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The Half-Assed Wizard
- Book 1
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 29 mins
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Publisher's summary
A couple of jerks wake me up at the crack of noon. Seems my klepto uncle stole an ancient deck of Tarot cards from a high-powered wizard, and too many losers want to ruin my day to get them back.
The cards are cool, so I check them out, but my magic-happy cousin, Sabrina, tells me I'm not supposed to touch them. Oops. Too late. Now the damn cards are tuned to me, and if someone else wants to use them, I have to die. Why couldn't she have led with that information?
Magic was never my scene, but my dad is one of the most powerful wizards in the world, so I've got unrealized potential if I ever bother to apply myself. I'd rather power nap, but with wizards, gunslingers, and cannibalistic shark dudes coming at me, that's not gonna happen.
They say I'm a half-assed wizard, but if I don't play my cards right, I'm gonna get my whole ass killed.
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Vampire and thief Raylene Pendle doesn’t need more complications in her life. Her Seattle home is already overrun by a band of misfits, including Ian Stott, a blind vampire, and Adrian deJesus, an ex–Navy SEAL/drag queen. But Raylene still can’t resist an old pal’s request: seek out and steal a bizarre set of artifacts. Also on the hunt is a brilliant but certifiably crazy sorceress determined to stomp anyone who gets in her way.
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Nice Second Installment
- By Tiffani on 09-02-11
By: Cherie Priest
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The Dawn Patrol
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 9 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Every morning Boone Daniels is out with the Dawn Patrol: four men and one woman as single-minded about surfing as he is, or nearly. They have real jobs; Boone works as a P.I. just enough to keep himself in fish tacos and in the water. But Boone is also obsessed with the unsolved case of a young girl named Rain who was abducted while he was with the San Diego police.
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Don Winslow always surprises me
- By Hannah Coale on 09-08-15
By: Don Winslow
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Crimes by Moonlight
- Mysteries from the Dark Side
- By: Charlaine Harris - author/editor
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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In number-one New York Times best-selling author Charlaine Harris’s "Dahlia Underground,” venerable vampire Dahlia Lynley-Chivers survives an attack by an anti-vampire terrorist group, only to show them they tried to blow up the wrong bloodsucker. Bailey Ruth Raeburn, a ghost assigned to assist humans in trouble, steps into the middle of a marital dispute with surprising twists in Carolyn Hart’s “Riding High”....
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Pleasantly surprised
- By Bonnie on 08-06-11
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Poe
- An Alexandra Poe Thriller, Book 1
- By: Brett Battles, Robert Gregory Browne
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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After losing her mother to a terrorist attack, Alexandra Poe was devastated when her father - disgraced and accused of treason - disappeared from the face of the earth. Now, over ten years and a stint in Iraq later, Alex is approached by a man who has information about her father and wants to help her find him. But there's a catch.
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Female version of Jack Reacher
- By Victor @ theAudiobookBlog dot com on 03-04-16
By: Brett Battles, and others
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Dark City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 2
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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It's February 1991. Desert Storm is raging in Iraq but 22-year-old Jack has more pressing matters at home. His favorite bar, The Spot, is about to be sold out from under his friend Julio. No longer merely reactive, Jack takes the fight to his enemies and demonstrates his innate talent for seeing biters get bit. With a body count even higher than in Cold City, Dark City hurtles Jack toward the climax of this formative New York odyssey in which all scores will be settled, all debts paid.
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Slooooow
- By vanessa on 10-16-13
By: F. Paul Wilson
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Blood Song
- Blood Singer, Book 1
- By: Cat Adams
- Narrated by: Arika Escalona
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Bodyguard Celia Graves has definitely accepted her share of weird assignments, both human and supernatural. But her newest job takes the cake. Guarding a prince from terrorists and religious fundamentalists is hard enough, but it seems like the entire supernatural world is after this guy too. When she is betrayed by those she is employed to help, and everything goes horribly wrong, Celia wakes to find herself transformed. Neither human nor vampire, Celia has become an abomination-something that should not exist-and now both human and supernatural alike want her dead.
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Blood Song
- By Andrew on 05-15-12
By: Cat Adams
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No Time for Goodbye
- By: Linwood Barclay
- Narrated by: Christopher Lane
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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The house was deathly quiet. That was the first sign that something was terribly wrong. Fourteen-year-old Cynthia Bigge woke that morning to find herself alone. Her family - mother, father, and brother - had vanished without a word, without a note, without a trace. Twenty-five years later, Cynthia is still looking for answers. Now she is about to learn the devastating truth.
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No Time for Goodbye gets 5*s all around
- By shelley on 06-25-14
By: Linwood Barclay
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The Voodoo Killings
- A Kincaid Strange Novel
- By: Kristi Charish
- Narrated by: Susannah Jones
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Kristi Charish's The Voodoo Killings introduces Kincaid Strange, not your average voodoo practitioner.... For starters, she's only 27. Then there's the fact that she lives in rain-soaked Seattle, which is not exactly Haiti. And she's broke. With raising zombies outlawed throughout the continental USA, Kincaid has to eke out a living running séances for university students with more money than brains who are desperate for guitar lessons with the ghost of a Seattle grunge rocker - who happens to be Kincaid's on-again, off-again roommate.
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Loved it!
- By TAz on 11-16-16
By: Kristi Charish
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Cash City
- By: Jonathan Fredrick
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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It is an obsession that has haunted Nick Malick for seven years - to avenge the murder of his young son. In his gut Malick knows who did it. But the psychopath is in prison for another crime, scheduled to be released in a year. All Malick has to do is wait...and survive.
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Great New Series
- By Lia on 08-21-17
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Burn
- By: Sean Doolittle
- Narrated by: Basil Sands
- Length: 9 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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It's the middle of a sweltering late-summer heat wave in Los Angeles. In the nearby mountains, a seasonal wildfire burns out of control. If not for this fire, authorities might never have discovered wreckage of an Alfa Romeo convertible - or the body of the car's driver - in the dense underbrush at the bottom of Topanga Canyon. But when firefighters happen across the crash site while battling the nearby blaze, it's only a matter of time and basic forensics before the apparent accident is upgraded to homicide.
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Narrator
- By Coby on 06-16-21
By: Sean Doolittle
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Born to Be Wild
- By: Catherine Coulter
- Narrated by: Susanna Burney
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Get yourself ready for Mary Lisa Beverly - a soap-opera phenom who's just won her third Daytime Emmy for her role as Sunday Cavendish on Born to Be Wild. She's fun and lovable and has lots of crazy friends, most of whom hang out at her house in the Colony, the famous gated community in Malibu.
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I like stories with strong female protagonists
- By egfham on 10-25-24
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A Tap on the Window
- By: Linwood Barclay
- Narrated by: Mark Zeisler
- Length: 12 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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International best-selling author Linwood Barclay delivers pulse-pounding suspense that puts him among the masters of the genre. A Tap on the Window finds private investigator Cal Weaver making an ill-advised decision to pick up a young female hitchhiker who reminds him of his dead son. But something is off about the girl, and Cal is soon drawn into a host of nightmarish secrets.
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5 Stars for Tap on the Window
- By shelley on 04-16-14
By: Linwood Barclay
What listeners say about The Half-Assed Wizard
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- alias11
- 10-16-17
Funny and Entertaining Listen
Fun look at a VERY dysfunctional magical family. I really enjoyed the casual attitude of the slacker wizard and I loved Michael's character. This audiobook was laugh out loud funny in places, although the story itself was a little hard to follow sometimes with the characters switching sides and acting under false pretenses. Regardless, it was all a heck of a lot of fun, and I am looking forward to the next book.
The narration was great. Joe did a fantastic job giving different voices to the different characters. The pacing and delivery were excellent. I enjoyed listening to the audiobook more than I think I would have reading the book myself.
I was voluntarily provided this free review copy audiobook by the author, narrator, or publisher.
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- Troy Reich
- 09-21-17
Joe Hempel brings this book to life!
Would you consider the audio edition of The Half-Assed Wizard to be better than the print version?
Yes!
Have you listened to any of Joe Hempel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Yes, and this one is just as good. Check out Joe's narration on Ring of Promise. You won't be disappointed.
Any additional comments?
Joe is a natural for this book. His tone and pacing fit the main character great. This really allows the listener to get a feel for the character and his "laziness". It got so good that at times I could predict the response from the main character because I began to understand him. That is not a knock on the text as being predictable, the character development was just that good.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Felisha
- 10-12-17
Not much, but Entertaining
The plot wasn't too complicated and the characters not well developed but Gary Jonas created an easy to listen to novel. If you're looking for something to just throw on to pass the time, this book is for you.
Joel Hempel's narration was great. Pace was perfect and nothing was over the top. I'll be looking for other genres he's produced.
Overall, an ok book but not something I would recommend to friends.
This audiobook was given in exchange for an honest review.
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- jean doe
- 09-24-17
Magical Cards...
Any additional comments?
The book centered around the male lead, Brett, who is only interested in drugs and the "ladies"until one day he touches a deck of magical cards.
I liked the dialogue, it was sarcastic and funny.
Overall, an entertaining book that featured magic from different angles.
Joe Hempel did a great job with the narration.
Note:
"This audio book was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review."
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1 person found this helpful
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- Outcast
- 03-31-20
Talented slacker story with magical twist
This story... and the protagonist... is meant to be a light-hearted listen. Low key humor. Some interactions with various bad guys stretches credibility. That said, solid enough storyline and characters. Voice acting the protagonist's degree of slackerhood, and detachment that borders on ennui was generally accurate. But it did sometimes become somewhat "droning" in delivery.
This first book is mainly focused on establishing the hero's backstory and staging for sequels in "dragging" the protagonist out of his rut and assembling a cast of supporting characters around him.
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- Tina G.
- 12-07-19
An amusing wizard...
The Half-Assed Wizard (Book 1) by Gary Jonas and narrated by Joe Hempel turned out to be way more entertaining than I expected. Recommend if you like smart-ass characters and magic. 4 ½ stars for story, 5 stars for narration.
What’s it about? Brett lives at his parents house and lacks any kind of ambition other than to play with his band and even that’s questionable. His father is one of the top magicians in the world, while Brett wants nothing to do with magic or his father. His cousin, Sabrina, is also skilled at magic, in the family business, and helps to ground Brett. One of his band mates is a vampire. Brett ends up getting himself into a life and death situation with a deck of Tarot cards. The magical objects (Hendrix guitar) and bad guys (the shark men) add a certain amusement to the story. My favorite was the carpet, Mangani, that eats people. The only problem I had is it’s difficult to connect to Brett because he’s so much of a spoiled turd at times, but his situation changes towards the end and the potential for him to redeem himself in current and future installments is a possibility. We also learn a little of why he is the way he is as the book progresses and this could serve as a lesson as to not judge because we never know what’s going on behind the scenes.
The narrator, Joe Hempel, was amazing. He nailed the MC perfectly- he had me laughing several times. Definitely a great fit for this story.
“After give or six whiskeys, I was spiraling downward, but thought I was profound and had the secret of the universe ready to spill from my lips.”
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“You’re not going to hook up with anyone, Brett. You have an appointment, and your father and cousin are counting on you.” (Michael)
I started laughing. “They’re f*cked.” (Brett) This scene, Joe had me laughing with the way he said this, if you listen to any part of the book, make sure it’s this scene.
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“I had two choices. I could be perfect, which was never going to happen. Or I could stop trying.”
Overall, I highly recommend, especially if you prefer a little magic with your snark. I will listen to the second book asap if it becomes available as an audiobook.
Parental guidance/trigger warnings: drinking alcohol, smoking a joint, sex talk, father is abusive (mention of past physical abuse and the father and MC get in a fight in the book where the father physically hurts the MC, verbally abusive), death (via multiple ways, usually magical). Language used: fx20, sx50, hellx30, and possibly more I’m missing.
*I was given a free review copy of the audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review. Thank you for allowing me to listen and review the book!
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- Lomeraniel
- 09-24-17
Fresh urban fantasy
Brett’s father is one of the most powerful wizards in the word, but Brett is just not interested in magic. He likes the easy life that comes with family money, and his expectations in life are none beyond playing with his band. One day Brett receives a mysterious package that will get him of of his comfort zone and in great danger. He will either have to change his ways or die.
As a fan of Jonathan Shade’s adventures, I was looking forward to this book. Among all the epic fantasy books, finding gems like this urban fantasy book is simply refreshing. It is not that I don’t like epic fantasy, I love it, but sometimes characters and situations we can easily relate too are welcome. Gary Jonas writes very vivid and down to earth characters and great dialogs. His books have that fresh humor so difficult to find in fantasy books, and this is what makes them amazing and original.
Brett is not an especially likable character, and that means that he will have to undergo an evolution, apart from using his cheecky techniques, to be able to save his bacon. This will make Brett an interesting character.
The ending is somehow predictable, but I still enjoyed the ride. I was a funny and light listen, ideal for a lazy day. I wish the next book was already available.
I really enjoyed Joe Hempel’s narration. He has wonderful character interpretation skills, inflicting the right amount of emotion, irony, and sarcasm. Hempel has a decent voice range and knows how to use in a subtle way, something important when narrating audiobooks. The best part is that he makes you forget that you are listening to a book, to the point that you feel part of the story.
I received a copy of this book in audio format from the narrator in exchange for an honest review.
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- codyc229
- 10-06-17
Can’t wait for the sequel!!
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.
I wasn’t sure if would like this book but you shouldn’t judge a book by its title. I found myself wanting to shake Brett and hug at the same time. I would have loved for it to be longer. This a short story but it had a awesome storyline and I can’t wait for the next book.
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- Willis Burns
- 09-26-17
Six words or less
This book exceeded my expectations, expletive.
I really enjoyed this book. I got it for free in exchange for an honest review and my honest review is that it was creative and well written. It wasn’t the most engaging plot ever, but it was good enough for my entertainment, especially with Joe’s narration.
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- MelHay
- 10-31-17
Smart aleck wizard that learns to apply himself
*I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.
Don't let the length full you. It's a shorter read/listen, but we quickly get into Brett's world of wizards that's he's worked to NOT be part of and the band life he enjoys as it all crashes together in trouble.
Joe is a narrator I've listened to before. He fits Gary's characters well with their dry sense of humor. Joe voices the characters with tones that fit their standing and personalities. There is a twist to the characters and they (or the narrator) acts their parts well. Nicely done.
Brett doesn't want to do magic. The pain of the blood price is something he's not into.
Brett is a younger man and feels to fit the part of a band member. He's a stereo type where he doesn't like wordy explanations, but at times he shows how smart he really is. He comes across as a slacker, but is still the star of the show in the book as he knows what to do and it's easy for him when he applies himself. He's surrounded by strong secondary characters thanks to his family's reputation.
Sabrina, his cousin, is a strong and smart character here. She has no problems using magic and yields it with perfection. Then we have Michael, a band mate of Brett's. He's special and had my attention from the moment we met him. The author did well in how he "spoke" of Michael through Brett before we met Michael, and it drew my attention to him when first walked on the page.
Brett then grows more responsible as the story goes. He is distracted with the people working to get to him and the tarot cards.
Want to talk magic? Do it in six words or less - that's Brett request, as he doesn't want to deal with it. He might be lazy, but we repeatedly see he's not dumb. Now, Brett being lazy is not all bad. It gives a little spice to the book and Brett's character. At times it feels as though he doesn't know what to do, but then all the sudden he does. More a smart aleck than anything. I enjoyed his flavor of spunk.
I enjoyed the way Gary plotted this story to come together in the end. Crafty. There was a twist to who's connected to who and what the ultimate goal is. I was surprised at one twist to the story. I enjoyed the power we find in Brett and curious to see what he may do with it in the future, along with his friends too.
I would enjoy listening to the rest of the series.
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