeping tips on TikTok, makes chores enjoyable in her bawdy debut. . . . The plentiful tips are often surprising. . . . Other ‘hacks’ are simple yet clever. . . . Throughout, Pateras’s ribald humor animates the advice (‘I love balls . . . in my dryer,’ she writes on preferring dryer balls to dryer sheets). Doing laundry has never sounded so fun."—Publishers Weekly
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- By: Brendon Burchard
- Narrated by: Brendon Burchard
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Original Recording
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The world’s leading high-performance coach and multiple New York Times best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivers the six habits of personal growth that will help you create the life of your dreams. Forged from Brendon Burchard’s personal experiences, data from his GrowthDay app, and his many years as a high-performance coach, The 6 Habits of Growth presents the tools you need to construct the life of your dreams.
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Don’t bother
- By B. Sharpe on 10-30-22
By: Brendon Burchard
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The Daily Stoic
- 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
- By: Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
- Narrated by: Brian Holsopple
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
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Not well made as audio
- By Andreas on 12-27-16
By: Ryan Holiday, and others
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21 Days to Believe in Yourself
- By: Michelle Poler
- Narrated by: Michelle Poler
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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21 Days to Believe In Yourself creates a space for people to take a look inside and, little by little, dare to bring what they find to the surface. By asking the right questions, the audience will get in touch with their most authentic selves and from a place of self-acceptance, fully own who they really are.
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Absolutely 💯 loved it!
- By Royal on 12-20-24
By: Michelle Poler
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Take Control of Your Life
- How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Mel Robbins is back! The international bestselling phenomenon and creator of The Five Second Rule and Kick Ass with Mel Robbins returns to help you tackle the single biggest obstacle you face: fear. This life-changing Audible Original features a powerful mix of one-on-one life-coaching sessions and a personal narrative with vital take-aways that you can start using immediately.
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Stop living in fear
- By Nike7 on 02-08-19
By: Mel Robbins
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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
- A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
- By: Lori Gottlieb
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
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It was like a hallmark movie being waterboarded into my ears for 15 hours
- By Amazon Customer on 10-01-19
By: Lori Gottlieb
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How to Train Your Mind
- Exploring the Productivity Benefits of Meditation
- By: Chris Bailey
- Narrated by: Chris Bailey
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
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Meditation makes you more productive because it lets you earn back time. For each minute you spend meditating, you'll earn around nine minutes back, as Chris Bailey - author of The Productivity Project and Hyperfocus - will show in this candid and counter-intuitive guide to the productivity benefits of meditation.
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Started Listening By Accident
- By T.D.Willis on 01-17-21
By: Chris Bailey
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Deep Sleep Hypnosis: Fall Asleep Instantly and Sleep Well
- By: Jasmine Harris
- Narrated by: Allison Mason
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
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put me right to sleep
- By Cassandra on 05-08-17
By: Jasmine Harris
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How to Say It: Words That Make a Difference
- By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Allison Friederichs Atkison
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Original Recording
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Words. We use them all the time, every day, mostly without giving them much thought at all. We take for granted that they’re here at our disposal whenever we need them. But if you’ve ever wished you could communicate more effectively, words are the place to start. It’s incumbent upon you to choose the best words to accomplish your goals, because how you choose to communicate influences—well, everything! The power of communication shapes our professional goals, our relationships, and our lives—so the words we choose to use carry a great deal of power.
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Meh. Glad I didn't pay for it.
- By Paula on 07-23-22
By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, and others
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Natural Rapid Weight Loss, Lose Weight Faster with Hypnosis, Meditation, and Affirmations
- The Sleep Learning System
- By: Joel Thielke
- Narrated by: Joel Thielke
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
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Naturally lose weight fast and get the body you've been wanting. Stop old habits in their tracks, shed pounds now, and feel amazing. Rapid weight loss is yours today with this powerful guided meditation program from the Sleep Learning System and world-renowned hypnotherapist Joel Thielke.
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My new favorite hypnosis audio!
- By Penny on 04-03-16
By: Joel Thielke
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Models
- Attract Women Through Honesty
- By: Mark Manson
- Narrated by: Austin Rising
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Models is the first book ever written on seduction as an emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.
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The content is great but the reader is awful
- By Mark Speener on 06-24-14
By: Mark Manson
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Not Nice
- Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
- By: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
- Narrated by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
- Length: 18 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you too nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.
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Changed my life forever
- By Shannon Slater on 12-07-18
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Worthy
- How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life
- By: Jamie Kern Lima
- Narrated by: Jamie Kern Lima
- Length: 11 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Author Jamie Kern Lima's first, instant New York Times bestselling book Believe It, captured her journey of going from Denny's waitress to billion-dollar entrepreneur by learning to believe in herself. And now her second, much-anticipated, upcoming book Worthy, is the playbook for how YOU can believe in YOU! If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, felt like you don't have what it takes...or that who you truly are isn't enough, even if you're really good at hiding it from the world, WORTHY is for you.
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💫 We're so WORTHY! 🦋 Listen - Read - Share 🔆
- By Diana Yin on 02-22-24
By: Jamie Kern Lima
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An engaging and really helpful guide.
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Will the real cause please stand up
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Shouldn't be an audio book
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Love all of the ideas
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Will the real cause please stand up
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Did you know that in the US alone, approximately one trillion gallons of water are wasted because of plumbing leaks? Yes, it’s mind-boggling, isn’t it? So, if you want to do something to alleviate the problem, the solution is right in front of you! This book will teach you a step-by-step process on how you can become a professional in plumbing. With the right guidance and appropriate tools in your arsenal, you can repair and install almost anything you set your eyes upon. Moreover, this book will teach you how to do everything in the most economical way possible.
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How ADHD Affects Home Organization
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Where is the pdf of the appendix????!!!
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should not be a audiobook.
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How to Clean Everything
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How to Clean Everything is full of genuinely useful tips and tricks, and advice about not just what but also what not to do. Covering everything from laundry to accidents, and cleaning room by room, this audiobook also contains sections on more general household maintenance, particularly useful for renters or anyone living away from home for the first time. Ann's approach is realistic, reassuring and easy to follow, whatever your circumstances.
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Essential
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Decluttering at the Speed of Life
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While the world seems to be in love with the idea of tiny houses and minimalism, many of us simply can't purge it all and start from nothing. Yet a home with too much stuff is difficult to maintain, so where do we begin? Add in paralyzing emotional attachments and constant life challenges, and it can feel almost impossible to make real decluttering progress.
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Just. Wow.
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I Survived Capitalism and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
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Imagine a job where you work four days a week and earn as much as the CEO. You also get full benefits, a gym membership, free lunch, and unlimited time off, no questions asked. Hard-won profits don’t just end up in the CEO’s pocket—they’re distributed equally among all employees. The company even buys you your very own car. It sounds too good to be true, but this is the reality at Tunnel Vision, the clothing company that Madeline Pendleton built from the ground up.
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Good for younglings
- By Justin Lane on 04-04-24
What listeners say about A Dirty Guide to a Clean Home
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- S. Hunt
- 04-12-24
So much insight
Great book for anyone interested in taking good care of themselves as well as the environment they surround themselves in.
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- Casey Higgins
- 08-25-24
Humorous and Helpful
Super helpful for keeping (a better) house, and plenty of little snickers and giggles along the way.
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- Heather
- 09-07-24
Couldn't get past the judgmental introduction
I'm not even kidding. I was so sad to start listening to the book only to hear so much judgment from someone I really liked prior to this.
The author is talking about those cheesy signs people have in their homes, and starts talking sh!t about the one that says "Please excuse the mess, we're making memories." She says "I hate that sign. It's the worst quote ever. 'Please excuse the mess, we're making memories?' No you're not, at least not good ones. You're living in chaos and those are the memories you're making. I hate the idea that you can't be making memories while also keeping a neat home."
I quit listening right there. I hate the idea that anything other than her definition of neat and tidy is considered by her to be "chaos." I've followed this writer for a few years now, and I was SHOCKED at how judgmental that is. For every child she claims is living in "chaos," there are kids who are living in "neat" homes and the parents are more obsessed with keeping things clean than being there for their kid. That doesn't mean I think that everyone who keeps a neat home is that way.
Someone living in a home that isn't perfectly neat and clean every second isn't "chaos" and I'm sad that this author decided to start her book this way.
I'm really sad that this is how she decided to start her book. So judgmental and just flat inaccurate.
Melissa, people can have a little bit of mess and not have it be "chaos" and creating "bad memories."
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