Are you worried about Thanksgiving dinner conversations with family members who voted differently than you? In this week's episode, we listen to a conversation with Suzanne, who is trying to navigate issues of duty and connection with family members who don't share her values.

We discuss:

• 1:39 How do I explain to my family that I can't talk to them?
• 4:55 Working with the concept of duty
• 9:48 Developing boundaries around our relational terms of engagement
• 15:32 What needs are met when I reach out?
• 18:19 The difference between the public self and the private self/fitting in vs. belonging
• 27:15 What makes taking the next step in personal growth easier
• 31:14 Closing thoughts

My online course How to Have Hard Conversations can help you navigate your next difficult conversation. Need a roadmap for a difficult talk? Register today!

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• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's podcast features one of my favorite discussions: Boundaries. It can be hard to set boundaries with life-long friends, and this week's discussion explores the complications concerning caring for ourselves, and helping others.

In this episode we explore:

• 1:00 Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me? Consider attending my retreat!
• 4:01 A follow up conversation - "I had that hard conversation with my friend..."
• 8:59 What needs of yours did you meet by changing your plan?
• 10:57 A part of me wants to make her "wrong"
• 16:13 We can't do the hard work of waking up for someone else.
• 22:42 A script for disconnecting non-violently
• 26:58 The practice of somatic healing
• 29:00 The polarity between self-improvement and self-acceptance
• 31:55 Closing thoughts: including 8 Practical Insights for Setting Boundaries.

If you're looking for an in-person opportunity to ground yourself in your own goodness, read all about my March 2025 retreat to Santa Fe.

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

When they're good, our friendships can greatly contribute to the overall quality of our life. When they're hard, our friendships can make life really difficult.

On this episode of Conversations from the Heart, we talk about all kinds of issues regarding friendships.

We discuss:

• 1:01 How do I take a break from a friendship?
• 8:10 How to acknowledge a truth instead of debate it.
• 14:46 Is it worth it to try and reveal myself to a friend or should I just cut ties?
• 19:55 How to be vulnerable with those who deserve to hear it.
• 21:23 How denying ourselves a whole hearted yes or a whole hearted no hurts us.
• 24:47 The difference between a peer and a project.
• 28:19 How do I allow myself permission to change my mind?
• 29:26 Allowing people to solve their own problems is an act of respect.
• 34:07 The only people who object to us looking after ourselves are the people who benefit when we don't.
• 35:40 How can I approach a friend about the past?
• 41:25 I can always tell the truth, but can I field the response?
• 44:42 What prevents us from feeling empathy?
• 50:16 Help me decline an invitation!

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

One of the hardest decisions we can make is to dismantle a marriage when there are children involved.

On this episode of the podcast, we uncover how to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave a marriage because of the kids. We also discuss:

• 1:34 How do I make accommodations for my needs and my children's needs at the same time?
• 4:01 Determining the values behind our needs
• 6:15 Grief and acceptance in a relationship
• 8:28 An old flame is coming into town. How can I have a safe conversation about hurt feelings?
• 14:37 Discerning someone's role in our life
• 17:23 The importance of exhibiting care
• 20:45 The difference between caring for someone's well-being and taking responsibility for it
• 23:31 What words can I use to calm down a charged situation?

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's domination programming that teaches us the louder we raise our voices, the faster the other person will capitulate and join our side.

However, in order to affect real change, the key is to get others to care about what it is we're caring about. And this is a much slower, longer, harder task.

In this episode, we talk with a caller embarking on a trip to South Africa, who is interested in showing up authentically to her traveling companions, without raising their defenses. The ultimate goal? To get them to care about what she cares about. We discuss:

• 1:44 How can I show up authentically around my husband's colleagues when we see the world so differently?
• 3:34 One of the dynamics present is the devaluation of indigenous history and culture
• 5:55 How to step out of the old domination game
• 7:43 Making the implicit explicit
• 12:54 Empathizing with the other side
• 16:37 The importance of expressing care
• 18:45 It's enough to introduce a disruptive voice into the room

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

The locus of control in a boundary lies with us, and concerns what we are willing and unwilling to do.

One of the data points we can use when negotiating our boundaries is how others engage with us.

In this podcast episode, we discuss our responsibility for setting up terms for engagement that are centered around our values, and we discuss:

• 1:11 How do I reinforce a boundary with out losing my temper?
• 5:37 The locus of control in boundary setting
• 5:55 Setting terms of engagement in our relationships
• 15:14 I apologized to my friend, but now she thinks we're friends again
• 20:43 Conversation role play with a friend
• 34:23 Is it even worth having these types of conversations? They're so hard!
• 40:05 I'm worried verbal empathy can make things worse

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It can be incredibly painful when we find ourselves in relationships where we long for deeper authentic connection but can't seem to elicit that desire in others.

In this episode, we discuss:

• 1:11 How can I connect with someone who can't work won't talk about his feelings?
• 8:13 If someone is unhappy, that must mean something is wrong, right?
• 12:11 How our agenda is often an obstacle to authentic connection
• 19:42 How can I find closure with my ex-best friend?
• 23:46 I want her to open up but she won't
• 28:34 My dad is ill; how do I talk to others about his impending death?
• 34:53 I've heard through the grapevine that my friend is upset with me: should I bring it up to her?

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's easy to let our thoughts sink into the "shoulds" that have been programmed into us:

"I should be able to handle this: other people say it's easy."

"He should be able to get ready and go to school by himself - he's old enough now."

"I should have paid my taxes weeks ago - why does this feel so hard?"

However, running our lives on "shoulds" often robs us of the joy and creative life-energy that is our human divine right, and robs us of our need for choice fulness.

In this episode, we have three different discussions centered around what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, as we dive into the idea of authentic choice fulness:

• 1:10 Help! I don't want to go back to my dentist!"
• 16:56 How to give a voice to competing parts of ourselves
• 22:08 What does healing look like?
• 24:20 How can I have "radical acceptance" for a situation that's hard?
• 32:29 How do I look after myself while also caring for the needs of my child?
• 36:02 Is there such a thing as an "anti-need"?

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus