Klopp Actually
(Imaginary) Life with Football's Most Sensible Heartthrob
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Narrated by:
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Laura Lexx
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By:
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Laura Lexx
About this listen
Inspired by the viral tweet: 'If I ever met Jürgen Klopp I'd say "omg if we have a baby we should call it Klipp" just so he'd raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I'm a moron and I'd be so naked by the time he'd finished doing that....'
In these uncertain times we all need a coping mechanism. And Laura Lexx has found the obvious one - imagining life married to the sensible, no-nonsense man of our dreams, Jürgen Klopp. She thinks maybe he has something to do with football? More importantly, he definitely knows how to efficiently stack a dishwasher and would tell you honestly if you were being unreasonable about a colleague.
From job interviews to furniture shopping in IKEA to making a birthday cake for their daughter, Klipp, Klopp Actually is a hilarious, warm and deeply silly diary of life with everyone's favourite baseball-cap-wearing, bespectacled German football manager.
'I shiver, my skin breaking out into tiny goosebumps. "Are you cold?" He whispers, his lips brushing my ear, making the fine hairs ripple. "A little." I grin, pressing against his thigh. He runs a hand down the curve of my spine.... "You should put a jumper on."'
©2020 Laura Lexx (P)2020 Hodder & Stoughton LimitedListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"I'd love to read a whole book of Laura's funny, clever, sweet imagination...it made me laugh a huge amount!" (Marian Keyes)
"Laura is so funny and I can't wait to read this book and I hope it isn't awkward when I actually marry Jürgen Klopp." (Sara Pascoe)
"It's rare to find brilliant new talent, rarer still to discover it on twitter but Laura's thread on Klopp was my highlight of the year. I cannot wait to see what she does in book form. I shall devour it. A great shining comedic talent." (Emma Kennedy)
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Story
Douglas Petersen may be mild-mannered, but behind his reserve lies a sense of humor that seduces beautiful Connie into a second date...and eventually into marriage. Now, almost three decades later, they live more or less happily in the London suburbs with their moody seventeen year-old son, Albie. Then Connie tells him she thinks she wants a divorce. The timing couldn’t be worse. Connie has planned a month-long tour of European capitals, a chance to experience the world’s greatest works of art as a family, and she can’t bring herself to cancel. And maybe going ahead is for the best anyway? Douglas is privately convinced that this landmark trip will rekindle the romance in the marriage, and might even help him to bond with Albie. Narrated from Douglas’s endearingly honest, slyly witty, and at times achingly optimistic point of view, Us is the story of a man trying to rescue his relationship with the woman he loves, and learning how to get closer to a son who’s always felt like a stranger.
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Great novel - my favorite in years
- By Mark on 07-21-15
By: David Nicholls
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The Brightest Star in the Sky
- A Novel
- By: Marian Keyes
- Narrated by: Caitriona Keyes
- Length: 17 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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The Brightest Star in the Sky follows seven neighbors whose lives become entangled when a sassy and prescient spirit pays a visit to their Dublin townhouse with the intent of changing at least one of their lives. But what will this metamorphosis be and who will the sprite choose?
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Terrible sound quality, worse narration
- By Jan on 02-23-10
By: Marian Keyes
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The Scent of You
- By: Maggie Alderson
- Narrated by: Zara Ramm
- Length: 13 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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A tale of perfumes, exploring life, love, loss and forgiveness - Maggie Alderson's new best seller. Are you still married if you haven't seen your husband for months? Polly's life is great. Her children are away at uni, her glamorous mother - still modelling at 85 - is happily settled in a retirement village, and her perfume blog is taking off. Then her husband announces he needs some space and promptly vanishes. As Polly grapples with her bewildering situation, she clings to a few new friends to keep her going.
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Okay for a light read
- By Robin on 10-26-17
By: Maggie Alderson
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Make or Break
- By: Catherine Bennetto
- Narrated by: Anna Acton
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Jess, a 29-year-old Londoner with a Kate Beckett fringe and a tendency for dramatics, gets taken on a surprise trip by her long-term boyfriend, Pete, to attend her best friend’s last-minute wedding in South Africa. Jess imagines sun, sand, wine and safaris. And returning to London with an ethically mined diamond on her left hand... But this holiday isn’t set to be quite the fairy tale Jess has planned. Suddenly she finds her world tilting on its axis, and things are only set to get worse when Jess returns home....
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Excruciating. Save yourself.
- By Kristyn Rose on 05-11-19
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Stella's Story
- Thrown Away Children, Book 1
- By: Louise Allen
- Narrated by: Melanie Crawley
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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Named after the lager that christened her at birth, Stella's life is characterised instability and neglect. Her teenage mother abandons her in the first few weeks of her life, and left in the 'care' of her father, she ends up lying deserted in a house with no food, no water, no clothes and no warmth. She eventually lands in the care of foster carer Louise, who is determined to change her life for the better.
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Heartbreaking but so wonderful to see a happy ending
- By Amazon Customer on 11-14-24
By: Louise Allen
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As Good As It Gets?
- By: Fiona Gibson
- Narrated by: Jenny Funnell
- Length: 11 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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A warm, funny read for fans of Outnumbered and the novels of Fern Britton, Fiona writes about life as it really is. "Midlife crisis? WHAT midlife crisis?!" Charlotte Bristow is worried about her husband, Will. With her 16-year-old daughter, Rosie, newly signed to a top modelling agency and Will recently out of a job, things are changing in their household.
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I didn't love it, even though I wanted to
- By Abby on 03-24-22
By: Fiona Gibson
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The Third Wife
- A Novel
- By: Lisa Jewell
- Narrated by: Joe Jameson
- Length: 9 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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In the early hours of a summer morning, a young woman steps into the path of an oncoming bus. A tragic accident? Or suicide? At the center of this puzzle is Adrian Wolfe, a successful architect and grief-stricken widower, who, a year after his third wife's death, begins to investigate the cause. As Adrian looks back on their brief but seemingly happy marriage, disturbing secrets begin to surface. The divorces from his two previous wives had been amicable, or so it seemed; his children, all five of them, were resilient as ever, or so he thought.
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Not a mystery
- By Susan on 07-06-18
By: Lisa Jewell
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Here's Looking at You
- By: Mhairi McFarlane
- Narrated by: Cassandra Harwood
- Length: 10 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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The new novel from the bestselling author of You Had Me At Hello. Anna Alessi - history expert, possessor of a lot of hair and an occasionally filthy mouth - seeks nice man for intelligent conversation and Mills & Boon moments. Despite the oddballs that keep turning up on her dates, Anna couldn't be happier. As a 30-something with a job she loves, life has turned out better than she dared dream.
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It Grows On You
- By Sharlotte on 05-24-16
By: Mhairi McFarlane
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High Dive
- By: Jonathan Lee
- Narrated by: Doyle Gerard
- Length: 11 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Taking us inside one of the 20th century's most ambitious assassination attempts - "making history personal", as one character puts it - High Dive moves between the luxurious hospitality of a British tourist town and the troubled city of Belfast, Northern Ireland, at the height of the armed struggle between the Irish Republican Army and those loyal to the UK government.
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Humor? Not Funny.
- By W Perry Hall on 04-10-16
By: Jonathan Lee
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Putney
- A Novel
- By: Sofka Zinovieff
- Narrated by: Michelle Ford
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Zoë Heller’s Notes on a Scandal and Tom Perrotta’s Mrs. Fletcher, an explosive and thought-provoking novel about the far-reaching repercussions of an illicit relationship between a young girl and a man 20 years her senior. Masterfully told from three diverse viewpoints - victim, perpetrator, and witness - Putney is a subtle and enormously powerful novel about consent, agency, and what we tell ourselves to justify what we do, and what others do to us.
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One of the greatest stories of all time!
- By Valarie on 06-17-20
By: Sofka Zinovieff
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Things We Never Said
- By: Nick Alexander
- Narrated by: Imogen Church
- Length: 11 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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When Catherine learns that she is dying, she remembers the words her husband once jokingly uttered and decides to leave him the ultimate posthumous gift: a time capsule containing photographs of their life together along with tape recordings in which she recounts every secret she ever kept, every unspoken thought whether loving or treacherous - the things they never said.
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Boring couple, Boring Book
- By Shell on 12-23-18
By: Nick Alexander