Not Gay
Sex Between Straight White Men
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Narrated by:
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Dara Rosenberg
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By:
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Jane Ward
About this listen
A straight white girl can kiss a girl, like it, and still call herself straight - her boyfriend may even encourage her. But can straight white guys experience the same easy sexual fluidity, or would kissing a guy just mean that they are really gay?
Not Gay thrusts deep into a world where straight guy-on-guy action is not a myth but a reality: There's fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other's penises and stick fingers up their fellow members' anuses; online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men. For Jane Ward, these sexual practices reveal a unique social space where straight white men can - and do - have sex with other straight white men; in fact, she argues, to do so reaffirms rather than challenges their gender and racial identity.
Ward illustrates that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practices as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways. These sex acts are not slippages into a queer way of being or expressions of a desired but unarticulated gay identity. Instead, Ward argues, they reveal the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire. In the end, Ward's analysis offers a new way to think about heterosexuality - not as the opposite or absence of homosexuality but as its own unique mode of engaging in homosexual sex, a mode characterized by pretense, disidentification, and racial and heterosexual privilege.
Daring, insightful, and brimming with wit, Not Gay is a fascinating new take on the complexities of heterosexuality in the modern era.
©2015 New York University (P)2015 Audible, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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- By: John Corvino
- Narrated by: J. Paul Guimont
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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For the last 20 years, John Corvino - widely known as the author of the weekly column "The Gay Moralist" - has traversed the country responding to moral and religious arguments against same-sex relationships. In this timely audiobook, he shares that experience - addressing the standard objections to homosexuality and offering insight into the culture wars more generally. Is homosexuality unnatural? Does the Bible condemn it? Are people born gay (and should it matter either way)? Corvino approaches such questions with precision, sensitivity, and good humor.
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Great book and great author
- By Anonymous User on 06-21-18
By: John Corvino
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Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life
- A Psychologist Investigates How Evolution, Cognition, and Complexity Are Revolutionizing Our View of Human Nature
- By: Douglas T. Kenrick
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Between what can be learned from evolutionary psychology and cognitive science a picture emerges. In Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life, social psychologist Douglas Kenrick fuses these two fields to create a coherent story of human nature. In his analysis, many ingrained, apparently irrational behaviors—one-night stands, prejudice, conspicuous consumption, even art and religious devotion—are quite explicable and (when desired) avoidable.
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Rather dated and self-aggrandizing
- By Laurie Frick on 07-21-11
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Mating Intelligence Unleashed
- The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love
- By: Scott Barry Kaufman PhD., Glenn Geher PhD., Helen Fisher PhD. - foreword
- Narrated by: Bernard Setaro Clark
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Psychologists often paint a picture of human mating as visceral, instinctual. But that's not the whole story. In courtship and display, sexual competition and rivalry, we are also guided by what Glenn Geher and Scott Barry Kaufman call Mating Intelligence - a range of mental abilities that have evolved to help us find the right partner. Mating Intelligence is at work in our efforts to form, maintain, and end relationships. It guides us in flirtation, foreplay, copulation, finding and choosing a mate, and many other behaviors.
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Tedious with the gems buried deep within
- By Matt J on 09-26-15
By: Scott Barry Kaufman PhD., and others
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We Were Feminists Once
- From Riot Grrrl to CoverGirl®, the Buying and Selling of a Political Movement
- By: Andi Zeisler
- Narrated by: Joell A. Jacob
- Length: 10 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Today, feminism is no longer a dirty word, and women purporting to stand up for women's equality now include high-powered names like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, and Emma Watson. Hip underwear lines sell granny pants with "feminist" emblazoned on the back. In every bookstore, there are scores of seductive feminist how-to business guides telling women how to achieve "it all".
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Fantastic book despite shoddy narration
- By Seth H. Wilson on 05-19-16
By: Andi Zeisler
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Bad Sex
- Truth, Pleasure, and an Unfinished Revolution
- By: Nona Willis Aronowitz
- Narrated by: Nona Willis Aronowitz
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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At thirty-two years old, everything in Nona Willis Aronowitz’s life, and in America, was in disarray. Her marriage was falling apart. Her nuclear family was slipping away. Her heart and libido were both in overdrive. Embroiled in an era of fear, reckoning, and reimagining, her assumptions of what “sexual liberation” meant were suddenly up for debate.
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I was born in the 50s, sexually active in the mid 70s
- By Pixel on 08-22-22
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Cool
- How the Brain's Hidden Quest for Cool Drives Our Economy and Shapes Our World
- By: Steven Quartz, Anette Asp
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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In Cool, the neuroscientist and philosopher Steven Quartz and the political scientist Anette Asp bring together the latest findings in brain science, economics, and evolutionary biology to form a provocative theory of consumerism, revealing how the brain's "social calculator" and an instinct to rebel are the crucial missing links in understanding the motivations behind our spending habits.
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Some Useful Ideas
- By Carson on 07-20-17
By: Steven Quartz, and others
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On Freedom
- Four Songs of Care and Constraint
- By: Maggie Nelson
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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So often deployed as a jingoistic, even menacing rallying cry, or limited by a focus on passing moments of liberation, the rhetoric of freedom both rouses and repels. Does it remain key to our autonomy, justice, and well-being, or is freedom's long star turn coming to a close? Does a continued obsession with the term enliven and emancipate, or reflect a deepening nihilism (or both)? On Freedom examines such questions by tracing the concept's complexities in four distinct realms: art, sex, drugs, and climate.
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Just great
- By Kristi Strong on 12-14-21
By: Maggie Nelson
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Blindspot
- By: Mahzarin R. Banaji, Anthony G. Greenwald
- Narrated by: Eric Jason Martin
- Length: 7 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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I know my own mind. I am able to assess others in a fair and accurate way. These self-perceptions are challenged by leading psychologists Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G. Greenwald as they explore the hidden biases we all carry from a lifetime of exposure to cultural attitudes about age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, social class, sexuality, disability status, and nationality. Blindspot is the authors’ metaphor for the portion of the mind that houses hidden biases.
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Difficult to interpret.
- By Ryan Arnold on 12-21-15
By: Mahzarin R. Banaji, and others
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Feminism and Pop Culture
- Seal Studies
- By: Andi Zeisler
- Narrated by: Angela Reed
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Whether or not we like to admit it, pop culture is a lens through which we alternately view and shape the world around us. When it comes to feminism, pop culture aids us in translating feminist philosophies, issues, and concepts into everyday language, making them relevant and relatable. In Feminism and Pop Culture, author and cofounder of Bitch magazine Andi Zeisler traces the impact of feminism on pop culture (and vice versa) from the 1940s to the present and beyond.
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Really needs an update
- By Lori Grossman on 04-05-18
By: Andi Zeisler
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The Science of Good and Evil
- Why People Cheat, Gossip, Care, Share, and Follow the Golden Rule
- By: Michael Shermer
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Abridged
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In The Science of Good and Evil, psychologist and science historian Michael Shermer explores how humans evolved from social primates into moral primates, how and why morality motivates the human animal, and how the foundation of moral principles can be built upon empirical evidence. Along the way he explains the implications of scientific findings for fate and free will, the existence of pure good and pure evil, and the development of early moral sentiments among the first humans.
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Read by author
- By Gregory A. Townsend on 04-16-23
By: Michael Shermer
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Labor of Love
- The Invention of Dating
- By: Moira Weigel
- Narrated by: Kyra Miller
- Length: 8 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Weaving together over 100 years of history with scenes from the contemporary landscape, Labor of Love offers a fresh feminist perspective on how we came to date the ways we do. This isn't a guide to "getting the guy". There are no ridiculous "rules" to follow. Instead Weigel helps us understand how looking for love shapes who we are and hopefully leads us closer to the happy ending that dating promises.
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Not Meant To Be Useful, But Quite Fun
- By Gillian on 02-14-17
By: Moira Weigel
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Covering
- The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights
- By: Kenji Yoshino
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Everyone covers. To cover is to downplay a disfavored trait so as to blend into the mainstream. Because all of us possess stigmatized attributes, we all encounter pressure to cover in our daily lives. Given its pervasiveness, we may experience this pressure to be a simple fact of social life. Against conventional understanding, Kenji Yoshino argues that the demand to cover can pose a hidden threat to our civil rights.
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Humane Advocacy in Law and Life
- By Patroclus Menoetius on 07-27-20
By: Kenji Yoshino
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The Rise of the New Puritans
- Fighting Back Against Progressives’ War on Fun
- By: Noah Rothman
- Narrated by: Noah Rothman
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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The Left used to be the party of the hippies and the free spirits. Now it’s home to woke scolds and humorless idealogues. The New Puritans can judge a person’s moral character by their clothes, Netflix queue, fast food favorites, the sports they watch, and the company they keep. No choice is neutral, no sphere is private. Not since the Puritans has a political movement wanted so much power over your thoughts, hobbies, and preferences every minute of your day. In the process, they are sucking the joy out of life.
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Great, fast summer read
- By Joseph Spiegel on 07-18-22
By: Noah Rothman
What listeners say about Not Gay
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-17-16
Insightful sociology
Surprising, insightful and entertaining. The author takes you on a journey though a subject that is unfortunately taboo. she dares to hit the head of the nail with the hammer and call out years of repression of sexual fluidity.
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4 people found this helpful
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- wilson pipkin
- 09-02-20
A must read for all queers and men.
This is beautiful and revolutionary and life changing. I never thought it would be a queer woman that would open my eyes to things I was subconsciously aware of, but didn't have words for. It must have been fun research to slog through Craigslist personal ads and hazing porn.
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- Brandon Foley
- 11-16-22
Great topic... not a fan of the narration.
This is a great topic and most of the substance of the book is well written. My problem with it at times the voice of the writing as well as the narrator sounds very condescending towards straight men. As though the deeply ingrained messages men receive from society growing up are somehow each individual "white hetero male"'s own fault. I just don't like the attitude. This is a book that straight men should feel comfortable reading and I think they would just feel attacked most of the time listening. It should make a straight man feel more confident in their sexuality and I think I would feel more shame.
I also don't agree with some of the author's opinions on film. Her take on Superbad for instance, I feel she missed the whole point of the film. The two male protagonists, in my opinion... are not bumbling idiots and I think the film actually does a remarkable job at showing the tragedy of intimate male relationships fraying due to societal expectations. I almost cried at the end! I think the author mistakes complexity of personality and character for... weakness of character.
overall worth a listen or read though. I would've loved to hear a bit more science and research and perhaps even personal experiences.
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- Michael Smith
- 12-28-22
Very interesting analysis
This was a very interesting and illuminating view of male sexuality. I’m going to have to buy a print copy for reference material.
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- Rory
- 06-02-16
Fun, Informative and Thought-Provoking
The audio version of this book is adorable: a wry wink of a read, rather like having Amy Poehler cast as a smart and funny, women studies professor. Dara Rosenberg does a great job with Jane Ward's cheeky (yet academic) text, to craft an engaging listen.
I first heard Dr Ward interviewed on Tristan Taormino's podcast back in August, and was surprised to hear how much sex "straight" guys were allegedly having with each other through Craig's List and other such venues. When the audio version came out, I got it mostly from curiosity about that, but came to enjoy the gender theory and other insights Ward brings to the subject, particularly her insights about the way that hegemonic masculinity conflates sexism and racism in a way which preserves its own sense of entitlement and exceptionalism. This is not just hypocrisy, but beyond that toward psychosis.
A bit academic at times, the audio version was still quite enjoyable, and has me thinking about sexual orientation and political performance differently than I did before. Fun, informative and thought-provoking.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Alex Nelson
- 12-16-16
Essential gender and sexually studies reading
I hadn't heard of this book when I came across it at an anthropology conference book sale but it was worth every penny. Although I am usually off put by social science and humanities research that is not based in original primary research, the studies discussed throughout this book were obscure enough to me to prevent the book from feeling merely theoretical. The author poses a fascinating challenge to our rigid thinking about male same sex sexual acts while also highlighting the role of race in American cultural constructions of male heterosexual it and homosexuality. By highlighting instances of same sex sexual acts between heterosexual men the author is able to constructively complicate our understanding of sexuality, masculinity and whiteness, all of which are rarely and inadequately theorized in the vast majority of gender studies literature in particular and the social sciences in general. Although it frequently felt like I was listening to a jargon laden conference talk, I believe this book can serve as excellent reading material for upper level undergraduates.
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3 people found this helpful
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- hof
- 05-16-20
Good listen
Fun expression of male sexuality relative to white privileged. Interesting facts and provides a lot to think about IMO.
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- Robert Cline Storey
- 01-28-24
Not Gay
it was boring and difficult to follow. Half the time I didn’t understand what she was talking about really. Like having a textbook read to you. I’m sorry I wasted my money.
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- Water-Customer
- 04-28-22
Nothing in "book" is any kind of any Gay story!
This is a_* review" of every piece of gay literature ever penned. it has nothing go do with any actual story . It has no story content except the rambling of the authors idea of what constitutes a piece of gay literature. To say it is a disappointment is generous at best. But given that it is included with legitimate gay writings is false advertising. It has no business with gay erotica or gay porn soft or hardcore. I wasted money buying this rubbish thinking that it would be a worthy patt.of my reading collection.
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- David McDougall
- 01-17-18
Extreme Feminism and Liberalism
This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
Liberal, feminist women
Has Not Gay turned you off from other books in this genre?
Yes
What did you like about the performance? What did you dislike?
Reader was clear and made the content as interesting as possible
What character would you cut from Not Gay?
The writer
Any additional comments?
I gave this book an honest try. I suffered through over 4 hours. I just gave up. Ward goes on and on about feminist ideas and it's just so distracting from the actual subject of the book. She spends more time discussing lesbian thoughts than that of gay men. There was some value in discussing the different times and categories of straight men that have gay encounters. However, her rants about black oppression and homophobia were just too distracting. The phrase "straight white male" must have been used hundreds of times which became monotonous. Might be great from a feminazi point of view, but not from a gay guy that has had sex with several straight identifying men. There is just too much fluff and not enough meaningful content. Almost as if it was a school paper that was lengthed because there was only a page of good content and the requirement was 10 pages and the student just started going off on meaningless tangents to fill up space. Highly do not recommend, I will be getting a refund.
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6 people found this helpful