We discuss:

• 1:01 How do I take a break from a friendship?
• 8:10 How to acknowledge a truth instead of debate it.
• 14:46 Is it worth it to try and reveal myself to a friend or should I just cut ties?
• 19:55 How to be vulnerable with those who deserve to hear it.
• 21:23 How denying ourselves a whole hearted yes or a whole hearted no hurts us.
• 24:47 The difference between a peer and a project.
• 28:19 How do I allow myself permission to change my mind?
• 29:26 Allowing people to solve their own problems is an act of respect.
• 34:07 The only people who object to us looking after ourselves are the people who benefit when we don't.
• 35:40 How can I approach a friend about the past?
• 41:25 I can always tell the truth, but can I field the response?
• 44:42 What prevents us from feeling empathy?
• 50:16 Help me decline an invitation!

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

One of the hardest decisions we can make is to dismantle a marriage when there are children involved.

On this episode of the podcast, we uncover how to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave a marriage because of the kids. We also discuss:

• 1:34 How do I make accommodations for my needs and my children's needs at the same time?
• 4:01 Determining the values behind our needs
• 6:15 Grief and acceptance in a relationship
• 8:28 An old flame is coming into town. How can I have a safe conversation about hurt feelings?
• 14:37 Discerning someone's role in our life
• 17:23 The importance of exhibiting care
• 20:45 The difference between caring for someone's well-being and taking responsibility for it
• 23:31 What words can I use to calm down a charged situation?

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's domination programming that teaches us the louder we raise our voices, the faster the other person will capitulate and join our side.

However, in order to affect real change, the key is to get others to care about what it is we're caring about. And this is a much slower, longer, harder task.

In this episode, we talk with a caller embarking on a trip to South Africa, who is interested in showing up authentically to her traveling companions, without raising their defenses. The ultimate goal? To get them to care about what she cares about. We discuss:

• 1:44 How can I show up authentically around my husband's colleagues when we see the world so differently?
• 3:34 One of the dynamics present is the devaluation of indigenous history and culture
• 5:55 How to step out of the old domination game
• 7:43 Making the implicit explicit
• 12:54 Empathizing with the other side
• 16:37 The importance of expressing care
• 18:45 It's enough to introduce a disruptive voice into the room

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

The locus of control in a boundary lies with us, and concerns what we are willing and unwilling to do.

One of the data points we can use when negotiating our boundaries is how others engage with us.

In this podcast episode, we discuss our responsibility for setting up terms for engagement that are centered around our values, and we discuss:

• 1:11 How do I reinforce a boundary with out losing my temper?
• 5:37 The locus of control in boundary setting
• 5:55 Setting terms of engagement in our relationships
• 15:14 I apologized to my friend, but now she thinks we're friends again
• 20:43 Conversation role play with a friend
• 34:23 Is it even worth having these types of conversations? They're so hard!
• 40:05 I'm worried verbal empathy can make things worse

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It can be incredibly painful when we find ourselves in relationships where we long for deeper authentic connection but can't seem to elicit that desire in others.

In this episode, we discuss:

• 1:11 How can I connect with someone who can't work won't talk about his feelings?
• 8:13 If someone is unhappy, that must mean something is wrong, right?
• 12:11 How our agenda is often an obstacle to authentic connection
• 19:42 How can I find closure with my ex-best friend?
• 23:46 I want her to open up but she won't
• 28:34 My dad is ill; how do I talk to others about his impending death?
• 34:53 I've heard through the grapevine that my friend is upset with me: should I bring it up to her?

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's easy to let our thoughts sink into the "shoulds" that have been programmed into us:

"I should be able to handle this: other people say it's easy."

"He should be able to get ready and go to school by himself - he's old enough now."

"I should have paid my taxes weeks ago - why does this feel so hard?"

However, running our lives on "shoulds" often robs us of the joy and creative life-energy that is our human divine right, and robs us of our need for choice fulness.

In this episode, we have three different discussions centered around what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, as we dive into the idea of authentic choice fulness:

• 1:10 Help! I don't want to go back to my dentist!"
• 16:56 How to give a voice to competing parts of ourselves
• 22:08 What does healing look like?
• 24:20 How can I have "radical acceptance" for a situation that's hard?
• 32:29 How do I look after myself while also caring for the needs of my child?
• 36:02 Is there such a thing as an "anti-need"?

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

When we want to stay in relationship with people who have hurt us, it's important for us to figure out a way to connect with them in a way that keeps us open hearted and also protected.

But how, exactly, can we show up open heartedly in ways that also protect us and keep us safe?

That's where open hearted and loving boundaries come in. In this episode we explore:

• 1:00 How can I make the implicit explicit?
• 12:00 It takes discipline to focus on what's working
• 16:13 I feel exhausted and hurt by my sister's behavior. How can I make it better?
• 22:09 What does a healthy relationship look like?
• 30:27 What open hearted boundaries can sound like
• 36:24 We get to choose who we let into our lives

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

We've all been well trained in the rules of the game we all know. We've been taught to be dutiful children, loving siblings, tolerant friends.

But when some of us realize that we've outgrown the status quo, it can feel like an act of rebellion and revolution as we transform the rules of a system that no longer works for us in search for a more authentic way of life.

At the very beginning of this episode, I walk through my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart, a tool designed to transform conversations away from shame and blame and towards authentic, loving connection. We then explore transforming cultural norms for healthier relationships and delve into:

• 1:03 A tour of my "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" Flowchart
• 6:40 My niece sulks and pouts if she doesn't win a game
• 11:14 An alternative to winning/losing
• 16:01 I feel bad. Does that mean I AM bad?
• 17:18 My friends are slower than I prefer. What can I do to change them?
• 22:30 Help! I'm my father's caregiver, and I'm burned out.
• 25:08 Resentment and disgust signal a need for a boundary
• 27:16 The journey back to wholeness can be counter cultural
• 41:51 How can I connect with my adult daughter?
• 47:09. The 2 keys to successful giving

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus