Secret Santa
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Narrated by:
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Andi Arndt
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By:
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Andrew Shaffer
About this listen
The Office meets Stephen King, dressed up in holiday tinsel, in this fun, festive, and frightening horror-comedy set during the horror publishing boom of the ’80s, by New York Times best-selling satirist Andrew Shaffer.
Out of work for months, Lussi Meyer is desperate to work anywhere in publishing. Prestigious Blackwood-Patterson isn’t the perfect fit, but a bizarre set of circumstances leads to her hire and a firm mandate: Lussi must find the next horror superstar to compete with Stephen King, Anne Rice, and Peter Straub. It’s the ’80s, after all, and horror is the hottest genre.
But as soon as she arrives, Lussi finds herself the target of her coworkers’ mean-spirited pranks. The hazing reaches its peak during the company’s annual Secret Santa gift exchange, when Lussi receives a demonic-looking object that she recognizes but doesn’t understand. Suddenly, her coworkers begin falling victim to a series of horrific accidents akin to a George Romero movie, and Lussi suspects that her gift is involved. With the help of her former author, the flamboyant Fabien Nightingale, Lussi must track down her anonymous Secret Santa and figure out the true meaning of the cursed object in her possession before it destroys the company - and her soul.
©2020 Andrew Shaffer (P)2020 Blackstone PublishingListeners also enjoyed...
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Claire "Mac" Woods—a professor enjoying her newfound hotshot status at an academic conference—finally has the acceptance and admiration she has long craved. But at the conference's hotel bar, Mac is surprised to run into a face from a past she'd rather forget: the moneyed, effortlessly perfect Gwendolyn Whitney, Mac's foil, rival, and former best friend.
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Outstanding!
- By SLuzaz on 02-15-21
By: Amy Gentry
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If Walls Could Talk
- Haunted Home Renovation, Book 1
- By: Juliet Blackwell
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
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Melanie Turner has made quite a name for herself remodeling historic houses in the San Francisco Bay Area. But now her reputation may be on the line. At her newest project, a run-down Pacific Heights mansion, Mel is visited by the ghost of a colleague who recently met a bad end with power tools. Mel hopes that by nailing the killer, she can rid herself of the ghostly presence of the murdered man - and not end up a construction casualty herself....
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A Nice Change
- By Carole T. on 06-15-15
By: Juliet Blackwell
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Hellboy: An Assortment of Horrors
- By: Various
- Narrated by: Seth Podowitz
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Fifteen of the biggest names in weird literature come together to pay tribute to Hellboy and the characters of Mike Mignola’s award-winning line of books! Assembled by Joe Golem and Baltimore co-writer Christopher Golden, this anthology boasts 15 original stories by the best in horror, fantasy, and science fiction, including Seanan McGuire (October Daye series), Chelsea Cain (Heartsick), Jonathan Maberry (Joe Ledger series), and more! The new writer of Hellboy and the BPRD, iZombie co-creator Chris Roberson, pitches in as well!
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An assortment of good times.
- By Chris E. on 02-28-20
By: Various
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The Ghost and Mrs. McClure
- The Haunted Bookshop Mystery Series, Book 1
- By: Cleo Coyle
- Narrated by: Caroline Shaffer, Traber Burns
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Young widow Penelope Thornton-McClure and her old Aunt Sadie are making ends meet by managing a mystery book shop - a quaint Rhode Island landmark rumored to be haunted. Pen may not believe in ghosts, but she does believe in good publicity - like nabbing Timothy Brennan for a book signing. But soon after the bestselling thriller writer reveals a secret about the store's link to a 1940s murder, he keels over dead - and right in the middle of the store's new community events space. Who gives Mrs. McClure the first clue that it was murder?
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Creative take of a ghost detective
- By Victoria J. Mejia-Gewe on 12-05-18
By: Cleo Coyle
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The Lions of Fifth Avenue
- A Novel
- By: Fiona Davis
- Narrated by: Erin Bennett, Lisa Flanagan
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
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It's 1913, and on the surface, Laura Lyons couldn't ask for more out of life - her husband is the superintendent of the New York Public Library, allowing their family to live in an apartment within the grand building, and they are blessed with two children. But headstrong, passionate Laura wants more, and when she takes a leap of faith and applies to the Columbia Journalism School, her world is cracked wide open.
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Exhilarating
- By Joanna Butler on 08-20-20
By: Fiona Davis
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Titanshade
- The Carter Archives, Book 1
- By: Dan Stout
- Narrated by: Mikael Naramore
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
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Carter's a homicide cop in Titanshade, an oil boomtown where 8-tracks are state of the art, disco rules the radio, and all the best sorcerers wear designer labels. It's also a metropolis teetering on the edge of disaster. As its oil reserves run dry, the city's future hangs on a possible investment from the reclusive amphibians known as Squibs. But now negotiations have been derailed by the horrific murder of a Squib diplomat. The pressure's never been higher to make a quick arrest, even as Carter's investigation leads him into conflict with the city's elite.
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Brilliant and intense, this fantasy crime thriller
- By kimbacaffeinate on 02-04-21
By: Dan Stout
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Superhero Syndrome
- Solstice Survivors, Book 1
- By: Caryn Larrinaga
- Narrated by: Ruby Hankey
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Tess McBray was dying. The solstice syndrome had no cure, and she resigned herself to an early grave. But just when she gave up on survival, all her symptoms mysteriously disappeared. All but one symptom, anyway. Something is wrong with Tess’ hands. They absorb any material they touch, and her skin turns to wood, steel, or concrete. It doesn’t take this comic book obsessed 21-year-old long to figure out what’s going on: somehow, she’s developed super powers. And she’s not the only one; across the country, people are coming forward and sharing their gifts with the world.
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"Origin" story with great characters and narration
- By Kara on 08-17-19
By: Caryn Larrinaga
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The Nightmare Man
- By: J. H. Markert
- Narrated by: David Bendena
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Blackwood mansion looms, surrounded by nightmare pines, atop the hill over the small town of New Haven. Ben Bookman, bestselling novelist and heir to the Blackwood estate, spent a weekend at the ancestral home to finish writing his latest horror novel, The Scarecrow. Now, on the eve of the book’s release, the terrible story within begins to unfold in real life.
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The Nightmare Man
- By Kate Miffitt on 03-19-23
By: J. H. Markert
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Radicals
- By: Nik Korpon
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Isabel Keating
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Original Recording
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Jay Brodsky is an enigma. To his fellow agents at the FBI’s cybercrimes division. To his new partner. Even to himself. For someone whose skills are beyond question, he often seems just on the edge of losing control. He seldom speaks about his family and his personal life, but he seems to be hiding something. And he has an unusual obsession with even the most obscure punk rock. So when a mysterious cyber-terrorist organization begins erasing Americans’ medical debt, Jay must put his personal issues aside to focus on an attack that threatens to destabilize the US economy.
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Punk rock, anarchy, hacking and an FBI investigat
- By col2910 on 11-24-20
By: Nik Korpon
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The Last Place You Look
- By: Kristen Lepionka
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Nobody knows what happened to Sarah Cook. The beautiful blonde teenager disappeared 15 years ago, the same night her parents were brutally murdered in their suburban Ohio home. Her boyfriend, Brad Stockton - black and from the wrong side of the tracks - was convicted of the murders and is now on death row. Though he's maintained his innocence all along, the clock is running out. His execution is only weeks away when his devoted sister insists she spied Sarah at an area gas station.
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Alcoholic PI
- By Karwyn on 05-17-18
By: Kristen Lepionka
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Amazing story!!
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Christmas Hero
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In this remarkable collection the author has selected over two dozen of her best Lovecraftian tales ranging from 2000s “Valentia” to her more recent classic “A Mountain Walked” as well as including the complete Dandridge Cycle, as well as a new story, “M Is for Mars.” In short, this is a cornerstone volume for Kiernan fans and Mythos devotees alike.
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incomplete release
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Christmas in the Empty Cabin
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Didn’t really care for this one
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By: Joanne Ryan
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On 1st of December, renowned puzzle setter, loner, and Christmas curmudgeon Edie O'Sullivan finds a hand-delivered present on her doorstep. Unwrapping it, she finds a jigsaw box and, inside, six jigsaw pieces. When fitted together, the pieces show part of a crime scene—blood-spattered black and white tiles and part of an outlined body. Included in the parcel is a message: 'Four, maybe more, people will be dead by midnight on Christmas Eve, unless you can put all the pieces together and stop me.' It's signed Rest In Pieces.
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Great Classic Christmas Mystery
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Dying for Christmas
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Out Christmas shopping one December afternoon, Jessica Gould meets the charming Dominic Lacey and impulsively agrees to go home with him for a drink. What follows is a Twelve Days of Christmas from hell as Lacey holds Jessica captive, forcing her to wear his missing wife’s gowns and eat lavish holiday meals. Each day, he gifts her with one item from his twisted past - his dead sister’s favorite toy, disturbing family photos, a box of teeth. As the days pass and the “gifts” become darker and darker, Jessica realizes that Lacey has a plan for her and never intends to let her go.
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Harley Granger has a gift for seeing things that others miss. He wasn't much of a novelist, but his work as a true crime author and podcaster has earned him fame and wealth—and some serious criticism for his various unethical practices. Still, visiting Little Valley to be closer to his dying father has caused him to look into a case that many people think is closed—and some want reopened.
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The Christmas story i didn’t know i needed
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Joe Biden is fresh out of the Obama White House and feeling adrift when his favorite railroad conductor dies in a suspicious accident. To unravel the mystery, "Amtrak Joe" re-teams with the only man he's ever fully trusted - Obama. Together they'll plumb the darkest corners of Delaware, traveling from cheap motels to biker bars and beyond, as they uncover the sinister forces advancing America's opioid epidemic. Hope Never Dies is essentially the first published work of Obama/Biden fan fiction - and a cathartic listen for anyone distressed by the current state of affairs.
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Yes, you will smile, laugh, cry, cheer, & applaud!
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The Christmas Appeal
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The Christmas season has arrived in Lower Lockwood, and the Fairway Players are busy rehearsing their festive holiday production of Jack and the Beanstalk to raise money for a new church roof. But despite the season, goodwill is distinctly lacking among the amateur theater enthusiasts with petty rivalries, a possibly asbestos-filled beanstalk, and some perennially absent players behind the scenes. Of course, there’s also the matter of the dead body onstage. Who could possibly have had the victim on their naughty list?
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A funny holiday mystery…
- By Sarah Stubbs on 12-18-23
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Carpet Diem
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Fifteen years after losing most of his family to a devastating, pudding-related tragedy, Simon Debovar has settled into a life of self-imposed exile from the stinking, selfish morass of humanity. Content that his daily highlights will include hazelnut coffee, a long bath, and the occasional jar of olives, his life is completely upturned by the discovery that his ornate living room carpet is the deciding factor in a bet between God and Satan.
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What the heck did I just read?
- By Jasmine Wahlberg on 12-20-17
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The Day of the Donald
- Trump Trumps America!
- By: Andrew Shaffer
- Narrated by: Tom Taylorson
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
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Summer 2018. Two years into President Donald J. Trump's first term in office, America has never been greater. The Even Greater Wall along the Mexican border is under construction, paid for by Mexico. Americans have more money in their pockets thanks to lower taxes and the president's creative money-raising strategies. Who else would have thought to pay for FEMA's budget by suing the Catholic Church over property damage caused by acts of God?
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As if..
- By Sharlotte on 09-09-19
By: Andrew Shaffer
What listeners say about Secret Santa
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ashleigh
- 12-21-24
Seasons creepings
Fun little holiday horror. Nothing special but worth the read to get into the holiday spirit. 3.5/5 but rounding up.
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- Jimmy
- 11-14-20
Ok book
The first of the books was great then it kinda dribbled out towards the end of the book. Not a bad book thou.
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- Jay Lee Newman
- 12-21-20
Funny and keeps you guessing
I loved the narration. the story was funny. It took several unexpected turns. I especially liked the ending
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- Anonymous User
- 12-10-23
Just OK
This book was just ok. There were parts that I thought were really good but then in other parts I wasn’t very interested. Some interesting twists. I bought this on the site wide sale so I didn’t pay a lot so I feel like it was worth what I paid but I probably wouldn’t recommend buying it at full price or using a credit on it.
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- Sabrina N. Frang
- 03-02-21
A fast and fun horror story
I honestly did not know what to expect from Secret Santa. I simply chose it because I wanted a short, holiday-themed horror novel. Secret Santa filled that niche craving. It is fun, even humorous at times, and over before you know it. This is a book that could have used a little more development involving the villains of the novel: I have some unanswered questions. Ultimately though, I think the lore of the novel was left a little vague on purpose. You know enough to understand what is going on. While this was not a five-star book for me, I still enjoyed it for what it was. I will definitely be checking out more from this author.
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- Kyle C
- 04-22-23
I adored this story!
I can’t recommend this enough. Comedy horror is my jam and this was so so good. loved Lucy!! I loved all the characters and the writing style and the prologue, and the middle, and the epilogue and the…
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- Lyselis Jimenez
- 06-11-24
It was ok but not great
At the beginning of the story it was pretty engaging and entertaining especially since it takes place on the Christmas season, but on half of the book it starts to become a drag and kinda of repetitive.
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- denise
- 12-02-20
it was ok
loved it it was a very good book it was a good horror book especially 1arond this time a year
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- Jenny
- 01-18-24
Good idea, okay execution
The story starts with promise and then very slowly works its way to a rushed ending. There is some mystery, folk horror, and dark humor. Overall, the writing is okay - not bad but also not great. If you don’t mind a slow story with an interesting folk horror concept, then go for it.
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- Latasha Davis
- 11-28-24
I’m confused
Not what I expected, I didn’t understand this book. So, I don’t think I will be returned to this author.
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