In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.

00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure 00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge 00:09:32 Consequences and shame 00:12:11 Shame relief 00:15:05 The codependency framework 00:20:15 Asking questions

You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

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If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling 00:08:39 What is Truth 00:11:07 'Telling it like it is' 00:14:45 Full Disclosure 00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and Effect You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"

00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent? 00:04:49 Inner Lawyers 00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work 00:12:00 A Case Study 00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency 00:29:06 Case Study #2

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage.

Mentioned in this episode:

Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior 00:04:55 Lying in Childhood 00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying 00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships 00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship 00:29:28 Relationship Work Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship.

In this episode:

00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From? 00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma 00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like 00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic Relationships Season 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy)

Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.

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Email: codependentmind@gmail.com

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship.

In this episode:

00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood 00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality 00:13:14 Mutuality 00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind

Email: codependentmind@gmail.com

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them.

00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy' 00:01:46 The empathetic system 00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders 00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions 00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool 00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology 00:08:41 Minimum Viable Products 00:11:49 Starting a relationship Lean 00:15:44 Dating Lean 00:19:55 Using Lean Startup to make life decisions

Thank you for listening!