Texts from Jane Eyre
And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters
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Narrated by:
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Zach Villa
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Amy Landon
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By:
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Mallory Ortberg
About this listen
Mallory Ortberg, co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters.
Everyone knows that if Scarlett O'Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she'd constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she'd text you to pick her up after she totaled her car.
Based on the popular Web feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mash-up that brings the characters from your favorite books into the 21st century.
©2014 Mallory Ortberg (P)2015 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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Dorothea Benton Frank is a treasure of American letters with numerous New York Times best-sellers to her credit and a portfolio full of critical acclaim. “Mixing high drama and high jinks” ( Booklist), her third Lowcountry novel follows the fortunes of the dysfunctional Abbot family. Looking to set her life aright, Anna Lutz Abbot returns to her South Carolina lowcountry hometown. And as she attempts to right past wrongs, Anna receives help and support from a quirky cast of lovable locals sure to endear themselves to listeners.
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A feel good story
- By Sheryl on 02-04-13
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The Story of Arthur Truluv
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Berg
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Berg
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Three people find their way back from loss and loneliness to a different kind of belonging in this deeply moving novel. Arthur, an old widower struggling to overcome his grief, meets Maddy, a troubled teenage girl who avoids school by hiding out where Arthur goes every day for lunch. The two strike up a friendship that draws them out of isolation.
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Sickly Sweet
- By Amazon Customer on 01-19-18
By: Elizabeth Berg
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I Dreamed I Married Perry Mason
- A Cece Caruso Mystery
- By: Susan Kandel
- Narrated by: Dina Pearlman
- Length: 7 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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All that writer Cece Caruso -- a 39-year-old former beauty queen from New Jersey -- really wants to do is finish her biography of Erle Stanley Gardner so that she can finally stop obsessing about Perry Mason. Well, that and find a 1970 silk chiffon Ossie Clark to add to her collection of vintage clothing. And fix the broken front doorknob on her West Hollywood bungalow. But first she has to help save her daughter's foundering marriage, which is more than Cece could manage for her own.
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I Dreamed I Married Erle Stanley Gardner
- By phone it in on 01-30-12
By: Susan Kandel
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The Past Is Red
- By: Catherynne M. Valente
- Narrated by: Penelope Rawlins
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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The future is blue - endless blue...except for a few small places that float across the hot, drowned world left behind by long-gone fossil fuel-guzzlers. One of those patches is a magical place called Garbagetown. Tetley Abednego is the most beloved girl in Garbagetown, but she’s the only one who knows it. She’s the only one who knows a lot of things: that Garbagetown is the most wonderful place in the world, that it’s full of hope, that you can love someone and 66% hate them all at the same time.
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The most perfectly perfect book a F**kwit could ever want.
- By Steve Groves on 02-10-22
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All My Sons
- By: Arthur Miller
- Narrated by: Julie Harris, James Farentino, Arye Gross, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 54 mins
- Original Recording
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World War II is over, and a family mourning a son missing in action plants a memorial tree and tries to go on with their lives. When a storm blows down the tree, a devastating family secret is uprooted, setting the characters on a terrifying journey towards truth.
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Twenty One Pilots.
- By minnie on 11-08-16
By: Arthur Miller
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Treasure Box
- By: Orson Scott Card
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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A shattering childhood tragedy left Quentin Fears devastated. But the wealthy, enigmatic recluse has experienced the extraordinarily unexpected: love at first sight, with Madeleine. Now he must meet his new wife's family. A bizarre, dysfunctional collection of extreme characters, they are guarding a secret both shocking and terrifying, as is Madeleine herself. And suddenly Quentin Fears must prevent his dream woman from unleashing an ageless malevolence intent on ruling the world.
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OSC at his best!!!
- By KaHef on 01-13-07
By: Orson Scott Card
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Among Others
- By: Jo Walton
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 10 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Startling, unusual, and yet irresistably readable, Among Others is at once the compelling story of a young woman struggling to escape a troubled childhood, a brilliant diary of first encounters with the great novels of modern fantasy and SF, and a spellbinding tale of escape from ancient enchantment.
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Subtle Character Piece
- By Eoin on 09-15-11
By: Jo Walton
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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The World's Largest Man
- A Memoir
- By: Harrison Scott Key
- Narrated by: Harrison Scott Key
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Harrison Scott Key was born in Memphis, but he grew up in Mississippi, among pious, Bible-reading women and men who either shot things or got women pregnant. At the center of his world was his larger-than-life father - a hunter, a fighter, and a football coach. Harrison, with his love of books and excessive interest in hugging, couldn't have been less like Pop, and when it became clear that he was not able to kill anything very well or otherwise make his father happy, he resolved to become everything his father was not.
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I laughed every day to and from work. Loved it!
- By KufRN on 06-06-18
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Bewitching
- By: Alex Flinn
- Narrated by: Casey Holloway
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Once, I put a curse on a beastly and arrogant high school boy. That one turned out all right. Others didn’t. I go to a new school now - one where no one knows that I should have graduated long ago. I’m not still here because I’m stupid; I just don’t age. You see, I’m immortal. And I pretty much know everything after hundreds of years - except for when to take my powers and butt out. Now a girl named Emma needs me. I probably shouldn’t get involved, but her gorgeous stepsister is conniving to the core.
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Emma and Kendra
- By Elizabeth Gordon on 07-12-16
By: Alex Flinn
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What I Carry
- By: Jennifer Longo
- Narrated by: Reba Buhr
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in foster care, Muir has lived in many houses. And if she's learned one thing, it is to Pack. Light. Carry only what fits in a suitcase. Toothbrush? Yes. Socks? Yes. Emotional attachment to friends? Foster families? A boyfriend? Nope! There's no room for any additional baggage. Muir has just one year left before she ages out of the system. One year before she's free. One year to avoid anything - or anyone - that could get in her way. Then she meets Francine. And Kira. And Sean. And everything changes.
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Enlightening
- By Kindle Customer on 06-09-21
By: Jennifer Longo
What listeners say about Texts from Jane Eyre
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amanda Davis
- 05-25-16
Very funny!!
Brings classic characters into the present day and gives examples of their "texts" to each other.
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- Siddha108
- 09-19-18
Very different from both TITLE and SAMPLE!
Both the title and the sample reading refer to only one selection in this book, which, at the very least, is misleading. The Jane Eyre section is delightful, but the book consists of similar treatments of other famous but more antique writing and nothing else seems as wonderfully well done.
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- Gillian
- 05-05-16
Charming, Often Hilarious 2+ Hours!
I work the graveyard shift, when my charges are asleep. While I was listening to this, "Texts from Jane Eyre", I laughed so loud I was afraid I was going to wake some of them up.
This is a totally light listen, spoofs and twists that are immensely enjoyable. It sure does help if you know the characters, but I don't think you need to know thaaaat much to find it fun. From Achilles, who's a sullen sod, to "Atlas Shrugged", where during a conversation, "COMMUNISM!" is suddenly shouted, "Jane Eyre", where Mr. Rochester smirks lightly about attics and cellars, to "The Outsiders", where Pony Boy waxes obsessively about eye color, there's a wide variety of original works that are so very enjoyable. "Hamlet" is glorious, "The Lorax" comes off as a pathetically exhausted creature whose emails mostly go to your Spam folder, William Blake has just one more drawing to give, and yes, he must admit, it's of someone being flayed, but who can have enough pictures of flayings?
I was worried that a lot would be lost in translation as texts are rather visual and punctuated with abbreviated 'text-speak', but I needn't have been worried: the narration is brilliant. Each narrator slips back and forth between characters seamlessly and the emotion they fill into each text is to die for.
Don't expect literary depth here; these are just snippets. But the snapshots they provide are hilarious and often provide a measure of depth and 'humanity' if you will to characters known and loved. And, hey! It's barely two hours. It's like eavesdropping only far more entertaining!
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29 people found this helpful
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- Lauren Marie
- 06-26-15
Turning texts into conversation
What made the experience of listening to Texts from Jane Eyre the most enjoyable?
This was a wonderful audiobook, very funny and lots of enjoyable references for classic lit, mythology, and history fans. What made it most enjoyable was the fact that the two actors were able to change their tones to bring so many characters to life. Their performance helped convey the humor in every exchange, even ones where you may not have the knowledge about the subject matter to help inform the humor in the conversations.
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12 people found this helpful
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- NH
- 09-23-16
The snark flows nicely.
Imagine some of the famous (and infamous) characters from literature, including mythology, having access to the modern technology of texting and voice mail. The exchange between Gilgamesh and Ishtar is very funny. She is trying to convince him to come join her and he repeatedly points out that her former boyfriends are either dead or MIA. Plato trying to explain the allegory of the cave is hysterical. He is trying to explain it to someone who is taking it literally and wants to go save all the poor cave dwellers before the fire gets to them. It includes more modern works also, like two characters from Fight Club, discussing Fight Club. Never seen the movie or read the book but I do know the first rule of Fight Club so it was very funny.
Texts from Jane Eyre is a great deal of fun to listen to. The narrators do an amazing job with the different characters and the emotions. The snark flows nicely. This is also one book that I think would work much much better as an audio than reading it. I did not read the book, physical or kindle. I listened to the Audible version.
I know I am not doing this book justice in my description. It really is funny. The only reason is rated 4 instead of 5 stars because I am woefully ignorant of some of the pieces featured, like Daisy Miller, The Outsiders, and The Babysitters Club. At two hours and twenty-two minutes, this is the perfect listen for a drive or just some free time that you would like to to be filled with humor.
#Clever #Funny #Witty #tagsgiving #sweepstakes
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1 person found this helpful
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- Mama C
- 05-10-16
Funny
Yes, this could be very funny. If vulgar language bothers you, note that many chapters were bad.
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- Sam
- 11-24-18
my go to on a bad day!
Normally, after I finish a book I take it off my phone. This book however is my go to on a bad day or when I just need a laugh. It was a random purchase, which has turned into one of my favorite things. I know all the characters from their original stories, so there random, text make me laugh. I even went back and read read some of these old favorites after listing to this book.
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- Seth H. Wilson
- 01-28-15
One big inside joke
If you haven't read the texts this book parodies, you'll be completely lost. However, if you've at least a passing familiarity with classic literature, you'll find this book amusing and occasionally insightful. At their best, these texts capture the emotional force or central idea of a literary work. Of course, some miss the mark, and I question the selection process for what works are included--Sweet Valley High? Really?--but overall this is an enjoyable ride.
The narrators also do a great job of shifting between characters and accents, an impressive feat.
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17 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-06-16
it is as the description stated
Cute, quirky, its own kind of narrative style witch creates a atmosphere and humor as if many of literatures most famous characters, and authors
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- Gudrun
- 05-06-16
Great little diversion
I really loved this. it went along at a great pace. I liked the books used, I have read about 75% of them and know something about the others. I was so disappointed when it was over.
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1 person found this helpful