Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
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Narrated by:
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Chelsea Handler
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By:
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Chelsea Handler
About this listen
Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.
©2008 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
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The Hearts of Men
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Songwriter, poet, and best-selling author Travis Hunter was named Author of the Year by readers of the Atlanta Daily World. In The Hearts of Men, a reformed player, a workaholic trying to overcome his past, and a faithful husband diagnosed with lung cancer all struggle to be the men they hope to be. But life and human frailty have a way of throwing stumbling blocks before the best of intentions.
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Straight To The Hearts of Women
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A Total Waste of Makeup
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Charlize "Charlie" Edwards certainly knows, in theory, what it takes to lead a successful and happy life. But she's also turning 30, chronically single, and faced with serving as maid of honor at her younger sister's wedding. Charlie finds herself struggling to juggle the chaos of wedding planning (while wondering if she'll ever wear the white dress herself), her all-consuming job for lunatic boss Stanton, and a serious crush on Jordan, a photographer on the set of Drew's latest feature - a man who might actually return her feelings.
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Great read all the way through
- By Raven on 11-18-13
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
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In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
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32 Candles
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- Unabridged
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Davie—an ugly duckling growing up in small-town Mississippi—is positive her life couldn’t be any worse. She has the meanest mother in the South, possibly the world, and on top of that, she’s pretty sure she’s ugly. Just when she’s resigned herself to her fate, she sees a movie that will change her life— Sixteen Candles. But in her case, life doesn’t imitate art.
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2 High Fives - for Monkey Night
- By Nevada on 10-03-12
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Diary of a Mad Fat Girl
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- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
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Graciela "Ace" Jones is mad-mad at her best friend Lilly who cancels their annual trip to Panama City for mysterious reasons; at her boss Catherine for "riding her ass like a fat lady on a Rascal scooter;" at her friend Chloe's abusive husband; and especially at Mason McKenzie, the love of her life, who has shown up with a marriage proposal three years too late.
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What a fun read.
- By Donna on 04-13-12
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I'm Down
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- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
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Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol---telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.
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I stopped listening an hour in....
- By Casey on 11-07-09
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White Girl Problems
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Babe Walker, center of the universe, is a painstakingly manicured white girl with an expensive smoothie habit, a proclivity for Louboutins, a mysterious mother she's never met, and approximately 50 bajillion Twitter followers. But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab - that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day.
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Hysterical
- By Kimberlykate on 02-01-13
By: Babe Walker
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What listeners say about Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Stephanie
- 07-24-08
Cracked Me Up!!!
I love her crass humor. She had me cracking up.
I cleaned my entire house while listening to her book. Not for the squeamish.
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2 people found this helpful
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O.K. audio comedy story telling by Handler
Ok story by Handler.. Miss her show & stand up..This was ok. I feel that watching her mannerism whild telling jokes add to the entertainment. But, this audible story was "o.k."
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- ASH
- 03-25-15
Boss
I hate doing these reviews. But love the book!... And I tried to just submit this and was told i need at least 15 words.... What a dilemma...
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- Margaret
- 07-09-12
FRIKKEN HILARIOUS!
I LOVE CHELSA - SHES A FRIKKEN ROIT!! IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR - YOU WILL LOVE LOVE THIS BOOK
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- J.Fleck
- 08-28-21
smart, dry, ramblings from a comedic powerhouse
I have to say that Chelsea Handler brings a refreshing take on life on life's terms, by abandoning PC culture and offending just about everybody... Exactly what I look for in humor. If you're easily offended... oh, I wouldn't recommend it. if you want to laugh until you cry, and would like to relate to someone's inner ramblings while questioning your integrity then don't hesitate on giving this a go...
from her first experiences with her vagina, to her DUI, or obsession with little people, Chelsea's dry wit and knee slapping humor is enough to put any modern comedian to shame. She is unbiased in her biases and do I agree with everything she says? No. Hell no. But I'm laughing all the way through and it makes me think of how I would react in the same situation that she brings to life. from her whack-a-doo family, to her relationship with coworkers, Chelsea Handler is a real person and it's endearing to here A Memoir that is not littered with celebrity gossip and hoity toity stuck up complaining.
this is my favorite of all of her books, with Uganda be kidding me as number two. I really wish Chelsea would have narrated my horizontal life, because I adore her early books. Anyway, get your kaslapuss in order and listen.
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Overall
- jean
- 02-07-11
Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea?
Funny as usually, the stories are short and hilarious. It's nice to hear the author read their own book.
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- Timothy
- 07-03-12
Funny Funny LOL
What made the experience of listening to Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea the most enjoyable?
Chelsea's narration and funny life stories
Would you be willing to try another book from Chelsea Handler? Why or why not?
Yes, already have
Which scene was your favorite?
Her trip to Costa Rica with her father
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Made me LOL a few times - got some weird looks on the train because of it
Any additional comments?
Chelsea is hysterical; the book could have had more of a story line - but the stories it did have were def funny.
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- NC
- 03-23-09
Raunchy fun
I was disappointed that Chelsea didn't read this book, but the reader did a good job. It's a tacky read, but very fun.
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- AT
- 04-16-22
My favorite
This is my favorite book! I have listened to it so many times and shared it w/my friends who also love it.. it’s just so good! Hilarious!!
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- Karen L. Skinner
- 02-19-22
Funny
Chelsea always delivers. A laugh out loud funny book. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Give it a go. It will be glad you did.
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