Noir
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Johnny Heller
About this listen
The absurdly outrageous, sarcastically satiric, and always entertaining New York Times best-selling author Christopher Moore returns in finest madcap form with this zany noir set on the mean streets of post-World War II San Francisco, and featuring a diverse cast of characters, including a hapless bartender; his Chinese sidekick; a doll with sharp angles and dangerous curves; a tight-lipped air force general; a wisecracking waif; Petey, a black mamba; and many more.
San Francisco. Summer, 1947. A dame walks into a saloon....
It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
Meanwhile, a suspicious flying object has been spotted up the Pacific coast in Washington State near Mount Rainer, followed by a mysterious plane crash in a distant patch of desert in New Mexico that goes by the name Roswell. But the real weirdness is happening on the streets of the City by the Bay.
When one of Sammy's schemes goes south and the Cheese mysteriously vanishes, Sammy is forced to contend with his own dark secrets - and more than a few strange goings-on - if he wants to find his girl.
Think Raymond Chandler meets Damon Runyon with more than a dash of Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes All Stars. It's all very, very Noir. It's all very, very Christopher Moore.
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Critic reviews
"Narrator Johnny Heller nails the wry tones and rhythmic pacing of the working mugs, corrupt cops, streetwise urchins, and tough dames who people Christopher Moore's novel, which the author calls 'perky noir.'" (AudioFile)
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The Ghost of Tom Joad & the Wrath of Grapes
- By Mel on 06-30-14
By: Smith Henderson
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Gutshot Straight
- By: Lou Berney
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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When Charles "Shake" Bouchon, professional wheel man, walks out of prison after a three-year stretch for grand theft auto, he's got only two problems: he's too nice a guy for the life he's led and not nice enough for any other. So he says yes when he's asked to run a simple errand for his former boss and lover, Alexandra Ilandryan, the formidable pakhan of the Armenian mob in Los Angeles.
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A whole lotta fun.
- By Richard Delman on 04-12-12
By: Lou Berney
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The Lesser Dead
- By: Christopher Buehlman
- Narrated by: Christopher Buehlman
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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New York City in 1978 is a dirty, dangerous place to live - and die. Joey Peacock knows this as well as anybody - he has spent the last forty years as an adolescent vampire, perfecting the routine he now enjoys: womanizing in punk clubs and discotheques, feeding by night, and sleeping by day with others of his kind in the macabre labyrinth under the city's sidewalks.
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NICE GUYS NEARLY ALWAYS FINISH LAST
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 05-27-17
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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Of Mice and Minestrone
- Hap and Leonard: The Early Years (Hap and Leonard)
- By: Kathleen Kent - introduction, Kasey Lansdale - contributor, Joe R. Lansdale
- Narrated by: JD Jackson
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Hap Collins looks like a good ol’ boy. But even in his misspent youth, his best pal is Leonard Pine, who is Black, gay, and the ultimate outsider. Inseparable friends, Hap and Leonard climb into the boxing ring, visit their families, get in bar fights, and just go fishing - all the while confronting racists, righting wrongs, and eating a whole lot of delicious food.
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Wringing every last drop
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 04-08-23
By: Kathleen Kent - introduction, and others
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Night Life
- By: David C. Taylor
- Narrated by: Keith Szarabajka
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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New York City, 1954. The Cold War is heating up, Senator Joe McCarthy is running a witch hunt for communists in America, the newly formed CIA is fighting a turf battle with the FBI to see who will be the primary United States intelligence agency, and the bodies of murdered young men are turning up all over the city.
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terrific in every way
- By Martha on 04-12-16
By: David C. Taylor
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Cash City
- By: Jonathan Fredrick
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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It is an obsession that has haunted Nick Malick for seven years - to avenge the murder of his young son. In his gut Malick knows who did it. But the psychopath is in prison for another crime, scheduled to be released in a year. All Malick has to do is wait...and survive.
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Great New Series
- By Lia on 08-21-17
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The Cleanup
- By: Sean Doolittle
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Matthew Worth is a mess. Somewhere between a good cop and a bad screwup, he botched a marriage and a career. His fellow officers think he’s a joke. His commanders are tired of cutting him breaks. Even his wife has left him for a flashy homicide detective. Busted to night patrol at a robbery-prone Omaha supermarket, Worth is doing time, wearing his uniform and asking shoppers if they want paper or plastic. If that isn’t enough, he suspects he might be falling for Gwen, the shy checkout girl who may be an even bigger mess than he is. It couldn’t get any worse. Until it does.
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A Really Good Modern American Noir Crime Novel
- By Frank Donnelly on 04-23-20
By: Sean Doolittle
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Every Crooked Nanny
- A Callahan Garrity Mystery, Book 1
- By: Mary Kay Andrews
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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After 10 years of cleaning up the dirt on Atlanta's streets, Callahan Garrity is trading in her badge for a broom and a staff of house cleaners. But, though the uniform is a little different, Callahan soon finds herself right back in the middle of a mystery when a client's pretty, pious 19-year-old nanny is gone...along with the jewelry, silver, and a few rather sensitive real estate documents. Before she knows it, the meticulous Callahan is up to her elbows in a case involving illicit love triangles, crooked business deals, long-distance scams, and a dead body.
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For light entertainment - Also reviews explained
- By Chicago Laura on 07-05-13
By: Mary Kay Andrews
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Burn Baby Burn
- By: Meg Medina
- Narrated by: Marisol Ramirez
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Nora Lopez is 17 during the infamous New York summer of 1977, when the city is besieged by arson, a massive blackout, and a serial killer named Son of Sam who shoots young women on the streets. Nora's family life isn't going so well either: her bullying brother, Hector, is growing more threatening by the day, her mother is helpless and falling behind on the rent, and her father calls only on holidays. All Nora wants is to turn 17 and be on her own.
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Couldn't finish listening to this book.
- By Mathis on 12-03-17
By: Meg Medina
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Quarry
- A Quarry Novel, Book 1
- By: Max Allan Collins
- Narrated by: Christopher Kipiniak
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Quarry doesn't kill just anybody these days. He restricts himself to targeting other hitmen, availing his marked-for-death clients of two services: eliminating the killers sent after them, and finding out who hired them…and then removing that problem, as well. So far he's rid of the world of nobody who would be missed. But this time he finds himself zeroing in on the grieving family of a missing cheerleader. Does the hitman's hitman have the wrong quarry in his sights?
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The great Max Allan Collins
- By Bradley Paul Valentine on 09-25-16
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Excellent German Translation and Performance
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A Dirty Job
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People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
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Great Listen!
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In July 1890, Vincent van Gogh went into a cornfield and shot himself. Or did he? Why would an artist at the height of his creative powers attempt to take his life... and then walk a mile to a doctor's house for help? Who was the crooked little "color man" Vincent had claimed was stalking him across France? And why had the painter recently become deathly afraid of a certain shade of blue? These are just a few of the questions confronting Vincent's friends who vow to discover the truth of van Gogh's untimely death.
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Is Nothing is Sacre'?
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Fun Read
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Lamb
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Blasphemus or righteous?
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Noir Has Never Been So Funny
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Noir
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San Francisco 1947: Es kommt nicht jeden Tag vor, dass eine rätselhafte, anmutige Blondine namens Stilton (ja, wie der Käse) in den verlotterten Laden kommt, in dem Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin Gin ausschenkt. Es ist Liebe auf den ersten Blick. Aber bevor Sammy den ersten Schritt machen kann, betritt ein Air Force General mit einem eiligen Auftrag für ihn den Saloon. Doch Sammy hat eigentlich besseres zu tun: Er arbeitet an einer eigenen Geschäftsidee. Als aber an der Pazifikküste ein unbekanntes Flugobjekt gesichtet wird und Stilton plötzlich spurlos verschwindet, muss er sich seinen dunkelsten Geheimnissen stellen, um seinen Käse zu retten.
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Is Nothing is Sacre'?
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I named my cat after the demon Catch
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Bloodsucking FUN!
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Vienna, 1911. Gustav Klimt, the most famous painter in the Austrian Empire, the darling of Viennese society, spots a woman’s nude body in the Danube canal. He knows he should summon a policeman, but he can’t resist stopping to make a sketch first. And as he draws, the woman coughs. She’s alive! Back at his studio, Klimt and his model-turned-muse Wally tend to the erstwhile-drowned girl. She’s nearly feral and doesn’t remember who she is, or how she came to be floating in the canal. Klimt names her Judith, after one of his most famous paintings, and resolves to help her find her memory.
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Coyote Blue
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With New York Times best-sellers like Bloodsucking Fiends to his credit, Christopher Moore has developed a devoted cult following. Coyote Blue introduces Samuel Hunter, a young man who's running from his past while being tormented by an ancient Crow God with a talent for mischief.
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ehhhh...
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Fluke
- Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings
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Just why do humpback whales sing? That's the question that has marine behavioral biologist Nate Quinn and his crew poking, charting, recording, and photographing very big, wet, gray marine mammals - until the extraordinary day when a whale lifts its tail into the air to display a cryptic message spelled out in foot-high letters: Bite Me.
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Best way to ruin a good book.
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Dark City expands with new chapters and a fresh collection of restored photos that illustrate the mythic landscape of the imagination. It's a place where the men and women who created film noir often find themselves dangling from the same sinister heights as the silver-screen avatars to whom they gave life.
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CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
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Maximum Bob
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How I Remember
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The space-faring Yherajk have come to Earth to meet us and to begin humanity's first interstellar friendship. There's just one problem: They're hideously ugly and they smell like rotting fish. So getting humanity's trust is a challenge. The Yherajk need someone who can help them close the deal. Enter Thomas Stein, who knows something about closing deals. He's one of Hollywood's hottest young agents.
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excellent
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The Big Sleep
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A dying millionaire hires private eye Philip Marlowe to handle the blackmailer of one of his two troublesome daughters, and Marlowe finds himself involved with more than extortion. Kidnapping, pornography, seduction, and murder are just a few of the complications he gets caught up in.
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What listeners say about Noir
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Elang
- 05-04-18
Noir, a very enjoyable book
I loved the narration of this book, very well done, and it made me laugh out loud in places..I like that he kept the words from that era and used them. the story line was fun to. I will listen again, just so I can hear the narrator.
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10 people found this helpful
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- Matt (Daddy-o)
- 07-31-19
Another Moore hit!
Love his characters always and you can tell that he has done his research. Charm, witticism, vulgarity, crime, hedonism, love, and much more, as usual. I can't say enough good things about the author. The narrator was perfect for this story. Very well read and performed. A+
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3 people found this helpful
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- Chris Dorosky
- 09-11-18
classic Moore, new style. liked it quite a bit
narrator was excellent. good story, funny, hard-boiled late 40s style. higly enjoyable. well worth a credit.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Buretto
- 04-24-18
The only thing sharper than his wit,was his cheese
What did you love best about Noir?
It's a fantastic work, like Twain sending up Chandler, with a side of Arthur C. Clarke.
The best part is the brilliantly satirical dialogue which is reverential to, and yet still pokes fun at, the hard-boiled detective novel. It starts with the phrase "She had the kind of legs that kept her butt from resting on her shoes", and goes from there.
What about Johnny Heller’s performance did you like?
The Jimmy Cagney-esque character, of Eddie Moo Shoes, in Chinatown. At the start, the author makes clear that this story is set in a specific time and place, and modern sensibilities may become unsettled. But he deftly gets around that with a wildly off-the-wall story, which is totally entertaining.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
The headline of this review.
I'd love to see a film of this book, in the spirit of "Murder By Death" and "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid". I even found myself trying to cast the film in my head as it went along.
Any additional comments?
To be honest, it probably goes a little bit longer than necessary. But the whole thing is so madcap and ridiculous, I still didn't want it to end!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Frank Donnelly
- 10-07-20
A Very Well Narrated Performance of A Humorous Story
"Noir" is a Very different story that is part comedy, part science fiction and part noir mystery. Although I liked the story, the audiobook narration was by far my fav part of the novel. The comedic timing and intonation is excellent. I do not think I would have liked the novel nearly as much if I only read it.
The story started a bit slowly for me, but I stayed with it. I grew to like the characters and enjoy the unusual, funny, and bizarre story. I would not want to read this kind of writing as a steady diet, but it was a really fun change of pace for me. Thank You...
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- Andrea
- 09-25-19
Moore’s Laugh-out loud funny best yet!
Christopher Moore is without a doubt one of the most talented and imaginative writers of the time. He has the ability to create likable characters, makes us care about them and places them in some of the most bizarre and funny situations, especially when they are in San Francisco-which he clearly knows. This story is fun, well-written, laugh-out loud funny. You won’t want to stop listening because you can’t wait to hear where it will take you next. Johnny Heller is the perfect narrator with spot-on comic delivery and timing. He brings life and depth to Moore’s characters. What a team! Like Mark Tufo and Sean Runette or Oliver Wyman and just about anyone, their work fits together like a well-engineered machine. No matter what your audiobook taste, Noir is a can’t miss good time that is well worth the price or credit!
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- Shannon L Chada
- 05-27-22
Would give 6+ stars for the performance if availab
This was an outstanding story with perhaps the best narrative performance ever! Worth a second listen.
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- Sydoknee
- 05-07-23
Delightful!
Loved this story! Silly enough to not take too seriously, but loaded with historical references to add some reality. There were so many funny lines & situations, lots of laugh-out-loud and worthy-of-sharing moments. Johnny Heller did a superb job, making many of these parts even more memorable.
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- GMF
- 07-16-23
Well worth the credit and time!
Wonderful dry humor with a story. So glad I got this. Narrator is perfect as well
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- Jesse A. Craft
- 04-27-18
A Must Read from Christopher Moore
A love story, sort of, that only Christopher Moore could tell. I struggled with the narrator in some character shifts, but will buy the hardcover now.
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