Fi
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Alexandra Fuller
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By:
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Alexandra Fuller
About this listen
From the award-winning New York Times bestselling author, Alexandra Fuller, comes a career defining memoir about grieving the sudden loss of her twenty-one-year-old child
“Fair to say, I was in a ribald state the summer before my fiftieth birthday.” And so begins Alexandra Fuller’s open, vivid new memoir, Fi. It’s midsummer in Wyoming and Alexandra is barely hanging on. Grieving her father and pining for her home country of Zimbabwe, reeling from a midlife breakup, freshly sober and piecing her way uncertainly through a volatile new relationship with a younger woman, Alexandra vows to get herself back on even keel.
And then—suddenly and incomprehensibly—her son Fi, at twenty-one years old, dies in his sleep.
No stranger to loss—young siblings, a parent, a home country—Alexandra is nonetheless leveled. At the same time, she is painfully aware that she cannot succumb and abandon her two surviving daughters as her mother before her had done. From a sheep wagon deep in the mountains of Wyoming to a grief sanctuary in New Mexico to a silent meditation retreat in Alberta, Canada, Alexandra journeys up and down the spine of the Rocky Mountains in an attempt to find how to grieve herself whole. There is no answer, and there are countless answers—in poetry, in rituals and routines, in nature and in the indigenous wisdom she absorbed as a child in Zimbabwe. By turns disarming, devastating and—unexpectedly, blessedly funny, Alexandra recounts the wild medicine of painstakingly grieving a child in a culture that has no instructions for it.
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Story
When Alexandra ("Bo") Fuller was home in Zambia a few years ago, visiting her parents for Christmas, she asked her father about a nearby banana farmer who was known for being a "tough bugger". Her father's response was a warning to steer clear of him; he told Bo: "Curiosity scribbled the cat." Nonetheless, Fuller began her strange friendship with the man she calls K, a white African and veteran of the Rhodesian war.
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Astonishing
- By G. Robinson on 06-27-04
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Quiet Until the Thaw
- A Novel
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Lakota Oglala Sioux Nation, South Dakota. Two Native American cousins, Rick Overlooking Horse and You Choose Watson, though bound by blood and by land, find themselves at odds as they grapple with the implications of their shared heritage. When escalating anger toward the injustices, historical and current, inflicted upon the Lakota people by the federal government leads to tribal divisions and infighting, the cousins go in separate directions: Rick chooses the path of peace; You Choose, violence.
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Loved this best narration ever
- By Liliana Condon on 06-04-21
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Travel Light, Move Fast
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Alexandra Fuller
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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After her father's sudden death, Alexandra Fuller realizes that if she is going to weather his loss, she will need to become the parts of him she misses most. So begins Travel Light, Move Fast, the unforgettable story of Tim Fuller, a self-exiled British black sheep who moved to Africa to fight in the Rhodesian War before settling as a banana farmer in Zambia. A man who preferred chaos to predictability and was more afraid of becoming bored than of getting lost, he taught his daughters to live as if everything needed to happen altogether, all at once - or not at all.
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Beautiful
- By Thandi Lamprecht on 05-26-21
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight
- An African Childhood
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Lisette Lecat
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Alexandra Fuller tells the idiosyncratic story of her life growing up white in rural Rhodesia as it was becoming Zimbabwe. The daughter of hardworking, yet strikingly unconventional English-bred immigrants, Alexandra arrives in Africa at the tender age of two. She moves through life with a hardy resilience, even as a bloody war approaches. Narrator Lisette Lecat reads this remarkable memoir of a family clinging to a harsh landscape and the dying tenets of colonialism.
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An African Childhood of Harrowing Proportions
- By Sara on 10-12-15
By: Alexandra Fuller
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The Legend of Colton H. Bryant
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Ed Sala
- Length: 6 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Colton H. Bryant loves Wyoming and loves life. And Wyoming loves him back - it's got everything he needs. He spends his school days dreaming about where he'll go fishing or how many jackrabbits he might be able to catch that night.
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Another Disappointment
- By Maura on 03-08-10
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Leaving Before the Rains Come
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Alexandra Fuller
- Length: 9 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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As her marriage collapses, the author of the international best-seller Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight relearns the fearless ways of her father to find her own true north. Standing in the wreckage of her marriage, in her adopted country America, Alexandra Fuller revisits the continent she loves and finds in her father's harsh, simple, and uncompromising ways the key to her salvation.
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More, please
- By Silverthorne on 03-02-15
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Scribbling the Cat
- Travels with an African Soldier
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Lisette Lecat
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Alexandra ("Bo") Fuller was home in Zambia a few years ago, visiting her parents for Christmas, she asked her father about a nearby banana farmer who was known for being a "tough bugger". Her father's response was a warning to steer clear of him; he told Bo: "Curiosity scribbled the cat." Nonetheless, Fuller began her strange friendship with the man she calls K, a white African and veteran of the Rhodesian war.
-
-
Astonishing
- By G. Robinson on 06-27-04
By: Alexandra Fuller
-
Quiet Until the Thaw
- A Novel
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lakota Oglala Sioux Nation, South Dakota. Two Native American cousins, Rick Overlooking Horse and You Choose Watson, though bound by blood and by land, find themselves at odds as they grapple with the implications of their shared heritage. When escalating anger toward the injustices, historical and current, inflicted upon the Lakota people by the federal government leads to tribal divisions and infighting, the cousins go in separate directions: Rick chooses the path of peace; You Choose, violence.
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Loved this best narration ever
- By Liliana Condon on 06-04-21
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Travel Light, Move Fast
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Alexandra Fuller
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After her father's sudden death, Alexandra Fuller realizes that if she is going to weather his loss, she will need to become the parts of him she misses most. So begins Travel Light, Move Fast, the unforgettable story of Tim Fuller, a self-exiled British black sheep who moved to Africa to fight in the Rhodesian War before settling as a banana farmer in Zambia. A man who preferred chaos to predictability and was more afraid of becoming bored than of getting lost, he taught his daughters to live as if everything needed to happen altogether, all at once - or not at all.
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Beautiful
- By Thandi Lamprecht on 05-26-21
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight
- An African Childhood
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Lisette Lecat
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Alexandra Fuller tells the idiosyncratic story of her life growing up white in rural Rhodesia as it was becoming Zimbabwe. The daughter of hardworking, yet strikingly unconventional English-bred immigrants, Alexandra arrives in Africa at the tender age of two. She moves through life with a hardy resilience, even as a bloody war approaches. Narrator Lisette Lecat reads this remarkable memoir of a family clinging to a harsh landscape and the dying tenets of colonialism.
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An African Childhood of Harrowing Proportions
- By Sara on 10-12-15
By: Alexandra Fuller
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The Legend of Colton H. Bryant
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Ed Sala
- Length: 6 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Colton H. Bryant loves Wyoming and loves life. And Wyoming loves him back - it's got everything he needs. He spends his school days dreaming about where he'll go fishing or how many jackrabbits he might be able to catch that night.
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Another Disappointment
- By Maura on 03-08-10
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Cocktail Hour Under the Tree of Forgetfulness
- By: Alexandra Fuller
- Narrated by: Bianca Amato
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Alexandra Fuller won worldwide attention, popular acclaim, and critical accolades for her memoir of her childhood in Africa, Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight. This engaging follow-up explores Fuller’s parents’ childhoods and charts the trajectories of their lives through all the British couple’s experiences in war-torn Africa. With the same sharply etched narrative that has earned the author such immense praise, Fuller expands on and offers new insights into her family’s remarkable trials and successes.
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Top notch....
- By Cary on 09-06-11
By: Alexandra Fuller
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Disability Intimacy
- Essays on Love, Care, and Desire
- By: Alice Wong
- Narrated by: full cast
- Length: 11 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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What is intimacy? More than sex, more than romantic love, the pieces in this stunning and illuminating new anthology offer broader and more inclusive definitions of what it can mean to be intimate with another person. Explorations of caregiving, community, access, and friendship offer us alternative ways of thinking about the connections we form with others—a vital reimagining in an era when forced physical distance is at times a necessary norm.
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Great mix of perspectives
- By Alyssum M. Pohl on 08-13-24
By: Alice Wong
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Whiskey Tender
- A Memoir
- By: Deborah Taffa
- Narrated by: Charley Flyte
- Length: 11 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Whiskey Tender traces how a mixed tribe native girl—born on the California Yuma reservation and raised in Navajo territory in New Mexico—comes to her own interpretation of identity, despite her parent’s desires for her to transcend the class and “Indian” status of her birth through education, and despite the Quechan tribe’s particular traditions and beliefs regarding oral and recorded histories.
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Powerful & Informative
- By Brenda C. on 06-03-24
By: Deborah Taffa
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Knife
- Meditations After an Attempted Murder
- By: Salman Rushdie
- Narrated by: Salman Rushdie
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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On the morning of August 12, 2022, Salman Rushdie was standing onstage at the Chautauqua Institution, preparing to give a lecture on the importance of keeping writers safe from harm, when a man in black—black clothes, black mask—rushed down the aisle toward him, wielding a knife. His first thought: So it’s you. Here you are. What followed was a horrific act of violence that shook the literary world and beyond.
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Triumph of Life
- By Donna Ponte on 04-17-24
By: Salman Rushdie
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There Is No Ethan
- How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish
- By: Anna Akbari
- Narrated by: Anna Akbari, Justin Price
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2011, three successful and highly educated women fell head over heels for the brilliant and charming Ethan Schuman. Unbeknownst to the others, each exchanged countless messages with Ethan, staying up late into the evenings to deepen their connections with this fascinating man. His detailed excuses about broken webcams and complicated international calling plans seemed believable, as did last minute trip cancellations. After all, why would he lie? Ethan wasn't after money—he never convinced his marks to shell out thousands of dollars for some imagined crisis.
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An instant classic
- By 6catz on 06-07-24
By: Anna Akbari
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All Things Are Too Small
- Essays in Praise of Excess
- By: Becca Rothfeld
- Narrated by: Ruth Crawford
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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All Things Are Too Small is brilliant cultural and literary critic Becca Rothfeld’s plea for derangement: imbalance, obsession, gluttony, and ravishment in all domains of life, from literature to romance. In a healthy culture, Rothfeld argues, economic security allows for wild aesthetic experimentation and excess, yet in our contemporary world, we’ve got it flipped. The gap between rich and poor yawns hideously wide, while we compensate with misguided attempts to effect equality in love and art, where it does not belong.
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Smart and clever
- By David on 12-04-24
By: Becca Rothfeld
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No One Gets to Fall Apart
- A Memoir
- By: Sarah LaBrie
- Narrated by: Sarah LaBrie
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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On a highway in Houston, Texas, Sarah LaBrie’s mother was found screaming at passing cars, terrified she would be murdered by invisible assailants. The diagnosis of schizophrenia that followed compelled Sarah to rethink her childhood, marked at turns by violence and all-consuming closeness. Digging into the events that led to her mother’s break, Sarah traces her family history of mental illness, from the dysphoria that plagued her great-grandmother, a granddaughter of slaves, to her own experience with depression as a scholarship student at Brown.
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A memoir not to be missed!
- By Ava B. on 12-27-24
By: Sarah LaBrie
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Splinters
- Another Kind of Love Story
- By: Leslie Jamison
- Narrated by: Leslie Jamison
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Leslie Jamison has become one of our most beloved contemporary voices, a scribe of the real, the true, the complex. But while Jamison has never shied away from challenging material—scouring her own psyche and digging into our most unanswerable questions across four books—Splinters enters a new realm. In her first memoir, Jamison turns her unrivaled powers of perception on some of the most intimate relationships of her life: her consuming love for her young daughter, a ruptured marriage once swollen with hope, and the shaping legacy of her own parents’ complicated bond.
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Felt seen
- By Placeholder on 01-06-25
By: Leslie Jamison
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Health and Safety
- A Breakdown
- By: Emily Witt
- Narrated by: Emily Witt
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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In the summer of 2016, a divisive presidential election was underway, and a new breed of right-wing rage was on the rise. Emily Witt, who would soon publish her first book on sex in the digital age, had recently quit antidepressants for a more expansive world of psychedelic experimentation. From her apartment in Brooklyn, she began to catch glimpses of the clandestine nightlife scene thrumming around her.
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Such a sad book!
- By Eric on 10-27-24
By: Emily Witt
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The Light Eaters
- How the Unseen World of Plant Intelligence Offers a New Understanding of Life on Earth
- By: Zoë Schlanger
- Narrated by: Zoë Schlanger
- Length: 10 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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The Light Eaters is a deep immersion into the drama of green life and the complexity of this wild and awe-inspiring world that challenges our very understanding of agency, consciousness, and intelligence. In looking closely, we see that plants, rather than imitate human intelligence, have perhaps formed a parallel system.
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Entertaining perhaps but not science.
- By Jerry Miller on 07-31-24
By: Zoë Schlanger
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Yellow Face
- A Semi-autobiographical Comedy
- By: David Henry Hwang
- Narrated by: Daniel Dae Kim (CK), Ashley Park, Wendell Pierce, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Original Recording
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Winner of an Obie and a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, and directed by Tony nominee Leigh Silverman, Yellow Face is as timely as ever, wrestling with issues of cultural appropriation, complicity, and artistic freedom. It’s brought to life in this audio-only revival by a stunning all-star cast (many playing themselves) led by Daniel Dae Kim.
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Funny, great audible performance, and good dialogue.
- By Ed the Canadian on 05-04-24
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Sociopath
- A Memoir
- By: Patric Gagne Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Patric Gagne Ph.D.
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn’t understand. She suspected it was because she didn’t feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn’t like the way that “nothing” felt.
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Fascinating and Perfect Performance!
- By ScoobaRubio on 04-05-24
What listeners say about Fi
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Jennifer l.
- 11-07-24
Dissection of grief
A poetic and graphic journey of one woman’s experience of grief. I appreciate anyone who can put into words what that dark place is like in an illuminating way.
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- Kristin Kline
- 05-25-24
Heartbreaking and beautiful.
I’ve read all of Fuller’s books and love and enjoy them each differently. I think this is the most realistic book on grief I’ve read and I’ve read countless after losing my husband way too soon. Fuller portrayed the desperation so well and then the slow healing steps following. An incredible read.
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8 people found this helpful
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- nicola stevens
- 01-17-25
Phenomenal Fi
Beautifully and Poignantly written. Alexandra Fuller is my favourite author. Having grown up in South Africa, gone to a similar boarding school at age 11, and experiencing a tragic loss in my own family, this book touches me in a profound way. I understand the yearning she feels for her birth country, for her tribe, and the exquisite pain she felt at the loss of an ancestor
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- Book Lover
- 06-25-24
Profound and important
This book was hard to listen to because of the strength of the emotion and the arduousness of the journey. But it’s a brave and important work. I feared it, but am glad I read it. Truly a beautiful and profound work.
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8 people found this helpful
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- Erin Trondson
- 12-11-24
Lyrical, poetic and poignant- I would rewind so as not to miss a single word.
Lyrical, poetic and poignant- I would rewind so as not to miss a single word. I wished it wouldn't end.
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- Nina J.
- 04-20-24
Lifting the fog
Early on in the audio it was difficult to differentiate each word. Stick with it.
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9 people found this helpful
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- Erin Stephens
- 11-20-24
Raw and beautiful
I’ve lost two children. This is the most realistic account of grief and being human I’ve yet to read. I feel less alone after having read it.
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- suzanne elise
- 07-03-24
Honest
Authors honest. The only thing that is not a bad idea sharing of her deepest depths
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2 people found this helpful
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- A. T. Zuniga
- 04-15-24
Sweet, deep, perfect
I have been half in love with Alexandra Fuller since the first book of hers I read. This one is different, of course, because of its subject matter. She again opens up completely and frankly, again entertains and instructs, but this time goes far deeper, on a delicate episode of her life that resonates of course to many readers, whether we may have gone through something similar, or we simply aspire to some small portion of her intelligence and sensibility. Thank you, Bo.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Sara C. Hendershot
- 04-10-24
Beautiful memoir and tribute to her son
Fuller will always be one of my favorite writers. She recounts her grief with rawness and honesty, attempting to make any sense out of heartbreaking loss.
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5 people found this helpful