In Sickness and in Health
Love, Disability, and a Quest to Understand the Perils and Pleasures of Interabled Romance
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Narrated by:
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Rene Ruiz
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By:
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Ben Mattlin
About this listen
A frank, humorous exploration of interabled dating, love, and marriage
Ben Mattlin's wife, ML, recalls falling in love with his confidence and sheer determination. On one of their earliest dates, he persuaded her to ride on his lap in his wheelchair on their way home from an Elvis Costello concert. Thirty years later, they still travel like this from time to time, undaunted by the curious stares following them down the street.
But In Sickness and in Health is more than an "inspiring" story of how a man born with spinal muscular atrophy - a congenital and incurable neuromuscular condition - survived childhood, graduated from Harvard, married an able-bodied woman, built a family with two daughters and a cat and a turtle, established a successful career in journalism, and lived happily ever after. As Mattlin considers the many times his relationship has been met with surprise or speculation by outsiders - those who consider his wife a "saint" or him just plain "lucky" for finding love - he issues a challenge to listeners: why should the idea of an "interabled" couple be regarded as either tragic or noble?
Through conversations with more than a dozen other couples of varying abilities, ethnic backgrounds, and orientations, Mattlin sets out to understand whether these pairings are as unusual as onlookers seem to think. Reflecting on his own experience he wonders: How do people balance the stresses of personal-care help with the thrill of romance? Is it possible that the very things that appear to be insurmountable obstacles to a successful relationship - the financial burdens, the physical differences, the added element of an especially uncertain future - could be the building blocks of an enviable level of intimacy and communication that other couples could only dream of?
We meet Shane Burcaw, a 23-year-old writer, who offers a glimpse of his first forays into dating with a disability. There's Rachelle Friedman, the "paralyzed bride", as the media refers to her, and her husband, discussing the joys and challenges of a new marriage and a growing family; and acclaimed journalist John Hockenberry and his wife, Alison, who reveal the intricacies of long-term married life. What emerges is a candid glimpse into the challenges and joys of interabled love - from the first blush of sexual awakening to commitment and marriage and through to widowhood.
©2018 Ben Mattlin (P)2018 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Mattlin expresses himself clearly and succinctly, without an underlying tone of self-pity. His interviews with other couples also portray steadfast relationships where each has thrashed out problems in ways that allow them to stay together. Moving and informative stories of 'uncommonly intimate and enduring' interabled partnerships." (Kirkus Reviews)
“In Sickness and in Health is one of the most refined and accurate pieces of literature that explores the intricacies of being in an interabled relationship. Mattlin’s prose is swift and alluring as he reflects on each couple he encounters and their stories. A fine companion to Miracle Boy Grows Up, this book has the potential to not only encourage other disabled individuals to not be afraid to seek love, but it might also challenge societal perceptions about disability and romance.” (SMA News Today)
“A thoughtful spotlight on often-unheard voices for all interested in how communities define and redefine themselves.” (Library Journal)
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- Length: 10 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Friendship. Simplicity. Love. Value. Faith. Solitude. Money. Fear. Hope. Purpose. Dr. Meg Meeker has seen mothers struggle with these 10 issues for the past 25 years, and she has also learned how to help them live less stressful, happier, more fulfilling lives. The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers will show women how to reduce loneliness, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem by inspiring women to embrace more positive emotions and habits.
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Recommend the book but had hard time listening to
- By Kaletra Dispennett on 12-25-16
By: Meg Meeker M.D.
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The Spectrum of Hope
- An Optimistic and New Approach to Alzheimer's Disease and Other Dementias
- By: Gayatri Devi MD
- Narrated by: Wendy Tremont King
- Length: 12 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Imagine finding a glimmer of good news in a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. And imagine how that would change the outlook of the five million Americans who suffer from Alzheimer's disease and other dementias, not to mention their families, loved ones, and caretakers. A neurologist who's been specializing in dementia and memory loss for more than 20 years, Dr. Gayatri Devi rewrites the story of Alzheimer's by defining it as a spectrum disorder - like autism, Alzheimer's is a disease that affects different people differently.
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Aging with Grace
- By Lisa F on 05-19-21
By: Gayatri Devi MD
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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The Caregiving Season
- Finding Grace to Honor Your Aging Parents
- By: Jane Daly
- Narrated by: Patty Fogarty
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Caring for elderly parents is challenging. It's a season of life requiring strength that comes only from God. In The Caregiving Season, Jane Daly openly shares her stories from the front lines of battling guilt, negotiating new boundaries, and dealing with exhaustion. Her message of grace and hope will help you honor your aging parents well, and deepen your personal relationship with Christ along the way.
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What a Suprise
- By Ericka on 05-23-18
By: Jane Daly
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Stopping Stress Before It Stops You
- A Game Plan for Every Mom
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Lucille Cole
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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You can reduce stress and enjoy your life! Homemaker, career woman, wife, supermom—sometimes the roles you have to fill all at once can get to be too much. Internationally known psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman has seen scores of women who are overcome by stress. With humor, insight, and practical solutions, this best-selling author helps you manage the six stress points in your life: kids, career, husband, housework, money, and crammed schedules.
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He assumes you're married to an idiot!
- By Karen on 06-04-11
By: Kevin Leman
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The Center Cannot Hold
- By: Elyn R. Saks
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo
- Length: 12 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Professor of psychiatry Elyn R. Saks writes about her struggle with schizophrenia in this unflinching account of her mental illness. In The Center Cannot Hold, Saks draws readers into a nightmare world of medications, a misguided health-care system, and social stigmas. But she would not be defeated. With a strength and force of will that most can only imagine, Saks reclaimed her life and went on to achieve great success.
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Schizophrenia Inside Out
- By Pamela Harvey on 07-23-09
By: Elyn R. Saks
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When Your Kid Is Hurting
- Helping Your Child Through the Tough Days
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Children today live in an unpredictable, disruptive, and often violent world. Many of them live in two different homes with different sets of expectations. They face bullying at school and online. They hear news of school shootings, and racially or religiously motivated violence. They may have lost a friend or a loved one. As parents, the impulse to protect our children is strong, but that very protection can end up handicapping them for life. Rather than seek to save them from the hard things, parents must teach their kids how to cope with and rise above their problems.
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So helpful for so many situations
- By Natalie on 10-03-18
By: Kevin Leman
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Women Who Think Too Much
- How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life
- By: Susan Nolen-Hoeksema
- Narrated by: Sheryl Bernstein
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
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It's not a surprise that our fast-paced, overly analytical culture is pushing people - especially women - to spend countless hours thinking about negative ideas, feelings, and experiences. Renowned psychologist Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema calls this "overthinking". Her groundbreaking research shows that an increasing number of women - more than half of those in her extensive study - are doing it too much and too often, hindering their ability to lead a satisfying life.
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Generic tools for overcoming overthinking
- By letlet on 01-09-19
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Transition
- The Story of How I Became a Man
- By: Chaz Bono
- Narrated by: Chaz Bono
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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At first, America knew the only child of Sonny and Cher as Chastity, the cherubic little girl who appeared on her parents' TV show. In later years, she became famous for coming out on a national stage, working with two major organizations toward LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) rights and publishing two books. And just within the past 18 months, Chaz Bono has entered the public consciousness as the most high-profile transgender person ever.
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Great book
- By Lisa M. W. on 10-26-19
By: Chaz Bono
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Girl, Wash Your Face
- Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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As the founder of the lifestyle website TheChicSite.com and CEO of her own media company, Rachel Hollis developed an immense online community by sharing tips for better living while fearlessly revealing the messiness of her own life. Now, in this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the 20 lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively.
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More for women who are mothers
- By MeredithNCSU girl on 04-07-18
By: Rachel Hollis
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
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Walking on Eggshells
- Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents
- By: Jane Isay
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Lee
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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We raise our children to be independent and lead fulfilling lives, but when they finally do, staying close becomes more complicated than ever. And for every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don't call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a grownup. Now, renowned editor Jane Isay delivers the perfect gift to both parents and their adult children-real-life wisdom and advice on how to stay together without falling apart.
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Disappointed
- By tammy alvarez on 01-13-19
By: Jane Isay
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Pride Over Pity
- By: Kailyn Lowry
- Narrated by: Renee Chambliss
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Fans of MTV's Teen Mom have watched Kailyn Lowry grow from a vulnerable, pregnant teen into a fiercely independent young mother. Through it all Kailyn has faced challenges with her head held high and her spirit intact. In a moving effort to finally put the past behind her, Kailyn shares her troubled, often painful story and reveals the dark secrets she has so closely guarded.
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Ridiculous
- By Anonymous User on 08-25-18
By: Kailyn Lowry
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It Takes One to Tango
- How I Rescued My Marriage with (Almost) No Help from My Spouse - and How You Can, Too
- By: Winifred M. Reilly MA MFT
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Conventional wisdom says that "it takes two" to turn a troubled marriage around and that both partners must have a shared commitment to change. So when couples can't agree on how - or whether - to make their marriage better, many give up or settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage (or think the only way out is divorce). Fortunately, there is an alternative. It Takes One to Tango is a groundbreaking guide that shows how one determined partner can spark lasting, significant change in a marriage.
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Great book!
- By colette on 05-08-17
What listeners say about In Sickness and in Health
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 08-20-21
People with disabilities are just people
I highly recommend this book to anyone living with a disability. Furthermore, someone with a disability who is losing hope about whether they would ever find love. The thing I appreciate about this book is that this book is not a advice book on finding love. This book provides people a glimpse into the lives of people with disabilities. Moreover, the fact that we have the same hopes and desires as people who are not disabled.
This is the first book that actually gives a voice to my perspective and reality.
Ali Haidar.
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- Rebecca
- 08-06-18
Excellent Exploration of Diverse Relationships
We need more diverse books such as this one. People with disabilities are all too often viewed as "less than," by society as a whole. As a person with a disability, it feels incredibly validating to read a book such as this one that emphasizes the inherent worth of all people, no matter what their ability level. Everyone is worthy of love. I would recommend this book to all couples, even if both members were able bodied.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jennifer Dawson
- 08-22-22
An Interesting subject sabotaged by the author
This book has potential. The reader is introduced to several 'interabled' couples who share the story of their relationship and discuss both the ordinary and peculiar challenges and joys of their unusual partnerships. Before listening to this book, I found the idea of a romantic partnership between a caretaker and care recipient unappealing and incomprehensible and those attitudes were confirmed rather than softened.
The author of this book is himself a member of an interabled couple, and throughout the text he discusses his own relationship and compares himself and his wife to the other couples in the book. And herein lies the problem. Mr. Mattlin is profoundly disabled, heavily dependent on his wife (he employs caregivers, at slave wages, to help her) to care for him in the same way as a mother would an infant. She spoon feeds him, washes him, dresses him, toilets him, etc). Despite this, Mr. Mattlin consistently reveals himself to be selfish, preposterously over-confident, demanding, unlikable, and insightful. He both celebrates his dependency (in a grotesque perversion of 'disability pride') and minimises the crushing burden of his care on others.
In a spectacular demonstration of delusion and tone-deafness, he ends the book by recounting his constant flirting with waitesses and other women, admittedly a habit he developed to satisfy his own ego. Waitresses, of course, are the perfect target for such a man, a captive audience dependent on the tips of their customers, and thus unable to categorically reject the crude advances of little men like the author. And in the end, that is the lingering impression Ben Mattlin leaves. He is just a creep in a wheelchair, a mangled and atrophied body and a hideously deformed character, forcing a waitress to conspire with him in his absurd delusions of his own desirability.
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