How to Be a Vigilante: A Diary
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Narrated by:
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Luke Smitherd
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By:
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Luke Smitherd
About this listen
From the author of the international best-seller The Stone Man, shortlisted for Audible UK's Book of the Year Award 2015.
In the late 1990s, a laptop was found in a service station just outside of Manchester. It contained a digital journal entitled 'TO THE FINDER: OPEN NOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!' Now, for the first time, that infamous diary is being published in its entirety.
It's 1998. The Internet age is still in its infancy. Google has just been founded. Eighteen-year-old supermarket shelf-stacker Nigel Carmelite has decided that he's going to become a vigilante.
There are a few problems: how is he going to even find crime to fight on the streets of Derbyshire? How will he create a superhero costume - and an arsenal of crime-fighting weaponry - on a shoestring budget? And will his history of blackouts and crippling social inadequacy affect his chances? This is Nigel's account of his journey; part diary, part deluded self-help manual, tragically comic and slowly descending into what is arguably Luke Smitherd's darkest and most violent novel.
What do you believe in? And more importantly, should you?
©2016 Luke Smitherd (P)2016 Luke SmitherdListeners also enjoyed...
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The Brightest Star in the Sky follows seven neighbors whose lives become entangled when a sassy and prescient spirit pays a visit to their Dublin townhouse with the intent of changing at least one of their lives. But what will this metamorphosis be and who will the sprite choose?
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Terrible sound quality, worse narration
- By Jan on 02-23-10
By: Marian Keyes
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Are You Watching Me?
- DS Claire Boyle, Book 2
- By: Sinead Crowley
- Narrated by: Aoife McMahon
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Dear Elizabeth, I've been watching you. I hope to see you...soon. Liz Cafferky is on the up. Rescued from her dark past by the owner of a drop-in centre for older men, Liz soon finds herself as the charity's face - and the unwilling darling of the Dublin media. Amidst her claustrophobic fame, Liz barely notices a letter from a new fan. But then one of the centre's clients is brutally murdered, and Elizabeth receives another, more sinister note. Running from her own ghosts, Liz is too scared to go to the police.
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Fantastic!!
- By Brett McAteer on 03-06-19
By: Sinead Crowley
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Forward Slash
- By: Mark Edwards, Louise Voss
- Narrated by: Jessica Ball, Ben Elliot
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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He's posted on your wall. He's following you on Twitter. He knows where you are right now.... When Amy receives an email from her older sister, Becky, announcing that she's off travelling and 'don't try to find me', she is worried. Becky would never do such a thing on a whim. Amy - who is recovering from an abusive relationship that has left her terrified of love - soon finds that Becky had started using online dating sites. Aided by Becky's neighbour, Gary, Amy sets about tracking down the men her sister had dated.
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I Wanted to Love It, but was Disappointed
- By MarisaReads on 12-31-16
By: Mark Edwards, and others
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What My Best Friend Did
- By: Lucy Dawson
- Narrated by: Georgia Maguire
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Alice's life has become a bit boring lately. Her friends are busy getting married and having babies, but she's not ready for those changes in her own life - not even sure she still loves her boyfriend. Then she meets Gretchen. A brand-new, fun and unencumbered friend. Gretchen knows how to have a good time, and she also has a totally gorgeous brother. Before she knows it, Alice has been swept up into her new best friend's world. But Gretchen has a dark secret. Will Alice learn the truth before she throws her old life away?
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hmm
- By Claire Lieber on 03-11-19
By: Lucy Dawson
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The Wicked Girls
- By: Alex Marwood
- Narrated by: Anna Bentinck
- Length: 14 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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On a fateful summer morning in 1986, two 11-year-old girls meet for the first time. By the end of the day, they will both be charged with murder. Twenty-five years later, journalist Kirsty Lindsay is reporting on a series of sickening attacks on young female tourists in a seaside vacation town when her investigation leads her to interview carnival cleaner Amber Gordon. For Kirsty and Amber, it's the first time they've seen each other since that dark day so many years ago.
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I didn't want to like these girls...
- By Lesley on 08-30-13
By: Alex Marwood
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White Lies
- By: Lucy Dawson
- Narrated by: Rachel Atkins
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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A darkly gripping domestic drama about secrets and lies. When you have everything, you have everything to lose.... Alexandra Inglis is a respected family doctor, trusted by her patients to keep their most intimate secrets. And if sometimes the boundaries between duty and desire blur...well, she's only human. But when Alex oversteps a line with Jonathan, one of her patients, she knows she's gone too far.
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Kept me guessing!!
- By ROBIN on 05-26-18
By: Lucy Dawson
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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The Ferryman Institute
- A Novel
- By: Colin Gigl
- Narrated by: Stephen Hoye
- Length: 14 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Ferryman Charlie Dawson saves dead people - somebody has to convince them to move on to the afterlife, after all. Having never failed a single assignment, he's acquired a reputation for success that's as legendary as it is unwanted. It turns out that serving as a Ferryman is causing Charlie to slowly lose his mind. Deemed too valuable by the Ferryman Institute to be let go and too stubborn to just give up in his own right, Charlie's pretty much abandoned all hope of escaping his grim existence. Or he had, anyway, until he saved Alice Spiegel.
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Narrator does not capture tone of the story
- By Jessica Bell on 03-15-17
By: Colin Gigl
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A Bad Idea I'm About to Do
- True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
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Loved it!!!
- By Amber G on 10-02-20
By: Chris Gethard
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Gods Behaving Badly
- By: Marie Phillips
- Narrated by: Rosalyn Landor
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Being immortal is not all it once was. Yes, the 12 Greek gods of Olympus are alive and well in the 21st century, but they are crammed together in a London town house: and are none too happy about it. Even more disturbing, their powers are waning.
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Delightful fantasy
- By Mike From Mesa on 12-29-07
By: Marie Phillips
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The Never List
- By: Koethi Zan
- Narrated by: Kristen Sieh
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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For years, Sarah Farber and her best friend, Jennifer, kept what they called the Never List: A list of actions to be avoided at all costs, for safety’s sake. But one night, against their best instincts, they accept a cab ride -one with grave, everlasting consequences. For the next three years, they are held captive with two other girls in a dungeon-like cellar by a connoisseur of sadism. Ten years later, Sarah’s abductor is up for parole and she can no longer ignore the twisted letters he sends to her from prison.
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Excellent Shorter Suspense Novel
- By W Perry Hall on 02-04-14
By: Koethi Zan
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Unwind
- Unwind Dystology, Book 1
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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After America’s Second Civil War, the Pro-Choice and Pro-Life armies came to an agreement. According to their Bill of Life, human life may not be terminated from the moment of conception until the age of thirteen. But between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, the child may be gotten rid of by their parent through a process called “unwinding.”
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Chilling, Scary, Difficult to Read
- By Joe on 11-11-20
By: Neal Shusterman
What listeners say about How to Be a Vigilante: A Diary
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Yetiish
- 11-02-16
Another excellent book from Luke
What made the experience of listening to How to Be a Vigilante: A Diary the most enjoyable?
Luke's books are always enjoyable, in his unique dark sort of a way. This is a strangely positive innocent book to start with, but all the time there is a discomfort, and a knowing that things are not quite right. And by the end you know just how wrong they are.
Who was your favorite character and why?
The central character, Nigel. He's a very complicated person, but doesn't realise it. Ever the optimist too.
Have you listened to any of Luke Smitherd’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
I have listened to a number of Luke's other books, all of them are great. This one is a bit different, less sci-fi, but a great listen anyway. Personally I thought this one started a little slower, but I was totally hooked by the end.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
"Keep your motivation"
Any additional comments?
Luke is a fantastic author, and this, while not his best in my opinion, is still well worth a purchase. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jayg324
- 09-27-16
Brilliant!
Everyone loves a vigilante especially when they are self taught ! Not only is the plot fantastic and Luke captures your attention from the first page, but his voice is the narrator and takes this from a great audiobook to an experience! Highly recommend downloading this and his other works. I promise you won't be disappointed! Captivating, Enthralling, Fast paced, and just downright excellent!
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1 person found this helpful
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- vincent
- 01-19-17
Just fantastic!
What did you love best about How to Be a Vigilante: A Diary?
The narration.
Have you listened to any of Luke Smitherd’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
This would be the first!
Any additional comments?
I'm usually wary of authors who read their own books, but this guy was fantastic!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Michelle Kennedy
- 09-19-16
Fantastic story!
Absolutely adored this story. So many laugh out loud moments, it makes you want to share them with someone. At times absolutely hilarious and others so heart wrenching, this was such an engaging and enjoyable story. Can't recommend it highly enough, you won't be disappointed.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Kelly Howard
- 09-30-16
Luke Smitherd is wonderfully unpredictable
I've read all of LS's books, and (at the risk of sounding like a book blurb) he's one of the most creative, fresh voices in recent fiction....or even distant fiction. I got this book without reading anything but the title so had no expectations what it would be like. I think this is a great way to approach Smitherd's books, since they are so wildly different & different from each other. If you have no preconceived notions, you're guaranteed to be surprised. Or even if you do.
The main character in this book is one of the more problematic characters I've run across in a long time; the guy's basically a socially inept, clueless nutjob with delusions of grandeur, but among laughing (or groaning) at his cluelessness & wincing at his insane ideas, there were times when I felt genuine sympathy for him. He often would then proceed to do something so self-rationalizingly wacko that I'd want to reach into the book & strangle him, but I would never say he's a cardboard character.
I have no serious and few minor gripes with Smitherd's writing; the pace of the book was pretty even, with very few only mildly draggy parts. He is wickedly funny at times. His dialogue is excellent --a very, very rare thing. The only nitpicks are that he seems to use the term "floor" to describe the outdoor substrate sometimes, whether road surface or dirt, which occasionally can be confusing, but maybe that's due to he & I being from different sides of The Pond. He did commit one of my own personal bugbears in this book, which probably won't bother most (normal) folks, but he did actually use that dreadful cliche about pain being almost an old friend. After decades of chronic pain I guarantee that is only said by people who haven't experienced it. Unless they're true, hardcore, long-term masochists, I guess.
Smitherd also does a great job of reading his books (tho it took me a while to stop trying to figure out where he'd messed up & blasted off with extremely hilarious profanity after listening to an 'outtakes reel' on his website.* But the recording was seamless). His pacing & expression is excellent, his voices for characters are recognizable & believable, & his accent is lovely to my ears, as is his voice. He mentions in the afterward of this book that he's got a contract on his next book for pro publishing, which probably means he won't read it; I have very mixed feelings. I'm extremely happy for this terrific emerging writer that he's finally getting attention from pro houses, but I really do like his self-narration.
I continue to look forward to more books by him & really hope he finally gets the major publishing contract he deserves. There are SO many "best-selling" writers out there churning out barely literate, formulaic crap that it's a travesty that someone as interesting & good has had to scramble with self-publishing. Tho I suppose that the publishing houses would have a problem with Smitherd partly because he is so different & almost uncategorizable; they like to slot books & authors into simple, 1- or at most 2-word slots, & he's one of the least slottable writers I've ever run across.
*if you're offended by naughty words, do NOT check this out. If you're not, it's pretty hysterically funny. But then folks who want strictly G-rated language probably don't last long with his books anyway.
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1 person found this helpful
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- DobieChuck
- 04-02-17
So You Wanna Be a Hero? More to it than you think...
An enjoyable tweeking of the super hero tale... Best laid plans and that are on display w/ some humorous and sobering realism... Unforseen events, unanticipated consequences, and pitfall perils abound... My inner nerd can relate to the socially awkward protagonist, and it's not hard to see things from Nigel's perspective... I like the diary form, and it moved nicely... Narration is superb... Some quick reading mind candy...
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2 people found this helpful
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- Zachary
- 03-30-23
Great story
This is a great yet brutal story. Can't wait to read more. Check it out.
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- Smitty
- 02-21-17
This book gave me nightmares.
Holy cow. This book was a visceral and tough listen. Parts of it were so painful I found myself wincing as I drove home. I really enjoyed the narrators work. And it was the kind of story that was a fabulous and bloody train wreck. When you can't stop listening to. Encore!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Cthulhu
- 06-25-19
My favorite Luke Smitherd novel
The first Luke Smitherd novel I stumbled across was Kill Someone, and it was so great that I immediately sought out every other novel and short story he’s written and listened to or read them. This is by far my favorite, I’ve listened to it three or four times now, and I enjoy it every time as much as I did the first time. It’s funny, heartwarming, heartbreaking, shocking, and disturbing. One of my favorite books of all time. Thank you, Luke!
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- swyrlgirl
- 12-23-21
Interesting and scary
This is a pschological 1st person thriller set in 1998. Pretty brutal but well written. The reader was good.
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